Winning the Right Brother (16 page)

“Anything, sweetie. Shoot.”

“Your apartment. Is it still available?”

“Absolutely. My lease doesn’t run out till the end of the year, so unless I find someone to sublet I’m stuck paying the rent till then.”

“Well, you’ve just found someone to sublet. How soon can I move in?”

Gina hesitated. “Anytime, I guess. The superintendent has the keys. All my clothes and things are moved out but it’s still furnished, which makes it easy. But what’s going on? I thought you guys were sort of settled at Alex’s place.” A beat went by. “Oh. Okay, I get it. I
guess things didn’t go so well with Alex, huh? Were you too chicken to go for it when he jumped you?”

“Not exactly.” Holly cleared her throat. “The jumping was pretty much mutual. And he said he wants to date me.”

“But that’s great! Isn’t it great?”

“Well…”

“Holly Stanton, give me one good reason why this isn’t great.”

“Because Alex has never been in a relationship that lasted longer than three months! Because I’ve never been in a relationship that didn’t end with the guy running away from me! First Brian, then Mark—”

“Don’t you know there’s a first time for everything?”

“Not for this. Not for me.”

“Okay, Holly. I’m about to tell you something important, so pay attention. It’s time for you to stop surviving and start living. I know Brian was a low-down bastard, and I know your parents let you down. I know you put a wall around your heart to get through those first few years alone. But those days are over. It’s not just you and Will against the world anymore.”

Holly closed her eyes. “Just tell me whether or not I can have your apartment. I need a place to stay.”

“Of course you can have the damn apartment! But when I get back home you and I are going to have a serious discussion.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll buy the drinks.” She took a deep breath. “And, Gina? Congratulations.”

“On being happy? Thanks, I appreciate it. Want to know my secret? Not being blind
and
stupid enough to let the right guy go.”

Holly sighed. “Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon, Gina.”

By the time Will and Alex came home from practice, everything was done. Holly had moved their few possessions to the new place, and washed her and Will’s sheets and remade the beds. She made dinner, too, steak and green salad and mashed potatoes. It was waiting on the table when Will and Alex came through the door.

“Hi,” she said as cheerfully as she could. She glanced at Alex, who grinned at her before hanging up his jacket, and then at Will who was rubbing the back of his neck.

“Dinner’s on the table,” she said, wishing her heart wouldn’t turn over in her chest every time Alex smiled at her. “Rough day at practice?” she asked her son as they went into the kitchen. Will slumped down into his chair with a groan.

“Say hello to the Wildcats’ new starting quarterback,” he said. “Apparently Coach’s training plan for a rookie QB is to try really hard to kill him, and if it doesn’t work, then he’s ready for game day.”

Holly had stopped in the middle of serving salad. “But…how? I thought with the bye week Charlie would be able to—”

Alex shook his head. “It’s an ACL injury. He’s out for the season.”

Holly finished dishing supper and sat down herself. “But Will’s only fifteen,” she said to Alex, frowning. “What if he gets hurt like Charlie did?”

“Hey, I’m sitting right here. And if Coach doesn’t manage to kill me there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that an opposing team will be able to do to me.”

“Who are you playing this week?” she asked.

“The Silverton Warriors,” Alex said.

“They’ll be a pushover,” Will assured her, putting an enormous bite of steak into his mouth.

“Hey,” Alex said, smiling at him. “Just because you completed a few passes today is no excuse to get cocky.”

“I’m not cocky,” Will said with his mouth full. “The Warriors are terrible. Are you trying to tell me they’re not terrible?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Okay, yes, they’re terrible. But that still doesn’t mean you can be overconfident.”

“How much do you want to bet we win this game?”

Alex folded his arms. “You want me to bet against my own team? Ever hear of a guy named Pete Rose?”

“Just a friendly wager, Coach. If we lose Friday’s game I’ll wash the dishes for a month.”

Holly had been listening with half her attention, trying to work up the courage to tell them her news. But now she needed to speak up.

“Actually,” she said awkwardly, “the dishes aren’t going to be an issue anymore. Will and I are going to be moving out.”

Will swallowed a bite of mashed potato. “Sure, eventually. But in the meantime someone has to—”

“Not eventually. It’s done. We’re moving into Gina’s apartment tonight.”

Will and Alex both stared at her. After a minute Alex set his fork down on the table. “That was fast,” he said evenly.

“What do you mean, tonight?” Will asked, sounding bewildered. “And why? Alex doesn’t mind having us here and we—”

“We can’t trespass on Alex’s hospitality forever,” Holly interrupted. “Look, this isn’t up for discussion. I told you, it’s done. I spoke to Gina and the building
superintendent and I moved our things over there today.”

