Willow Grove Abbey (10 page)

Her partner, William Young, looked a bit embarrassed
and irritated. I changed the subject.

“What are your plans for after the Season, Charlotte? Are you continuing on with school?” I asked.
She was acting like a complete fool.

“Yes
…Yes, I am, Sophia. I shall be attending drama school. You probably remember that I was in several theatrical productions at
Ashwick Park
.” She spoke in breathy tones…in a very dramatic manner. There was nothing ‘real’ about her.

“Yes, I do re
member that. How exciting for you. I’m sure you’ll be an enormous success,” I replied.

The waiter brought
menus to the table, and we all ceased conversation. “Do you wish to join us for dinner, my ‘dashing RAF pilot’ asked?”

Both Willia
m and Charlotte spoke at the same time. “Yes, we would love to,” she said, as he announced that they had to be on their way. Charlotte looked at him rather disagreeably, but she
did
get up, when he pulled her chair out, and retrieved her evening bag and gloves. She seemed a bit rattled. “Well, it’s been lovely running into you like this, and certainly marvelous to have met you Dr. Stanton. I suppose I
must
pay a visit to Twigbury some time, if someone as obviously urbane as you are finds it charming.”

I suspect she thought he would tell her to ring hi
m if she ever came his way, but he did not. He ignored her while shaking hands with William. I told her it had been nice to see her and finally they retreated from our table. They exited the revolving doors in the black and white marbled foyer, and I was relieved that they had left. What truly odious people! Or at least
she
was.

Spence laughed after they had left. “That wo
man has some sort of problem,” he chuckled.

“She
obviously has a ‘thing’ for
Royal Air Force
pilots,” I laughed “I think you sent her heart racing.”

“There is only one heart I a
m interested in,” he replied, becoming serious once again. “Now, let’s pick up where we left off. What were you doing at
Willow Grove Abbey
, and why did you want to speak with me alone?”

“I guess we do need to speak about that,” I replied, afraid I was going to cry.
“I’ve spoken with my parents about you.”

“
Sophia, my God! Don’t keep me in suspense. What did they say? What did you tell them? Do you feel it went well?” I couldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, I concentrated my gaze out of the window at the silent river, and the raindrops that had begun to fall. I remember thinking that even the sky was weeping. The band was playing a love song. The sounds of tinkling crystal glasses raised in toasts, of orders being placed, and of convivial conversations seemed surreal. There were several couples on the dance floor.

“Spence
,” I began, “How could we possibly have thought that this could be worked out? It can’t be, you know.” I looked him directly in the eye, but then I had to turn away when I saw the look of shock on his face. I looked down at my plate, and twirled the stem of the champagne flute in my hand.

“What are you talking about?
What can’t be worked out?” His voice sounded panicky, and his face was ashen. He lighted a cigarette. “What in heaven’s name can’t be worked out?”

“Our situation,
” I replied in a choked voice.

“What about our situation?
I love you. That is not a
situation
. That is a
fact.
I know that you love me, too. So, whatever obstacles we face, they can and will be worked out.” Spence was agitated, and I could tell it was difficult for him to sit there at an elegant table in the
Royal Thames Room
, when he wanted to be pacing, or trying to hold me in his arms.

“It isn’t that si
mple Spence. I’ve thought and thought about it.” I tried desperately to maintain a facade of cool poise, but it was more difficult than I’d even thought it would be.

“
What do you mean ‘you’ve thought and thought’ about it’? I don’t understand. Is it the religious thing then? Sophia, you really cannot be serious. I’m dumbfounded.”

“
Yes, our religious differences play a large part in my thinking. That and other things. The difference between our social classes also concerns me greatly. After I visited
Willow Grove
, I realized clearly that my way of life has been so profoundly different from yours. You know that, Spence. I’ve been waited on hand and foot since childhood. I have no domestic skills... have difficulty even arranging my hair without a ‘Lady’s
Maid’.”
I loathed myself for those words.

“Class Difference?
When have you ever cared a whit about class difference? This sounds like something your parents might say. Is that what this is about? Are they upset because I’m not a landowner and titled? You aren’t making a whit of sense. I’ve known you for quite some time now, Sophia, and you are not someone I would describe as helpless. You would function quite well without a ‘Lady’s Maid’, or any other sort of servant for that matter. I know this is something your parents have put into your head.”

“They’re concerned,
Spence. Their concern made me see things in a different light.” I was being so terribly dishonest, and it went against my nature. Several times the thought crossed my mind to simply stop the artifice and be honest with him. He knew very well that I was not telling the truth. I could see it in his eyes.

“Are you saying that I’
m suddenly not good enough for you?” He now sounded completely astounded.

“No, no of course not.
However, you
have
lived a very different life from mine. You have said that yourself. It doesn’t mean that my life was better, only different. It’s difficult enough for two people to make a go of marriage when they come from the same sorts of backgrounds. In our case, there are so many impediments. I seem to have temporarily forgotten that I too have things I hold dear in life. I have always dreamed of being married in the chapel at
Willow Grove Abbey
, for instance. Never thought of marrying in a Catholic Church that I’ve never even attended, or worse still, a Magistrates Office.”

“This
is nonsense, Sophia. We could still be married in the Chapel. I’ll find a priest who will marry us there. That’s not an impossibility. It may take some searching, but I’ll question every priest in England, if necessary.” He kept re-arranging the salt and pepper shakers on the table in front of him.

