Wingless Book Series (book 1) (33 page)

“
I don’t know. I don’t. What do
you want me to say?” he sighed.

“
Do you enjoy it?”

“
Of course not. Why would you even
ask me that?” he said, sitting up in bed.

I could make out his shadow
faintly.

“
Because you’re so nonchalant,
like it’s no big deal. Is it going to be that easy to kill
me?”

“
Shut up,” Evan said, his tone
getting louder and louder with every question.

I didn’t care if I offended
him.

“
How is it going to feel, ending
my life? Are you going to do it peacefully for me, or make it a
horrific moment? Do you have anything festive planned?”

I threw them all out there,
sitting up in the bed as Evan yelled. I didn’t care anymore. I knew
he loved me and when two people loved each other they could go
through anything,
so I had been
told
. It was time to test
that.

“
I said stop!” he yelled at me,
turning on his light.

I leaped off the bed, grabbing my
lamp, the cord whipping wildly out of the wall. Evan got up heading
toward me, a look of confusion in his eyes along with
annoyance.

“
You don’t think I’ll throw it at
you do you?” I said, gripping the lamp like a baseball bat. “This
isn’t the sweet, innocent girl you thought you knew!” I yelled,
taking a swing at him.

He hopped back shaking his head.
“Are you nuts?!”

“
I don’t know, maybe. Would it
even matter to you? Or is that the one clause Ari missed?” I said,
swinging the lamp again.

It wasn’t a matter of crazy, it
was a matter of rage and anger.

“
Eve, I know you’re not that kind
of person, and I know you’re upset, so I’m not going to get upset
anymore. Let’s just go to bed.” He sat down on the bed trying to
prove to himself that I wasn’t that kind of girl who would hit him
upside the head with a lamp. I knew I wasn’t that kind of girl. But
now that girl was gone, replaced by bitterness.

“
Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am
not that girl,” I said, shaking my head.

Evan looked at me, still not
totally relaxing. “Can you just put the lamp down?” he asked
calmly.

I took in a breath and with all my
might, I swung, hitting him. Before the full force made it onto his
head he grabbed my arms flipping, me onto the bed in a flash. I
barely knew what was going on. Evan tossed the disfigured lamp
across the room with a loud crash, holding me down with the other
arm.

“
I can’t believe you just did
that!” he yelled in my face.

I didn’t fight him, just laid there
amused that I had worked him up.

”
What did that help?” he asked,
letting me go and pacing the room.

“
I’m feeling better already,” I
said sitting up, breathless.

“
You really think acting like this
is going to help you!” he asked, getting angry now.

“
Yes, I do. Maybe you can feel
even an ounce of what I’m feeling right now!” I yelled at the top
of my lungs. “How could you do that? Why would you do that to me!”
I yelled some more.

Evan balled his fist, coming over
to me. “It has nothing to do with you. There is no way to make you
see that is there?” he asked.

“
Um, let me think about that one….
How about, no. You took the one last person I had that meant the
world to me and decided to just go along with the plan. If you
cared anything about me you would have made one small exception and
you didn’t!” I yelled.

I picked up the pillows, lobbing
each one at him with as much force as I could bring out.

“
Will you just please stop?” he
asked, calmer this time, hitting each pillow with little
effort.

“
It sucks doesn’t it? To never
give anyone what they want, but to always get what you do,” I said
pushing him.

He was doing mighty well
withstanding all my abuse.

“
You’re upset and I’m not going to
let any of this get to me,” he said over me.

“
Is this how you treat everyone
you care about?” I poked some more.

Evan shook his head coming over to
me. He tried to pull me to him, I backed up.

“
I’m sorry, Eve. I really am. I
was sorry since I knew. If there was anything I could do to change
it, I would have. You’re upset. Lay down rest I’ll leave,” he said,
flustered.

I looked away from him. His words
were not going to win. I smacked him in the face, looking for some
sort of break, some sort of realization from him. He kept his gaze
on mine. I slapped him again.

“
I don’t want to hear sorry!” I
yelled, crying all over again.

“
I know you don’t, but you need
to. I’m sorry that you lost your friend, Eve. And I’m sorry that
you feel it was my fault. And I’ll be your punching bag if that is
what it takes to help you through this.” He touched my
face.

I shook my head, balling up my
fist like Marcus had taught me, and decked him right in the
mouth.

“
You can’t apologize! Don’t you
ever apologize to me again! People only apologize when they mean
it! And you don’t. You never will!” I crawled back in
bed.

“
I’ll be on the couch before you
try and kill me.” He said the last part, barely audible.

“
Yeah, if I only was so lucky.
Reapers don’t die, they’re too busy arranging that for everyone
else!” I yelled, turning over in a huff.

Chapter 33

Sorry is for losers

I couldn’t believe morning
finally showed up. My sleep was not sleep at all, it was a restless
battle with my body to get it to just slow down and pass out. Evan
wasn’t in the room; he must have truly
been disturbed by my fit of rage. It wasn’t as if it hadn’t
happened before. I was nothing like my family when it came to
bottling my emotions.

I decided to finally emerge
from the bedroom, not knowing what to expect from the day. I was
feeling a lot
better, as if I had gotten
so much off my chest, and like I could move on. Like Marcus had
said, I shouldn’t be upset over
when.
It was meant to happen and he
said she was fine. And I wasn’t sure, if that was Marcus talking to
me, or if it had been merely a dream. I was willing to hold onto
the hope that it was real and I could communicate with him. I would
hold out hope. What did I have to lose? I was living in a world
where I knew Grim reapers existed. I knew they lived ordinary
lives, and so if I knew this, I could believe
anything.

