Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character) (29 page)

Tye took
Pongo’s reins and felt the sudden hush of the crowd. Her heart pounded in
her chest. With a practiced hop, her left foot found the stirrup. She swung her
right leg over Pongo’s hindquarters, then reached down to pick up the
stirrup for her foot.

Sitting
straight in the saddle, Tye waved to her friends, family and fans. She urged
Pongo into a canter. She had participated in more rodeos than she could count
in this very same arena but never had she heard such an outbreak of cheering
and shouting as she did now as she circled the arena.

Tye rode
through the gate, ducking her head to wipe her arm across her eyes, thankful
for the support and generosity of everyone who had believed in her and shown up
today. It would have been perfect, if Jake were here.

#

The
arena was empty, the crowds long dispersed with dusk well on its way. Only a
few cowboys hung out by the bullpens, waiting to corral the last bull back into
the holding area.

Tye
stared at the bull, a dirty white Brahma with flecks of gray across his hide,
and horns that curved wickedly across the top of a broad, flat head.

"Tye,
are you sure this is what you want?" Mama asked as she came to stand
beside the stock pen which held the bull.

From her
perch on the rail, Tye pulled on her leather gloves, then pulled them off
again, fiddling with the fingers. She stared out over the empty arena, her
mouth set in a straight line.

"I
have to. If I never get on a bull again after today, that's okay, but I have to
do this. Tall Chief here is new to the rodeo circuit. What better bull to
use?"

Her mama
sighed. "I recognize that determined tilt of your head, Tye. I know you want
to prove something to yourself, and I can't fault you for that, but this bull
has a mean streak a mile wide."

"It's
only a six-second ride, Mama," Tye said confidently. The words echoed
around inside her head. How many times had she said the same thing to her Mama
over the years? Tye shook her head to clear it. She wondered if Mama recognized
her fidgeting for what it was. Despite her brave words, Tye recalled all too
clearly the nightmare of her last six-second ride. She still didn't know if she
could go through with this.

"I
know better than to argue with you, Tye. Since you've been little, once you
make up your mind there's no swaying you."

"It's
a sorry fact, but it is a fact, Mama." Still, Tye made no move to climb
over the chute where the bull moved restlessly. He hadn't been still since some
of the boys had herded him in there.

Tye felt
full of doubt, but one thing was clear; she knew she had to try and ride. She
also knew she had a decision to make concerning Jake. The way she had left was
wrong, but the panic that had ripped through her had been real and
inflammatory. She wasn’t that mixed up seventeen-year old anymore. She
was a woman, and she had to face up to her life, not run from it. When had she
begun living her life in fear? She was no coward.

Since
the day she had ridden away from Jake’s ranch, she carried a constant
ache inside, a deep down hurt that wouldn't turn her loose. She missed
Jake...missed their times together. A part of her felt incomplete.

"Do
you regret leaving?" Mama asked, as if she had read her thoughts.

Tye
narrowed her eyes and twisted around to stare at her mama's placid face.
"Regret it?"

Mama
straightened her lips and put her hands on her hips. "If loving that man
puts that look of misery on your face then you're better off without him
―"

"Jake
is a good man," Tye told her quickly.

"―
especially if he's mistreated you."

Tye
ducked her head, staring at the reddish brown dirt below her. "Jake
wouldn't harm me. If anything, he cares about me too much. Maybe more than he
knows," she added.

"I’ve
never heard of a man loving a woman too much."

Tye
hunched her shoulders. "I've never felt like this. I’ve always loved
Jake, but it seems so much worse now. I’ve lived with the loss for ten
years, with time the ache got bearable. But now..." Tye shook her head.
"It's like I'm incomplete without Jake in my life. It's worse than after
the accident when everything felt like it was in the can. All I could see was a
long, dark tunnel with no light in front of me."

"Maybe
Jake's more vital to you than anything you've ever experienced."

"I
walked away from him a second time, Mama. Jake thought I took off all those
years ago because I didn’t love him. He didn’t understand it was
the only thing I could do."

"Sometimes,
you have to give yourself leeway to change your mind, Tye. Life isn't black and
white, right or wrong. If Jake’s half the man I think he is, he’ll
want you back, and he’ll understand."

