Wildcat (16 page)

Quickly averting her eyes, she picked up a dishcloth and wiped off the cutting board. “It’s a little late to be asking me that, don’t you think?”

“Not really. You haven’t committed to anything but dinner and a date so far. You can still back out if you want, but if you don’t, this is something we’ll both have to live with.”

“Yeah, well, you know what they say about reformed rakes making good husbands.” She frowned. “I mean, I
guess
you’re reformed. Sort of.” She paused, cocking her head to finally meet his gaze. “If you could, would you go back to that kind of life?”

“No. Not unless I was starving—and maybe not even then. Sure, we earned plenty of credits, but it certainly wasn’t worth risking Audrey’s life or anyone else’s.” He took a deep breath. “Let’s just say I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

She nodded and went back to her cleaning.

Jerden carried the dirty pots and pans over to the sink to wash, keeping an eye on Sara as he went. Her expression was thoughtful, but thankfully she didn’t look like she was about to jump out of her skin anymore. Her shoulder had brushed his thigh ever so slightly when she’d bent down to retrieve that baking dish. He doubted she even noticed the brief contact. If she had, she surely would’ve acknowledged it with a gasp or at least begged his pardon.

Having related his history to her, he’d expected her to tell him something more about herself. No, make that
hoped
, rather than expected. He was beginning to understand how anxious his friends had felt when he was so fucked up. They’d wanted him to improve instantly, not take months or years to heal. He hadn’t recovered overnight—it only seemed that way, the pain building up until he finally reached the breaking point.
His
breaking point. Where Sara’s was and how long it would take her to get there, he couldn’t begin to guess. What he
could
guess was that her pain was long-standing and deeply embedded in her personality. He certainly had his work cut out for him.

Still, he hadn’t been the star hunk of the Zetithian Palace for nothing. If anyone could do it, he could.

Knowing that the
hunela
would take at least another hour to bake, he helped her with the cleaning up as quickly and efficiently as he knew how, wanting to spend most of that time doing something more pleasant. The last thing he did was to shoo Cria out of the way and set the table, frowning as he remembered they were a chair short. He’d have to bring one over from his place—that is, if he ever went home again. His pets must’ve known that because they’d
all
followed him this time.

“While we’re waiting on dinner, why don’t we take a look at some of those Friesians you were telling me about?”

Her eyes lit up. Someday Jerden hoped to see that same expression when he suggested they do something entirely different.
Someday.

“They’re the most gorgeous horses you’ll ever see in your life. Absolutely breathtaking. Hold on while I get my computer.” She darted down the hallway toward the living room.

Jerden bit back a smile as she snatched her computer off the coffee table and started back toward the kitchen, stopping short when she realized he’d followed her.

“Why don’t we sit out here?” he suggested. “It’s a lot more comfortable.”

Her frown was fleeting, but not so quick he didn’t see it before it was replaced with a blank look. “Oh… all right… I guess.”

Apparently only the kitchen was safe. He could hardly
wait
to see her reluctance to shower with him. If he was ever going to smell her desire, she had to relax.
Guess
I
should
bring
a
bottle
of
wine
along
with
that
chair.
Then he remembered he didn’t even
have
a bottle of wine.

Sara’s cats were sitting on the far end of the sofa, one curled up on the headrest beneath the front window and the other sprawled on the seat cushion. Jerden took a seat in the middle. “Chill out, Sara. I don’t bite.” Which, strictly speaking, wasn’t true. “Not much, anyway.”

She didn’t seem reassured, glancing down the hall just as Cria came through the doorway. With a huge, jaw-popping yawn, the big cat stretched out across the threshold. The tabby registered Cria’s presence with a slow blink. The chubby little black cat didn’t even look up.

“And Cria won’t bite you, either.” He patted the seat beside him. “Just come on over here and show me those horses.”

She hesitated a moment and then crossed the room to perch on the edge of the couch. It wasn’t quite as cozy as he’d imagined, but it was a start. Not saying a word, she activated the receiver and projected the page.

“I can’t see it very well,” he said. “Can you scoot back a little?”

Sara heaved a sigh. Pivoting on her hip, she landed right beside him. “Better?”

“Much.” He studied the image before him. The horse looked a lot like Danuban, but was taller, with a heavier build and a long, curly mane and tail and feathery hair growing on the back of its lower legs. “This is the stallion?”

She nodded. “Yeah. There are a couple more, but this is the best one.” She switched to the video and the stallion began to move. “Awesome, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is.” Whereas Danuban moved with dancing steps, this horse had thicker legs and larger hooves. “Graceful, yet powerful.”

