Wishing on the Water (Water Series Book 1) (9 page)

I thought about Jax and wondered what he was doing. The phrase
girlfriend
had been swarming my thoughts all day. I wasn’t sure what it was that didn’t sit right with me, but he was no longer mine to hold. I had made a huge mistake the last time I saw him.

He had always had a place in my heart, but making love to him was a mistake. I had hurt him by calling out Chase’s name. That night he told me he knew it was an honest mistake, but he went and slept in his bed without me.

I had left a note on the bed, stored my luggage in his closet, and snuck out of the second story window. I got an earlier flight and was half way to California before he woke up to take me to the airport. When I landed in Los Angeles, I checked my messages to see he had called me over a hundred times. I thanked him for being a friend by changing my number and never returning his call.

“
Hey, Darling,” Andrew stated, as he pulled me from my thoughts. “Would you like to grab dinner with me tonight?”

I nodded my approval and we headed out to eat before going home for the night.

Dinner had been a delight. We laughed and joked and had the most amazing Japanese food at the place called N/Naka. Andrew had taken me there because they had been rated number one in Los Angeles and it allowed me to pop my cherry on Japanese food.

“
Candice, we need to talk,” Andrew stated as we walked out of the restaurant.

“
I detest when people say that,” I muttered and then put my hand over my mouth at the realization I had said it out loud. I pulled my hand down and flushed with embarrassment; word vomit typically had that effect. “I am so sorry, Andrew. What is it we need to talk about?”

“
You have been picked to go with me to our corporate retreat next week.”

I was elated I had not been there that long, but I had worked my butt off to get recognized for the work I did. It seemed that someone out there in the world had taken notice.

“
What all do we have to do?” I asked.

“
We will take the rest of the week getting our charts made to show how our products are improving over the rest. Then we fly to New York and present them to the people who give us paychecks.”

Andrew unlocked my car door and held it open for me as the realization of returning to New York sank in. After we were both in the car, I couldn’t think of a single thing to say other than no, I wasn’t ready to go back there.

“
Andrew, can’t Emily go in my place?” I whispered as he finally pulled up at my house.

“
Candice, tell me what the problem is and maybe I can help.”

I took a deep breath and thought about it. I could tell him everything about Jax and my dad, but were they a valid reason not to go for work? I waved at him to come inside and we headed into my house. Within minutes of walking in the house, Andrew was brewing coffee and I went to get into my pajamas to relax from work.

I dressed in fuzzy pink plaid pajama pants and a white tank top and piled my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. I resurfaced into the living room where Andrew was waiting with a hot decaf coffee for me. He sat on the couch and I sat down beside him.

“
I left a mess behind back in New York,” I spoke softly and then blew on my coffee. I saw that I had Andrews’s undivided attention and decided to let him in. “Remember earlier when you asked about Jax? My fiancé had died, after knocking up what used to be one of my best friends. Then I took an opening and slept with my dead fiancé’s partner, Jax then I left a note, snuck out of his window, and changed my phone number.”

“
Is that all?” Andrew asked, and I felt relief that there was not any judgment on his end for my choices.

“
My dad is there too, but I have barely spoken to him since my mom died,” I whispered and then sipped my coffee. “I love my dad, and want to see him, but the rift between us is deeper than the ocean.”

“
Candice,” Andrew spoke as he took my hand in his. “There are almost nine million people in the Big Apple. What makes you think that you would see any of those people? You will be working the whole time and will barely leave the hotel. I think you are making this too big of a deal. Ask yourself: is it that you are afraid to run into these people, or do you want to run into them, but are afraid of what you will find?”

I would take the time to think about it, but asking me a question like that while holding my hand made me think that since I was being honest about it now, that there was no way to even fake being sick to get out of this one.

My stomach turned and I breathed through the nausea. Going back to a place I could no longer call home was inevitable. Maybe it was time I took Jax’s advice about ripping it off like a band-aid, and just went.

I leaned over and curled into Andrew and he wrapped his arms around me.

“
You know Candice, not many bosses are this nice.”

I looked up at Andrew, who had a huge grin on his face.

“
What is it you want?” I asked as I snuggled back against him, “and how much will it cost me?”

“
When we go to New York, I would like you to accompany me as my date to dinner at The View,” Andrew whispered as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. I shifted my body without a word spoken and laid my head in his lap. I looked up into his green eyes that danced in the light. His eyes were not like Chase’s; his spoke about his character. Andrew’s eyes were not like Jaxson’s; his spoke about comfort and warmth. Andrews green eyes merely showed kindness when he looked at me.

“
Are you sure you’re not gay?” I asked with a smirk.

“
I think I would know,” Andrew replied as he sipped his coffee above me. “Why would you ask?”

“
I was thinking how great my life would be if I had a gay best friend. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about when my robe flies open. I could just walk around naked.”

Andrew nearly spit his coffee out with laughter.

