Wise Follies (39 page)

I pick it up with disbelief. When I open it I see my mother has written something on the inside page. ‘For Alice if she ever finds this, and I hope she does,’ it says. ‘For even at eight she knew that people need their dreams.’ In the middle of its pages is a picture of my mother and father that had been taken at some dance. They are grey-haired and old. My mother’s cheek is pressed against my father’s face. Her eyes are closed and there is a small smile of happiness on her lips. It seems to me, as I look at that photo, that there is much more love in it than in the picture of Posy and Tarquin. This is the love of long attainment. So different to the romantic notions I’d had when I was a girl that I hadn’t even seen it was there. But my parents had their first four passionate
 years too, and I won’t even have those with Eamon. How – how could I have thought I could be contented without them?

I sit in my bedroom, numb with yearning, the tears I couldn’t cry with Laren welling up in my eyes. I go into the kitchen. As soon as I get there I can’t remember why. So I sit down and throw myself despairingly at the table. Every so often I reach for the man-sized Kleenex. I may well have to swim out of here, but I don’t care. And then someone taps me on the shoulder. I look up. It’s Liam.

‘What is it, Alice?’ he asks, his face clouded with concern.

‘Nothing,’ I sniff abjectly. ‘How did you get in?’

‘You left the front door open.’

‘I couldn’t have.’

‘You did.’

‘Why are you here?’ I look at him cautiously.

‘I saw you crying from my window.’

‘I knew I should have put up those net curtains,’ I mumble.

‘What?’

‘Oh, nothing,’ I sigh.

Liam sits down beside me. He puts his hand on mine. I do not pull away. His kindness is making me sob again. ‘Do tell me what it is, Alice,’ he says. ‘I can’t bear to see you this sad.’

‘I’m getting married.’ I try to say it calmly, but it comes out as something of a wail.

‘Yes, Elsie mentioned that,’ Liam says solemnly.

‘I’ve had a lot to adjust to lately. I suppose I’ve just got some pre-wedding nerves,’ I explain, rather unconvincingly.

Liam doesn’t reply.

‘How silly of me to leave the door open like that,’ I find myself adding. ‘Anyone could have walked in.’ He just smiles. He’s looking at me tenderly. There’s a kindness to Liam. An understanding. I knew that the first moment I saw him, though I pretended that I didn’t. There’s a shorthand between us. It’s always been there and it frightens me. He’s the kind of person you can’t hide from. The kind of person you could love…

No. No. What am I thinking? He’s just the man next door. He’s too young for me, and anyway he’s about to marry Elsie. But he is a good neighbour. I turn towards him gratefully.

‘Liam, thank you for trying to cheer me up,’ I say, dabbing my eyes in a businesslike manner. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘Well, actually, I was going to suggest we go for a walk,’ he replies.

‘A walk?’ I frown. ‘A walk where?’

‘To the University Botanical Gardens – the place you wrote about in the local paper. I visited them yesterday to get a bit of advice about my philodendrons. I saw something I think would please you.’

‘Oh, have they got their rare plants on display?’ I ask, feeling slightly less desolate. ‘I was rather intrigued by some of the orchids the head gardener mentioned.’

‘You’ll just have to wait and see, Alice,’ Liam replies. ‘Do come with me. It would do you good to get out and about.’

‘Just for an hour then,’ I say, glancing at my watch. ‘I’ve piles of packing to do and I’ve got to practise my putting.’

‘Practise what?’ Liam asks, eyebrows raised.

‘My putting. Eamon and I are going to play golf on our honeymoon.’

Silence. ‘I didn’t know you played golf, Alice,’ Liam says eventually.

‘Well, I don’t really. I mean, I haven’t up until now. A lot of people seem to enjoy it.’

‘Yes, it’s a very nice hobby,’ Liam agrees. ‘I play a bit of it myself.’

‘Do you? Maybe you could join us sometime.’

Liam doesn’t reply.

At the Botanical Gardens we walk around the glasshouses admiring the orchids and the many other exotic plants. The succulent section has really grown since I saw it last. And there’s a new ‘passiflora’ – that is, passion flower, which is a most unusual colour. It’s nice strolling under palm trees and vines.

‘This walk was a good suggestion, Liam,’ I say. ‘Plants are so very uplifting.’

‘Bollocks,’ he replies with uncharacteristic vehemence.

I look at him sharply. ‘So you’ve found you don’t like gardening then. I suppose it’s not to everybody’s taste.’

‘Bollocks.’ This expletive fills the glasshouse, only Liam isn’t saying it. He’s holding my arm. He’s pointing to the top of a palm tree.

‘Look up there, Alice,’ he whispers excitedly. ‘See anything familiar?’

I look. All I see is the tree itself. The trunk, the branches, the huge green leaves. What seems like the beginnings of small fruit. And then – is it? Is that a small blue bird perching on the very top looking coyly down at us? ‘Bollocks!’ he’s screeching, louder than ever.

‘This can’t be true,’ I say. ‘This kind of thing doesn’t happen. Pinch me, Liam. I’m dreaming.’

‘No, you’re not, Alice. It’s true.’