I sat at the counter peeling an
orange, the house quiet and clean as usual. I could tell the maid
had been here just from the lemon scent that lingered in the air.
Evan came in the door carrying some bags from the store. He looked
almost startled to see me awake. I barely looked at him, piling my
peels in a well formed heap, keeping my attention on the
orange.

He set one bag on the counter,
passing by quickly. I watched him walk away, kind of disappointed
that he didn’t speak to me.

What was there to say? I had
attacked him and he probably was wishing in every way he knew how
to just be done with me now. I sighed, knocking the orange peel
pile over, watching it fall helplessly all over the counter. Life
was boring without Evan in it.

I pulled my phone out,
looking over all my missed calls, a total of fifteen-all from my
family. It was obvious by now that they knew everything. And they
probably wondered where I was. I knew Chad would have told Gray I
was at the party with Vanessa so I knew they probably were all
freaked out. Either way, I didn’t want to call. I knew they
couldn’t find me and I was glad. If anything, it would just bring
me back into the dark doom and gloom talking to them. So I decided
on a text. I chose my dad
because I knew
he would leave it be if I asked.

“
Dad, it’s me. I
know you guys are probably worried about me, but I am fine. And
yes, I know about Vanessa. I just need space. I don’t want to be in
that place like with Marcus, so I choose to deal with this on my
own. I love you guys, but understand I can’t do this right now. I’m
fine. Eve.”

I sent the text, spinning my phone
on the counter. Evan came back into the room; he stood in the
kitchen doorway not saying anything, just staring off into
space.

“
Are you okay?” I broke down and
asked.

He blinked, coming back to life,
his mood not anything to gauge his overall feelings on what had
gone on.

“
I’ve been better. Just a small
knot, no big deal, had worse,” he shrugged.

“
Well, I just want to say, I know
no matter how angry someone gets, violence doesn’t solve anything.
But I won’t say sorry because sorry is for losers, and that I’m
not,” I said roughly, not caring if I hurt his feelings. That was
how I felt.

There was no need for saying
sorry. If you were sorry you wouldn’t have done it in the first
place. Saying sorry was like scratching an itch, even when you did
it another would show up again someday. Yeah, I used the word sorry
for trivial things and for creating that moment or just to get
someone to get over something. It was an easy fix, but when it was
serious, no. I refused to use that word. If it was serious, then
obviously what was done was done and it was what was meant to
happen.

“
I’m not mad. I get it,” he said,
going to the kitchen window, staring all over again. I could tell
there still was something.

“
So, then what is it?” I asked,
wanting to cut to the chase.

“
Nothing really. It’s hard to try
and act like I’m not bothered by your disgust in what I have to
do.”

“
I’m not disgusted, you know what
I said is not how I feel exactly. It was all emotion based last
night.” I bit my nails, feeling uneasy.

“
It’s just hard.”

“
I know it is,” I replied, getting
up and coming to the window.

“
It’s hard to watch someone I love
go through so much pain. You don’t understand what it means for me
to defy an order,” he said, taking my hand.

“
No, I don’t, and I shouldn’t
expect you to. If I didn’t know you, these things would just
happen. I think I was madder that I knew and didn’t do more to feel
at peace before I had to let her go. Does that make
sense?”

“
Sort of,” Evan said, kissing my
hand. “But I think you were the best friend she could have had.
You’re the best friend anyone could have because you’re a truthful
and genuine person.”

I looked up at him. He smiled
slightly.

“
Thanks, it’s hard to think that
when I feel like I just up and left everything to be with you. And
I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings,” I said.

“
No, it doesn’t. Don’t worry about
it. What happened between us happened fast, and I don’t blame you
or me. We know what we know, and I think we both felt it was meant
to be. So there’s not much you can do about it but try to make up
for lost time and patch things up with everyone.” He pulled me to
him, squeezing me tight.

“
I know I’m not that guy that your
family seen you with, and I really don’t think they’re ever going
to be happy about us after all of this, but I know it’s right.” He
kissed the back of my head.

He was right. It was a quick
thing, it all happened fast, but I didn’t have regrets on that, I
felt like I was where I should be. All I could do from this point
on is try to incorporate my family into my life and get them to
accept it. If they didn’t, then it was their loss because I was not
willing to let Evan go until I had to. And the only reason I would
have to was when I was dead.

If family truly loved you they
would love unconditionally, that’s what everyone thinks, that’s
what everyone wants to believe. You don’t want to believe sick
people exist in the world, people that don’t even care about their
own blood. But sometimes people had no feelings one way or another.
Sometimes your family was just as bad as the enemy was. They didn’t
always want to see you happy. Families were more than love; they
were jealousy and anger, abuse and depression, fighting and
negativity and just plain trouble. It wasn’t always happy like some
people portrayed. The only thing I could hope for was that rolling
the dice I had a small chance that they would do the opposite than
what they always did and accept what my life was.

You had to give everyone a chance
to prove you wrong. Without a chance, nothing would be right. And
if by chance they never did prove you wrong, then that meant they
were worth it.

“
I suppose once I get all this
straightened out things will be a little less
overwhelming.”

“
I would hope so, and then you can
feel a little more at peace.” Evan and I stared together as the sun
cast beautiful rays on the pavement, quietly enjoying a
moment.

“
This is nice,” I said
finally.