Wicked Steps (18 page)

“When we found out, it was too late. The cancer had originated in the cervix but then spread everywhere. He did that.”

I rubbed his shoulder as he shook. “Cancer doesn’t have an agenda. It attacks whoever, whenever; there is no rhyme or reason. I’m so sorry you lost her. It must have been devastating at your age, but your father didn’t do this. I promise.”

He took my hands and gripped them tightly. “The doctors blamed a variety of untreated sexually transmitted diseases. I didn’t go to medical school, so I don’t have the particulars. But I Googled it. Did you know that having continual STDs for some women is a death sentence? Especially since many you can’t detect unless you look for them specifically, so quite a few go unnoticed. My father was a manwhore, a cesspool of disease.”

I leaned back and arched my brow.

“At least I have the good sense to wear condoms. I even went out of my way to have them specially made so I didn’t have to remove my piercings every time. I know they’re not one hundred percent, so I have a checkup every six months. I never knew how many years he fucked around, but once my mother died, I always worried he passed something to me in utero. You would have thought my fear would keep my dick dry-docked for life, but I enjoyed fucking too much to sideline my cock.”

What he said had my mind reeling. Among every inhumane thing he’d done to me, could Hartman have given me some disease? Could he have been so cruel and callous that my health was of no concern? Or had it never occurred to him that his sexual behavior could put me at risk? I had wellness checks every year, but I doubted they ever tested for sexually transmitted diseases, and I hadn’t had a rectal since the injury two years ago.

Kieran was right. I needed to be examined. First thing Monday, I would go to my gynecologist.

“I hate Hartman for what he did to me, you, and to your mother. But you will never convince me he set out to kill the woman who gave birth to his son—his only child. He was many despicable things, but not a murderer. I’m not asking you to forgive him, but begging you to let it go. What you’re feeling inside will consume you piece by piece until you have nothing left to give anyone. And I want you whole. You and I shared more than sex, and we both recognize that. We have a bond now because we’ve shared our pain with each other. Don’t allow him to take anything more from either of us. The best revenge is that you and I find contentment. Some kind of happiness.”

His tongue slipped in my mouth as he cupped the back of my head. I inhaled him as he kissed me possessively. He began to speak as he broke away. “There is no happiness for me if I can’t be with you. You braved my darkness, and I want us to experience the light together.”

“I’ve never been ill even once since meeting your father.” I could sense panic rising inside.

“The way you work out and eat, you seem healthy to me. You appear to take care of yourself. There’s no way I’m willing to take a chance—not this time. I’m no doctor, and we need to know one hundred percent.”

“I do get a yearly exam, but if they missed something, have I’ve put you at risk?”

He clasped both my hands to his lips. “I was at risk the minute I tasted you on my fingers. Probably before that because I already knew when I first saw you, you’d be the one to unravel my world. I never planned to fuck you, you know. Why do you think I didn’t touch you that night in my room?

“I had to do something because I couldn’t get you out of my head. Of course I realized I’d pushed you too far when I woke bound to my bed. I knew immediately how screwed I was—literally. I wanted to say something then, but you would have thought it was a ploy to keep you at bay. By then, I’d been such an asshole… And let’s face it; with everything I’d done, you knew I had no moral compass, so whatever I said would have been disregarded or ignored. Using a condom was my last play. I’m not worried, Elle. No matter what happens, I’ll be here with you.”

I shook my head adamantly. This new revelation had shaken me to my core. Hartman had taken everything from me, and now he would deprive me of any future well-being. I’d always known there would be a price… but paying with my life? If he did transfer something to me, I would force Kieran to go. I would make sure he would want to leave, whatever I had to do. The thought of him going through this again and losing another person—no matter what he’d done, I couldn’t do that to him.

He pulled me close to his chest, placing a kiss to my head. “I need to call Preston. He’ll make all the arrangements for you to see Dr. Eisley tomorrow. He was my mother’s physician for years here in the States and was with her when she got sick in France. He’s well versed in all things Hartman Wick.

“I think I was five or six when I became aware my mother was always sick. It was either the flu or some kind of female issue. But she was always frail. You have none of the symptoms she had.” He held me back slightly where I could see an expression somewhere between anger and deep concern. He lowered his voice to just above a whisper. “They had regular sex. I’ll go out on a limb and say my mother would have balked if he’d asked for something other than missionary. She was pretty conservative.” He tried to give me an assuring smile.