‘Cyril!’ I exclaim, overjoyed. ‘It’s Cyril!’ I’m tugging at Liam’s jumper. ‘Look Liam, look – it’s Cyril.’

‘I know, that’s why I brought you here,’ he smiles.

Cyril is flying around the glasshouse now, showing off a bit. Dipping and diving, soaring and gliding. He recognizes us. I’m sure he does.

‘How did he get here? It seems so – so strange.’

‘Not really when you think about it,’ Liam says. ‘The gardens are only five minutes away from his previous residence, and there are bird feeders all over the place. What’s more, there’s a small aviary beside one of the glasshouses. Cyril probably hoped he’d make new friends.’

‘But – but I thought Tarquin had eaten him,’ I say, dumbfounded.

‘So did I,’ Liam says, grinning. ‘But if you remember, Mrs Peabody only saw the feathers in Tarquin’s mouth. That’s the only evidence she had. Cyril must have escaped somehow. The gardener here said that when he arrived he looked as though he’d lost some feathers. They’ve obviously grown back.’

‘Oh, clever Cyril,’ I call out. ‘Good for you! You’re a hero.’

‘Yes, he’s certainly a clever budgie,’ Liam agrees. ‘He flies into the glasshouse through an air vent. They even leave out seed for him. He’s found one of the few places in Dublin where he can live in freedom. He’s found his version of the Australian outback after all.’

‘Goodness, who would have thought it,’ I say, gazing at Cyril in wonderment.

‘He does fly around outside as well. Some people think he’s a kingfisher when they see that flash of blue in the distance.’

‘Yes, that’s what Annie thought when she saw him,’ I say, leaning against Liam happily. ‘Thank you so much for bringing me here, Liam.’ I give him a grateful kiss on the cheek.

My joy is making me forget for a moment that he and I are just neighbours. Special moments like this demand intimacy – a sense of wonder shared. Liam must be feeling this too because he’s gently wrapping his arms around me. They feel so warm. So comforting. This is nice. I could do with a good hug. We’re pressed so close together. I can feel his breath in my hair. Goodness, I haven’t felt like this in ages. So at ease, so right with someone. I could stay here all day like this. It’s wonderful.

‘Oh, Alice,’ I hear him say, sadly, longingly, as I pull away from him. We’re looking into each other’s eyes. No one has ever looked at me the way Liam is looking at me now. For a moment I am not aware of anything else, just his deep dark, beautiful eyes staring into mine. And what he sees there must say ‘yes’ because he is now leaning towards me. His mouth is hungrily, yearningly, seeking out my own. We are kissing each other. Long, deep, passionate kisses that send tingles through every little bit of me. We’re melting together like pieces of each other’s jigsaw. We fit – we make sense. It’s like…

No. No…what can I be thinking of! I tear myself away from him. I wipe my mouth, desperate to remove his kiss.

‘We can’t do this!’ I say, horrified. ‘We are both nearly married. What about Eamon? What about Elsie?’

‘What about Elsie?’ Liam says, his voice slightly gruff, his eyes glinting with frustration.

‘Oh, for God’s sake don’t be so callous!’ I wail.

‘I’m sorry, Alice. I truthfully don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Liam is now looking at me curiously.

‘Elsie – the woman you’re going to marry!’ I toss the words at him dramatically. ‘And now you’ve been unfaithful to her again!’ Contempt has come into my voice now. How could I have let him seduce me?

‘Alice, I think I’d better explain something,’ Liam says solemnly.

‘Yes, I think you’d better,’ I reply.

‘I’m not going to marry Elsie, we’re just sharing a house. She’s my cousin. I thought you knew that.’

I stare at him. ‘But – but I heard her shouting at you. She was saying you’d been unfaithful…’

‘She’s an actress, Alice. Didn’t I tell you that? She was rehearsing some lines from a play.’

Silence. I can’t believe what I am hearing. So that’s why Elsie was in that film. That’s why she was kissing that man. But somehow I was so sure. So sure that Liam was someone else’s. It seemed inevitable. A man like him just couldn’t be free. And now I find he is. Free as a bird. Free as Cyril. ‘I really wish I’d known that,’ I mumble miserably.

‘Yes, I really wish you’d known it too, Alice,’ he sighs as, calling out ‘goodbye’ to Cyril, we both turn dejectedly homewards.

As we reach my gate Liam says sadly, ‘Well, Alice, we probably won’t be seeing much of each other after this.’

‘S’pose not,’ I mumble miserably.

‘I’ll be moving out of the area soon anyway. I’m only renting the house on Half Moon Lane. When Elsie gets married I think I’ll find somewhere closer to town.’

‘But I thought you liked Monkstown.’

‘I do, very much, but it will remind me of you, Alice.’ He reaches out and touches my cheek tenderly. ‘I’ll still visit Mrs Peabody, of course. I’ve told her about Cyril. She’s delighted.’

As he says this I notice Mrs Peabody herself peeping out at us from her sitting-room window. She’s smiling at me rather knowingly. I frown back at her and she disappears.

‘Oh well, I suppose this is goodbye then,’ I sigh.