Will’s fork clattered onto his plate. “I can’t believe it,” he said. “You’ve never called out of work in your entire life, but you did today so you could do this behind my back?”

“Behind your back? Will, I’m your mother. I still make the decisions for this family.”

“Got it,” Will said, pushing his chair violently back from the table. “Of course. Because you always know what’s best, right? Well, you know what? You don’t know
anything.
I bet you think you’re protecting me, too. That’s always your excuse when you’re actually protecting yourself.”

He was on his feet now, his expression angrier than Holly had ever seen it. She could only stare at him with her mouth open. “I’m going next door to say goodbye to Anna,” he said stiffly. “I’ve been helping her with her yard work, and I don’t want her to think I’ve just disappeared on her. Decent people don’t do that.”

“Will, you can still come by here whenever you—”

“Forget it, Mom. You can try selling it to Alex, but he’s pretty smart. I don’t think he’ll buy it any more than I do.”

Will’s outburst was so sudden and so out of character that Holly felt tears starting behind her eyes. Determined that Alex wouldn’t see her cry, she snatched up her dishes with shaking hands and took them to the sink, where she could stand with her back to the room while she tried to compose herself.

Behind her she could hear Alex’s chair scrape against the floor as he got to his feet.

“Is there a chance this doesn’t mean you’re breaking up with me?”

His voice was cold, and she couldn’t look at him. “We were never really together,” she said, hearing her own voice tremble. She turned on the water to fill the sink and held her hands under the stream. Her skin felt tight, and there was an ache at the back of her throat.

“I see.”

The water was painfully hot, but she didn’t move her hands or turn on the cold tap. If only she could burn these feelings away, burn them out of her, make them stop—

“I told you Saturday morning I’d accept any decision you made, as long as I understood why you’re making it. At the time, you said that was fair.”

She swallowed around the pain. “It is fair,” she said. “I just—”

“I’m going out for a run now. When I get back, we’re going to talk.”

He didn’t wait for a response.

She listened to his footsteps as he left the kitchen. Two tears escaped, one from each eye, slipping down her cheeks like rain. Then she took a deep breath and started to wash the dishes.

A
lex ran harder and faster than normal, trying to drive out emotion with physical activity. This was a trick he’d gotten pretty good at over the years, from the time he was a little boy dealing with his mother’s death by getting into fights with the neighborhood kids.

Football had always been an outlet for him—a source of joy, too. And it was a good thing he still had football in his life, because it didn’t look as if he was going to have Holly.

Unless he could convince her to give them a shot.

By the time he got back to the house, the sun was sinking toward the tree-covered hills to the west. He walked slowly across the front lawn, feeling his heart rate slow, using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe the sweat away from his eyes.

“Alex,” he heard Holly say, and she was there in
front of him, the red glory of the clouds the perfect backdrop for her fair skin and flaming hair.

She looked young and fragile as she stared up at him, her green eyes anxious. She had such a powerful personality it was easy to forget how small she really was, how slender, her bones as delicate as a child’s. She looked like a child right now, in that bulky brown sweater with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

But she wasn’t a child.

“Alex, I—I’m so sorry. I wish things were different.”

“Yeah? Different how?”

“I was afraid this would happen. You’ve been so good to Will and me—you took us in after the fire, made us feel at home. I don’t know what we would have done without you. And you and I…we were building a real friendship, a friendship that…that meant so much…and now it’s destroyed.” Her lower lip trembled. “I wish we’d never slept together.”

That felt as harsh as any blow he’d ever received on a football field. He stared at her. “How can you wish that? Those nights with you were the best nights of my life. Making love with you was—I don’t have words for what it was. And I
know
you were there with me.”

She looked away from him. “That’s not what I meant,” she said miserably. “I didn’t mean…of course I feel the same way. About…about those nights. But we’d be crazy to think we could have anything more than that. Just look at our track records.”

He took a step closer to her. “You mean my track record. But Holly…the way I feel about you…I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” It was now or never. “Holly, I love you.”

She fell back a step, looking stunned. “What did you say?”

“You heard me.” He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes against the rays of the setting sun. “And I’m guessing from your horrified expression that you’re not about to say you love me, too.”

“Alex, I—I can’t.”

“Can’t, or won’t?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He opened his eyes. “Yes, you do. I know you feel something for me, Holly. Don’t you want to give this a chance? To give us a chance?”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Alex, you’ve never even left a toothbrush at a woman’s house. You’ve always liked playing the field. And now you expect me to believe you’ll give that up—give up your freedom? Give it up for a single mom with a teenage son?”

“Yes.”
He meant it with his whole heart, but Holly didn’t look convinced.

He sighed. “Holly, it’s true that I’ve never been in a serious relationship. But did you ever stop to think—”

“What?”