“They have a natural high-stepping action and are a little higher-headed than the Andalusians.”

Jerden could see that. There was an arch to the neck, which was longer in proportion to its body than an Andalusian’s. Even so, the stallion’s mane was so long it covered his shoulder completely—thick, black, and curly. “He’s got hair like mine.”

“That’s exactly what I thought.” Her nervousness seemed to diminish as her enthusiasm grew. “I mean, you and Danuban make an incredible pair, but
this
horse… well…” She stopped there, her gaze fixed on the stallion.

“You think I look that good on a horse? Really? I’d never have guessed.”

For a second, he thought she was going to smack him, but she apparently thought better of it, directing a reproving look at him instead. “Oh, come on, Jerden. You
know
you do. I mean,
really.
Weren’t you paying
any
attention to Drania when you came riding into the barn? She practically swooned.”

As Jerden recalled, he hadn’t been looking at Drania. “Maybe. But what about you, Sara? I didn’t notice you doing any swooning.”

“Things like that don’t make me swoon,” she said stiffly.

“But what—no, wait. I remember now.
Nate
makes you swoon.”

This time she really did smack him. “It wasn’t like that, and you know it!”

“Okay, I deserved that,” he conceded with a chuckle. “But tell me, if I’d come riding up on a Friesian, what would you have done?”

She was silent for a moment, chewing her lip pensively. “I probably would have fainted dead away.”

“Then I guess I’d better buy that horse.” He reached up and tapped the image, sending it back to the information page. In a few minutes, the transaction was complete.

She stared at him, openmouthed. “Do you have any idea how much money you just spent?”

“I certainly do. The same price as one of your swoons.” He gave her his best lip-curling grin. “And when that horse gets here, you’d damn well better swoon.”

Fainting probably wouldn’t be a problem, since Sara already had an odd flutter in her chest. Her knees would give out next. Jerden had just purchased one of the most expensive, incredibly beautiful Friesian stallions in existence—and he’d done it purely on her recommendation.

She still couldn’t quite wrap her head around it. “Are you prone to making impulse buys? If so, it’s a wonder you’ve got any money at all.”

He shrugged. “My land wasn’t cheap, but you’ve already seen my house and my entire wardrobe. I’m not what you’d call a conspicuous consumer.”

She certainly couldn’t argue with that. Then again, he hadn’t been particularly frugal with the cheese. She cleared her throat. “Want to buy some mares?”

“Later. Right now, I want you to kiss me and tell me how wonderful I am for buying that horse for you.”

Eyeing him with suspicion, she eased back against the armrest. “Shouldn’t I save that for when he arrives? I wouldn’t want to waste a perfectly good swoon. Besides, you didn’t buy him for
me
.”

Jerden quirked an eyebrow as he gave her a slow, deliberate nod. “Oh, yes, I did. Don’t you get it? I bought that horse to please
you
, Sara, not myself—just like I did when I bought you that dress. It’s the sort of thing men do for the women they love.”

Her eyes widened. “You aren’t in love with me.”

“Did you know the word love is a verb as well as a noun? To love someone requires an action.” He traced the contour of her cheek with a fingertip, his half smile making him appear more approachable than ever before. “Most people would tell you that what I did for a living had nothing to do with love. But I believe it did. I gave pleasure to women and I gave life to children. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve never forced myself on anyone. Never needed to, nor did I ever take advantage of a woman in a vulnerable state. They all had plenty of time to back out—a full year for most of them. I may never have been in love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s required. Right now, I’m here because we need each other. I’ll stay because we
want
each other.”

Sara stared at him with disbelief for some time before she finally spoke. “So, what you’re saying is that after we’ve been together for a while, we’ll get so used to
being
together, we’ll want to
stay
together?”

“Something like that—at least, that’s how I see it.” His smile broadened, projecting a warmth that was almost palpable. “I know you haven’t had much experience with love of the heart—and neither have I—but physical love is something I know a great deal about. You could be my wife
and
my lover. Think of me as forbidden fruit, and you’ll want me even more.”

Sara had never had such a strange conversation in her life. She had no idea what to make of it. “You’re still sure you want to do this?”

“More than ever—if for no other reason than to see the look on your face when you taste
surlea
cheese for the first time.” His subsequent grin would’ve fascinated a far less susceptible woman than Sara. “I want to watch you discover the advantages of being in love. Most of all, I want to see your eyes the first time I give you joy—and all the times thereafter.”

