Wild Embrace (23 page)

“What I should've done when you were twenty-one.” Chest heaving and hair falling over his face, he stared at her with eyes gone the pale, husky amber of his wolf.

Feeling her own wolf in her eyes, Garnet was the one who growled this time. “You missed that chance,” she said. “And I dodged a bullet.”

He flinched, but she wasn't done. “Keep your hands to yourself or next time I'll rip them off. I'm not interested in being a notch on Kenji Tanaka's bedpost.”

She strode past him, refusing to acknowledge the horrible sense of loss that pulsed beneath her anger like a deep, dark bruise. The same way she'd refused to cry when Kenji stood her up on her twenty-first birthday. She'd dressed up for him, even had a friend do her makeup and hair. Everyone had thought she'd made such an effort because of the party her year-mates had thrown her . . . but she'd done it for Kenji. Her friend and the boy she'd always gone to with her problems and hopes and dreams.

Even when he'd been a hormonal idiot dating Britney, he'd never let her down.

At twenty, heading into twenty-one, she'd finally been old enough that he'd allowed himself to look at her as a woman, not a girl. She'd been
so
happy, because that crush of hers? It had never truly disappeared. He'd courted her,
specifically
asked to be her date the night of the party. Then he hadn't come. She'd been worried about him, had called around frantically . . . only to discover that he'd gone out dancing with not one but
two
female packmates.

Kenji Tanaka could go drown himself in the goddamn lake for all she
cared.

It was three
months after Garnet had punched him, and Kenji's black eye had long faded. Just as well. Maybe soon, he'd forget the taste of her, the feel of her, the scent of her so close, the magnificent anger that had turned her blue eyes a molten wolf-gold.
What the fuck
had he been thinking? It had been hard enough to stay away from her when he'd never indulged his bone-deep hunger for her.

Now?

It was proving impossible.

And to top it all off, he'd just arrived at her den, was scheduled to spend the next four days here.
Four days
. The only thing that might stop him from going mad was that Riaz and Indigo would also be present, the other two lieutenants unknowingly providing a buffer. The four of them planned to discuss the security protocols around this part of SnowDancer's territory, which basically meant Kenji's and Garnet's sectors.

Cooper had charge of the den at the other end of the San Gabriel range, but since he had to keep an eye on a border as well, Indigo and Riaz would go to him after finishing up here. It'd allow the three to physically test security ideas, give further depth to the report they'd make to their alpha.

All of this was possible because the Psy were currently mostly
focused inward, and it was a review that was sorely needed. SnowDancer had been so busy coming up with strategy after strategy to deal with everything that had been happening back-to-back over the past year that there'd been no time for a more in-depth assessment.

Indigo and Riaz's task was to ensure all the pieces fit together seamlessly, and that the entire SnowDancer command structure knew exactly what was happening security-wise across the territory. SnowDancer was so strong as a pack despite their geographic spread because they never lost sight of the fact that they were
one
.

Garnet might punch him out in a personal fight, but she'd be there in a heartbeat if Kenji needed backup in any other situation.

Running his hands through his hair as he shoved down his need, he grinned. He'd had the naturally black strands dyed just for Garnet. His hair was currently dark pink with streaks of cobalt and dark sapphire. Really, it was sedate for him, but he doubted Garnet would agree. She tended to curl her lip every time he joined a comm conference with a different look.

His packmate Louisa, a hairdresser and colorist, loved him. Called him a walking billboard for her services even though, these days, he never allowed her to do the permanent DNA bonding that meant the color would “stick” even once he shifted. Mostly, nothing showed up when he was in wolf form, his molecules rearranging themselves into another pattern, the pattern that created the timber wolf who was also him, but there had been that one time when he'd ended up with a sparkly gold ear.

Never again.

Despite the limitation that meant each look rarely lasted past a day—more often only hours—he didn't even have to go to Louisa. If she thought he'd gone too long without a change, she'd hunt him down. Once, when he'd been too busy, she'd done it right at his desk as he continued to handle pack business, including their new alliance
with the BlackSea changelings. He'd ended up with tiny silver stars all over his hair.

The pups in his den had adored it.

Garnet had asked him if he'd fallen into a play vat at the day-care center.

He grinned again; maybe he'd have Louisa redo that look. Or maybe not. Grin fading, he looked at his hair again. Needling Garnet had always been a way to stay connected to her while keeping physically away—but if he was serious about letting her go, he had to stop the needling, stop the flirting, cut that final fragile tie between them. He'd already given up her friendship, given up her laughter and the way she'd once looked at him. Only this remained.