"I
guess I keep hoping that, Mama. It's all I've thought about since I've been
home. I miss Jake, the times we had, his consideration. He's a good man,"
she finished quietly. Saying the words made her realize how very true they
were. Her love for Jake filled her totally, soothing that emptiness gnawing at
her.

"Well,
it's your life, Tye. You know I'd never interfere," Mama said placidly.

Tye gave
her mother a slow grin, the first real one in days. "At least, not so I'd
know it."

"I've
never meddled in your life or your brother's." Without missing a beat, her
mama tossed back her hair and went on, "Now are you sure you have to ride
this devil?"

"Yes."

"No
one will think less of you if you don't."

"I'll
know."

"If
you're determined then do it while I'm here. Your father’s watching from
the stock pen over there. I wasn't with you the last time, the least I can do
is be here now."

Tye
looked warily at her mama, seeing the worry in Mama's dark blue eyes. She
climbed down from the fence and stood beside her mother.

"I
need to do this, Mama. It's as simple as that."

Mama put
her arm around Tye and squeezed her shoulders. "Then you do what you have
to do."

Tye
exhaled slowly. "I love you, Mama."

"I
know, sweetheart."

"I
haven't always made the right decisions. I have a knack for making a mess of
things ―"

"You've
grown up, Tye, you're learning from your mistakes, that's what's important.
You're smart, I raised you smart. You'll make the right choice."

Tye felt
moisture on her lids, and quickly swiped a hand across her eyes.

"Jake's
a good man. A blind man could see he loves you."

"He
wants to take care of me," Tye blurted, snapping her gloves against a jean
clad leg. "I don't need anyone doing that."

"A
man looking out for you." Mama shook her head. "I know what you mean,
Tye. I'd leave too if I had someone caring about me."

Tye let
out an exasperated breath. "He's followed my rodeoing, the man's got more
articles than I do."

"He's
spent a lot of time thinking about you, he's been devoting time to you. He's
used to taking care of the females in his life. He seems very straightforward
and that's a good trait, but then, I don't know Jake very well."

"Mama!"
Tye said in exasperation, "you sound like you're endorsing him."

Her
mother laughed. "And you sound like you're trying to hang a man whose only
crime I can see is loving you. Is that the part that scares you, Tye? A man
that really cares about you? A man you can grow some roots with?"

Tye
scuffed the toes of her boots on the dusty ground. "I haven’t been
asked yet, but, yeah, it scares me," she whispered, daring to admit it out
loud. She felt a sniffle coming over her and she cleared her throat instead.

"Love
can be wonderful," Mama said very gently. "Didn’t I ever teach
you that?"

Tye
threw her head up in disbelief. "How can you say that ― you loved
Daddy, and he hurt you."

"We
had lots of good times, too. Jake isn't like your Daddy, Tye."

"Jake
would never hurt me the way Daddy hurt you." In the silence Tye heard the
restless movement of the bull in the chute, and concentrated hard on those
sounds. Feet stomping dry dirt, tail swishing at flies, the brush of hide
against the metal bars...

Tye
stuffed her hands in her front jean pockets.

"Your
father is a good man, but he has his weaknesses. There were women, I won't deny
it. I ran him off and he went back to rodeoing full time."

"If
he loved you ― Ben and me, he would have stayed."

"Tye,
don't ever think your Daddy didn't love us. He had a big heart." Her
mother sighed with memory, but it wasn't a sad sound. "I made my own share
of mistakes. It’s not good when you let anger speak for you."

Tye
clenched her fists. "Sometimes I hate him ―"

"No,
you don't, Tye," Mama said softly, laying a hand on her arm. "You
love your Daddy, and that's the way it should be. We all have to make peace
with the past. I've watched you rush down some frightening roads and I've ached
for you. I'd hoped you'd pick up a normal life, a life you could be happy
with."

"One
that doesn't include rodeo."

"There's
nothing wrong with rodeo but you need something more."

"In
the hospital after the amputation ― I'll never forgive myself for what I
said to you," she whispered. Tye stepped in close to her mama and put her
arms around her again.