If it was a line, it was a damn good one. If it wasn’t, he was offering her something she’d never been a part of—scarcely even knew existed. “Don’t tempt me with something I can’t have, Jerden. I’m not sure I can take it.”

His smile was so full of understanding, it nearly broke her heart. “You’ve already endured more pain than you should have. It’s even in your dreams. Let me help you find happiness.”

She frowned at him. “I’m happy.”

“Are you really? I don’t see it—and even more than that, I don’t detect it in your scent—at least, not the kind of happiness I can give you. But I’ll do my best to put it there.”

Her lips formed a grim line as an unwelcome thought occurred to her. “Is this your penance for what happened to Audrey? You’ll atone for her death by making me happy?”

“You can think that if you like, because I do feel some guilt. However, I’m beginning to see the utter futility of focusing on the ‘what-ifs’ in life. If I’d never gone to Rhylos, she needn’t have died—that sort of thing. If you look at it that way, it’s her own fault she was murdered—after all, she volunteered for the job. But, of course, it
wasn’t
her fault; she didn’t bring it on herself, and no one can control the actions of others.

“There are so many things that should never have happened—like the destruction of my homeworld. I should still be living in the forests of Zetith, rather than the plains of Terra Minor. You and I should never have met. And yet we’re here, together. And right now, I’m unable to give joy to the one woman I most want to give it to, mainly because she doesn’t think she wants it or thinks she doesn’t deserve it.”

He reached for her hand. It was a testament to her growing trust that she didn’t jerk it away. When he pressed his lips to her fingers, warmth swirled up her arm, coursing its way toward her heart.

“Kiss me, Sara. That’s the only thanks I’ll ever ask for giving you anything your heart desires. It’s true that money can’t buy love, nor can it buy genuine gratitude, but it can give you the freedom to choose. Necessity drives most people’s lives. Having those needs met frees you to explore life and live it to the fullest.”

He pressed her hand to his chest. “Do you have any idea how many women would envy you this simple touch? And yet, it isn’t something you think you want. But perhaps you do. You just don’t realize it.”

All he wanted was a kiss? It seemed such a small, insignificant thing. Then it struck her that he wasn’t talking about trading sexual favors for expensive horses. He was giving her something he knew she wanted, and the only thing he asked for in return was for her to be near enough to kiss him.

In placing her hand on his chest, he’d already pulled her closer to him. The realization that she wasn’t frightened anymore surprised her. When had
that
happened? While he was looking at the Friesian? When he’d bought him? She wasn’t his prisoner, whether Cria lay across the doorway or not. Not feeling trapped might seem like a trifling matter to anyone else, but it was the most amazing thing that had happened to Sara in years.
He’s holding my hand to his chest, asking for a kiss, and I’m not afraid.

He was so unlike any man she’d ever met and diametrically opposed to any that had ever touched her. He’d kissed
her
before. What would it be like to kiss
him—
to take the lead and know that she wouldn’t be ridiculed or scorned? To know that he truly wanted her kiss, welcomed it, and even craved it?

Still, he shouldn’t have to pay quite so much for them. “You don’t have to trade horses for kisses, Jerden.”

“I’m not. I’m only attempting to show you how much one of your kisses is worth to me.” He paused, smiling at her in a way that made her heart race and her arms long to hold him. “Oh, I might eventually make you swoon when I come riding up on that new horse, but I’d much rather have a kiss. Right here, right now.”

After so many years of believing herself to be the kind of woman no man wanted for herself alone, she realized that Jerden didn’t
need
her for anything else. Danuban was his whether she liked it or not. She couldn’t keep them apart, nor could she deny that their bond was something rare and special. Nothing else she owned could begin to match what he already possessed. Jerden was a rich man. He could buy anything he wanted. Yet all he wanted was a kiss—from
her
…

A kiss. So simple. So easily bestowed. Most people tossed them out like candy on Halloween—and with even less thought. She could do this. It wasn’t
that
hard. She leaned toward him, her hand sliding out of his grasp to his shoulder. He was right about one thing—the number of women in the galaxy who would have given anything to be in her place was shocking. And yet, she was the only one with him now.

His aura surrounded her, his scent and his presence drew her to him like a magnet. In another heartbeat, her lips were touching his and a soft, sensuous thrill stole inward from the point of contact. Feelings long dead sprang to life, and her heart reached out to his, entwining, holding, caressing. She had no choice but to deepen the kiss, to let her arms cling to him for support, and let him support her in turn.