Not yet,
whispered the desperation inside his soul
. She hasn't chosen a mate, isn't with anyone. We don't have to give up every part of her.

Blowing out a breath at the words that only reiterated his craving to call Garnet his own, he walked out of the guest room to which he'd been shown. He'd arrived at Garnet's den fifteen minutes earlier, had taken the time to stow his gear and try to get his head on straight, but it was time to touch base with her, begin work.

The first person he ran into was a hugely gravid Ruby.

Garnet's older sister ran—or tried to run—toward him. “Kenny!” Her legs were covered by colorful leggings, her top half by a stretchy black top.

Wrapping her gently in his arms, he pretended to bite her ear. “Stop that, or I'll start calling you Crumpet.” An infamous nickname arising from an incident when Ruby had been a juvenile.

She elbowed him, all frown and big blue eyes under a short and tumbled cap of shiny blonde hair. “Shuddup about that. I'm a highly respected maternal now.”

“And I'm a lieutenant.” He bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

“A gorgeous one at that.” Patting his jaw with a slender hand,
her nails painted hot red, she smiled in open affection. “Thanks for the foot spa voucher. How did you know my ankles are currently cankles?”

“I bet your ankles are as sexy as always.” Except for the belly and a slight, rosy fullness to her cheeks, Ruby looked exactly the same as always: petite and ready to take on the world.

Just like her younger sister.

“You're too smooth for your own good, Kenji Tanaka, but as one of your year group, I'm immune. Remember those mud fights? Man, you had a wicked left arm.” Laughter in blue eyes that were so like Garnet's. “Now, spill. Did Steele say something?” she asked, referring to her twin and Kenji's best friend.

“He wouldn't dare lest the wrath of Ruby fall on him.”

Said bundle of wrath tried to cuff Kenji around the ear.

“I got the idea from Louisa,” he admitted with a grin. “Wanted to send you a gift and she said she would've killed for a foot spa when she was pregnant.” The hairdresser had been spraying gold sparkles on his hair at the time, while he signed off on den expenditures.

He'd wanted to be ready for an upcoming comm meeting with Garnet.

“Well, you hit a home run.” Ruby crooked a finger and, when he bent closer, kissed him on the cheek. “Talking of pups . . . I always thought you and Garnet would . . . you know.”

Knives stabbed straight into his gut couldn't have hurt more than that simple, playful statement. “Yeah?” He gave her a teasing smile and said the expected thing, the one that wouldn't expose the raw wound that was his heart. “She'll fall to my charms one of these days, never fear.”

Fresh lines formed between Ruby's eyes. “Um.” She glanced around before waving him closer. “You don't know about Revel, do you?”

“Revel?” Kenji's skin began to chill. “Of course I know Rev. He was promoted a few months back, shifted dens to take up a higher-level position.” The other male was a slender but dangerously fast-in-combat packmate Kenji had always liked.

“Uh-huh. He's become Garnet's right-hand man since his transfer here.”

“Are you telling me Rev and Garnet are an item?” They hadn't been at the mating ceremony; Kenji would've known.

Ruby lifted her left hand into the horizontal position, waved it from side to side. “Two dates and a third on the way.” Dropping her hand to her belly, she rubbed. “I like you and I like Revel, so I'm not going to play favorites—but, Kenji, if you're planning to make a move, it better be now. Garnet's taking him more seriously than any other guy she's ever dated.”

“Come on, Ruby, you know you like me best,” Kenji said, playing along even though he felt as if he'd been drop-kicked. Ruby and Garnet were close—if Ruby thought this relationship had the potential to be serious, then she had to have picked up that impression directly from Garnet.

In front of him, Garnet's older sister rolled her eyes but her lips tilted up at the corners, a tiny dimple appearing on one edge. Garnet had the same hidden dimple. Kenji had imagined kissing it countless times, imagined her laughing and nuzzling at him after the caress.

“I like you, but you've been a bit of a horn dog.”

Ruby's words poured ice-cold water on his fantasies. “So I had a man-slut period.” He flashed a smile that worked at keeping people from looking too deep, from actually thinking back on that period and realizing that hey, maybe Kenji Tanaka's reputation was far more scandalous than the reality.

His rep was another line of defense, another way to push Garnet
away. “Not the first wolf to lose it the first few years after the hormones hit,” he added, and that much was true. Newly mature wolves had been known to indulge in skin privileges like it was going out of business.