“
That is the highlight of my mornings, you can’t take that away,” Andrew stated with a puckered lip and sad puppy eyes. He looked pitiful.

“
You keep cooking for me like you do and there will be a whole lot of woman to see,” I replied with a smile.

“
Tis my job to serve you, M’lady,” Andrew stated as he bowed his head.

“
You’re insufferable,” I stated with a giggle.

“
You love me,” Andrew replied and smiled down at me. This was nice. This was what I used to have with Chase before he passed away.

Andrew and I finished our coffee with laughter and stories on why the west coast is better than the east. Andrew left a short time later, and I pulled out my laptop. I booted it up and looked up Facebook. I had removed my account when I changed my number and even changed my email too.

I essentially cut all of New York out of my life. I started a new account with a photo of another girl I stole off Google, and then proceeded to look for Jax and Christina’s page.

I found Christina’s first. It showed her hugging her ready to pop pregnant belly standing next to Chase’s mom. Time said she had had the baby, but I was grateful I didn’t have to see the evidence of what her and Chase had done. I wanted to punch the screen. I think it was safe to say my bitterness did not dissipate with distance or time.

Then I found Jax. He had a photo of him in his uniform with a blond on his arm. Jax didn’t like blonds; as long as I had known him, he had been partial to brunettes. She was in three more pictures hanging on him. There was one photo where she was pulling his St. Michael necklace to kiss him.

I balled my fist with a new rush of anger. I had given him that necklace when Chase had died. Michael was the patron saint for police officers; I made him wear it to stay safe. There she was using it to stick her tongue down his throat.
No telling where that tongue had been
.

I slammed the lid on my laptop and went to bed. I tossed and turned thinking about what Jax would be doing right now. I groaned when my brain responded with ‘you know he is doing her.’ I don’t know why I was so angry, it is not like Jax was mine. I belonged to Chase.

At that moment it sunk in that I belonged to no one. Chase would always have a piece of my heart, but I had nothing. If I wanted to die a shriveled up old woman all alone then I was on the right path, but I still wanted kids and I wanted to be able to share my life with someone.

I glanced at the clock, 2am and still I could not sleep. I had vivid images of Chase, Jax, Christina, and the unnamed blond Barbie with big boobs and a flat stomach rolling through my head. I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my phone and called my voice mail.

Inside the menu, it allows me to put in a number and leave a message where I don’t have to call and wake anyone up. The first person I left a voice mail for was Andrew and I told him I would go to New York, but wanted a day off to clear my head prior to going.

The second voice mail I left was for Jax. I sat in silence when the beep came. My anger spurred onward, but my head said I was being jealous and it would pass. As I sat in silence on the line, the seconds ticked onward. I thought about all the things I could say. Then I said the only thing that came to mind.

“
I don’t know why I called. I’m sorry.”

Then I hung up the phone. He had obviously moved on with his life, and I was still holding on to a dead man. It had been months since I laid Chase in the ground, but I had picked myself up and dusted myself off since then. I had made something of myself despite the constant feeling that I was disappointing Chase. I could look past the cheating part because we had twenty years of memories that said that he was a great man, even if he had hurt me.

I grabbed my phone and placed a third voice mail. I called Chase’s mom, Michelle.

“
Hi Michelle, it’s me. I know you are probably angry that I bailed and left you to grieve alone. I thought I owed you an explanation as to why I left. So here it is. I am a heartbroken coward who can’t help anyone else if I can’t help myself. I have thought about you every day. I wonder how you’re doing all the time. I hope the baby helps fill the gap in your heart that Chase’s death left in everyone. Most of all I hope you find peace with this. You will always be my second mom, even if I am no longer your daughter. I love you.”

I hung up as a tear shed from my eye. I should call my dad and let him know I would be in New York. We didn’t really speak, but Chase’s letter asked that I give him a chance and I was going to honor Chase’s last words. I closed my phone again. I would call him closer to the trip.

I finally got up and decided to start pulling up the percentages for the charts, since my brain was not going to let me sleep anyway. I began the research needed for each talking points Andrew had mentioned. It would be easier if I had a list of everything, but this was a starting point and I had nothing else to do.

Hours flew by and soon my phone was ringing to tell me Andrew was on his way. I put my laptop down beside my phone on the coffee table and ran to jump in the shower.

Within twenty minutes Andrew was looking over the work I had done, while we ate croissants that had bacon, egg, and cheese inside of them.

“
These are great,” Andrew stated with a smile. “When did you sleep last night?”

“
I didn’t, my body refused to let me,” I responded.

“
Take the day off and get some rest, you have done more than enough work for the day. I will email you a list of everything else we need in case your insomnia lasts more than a day.”

Just like that he was gone with Emily and Brent on their carpool to work. I walked into the beige bathroom and ran a hot bubble bath in the large garden tub. The bathroom was the entire reason I decided this house would be alright for me.