He took in a breath and let it out. “I’ve wondered about it, too. Why none of the women I’ve dated ever got under my skin. Why I never seem to meet The One.”

He took a step closer. “Maybe the reason I never met The One is that I already have. Maybe the reason no woman can get under my skin is that you’re already there. I was always too proud to admit it, even to myself—but I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

The sun dropped behind the hills, bringing dusk, and
the shadows made the air seem colder. Holly shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Alex, you can’t really think—why would you say—”

“Holly, I’m just telling you how I feel. I love you, and I love Will, too. I want both of you in my life. Isn’t that enough to take a chance on?”

And then he felt Holly withdrawing from him, actually felt it, as if she were physically pulling away.

“You feel that way now, but—Alex, you can’t guarantee the future. If we only had ourselves to think about, maybe we could take a chance. But like you said, Will is in this equation, too. I can’t take a chance with Will’s happiness, not ever. I won’t risk him getting hurt.”

“He got hurt tonight.”

“I know, and it was because of us. He’d get hurt a lot worse if we tried being a couple and things fell apart. If he got attached to you, not just as a coach but as some sort of father figure. I’m sorry, Alex, but I just can’t do this.”

Her face looked remote, as if she was already gone. And Alex knew he was beaten.

He was still breathing, but the action felt strange, alien. His chest felt empty, as if something important had been taken out.

His skin was clammy with dried sweat. “I need to take a shower,” he said, and his voice sounded strange in his own ears.

Holly’s lip was trembling again, and his instinct was still to comfort her, to take her in his arms and pull her close.

He forced his hands to stay at his sides. “Good luck at the new place, Holly.”

The walk back to his house was the longest he’d ever taken.

The next few days were bad.

Holly had never felt so stiff and unnatural around her own son. There had never been anything they couldn’t talk about before. Then again, she’d never tried to talk to him about anything like this.

She did try, once, when they were eating dinner at the kitchen counter. “Honey, I’m sorry about how sudden all this was. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you beforehand about moving to Gina’s. For reasons I’m not comfortable discussing it was really important to me to—”

Will didn’t even look up at her. “Yeah, I know. You had to leave because Alex is in love with you and you’re totally freaked out. Do you really think I didn’t notice, Mom? Or do you think it’s none of my business? I’m just your son. You know, the person who cares more about you than anybody in the whole world.”

He pushed away from the counter and left the kitchen, going down the hall and into the small second bedroom he had moved into.

Holly stared after him, her mouth open. Then she leaned forward and put her head in her hands. So Will knew. Had Alex told him or had he figured it out on his own? Did it matter? Her own son thought she was cold and unfeeling. Plus he absolutely worshipped Alex. In a million years he’d never understand why she couldn’t love his hero.

Well, why couldn’t she? Maybe she really was cold and unfeeling. Alex had told her he loved her, and she might as well have spit in his face.

The worst day of all came when she was looking for a CD in the stack Alex had given her, and found one with a homemade cover mixed in with the others.

For Holly—To Take To A Desert Island.

She sat staring at it for a long time, knowing she shouldn’t open it, and knowing with even greater certainty that she shouldn’t listen to it.

She was alone in the apartment—Will wouldn’t be back for an hour. There was no one around to see her cry.

And she did cry, hugging her knees on the living room floor and listening to Bruce Springsteen and Joni Mitchell and Aretha Franklin and Van Morrison. But when Marvin Gaye started singing “Let’s Get It On,” she turned the CD player off. The pain inside her was like a living thing.

She went to the sink to splash water on her face.

There was no use in crying. It was all over now. It was for the best, she told herself over and over. It was for the best.

If only things with Will could go back to normal.

He did seem to thaw a little toward her the rest of that week. They were talking again, with at least an approximation of their old camaraderie, although Holly suspected that Will was so anxious about his upcoming debut as the Wildcats’ starting quarterback that he would have talked to anybody just to relieve the tension.

Holly was surprisingly nervous herself on game night, both for Will’s sake—although she’d been careful not to let him know that—and because she’d be seeing Alex for the first time since moving out of his house. Of course there was no reason to expect they’d get within twenty feet of each other, but still she’d be seeing him, and who knew how she’d react to that. Her emotions were a lot more unpredictable than they used to be.

The beautiful fall weather had come to an end during the week, with a cold front from Canada sweeping down to remind them that winter was on the way. Tonight felt bitter, with an icy drizzle coming down from the iron gray sky, but the stands were still packed for the home game. No one in Weston, Ohio wanted to miss a second of the Wildcats’ Cinderella season.

Holly found her usual seat in the bleachers, next to David and Angela Washington, and in spite of all her resolutions she immediately looked down toward the sidelines to see if she could catch a glimpse of Alex.