Just the past week, Kenji had walked into the weight room in his den to discover torn clothes scattered over the machines. The scents in the air had made it clear it hadn't been because of a fight, and since the training rooms were all considered communal spaces, it had been a clear violation of den policy.

He'd pinned a still-almost-in-one-piece shirt on the door to the room, written:
Lost & Found—see Kenji.

The red-faced miscreants had skulked in an hour later, after word ran through the den. Well aware how hard it could be to control a body driven by the most primal urges, and knowing that the ribbing they were no doubt already taking from their denmates was punishment enough, Kenji had simply reminded them to stay in private spaces and to clean up after themselves.

“Kenji,” Ruby said now, “you went way beyond losing it.” She poked him gently in the chest. “It's like you were determined to bang every bangable woman within banging distance.”

“Stop saying ‘bang.'” Kenji put a careful hand on her belly after making eye contact and getting the okay. “Your pup's going to get the wrong idea about his future uncle Kenji.” It hurt to play this way while knowing there was no chance in hell he'd ever have Garnet for his own; it just fucking
hurt
.

And he was the one who'd made certain of that through his own conscious actions.

The only reason he could bear it was because seeing the ache of quiet loss in Garnet's eyes would be even worse. Years ago, before he'd done his best to cut the bond that tied him to Garnet, his wolf had urged him to tell her the truth, let her decide if she wanted to be with him. But he couldn't—because he knew her heart. She was far
too generous for her own good. She'd have decided for him regardless of what it would mean for her.

Kenji couldn't have lived with that decision then and he couldn't live with it now: he never wanted to steal her dreams. And the one dream being with him would destroy, she'd had since childhood. He could give her everything . . . except the
one thing
she'd never wavered on wanting over the years.

In front of him, Ruby stretched, placing one hand on her lower back. “This pup is going to give me a herniated disk if he doesn't pop out soon.” She smiled and stroked her belly. “Mommy loves you, baby boy. She wants to hold you.”

Kenji tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and the question, it just came out. “So it's really serious between Garnet and Rev?” He had no right to ask that, but he could no more stop himself than he could stop loving Garnet.

“Revel's not your competition.” Ruby's expression softened. “That's what I'm trying to tell you: Garnet might think you're cute, but she also thinks you're a player.” She drew out the last word. “My smart, sexy sister has no need to date players—she's looking for a long-term thing, not a quick you-know-what.”

Yeah, he knew. He'd always known. Had intended to be her long-term guy since the day he'd first realized his best friend's younger sister was no longer the pigtailed kid he'd chased in countless games of tag. “Garnet's special, Ruby,” he said, unable to bear that she might believe he didn't know that truth.

“Yeah, well, you might've missed the boat, Kenny.” Patting him on the cheek again, Ruby started to walk past. “My bladder is the size of a peanut.”

Turning, Kenji watched her to make sure her balance was okay. She was tiny and the belly was huge. Garnet would be the same way when she became pregnant.

Kenji rubbed a fist over his heart. “Shut it down,” he ordered himself. “You let her be happy. If you love her, you goddamn
let her be happy
.”

With that quiet, raw order to himself, he turned on his heel and jogged the rest of the way to the meeting, figuring he must be the last to arrive. He'd had to leave later than expected because of a situation in his den, and then the heavy rain had slowed him down even further. However, when he entered the small break room he'd been told was the location of the meeting, he found only Garnet within.

Dressed in faded blue jeans that hugged her legs before disappearing into knee-high boots of dark brown, topped with a simple white sweater with a wide but high neck, her hair up in a rough knot at the back of her head and held in place by a hair stick, she looked young and beautiful. But the power in her, it hummed against his skin, made his wolf's fur stir.

This woman, the wolf knew, was its match in every way.

“Riaz and Indigo?” he asked, bracing his hands on either side of the doorway to keep from lunging at her.

“Delayed by a major accident that's caused gridlock.” Garnet poured herself a coffee from the carafe set on a warmer on the counter, then scowled and poured him one, too.

It did something to him when she automatically added one sugar to his.

“A car's automatic nav system shorted out, owner didn't react in time,” she said as she stirred the sugar in. “He went into the back of a truck. No fatalities, thankfully, but the truck was carrying hazardous material that the authorities are scrambling to contain.”

“Damn, the rain can't be helping,” he said and, having somehow wrenched his body under control, walked inside to take his coffee from her. “We have anyone in the cleanup team?” Given SnowDancer's power in the California region, they also took a lot of
responsibility for it—including helping with incidents that could affect the ecosystem.