“But, that’s just it, Spence.
You’re assuming that I would
want
to be married by a priest. In addition, you’re assuming that I would want to raise children Catholic. Well, I don’t. My parents and I discussed this at length. I just could never believe as you do.” My voice sounded very firm, and I thought that I probably should have studied drama at
Ashwick Park
, along with Charlotte Ross. I would have made a superb actress.

“What?
What couldn’t you believe? Help me to understand this change in your thinking.” Now, he lightly pounded his fist on the table.

I shifted positions in
my chair. My head was beginning to ache violently. “It’s not so much a change in my thinking, as it is a dawning of reality. I’m not saying I don’t love you, Spence. I do. I could never deny that. Nevertheless, I had a life before I met you. I have family tradition, and my own heritage. Your religion would force me to do things I don’t believe in.”

“Such
as?” He asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Well, such as having
more children than I might want.”

“Darling, I’
m a doctor. There are ways to prevent unwanted children. I’ve already told you how I feel on that subject. Why are you suddenly making it an issue now?”

“
Because if you truly believe in what your church preaches, you would not disagree with one of their fundamental teachings.” It was hard for me to continue to come up with arguments for him. Especially when I didn’t even feel that his beliefs were an obstacle to our being wed.

“I’ve told you before that I truly believe in
most of the tenets of my religion But, I also have my own beliefs, and there is no way I would force
any
belief on you, if we didn’t agree on it.” He was being so terribly nice... so accommodating. Of course, that was one of the reasons I had fallen in love with him, but his reasonableness made it extremely challenging for me to make any realistic case to him.

“No, but then we would argue.
Moreover, the children we
did
have would have to be raised in your religion. Unless I went to church with you, we would not worship as a family. That would be important to me, Spence.”

“You told
me in Twigbury that you’d never been strong in any faith and that one denomination was the same as another. Now, you say that you couldn’t worship with me?”

“Yes, I know. And, perhaps I could. However,
Mummy and Papa told me of some other beliefs, which seem ridiculous to me.” I was beginning to stumble and falter. Spence had an excellent memory, and it made it hard for me to continue my deception.

“Such as?”
...

“Such as
having to eat fish every Friday, confessing sins, and Purgatory, which sounds ghastly...
I had reached a point where I knew that I was beginning to sound foolish.

“
Sophia, if I have ever known anyone in my life who will have a straight arrow entrance into Heaven, it is you. That belief helps Catholics to understand why they should follow the Ten Commandments. As far as Confession goes, it is just a way for a person to know that their sins have been forgiven. It brings a feeling of peace, and for Goodness Sake, if you don’t want to eat fish, you needn’t eat fish!”

“I hate fish,” I replied. I realized that
my answers had deteriorated to those of a child.

“We can
dine out every Friday, and you can choose whatever suits you. These are all rather trivial objections in my opinion. Sophia. For God’s sake. Please think about what you’re saying. We love each other. I’m older than you are, and I know how rare our love is. Please, please don’t throw this away. I’m begging you. You are going to regret this for the rest of your life. Neither of us will ever love anyone else like this again. I’m certain of that.”

I was certain of it too, but I
could not tell him the truth. Mummy’s words came back to me so clearly. It was as though she was sitting at the table with us.
“Spencer Stanton will rue the day he turned you against your family.”
I had to get away. I had run out of inane excuses. I stood and stumbled from the table, feeling that I needed to escape.

“
Sophia! Where are you going? Wait.” Spence abandoned his chair, and rushed after me.

I
scurried outside, through the front-entrance doors, desperately trying to clear my mind, and to hold fast to my determination. Of course, Spence followed.

“
Sophia, give me your hand,” he said rather forcefully, taking hold of my left hand.

“What are you doing?”
My heart was hammering. He reached into the pocket of his trousers, and in one swift movement slipped a magnificent ring on the third finger of my left hand. It was a square cut emerald, bordered with diamonds, in a platinum setting. I was stunned. He clearly believed that any obstacles we might face would be dealt with. Obviously, Spence was blind to any
possibility that the happy future he envisioned could not become reality. “I love you, Sophia. I know that this ring can only be symbolic of my intentions. If I could, I would marry you tomorrow. I want to give you this ring tonight, so that we both know that we‘re committed in our hearts. Please accept it, and stop these foolish arguments.”

I put
my head down and tried to brush tears away, but they just kept falling. “Spence, whatever can you be thinking, or aren’t you thinking at all? We can’t marry. Need I shout it? Why are you pretending that this isn’t the end of everything? For of course, it is.”

“We love each other.
I know you love me. I know I love you. Yes, there are impediments, but we can work them out. For God’s sake, Sophia, don’t say you can’t be with me.”

“
Sometimes love isn’t enough,” I struggled to say, through my tears.

“
I’m remembering the woman who loves the countryside in Twigbury, and cannot imagine anything more wonderful than sharing a life there. Where is the girl who said that she is an eternal optimist?” He was holding on to my hand, and I desperately wanted to turn and throw myself into his arms.

“Spence that was a
dream. I wasn’t thinking clearly. You say we can face and overcome the obstacles, but you really have no idea of how that can be accomplished. I don’t either.”

“I don’t know,
Sophia. I
do not
know. I only know that I can’t lose you.” He looked frightened. I wanted to put my arms around him. However, I knew I couldn’t do that. The memory of my mother’s threats forced me to remain steadfast in my arguments. There was not a doubt in my mind that my mother would carry through with her vile threats. I had to keep that from happening.