"Even
the strongest know fear, Tye, and that was a most fearful time. You're my
daughter, I'll always love you, no matter what." Her mama hugged her back
and Tye closed her eyes, realizing how good it felt to wind her arms about
mama's slim frame. She felt as if she'd missed this, all these months. It was
her own fault for staying away, her own self-imposed punishment.

Mama
stepped back and laughed, the sound a bit shaky. "Well, now, are you going
to ride this bull or should I have tell these boys to turn him loose?"

She let
her gaze meet her mama's. "I'm going to ride him, and then I'm going to
get on with my life. Maybe I’ve finally got my priorities straight."
Tye drew a deep breath, then gave her mother a smile as big as the outdoors.
"I'm going to find Jake ― see if he'll take me back."

Her mama
nodded and stepped back. If she was afraid she hid it well. "Give him
hell, Tye," she said softly.

Tye
climbed up onto the gate holding the bull. She climbed using her good leg. She
swung her prosthesis over the top bar, then her other leg. She stood looking
down at the bull, her hands gripping the rail tightly.

Tye felt
as if she were moving in slow motion. She could feel the beat of her heart,
hard and heavy in her chest, hear the breath as it left her lungs. It felt like
so many times before, the thoughts wild and crazy in her head. This time,
though, her hands were clammy, or had they always been clammy before a ride?

She
pulled on her gloves, awkwardly climbed down on the bull, felt him shift under
her, move uneasily. Quickly, she put rosin on her glove, wound the rope and
gave the signal to open the gate. Someone responded, because the gate swung out
and her breath left her dry mouth. The bull leapt forward, the motion jerking
and yet familiar.

Tye rode
him, spurred him, and they twisted and turned. She heard the distant shouting
of the cowboys who had appeared from nowhere, then the clamor of an old steel
bell. The sound didn’t make sense, until she realized the ride was over.

Tye
threw her leg over the bull’s side and let go of the rope. She jumped to
the ground and landed on her feet. Both feet. She stood still and breathed, all
in one piece, her chest heaving, heart easing down past her throat now that it
was over. She had done it. The bull kicked up his heels and was herded out
another gate.

Time
righted itself as Tye stood in the dirt on two legs. She felt dazed, relieved,
scared and satisfied. She pivoted on her heel. Only then did Tye see Jake
standing there beside her Mama and Daddy.

Jake
looked like hell. He looked like he had been rode hard and put away wet...and
he looked wonderful to Tye. In his hands he clutched a spray of white
carnations. The flowers looked as worn as Jake, the stems bent and limp.

"You
did it, Tye, girl," Daddy said, nodding his head solemnly. "I’m
proud of you. You’ve got guts."

Tye
heard her Daddy’s comments, but she kept her eyes on Jake, hardly aware
of the others moving away.

"I
did it," Tye said softly, walking towards Jake, her eyes only on him.
"I did it, Jake."

Stunned,
Tye watched Jake turn on his heel and walk away.

"Jake!"
She called, "Jake!" He kept walking. The flowers he had carried lay
in the dirt where he’d dropped them. Panic gripped Tye. Had Jake finally
given up on her? No, Jake, no, but the words didn’t come.

#

Tye
floored the gas pedal. She’d probably get a ticket. She ducked her head
as her vehicle hit a pothole. Quickly, she yanked her seatbelt out and hooked
it. Why had Jake left like that without a word? Tye tried to still the real
fear burgeoning in her chest. Maybe she had blown it so bad this time
she’d never get Jake back. He had to know he loved her! He had to. How
could she live if they parted again? The last few weeks had been terrible hell.
Surely he knew they needed each other? She had never stopped loving him. Tye
bit her lips and drove too fast around a corner. She pulled the wheel around
quickly, almost losing control.

"Calm
down. You’ll kill yourself before you can tell him you love him."
What if he didn’t love her? What then? Tye tossed her head and peered
through the dusty windshield. She’d tell him anyway that she loved him.
If he trampled her pride, so be it. But she bit her lips and prayed it
wasn’t too late.

Tye
pulled into the driveway of Jake’s ranch. She roared up the drive, a
cloud of dust billowing out behind her. She jerked the vehicle to a halt and
jumped out, not even bothering to close her door. She didn’t see
Jake’s truck. Tye ran around the house, ignoring the dart of pain in her
right leg.