“So on top of Preston knowing everything else, he’ll know about this, too, along with your family physician. What will they think of me? You’re Hartman’s son, for God’s sake.” I sucked in a feeling of defeat. I knew with utter certainty if our affair got out, I would be done. But this—our involvement combined with a venereal disease—if that went public, the Wick Empire would crash and burn. I’m not sure there would be any place far enough where I could hide.

“Baby,” he cooed, “this info will only be shared with people within my trusted circle.” He chuckled. “Hell, Preston already assumed we had sex. I’ve kept him in the dark regarding other things, so I’ll just add this to the list. He doesn’t need to know all the intimate details. But he is trustworthy. Preston would never betray your confidence. He’s the man I always wished was my father instead of the monstrosity I got. And Dr. Eisley has a facility to run the full battery of tests privately and discreetly. No one will ever know but us three. The results will take four or five days I think, and I won’t leave your side.”

“Four will know. I need to tell Coco. I can’t keep this from her. We’ve been friends too long, and I’m not sure she could take another betrayal. I want her to hold my hand through those tests. I don’t want you to have to go through it again. I need her support as well as yours. Please don’t let me be the one who makes you relive the past. I don’t want to be that person, because I’m afraid it will destroy any future you think we may have.”

“You text her, and I’ll send a car. I’m not happy about my ass being benched, but I get it. You need a trusted friend. Maybe eventually, I’ll fall into that category.”

As soon as our conversation ended, I sent Coco a text while Kieran called Preston, then for a car.

I felt physically overwhelmed and emotionally pushed to the edge. What just happened suddenly depicted a new reality. If I were sick, this man had saved my life. The depraved, pierced, and tattooed bad boy would be responsible for it all. Without everything that had happened, all this information would have remained concealed.

He’d told me I was the light in his dark world. I, too, had existed in blackness. I hadn’t known elation for many years. But with him, I felt comfort and solace, and now it might be ripped away. Maybe it was contemplating my mortality, but knowing him had satiated me at least for a little while. And I would rather have known one day with him than spend an entire lifetime without ever experiencing his touch.

Kieran

My life would be over.

Elle had been right about one thing; I couldn’t go through that pain and loss again. But regardless, I would weather it for her. I owed her that much. We hadn’t had time to get to know each other. I was desperate to learn everything. Finding out about who she was prior to my father suddenly seemed more important than fucking her again. There was a lifetime of memories I wanted us to make. I wasn’t ready to lose her.

He’d already taken what I valued most in my life. There was no way I would allow him to take her from me, too. If only I hadn’t been such an unforgiving, sadistic prick. I allowed my thirst for vengeance to blind me to the only chance I might have for redemption and happiness.

It tore me shreds to tell her. Seeing the look of treachery she exhibited brought me mentally to my knees. My father had stripped her of her dignity, yet his days of torturing weren’t finished. Even in death, he was still causing havoc in her life. But this anguish was now shared between us—equally.

This wasn’t supposed to happen; she and I were never supposed to be. Preston had hoped we’d find common ground and get along. Well, this had far exceeded any kind of friendship. I had power and wealth at my fingertips, but I felt helpless. I could only offer her my compassion.

Who was I kidding? I knew shit about caring for others. I’d only known hatred and revenge. Both seemed futile. But if she needed anything I had to give, I would be there. I would support her to the best of my ability, because in the end, her demise meant mine, too.

“Kieran, you need to get dressed before Coco shows up. I can’t have a meet-and-greet with you commando in sweats and topless. I need her focused on me, and if you look…” She waved her hand up and down my body, causing me to laugh. “Like that, she’ll be disoriented.”

“How did you know I wasn’t wearing underwear?” I quipped as I grabbed her around the waist and tucked my leg between hers.

Her eyebrows waggled. “You want me to say no panty line, but your balls jiggle and I see the outline of your jewelry.”

I let her go and crossed my hands in front of my dick. She took extremely detailed notice.

“Maybe I should don a tux?”

“No, I’m sure jeans and shirt will be fine.” She laughed as she stood on her toes and pecked me on the lips.

It took me by surprise because she hadn’t instigated any affection except for having her way with me last night.

I turned away from her because, unfortunately, my cock had no manners. I reached down and retrieved my drawing as I started for the door. “You didn’t think I’d leave it lying around for prying eyes, did you?”

