Wishful Thinking (13 page)

After lunch Christian’s manager, Tom Powers arrived to talk business and whisked an apologetic Christian off to his study after being introduced to Jess. Jess and Ben settled into a sitting room with a TV the size of a cinema screen to await Christian’s return. They had just decided on a film to watch when Amber sauntered in.

“So, ghost-writer, Jess, how and when exactly did you meet our Christian?” she asked, reclining on a nearby sofa and pulling her legs up underneath the cushions.

Jess explained very briefly how they had met.

Amber nodded thoughtfully. “No time at all, then. Of course we go back absolute centuries – right to the start of Wishful. I suppose he’s told you all about me?”

“Actually no. He’s told me very little,” Jess answered.

“Perhaps that’s because it’s so complicated - as you can imagine after so many years. We’ve often talked about marriage, you know.”

Jess pursed her lips for a brief moment. “I read you were going to marry Adam Ainsworth,” she said as calmly as her tremulous voice would allow.

Amber shrugged her shoulders before fluttering her fingers in a dismissive gesture. “The press will say anything – you should know that.” Amber glanced at her hand for a moment and Jess wondered if she was counting her fake nails or contemplating her future wedding ring. “Your little boy is adorable. Where does Benjamin’s daddy figure in your lives?”

Jess refused to answer, partly because she felt it was none of Amber’s business and partly because she did not want to discuss the subject in front of Ben. She had already seen him roll his eyes and shake his head at the mention of his name. He disliked being called Benjamin and muttered “I’m Ben” under his breath, but she thought Amber had probably not heard him.

Amber gave her a knowing look. “Off limits? Yes, I suppose it can be difficult for some people when strangers start prying into your personal backgrounds, can’t it?”

“The very last thing I would want to do – and I’m sure that goes for Christian as well,” Jess said in a voice shaking with pent-up frustration, “Is cause any personal distress to anyone. The idea behind the autobiography is for Chris to document the history of the band and his involvement in it – not to do some tabloidesque exposé!”

“Oh that’s how
Chris
sees it, is it?” Amber asked, the emphasis on his name sounding derisory. “But he’ll never tell you the full truth about us. Believe me, ghost-writer – if he did, he knows he wouldn’t see you – or your darling little boy - again for dust.” And with those words, Amber rose and left the room, leaving Jess trembling with misery and frustration.

11

Jess sat with Ben throughout the rest of the film, nursing her pain and humiliation. Amber was clearly trying to warn her off and Jess knew she would be a weak match against the formidable star. There was obviously a great deal of shared history between her and Christian and even if Christian thought he had moved on, Amber almost certainly hadn’t. She struck Jess as someone very much used to getting her own way, particularly where Christian was concerned – the very fact that she was here in his house proved that.

As soon as the film ended, Jess urged Ben upstairs so they could put their things together and he could say goodbye to Nurse Jacqui. When everything was ready, Jess carried their bags downstairs and they returned to the TV room while she pondered her next move. A taxi would be phenomenally expensive, but was probably her best option as she had no idea about the buses or trains from this area and guessed that on a bank holiday they would be close to non-existent. Once again she had forgotten to charge her phone to enable her to check, but just walking through the grounds to the main road would take an age!

Amber wandered in looking puzzled. “Are those your bags out there? Are you leaving already?”

“Well yes,” Jess said as calmly as she should. “I have to be up for work in the morning and I need to sort Ben’s things out for his child-minder. I was thinking about calling a taxi. Do you have any numbers?”

“Of taxis?” Amber gave her stunned look. “Why would I? Why don’t I call George for you? If he’s busy, I’ll get Jake to send one of our drivers. I’d suggest waiting for Christian, but he’s likely to be in there for hours with Tom. It’s always the same once they get started.”

“If you think George wouldn’t mind, that would be great.” Jess wondered what it must be like to have drivers on stand-by day and night, just in case you needed them. She thought that as Christian had brought them down here, the least he could do was provide the return transport. But it did seem surly to leave without saying goodbye. She glanced at her watch. “Maybe we should give it another half an hour. Do you know where I can find some paper to leave a note for Christian in case I don’t see him?”

Amber shrugged. “Can’t you just send him a text later?
Okay, okay
. I’ll find you some
paper
.”

Half an hour later Jess and Ben were settling into the back of the Mercedes for the drive home. Amber had hovered around for some time while Jess was writing her note and watched as she and Ben clambered into the car. She offered several times to ensure delivery of the missive to Christian but Jess was reluctant. She felt that leaving it with George would be a more likely way of ensuring its safe receipt. She told Amber she still had something to add in the car and would therefore leave it with the driver.

As the car set off down the drive, Jess let her head fall back and bit her lip hard to prevent the tears which threatened to escape. Half way down the driveway, George slowed to a halt. He was silent for a few moments before turning around to Jess.

“Slight problem. We need to return to the house.”

Jess looked over her shoulder in alarm, but George was already swinging the large car around. Christian stood at the entrance of the house, with his manager, Tom a little way behind him. There was no mistaking the look of anger on Christian’s face as he looked at Jess.

“No,” Jess protested, but she knew she sounded feeble. “I have to work tomorrow and I need to get Ben sorted for the day with his child-minder and… I didn’t know how much longer to wait.”