There he was. He was standing facing the field, so all she could see was his back, covered in a thick Wildcats jacket, but it was in that instant that Holly knew the truth.

She loved him.

The moment couldn’t have been less romantic. She was sitting on a grooved metal bleacher seat that was like a block of ice, with the cold seeping into her butt through her jeans, and the object of her affections was fifty feet away surrounded by a bunch of teenaged boys in helmets and pads.

But in the moment of her revelation the cold couldn’t touch her. She loved him. She loved Alex McKenna.

All that angst, all that inner turmoil, and the truth came and sat down next to her at a damn football game.

She didn’t even think about what would happen next. About what she should do now. It didn’t seem to matter. The only thing she was aware of right now was the window that had opened in her heart. The feeling was so strong she thought other people must be aware of it, must be able to see it like a blinking neon sign, but all around her the attention was all on the field, where the
opposing teams were just lining up for the opening kickoff.

Her eyes were still on Alex. He seemed to be the only person in the world. He was talking to an official, but in the middle of his conversation he twisted his head to look up into the stands, as if he’d heard someone calling his name. He looked straight at her, and their eyes met for just one moment. Holly’s breath came faster, and her mouth opened to tell him,
I love you,
but then the whistle blew to start the game, and he had turned back to watch the action on the field.

It didn’t matter. There was plenty of time. Holly felt something that was new in her experience: a kind of serenity. She had looked into her heart and hadn’t run away from what she saw there, and in that one moment she felt free. She was free.

She took a deep breath and concentrated on what was happening on the football field. Her son was making his debut as the Wildcats’ starting quarterback, and she wasn’t going to miss a second of it, no matter how many revelations of true love fell out of the sky tonight.

“Isn’t this exciting?” Angela screamed in her ear over the shouting of the crowd.

“It is!” Holly shouted back, and the two women settled in to watch their sons and their teammates working together like a well-oiled machine, bonded together by trust and hard work and faith in themselves, all of it given to them by one man, Alex McKenna.

By the middle of the fourth quarter Tom Washington had rushed for over two hundred yards and a touchdown, and Will had completed sixteen of his twenty-three pass attempts, two of them for touchdowns. Holly cheered until her throat was hoarse, and when the last
seconds of the game were ticking away, the Wildcats ahead by ten points, she was on her feet with the rest of the crowd when Will threw his last pass of the game, time ran out and the final whistle blew.

Then it happened. One of the Warriors’ defensive linebackers, who’d been frustrated all night long, came through the offensive line and smashed Will to the ground with a vicious hit, helmet to helmet. As the furious Wildcat players pulled him off their starting quarterback the crowd fell suddenly silent.

Will Stanton had failed to get up after the illegal play.

For one frozen moment Holly couldn’t move. Then she was crashing down through the stands, clumsily, falling the last few feet and getting up again and running, running, until she could kneel down at Will’s side.

“The ambulance is on its way,” Alex said, and she looked up to see him kneeling beside her, his eyes on Will’s face.

Before she could answer the trainers were there with a stretcher, and calm, professional hands were lifting Will onto it and covering him with a blanket. They started walking him off the field, Holly with them, her hand clutching one of Will’s in both her own, and by the time they made it to the parking lot the ambulance was there, lights flashing, and then Holly was riding inside it beside her son, her terror hardly lessened by the paramedic’s assurance that his heartbeat was strong and steady.

The next hour was a nightmare. They arrived at the hospital and they wouldn’t let her go in with Will, and nurses asked her things, and gave her papers to sign, and no one would tell her anything, even when she grabbed one doctor by the sleeve and begged her.

“Just sit down in the waiting room, Mrs. Stanton. As soon as we know anything we’ll tell you.”

“It’s Miss,” Holly whispered as she sank down onto a hard plastic chair. “Miss Stanton.”

Maybe if she was a Mrs. this wouldn’t have happened. If Will had a father. If she hadn’t let him play football. If she’d been paying more attention.

She’d been thinking about Alex, falling in love with Alex, and she’d let her guard down, and look what happened. When would she ever learn?

And then Alex was coming through the door, heading right for her, but at that moment the doctor came through another door.

“He’s fine,” the white coated woman said immediately, and Holly felt weak with relief, the tears she’d been holding back sliding down her cheeks. “He has a mild concussion. We took X-rays and did an MRI and all the usual tests, and he’s absolutely fine. We’ll keep him overnight for observation, but that’s just a precaution. He regained consciousness during the exam, but fell asleep a few minutes ago. That’s normal, too. You’re welcome to go in and see him, but he’ll probably still be asleep. It would be better not to wake him up.”