Her expression stirred me inside. “I was hopeful.”

“After I draw you nude, maybe I’ll show you.”

I went downstairs to wash up and change. I knew Elle would want to talk to her friend first, so I stayed in my room. I came into the living room an hour later to find them both.

“You must be Coco. I’m Kieran,” I said as I extended my hand.

Her eyes looked feral as she stared at me. Not the normal look women gave me. I could feel the anger permeating from her.

Elle sensed her friend’s animosity. “Coco, it’s not his fault. He didn’t do this to me, and really, we don’t know if there’s anything yet to be worried about. I need your support, not judgment. You already know what happened between us, so don’t act as though it’s a shocking revelation.” There was an all-knowing glance between both women, as if they were privy to the secret only. “I’m sorry, but she only knows what I told her, and well…” she said, taking my hand.

“Yeah, I get it. You think I’m a douche bag. Maybe eventually, I’ll change your mind and you can refer to me as the ‘reformed’ douche bag.”

Her best friend smiled at me with that comment. It wasn’t a full smile, but a half-cocked one. No matter. I would take it. The ice was now broken.

We spent the next hour telling her everything. I held on to Elle with both hands. Coco at certain points was almost inconsolable. I could tell there was a lot of love between them.

“I am so sorry for my part in this.” I directed my comment to her best friend.

“Don’t apologize. Frankly, if you hadn’t been such an SOB, she wouldn’t know anything. And that scares the hell out of me. You might have saved her life,” she replied.

“Then I guess we’d be even, because there’s a good chance she saved mine.”

“Jesus, Elle. Killer looks, great body, and charisma. This isn’t at all the way you described him. I mean, yeah, you mentioned the face and body, but I think arrogant ass and spoiled prick were tossed into the description.”

I gave them both an innocent look. “So you’ve had conversations regarding my charm?”

“Mostly the lack of.” Elle snorted.

I walked into the kitchen and made coffee. They were still talking when I returned with the steamy beverages. I put creamer and sugar packets on the living room table as I handed them each a mug.

“He does household chores, too?” Coco chuckled. “You better tie this one down. Oh yeah, you already did that.”

Elle playfully whacked her with a throw pillow. I continued to watch the two interact as I drank my beverage.

I explained to both what tomorrow entailed. There would be an in-depth exam and five tests. I established I wanted Coco to be by Elle’s side during those three hours. I explained a driver would pick her up at the gallery at ten and we would meet her at Dr. Eisley’s office.

“I know all this information is like sensory overload, but I want us all on the same page. I honestly feel like she’s fine. But if he did give something to her, she’ll have both of us and we’ll cross that bridge
together
. I won’t leave her, Coco. I swear.”

She finally shook my hand. “You’re different than I thought. I can see why she—”

I saw Elle reach out and grip her friend’s thigh. “What my friend is so eloquently attempting to say is my narrative from the past few weeks has changed. You’re much more than a pretty face who calls himself Wicked or Kieran Wick.”

“What am I?” I asked softly, under my breath. Neither of them heard me, so they kept talking. I was elated the two had each other. They appeared to comfort each other. Having her best friend here gave her something I couldn’t. I’d never had a best anything; truthfully, I’d never been close to anyone but my mother. Now I saw sharing worry could help ease your concerns and you never had to carry the burden by yourself.

The rest of the day consisted of talking about art, their school days, and the grayness of tomorrow. I was elated because I had gotten to hear firsthand about Elle’s past.

Coco went home about five. It had been a long, emotional day for both of us. I found a frozen pizza in the freezer, so we settled on that for dinner, along with lemon sorbet for dessert.

“I’m really exhausted. That nap didn’t help. I’m going to go crash. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I tried to hide my disappointment. I didn’t want to have sex, but I wanted my arms to comfort her. “Can I stay with you?” I asked nervously. It was a question I’d never bothered with. My partners were there to give me pleasure, one of those being going home after we fucked. I internally chastised myself. I really was a prick.

“I think I need some space. I have a lot to think about, and frankly, no offense, but you are too much of a temptation.”

I gave her a weak smile when all I wanted to do was cocoon her in the safety of my arms and swear everything would be okay.

As I walked back my room, all I could think was the original plan had been for her to develop feelings for me. I was never supposed to love her, but now it was too late.