“Then you should have come in and asked. It was hardly a top secret meeting – I just thought you’d find it too boring and wanted to spare you – even though part of it concerned you. Thanks for letting me know, George.”

Jess looked from Christian to George in puzzlement. George looked slightly embarrassed. “I was just doing my job. I had to let him know – I work for Christian, not Amber. Shall I unpack your things?”

“No, no,” she said, first to George and then to Christian. “I really do have to work tomorrow and I can’t go in wearing these clothes. But I will come in for a few moments to say goodbye properly, as long as you don’t mind if George takes us home afterwards.”

Christian held the door as Jess stepped out, with Ben scrambling out after her. Jess glanced around as they went inside but saw no sign of Amber. Christian led them back into his study and closed the door. Ben immediately spied a swivel chair and, hopping on it, proceeded to spin round and round, despite Jess’s protests.

“He’s fine,” Christian said. “You know I have to return to the States in a couple of days. I wanted to spend those days with you.”

“But I have to go to work,” Jess explained yet again. “I can’t take any time off right now. And Ben’s child-minder is expecting him for the rest of the week.”

“Tom and I are going up to London to put a deal to your boss tomorrow. We’ll ask her to release you immediately so that you can start working on the autobiography with me. As for Ben, let’s ask him. Would you rather spend the rest of your holiday with your child-minder, or here with me and Nurse Jacqui while your mummy works?”

“Here with you,” Ben replied promptly.

“That’s not fair,” Jess protested. “We have to get back into our normal routine. You don’t know what it’s like being a lone parent. It’s taken me ages to build up the support system I have and if I start changing things now and inconveniencing people, I might never get it back. I can’t afford to lose Maeve or I won’t be able to work and then…” tears filled Jess’s eyes. She was trying to make him understand about a world a million times removed from his. How could she possibly expect him to comprehend?

****

The fact was that Christian found it impossible to understand quite what
did
worry Jess. When he received George’s message saying Amber had ordered the car as Jess wanted to go home, he thought at first it was a joke. He then ordered George not to leave and was horrified to see the car departing down the drive when he came out from his study in search of Jess. It seemed George had not seen his first message and acted on Jess’s instructions.

When George returned with them, he could tell at once that something had happened. He didn’t want to suspect Amber but since she had ordered the car, he had no alternative. Amber he would deal with later. His immediate priority was Jess. He could not understand her hurry to leave nor her reasoning.

Of course he knew she was planning to return to work the following day, but one of the things he’d been discussing with Tom was the ghost-writing of the autobiography and negotiating with the publisher for Jess to be released from the office in order to write it. That would allow them to spend all their time together before he left again for the States. He knew Tom would be in favour of the biography idea as it was something he had suggested several times in the past. Tom had been approached by several sources for an exclusive book deal but Christian had always vetoed it in the past. His official argument was that at under thirty, he had not yet travelled half way through his life’s journey and it was therefore far too soon for an autobiography. Privately, he had learned the rules about trust the painful way and there had been no one he trusted enough not to sensationalise some of the more sensitive issues in his life.

Until Jess. There was little doubt in his mind that Jess would work closely and professionally with him, respecting his wishes when it came to certain issues – and he was very much looking forward to the whole process of them getting to know each other better. They were already becoming very close but now, suddenly, she seemed to be pushing him away. It seemed to be about not letting Ben’s child-minder down, which was completely beyond him. The woman would receive her payment for doing nothing – how would that inconvenience her?

Money was something of an issue in Jess’s life, he could tell that and he worried about how to relieve some of that pressure without offending her sensibilities. He could hardly just write her a cheque or hand her a wad of cash as he knew that would offend her. The last thing he wanted was to lose the magic they had just begun to discover over mundane money issues.

When he saw the tears of frustration or anger in her eyes, he was afraid he’d done just that. He had walked into her life and swept all her personal concerns and values out of the way as if they were completely insignificant. He realised he had no right to undermine her with Ben like that and was immediately sorry.

“That was out of order and I apologise. I’m sorry, Ben, I shouldn’t have asked you that without discussing it with your mummy first. She’s right – you need your routine and Nurse Jacqui and I will have to manage without you for a short while.” He looked at Jess hoping for some sign of forgiveness in her face but couldn’t read her expression. “I’ve been selfish and I’m genuinely sorry. If you want to go, I won’t stop you. George is at your disposal.”

Jess looked at him with an expression bordering on despair, which gave him a sinking feeling in his stomach. He began to wonder what else he had said or done wrong and what he needed to do to put things right again.

“Do you mind if I ride with you?” he asked. He caught Tom’s look of surprise and shrugged. “Tom and I could do with a bit of a break and he needs to get something to eat. I don’t want to sit around and watch him raiding the kitchen and dictating to Charles or Veronica how ham and eggs should be cooked – believe me, that’s not a pretty sight.”

He took Jess’s smile as an assent and walked back to the front of the house with her, turning to mouth to Tom to talk to - and preferably get rid of - Amber in his absence.

****

The bright, cloudless afternoon began to give way to a crisp evening chill and frost already glistened on the drive under the car’s headlights as it pulled away from the lovely house and traversed the elegant driveway for the second time in an hour.

“I still can’t believe you would just leave like that,” Christian whispered, careful not to alarm Ben with his tone.

“I thought it for the best,” Jess said. “Our lives are very different and we both need to be able to respect each other’s commitments.”