She melted into him as he lifted her onto his lap, his dusky curls whisper-soft against her skin. Bowing his head, he returned her kiss, his hand on her back sending ripples of pleasure cascading down her spine. As her fingers laced through his hair, he eased her down onto the couch, her shoulder touching the cushion just as her cat scooted out of the way with a squeak of protest. Jerden’s legs stretched out beside hers and his arms cradled her upper body. She was nearly pinned beneath him but she didn’t feel the slightest bit restrained. She wasn’t being held down; she was being
held
. There was a difference.

His hair was a curtain, shielding her from anything that might distract her from him, keeping her thoughts focused on him and him alone. He embraced her with his entire body, his leg drawing up to cover hers in a manner that should have felt confining but didn’t. He was purring. She could feel the vibration deep in his chest. Soothing, stimulating…

Let
it
happen, Sara. Don’t fight it.

The back door slammed. “Hey, Sara!” Reutal yelled. “That
hunela
smells fuckin’ orgasmic! Isn’t it ready yet? We’re starving!”

Jerden’s purr became a chuckle. “And here I thought I liked that guy.”

“Oh, and just so you know, I brought an extra chair from my room,” Reutal added. “That way you and the cat can sit next to each other.”

Sara put a hand on Jerden’s chest and gave him a gentle push. “Better let me up before he comes in here to check up on my… essence.”

“I dunno. I think I’d like a report, myself,” Jerden said, but he let her up anyway.

Swinging her feet over the side of the couch, she stood, frowning down at him. “So, your own
indicator
isn’t telling you anything?” Somehow, she thought it should have.

“Not really,” he admitted. “But you’ve got to remember, it hasn’t been working so well lately.”

“There’s nothing wrong with your nose, is there?”

He shook his head. “No. Your scent seems slightly different. Then again, it could be the
hunela
.”

If
hunela
gave him an erection and she didn’t, they definitely had a problem. On the other hand, if her essence made Reutal’s tongue swell up, well, she’d just as soon not hear about it.

***

Jerden didn’t know if it was the company or the kisses on the couch that were responsible, but he hadn’t enjoyed a meal as much in a very long time. It wasn’t because the
hunela
was the best he’d ever tasted, either—which it was, even without the
lycaque
root—but because of the change in Sara. She was like a new person—or perhaps a different version of the old one. All those bits and pieces he’d only caught glimpses of before were now given free rein. The odd thing was, no one else remarked upon the transformation.

That’s because this is how she behaves when I’m not here.

Although momentarily stunned by that realization, he knew it was true. She laughed along with the others, she smiled, she frowned, and she clearly enjoyed the food. It was similar to the moment their eyes had met while she’d been making pancakes the previous morning, only it went on throughout the entire meal. It occurred to him that he was probably the only adult male humanoid who had ever seen this side of her—the warm, laughing, fun side that she kept locked down tight.

Did she notice the way she’d modified her behavior? Was she deliberately trying to act more normally, or was it automatic? He studied her as unobtrusively as he could and came to the conclusion that this was a natural occurrence. Her laughter didn’t seem the slightest bit forced, nor did her smiles seem less than genuine.

Her scent
had
altered subtly. Before it had been a mixture of roses and Sara—the roses coming to the forefront because her own scent was so neutral—but now her own aroma dominated. Now if his dick would just work, everything would be fine. True, she didn’t smell of desire, but of a natural ease and rapport. Relaxed. Not stressed, and certainly not filled with despair.

But
how
will
she
smell
when
she’s asleep?

Only one way to find out. He smiled to himself as he thought about the coming night. Sara soft and warm in his arms, his body wrapped around hers—and, yes, he fully intended to lose the loincloth. Even if she wore a gown, he’d do his best to get skin to skin with her—couldn’t wait to feel her lying against him. He’d heard somewhere that male pheromones were transmitted via touch, and he intended to touch her as much as he possibly could. No hardship there; his whole body yearned for the contact. Night couldn’t come soon enough. He might even feign fatigue—there was bound to have been something in the day that could explain why he was tired and wanted to go to bed so early—anything to shorten the wait.

Yet
another
thing
I’ve never had to do—make up stories to entice a woman into my bed.
But how to go about it?

If only the weather had turned cold and she needed to snuggle up with him for warmth, or there was something to make her sleepy, or—

Reutal yawned and stretched his arms above his head. “Well, I guess we’d better get back out to the barns and let you two lovebirds get back at it.”

“Back at it?” Sara echoed. “What makes you think…?”

Drania rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, Sara. You’re frickin’
smiling
at him—even stealing peeks at him when you think no one is looking. Did you really think we wouldn’t notice?”