Within (15 page)

“Aunt Courtney,” she grunted, “You have to let me go.”

“No Krys!” I yelled. “Tony, pull me up!”

The glass from the broken window dug into my stomach deep with every tug. “Aww!” I screamed out in pain.

“I can’t live like this anymore, Auntie, she’s going to come back,” she shouted towards me.

“There’s medication; you’ll be okay, you’ve got to trust me,” I cried.

Krystle looked down at the ground eight stories beneath her then back at me tears flowing from her eyes. Her alarm still played “Up Against The Wind” loudly while I attempted to swing her back into the window, as Tony and Brandon still tried to pull us up.

“
Day after the day seems like I push against the clouds, they just keep blocking out the sun. It seems since I was born I’ve waking every blessed morning, down on my luck and up against the wind.
”

“Pull me the fuck up!” I yelled to Tony and Brandon.

“We’re trying!” Tony yelled back, grunting.

“Krystle honey, we have a nice facility we’re going to send you to when we get you back in here,” I said, speaking to her calmly.

“Any place is better than here,” she smiled.

Right before me, I watched as Krystle take her right arm out of her hospital gown.

The pain I felt from the glass was excruciating, but not as bad as it was, watching my daughter give up on life the way she was. She looked down again; then back up at me, smiling, crying, and dangling at the same time.

“It’ll be okay, Momma,” was the last thing she said to me, before taking her other arm out of the gown.

“Krystle no!” I hollered as she fell backwards. I closed my eyes and clutched her hospital gown as I heard the thump of her body hit the pavement.

They pulled me up and saw that I had nothing but the light green and white hospital gown in my arms.

“Krystle,” Tony whispered, running to the door unlocking it, making his way through the crowd of nurses and doctors that formed outside the room door.

“I’m truly sorry,” Brandon said, walking up to me kneeling down to my side.

“Oh Brandon,” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck as he scooped me up, placing me into the bed my child occupied just a few minutes ago.

The doctors and nurses that were standing outside began to come into the room, surrounding me, using code words and phrases I didn’t understand.

“Are you hurting anywhere? Did you see what happened? Can you feel this?”

The questions came one after the other, as they assisted me and tended to my wounds.

“Damn,” I heard Brandon say over the noise in the room. “I guess God don’t like ugly.”

He walked from the window back towards the bed I was laying in. I assumed that maybe he thought I couldn't hear him, because of everything that was going on, but he was clear as day; one might even say crystal clear.     

“You okay?” he asked with a smile.

“Sir, we’re going to need you to step back some please,” one nurse said to him.

“No, he’s fine, ma’am,” I said, speaking over everyone talking. “You know not only doesn't he like ugly, I heard he wasn’t too fond of pretty either,” I said rolling my eyes at Brandon then closing them.

***************************

I stood beside Tony as they lowered Krystle in the shallow ground, while everyone else that came to mourn with us left to go to the repast. I stood there wearing dark sunshades, a black trillium Panama hat and a white dress, thinking about what I could have done differently.

“I can’t do this,” Tony whispered, turning his back to me, walking away to the awaiting limo.

When he got out of my eyesight, I turned around to the grave digger and whispered, “Stop.”

“Excuse me ma’am?” said the one operating the machine.

“Pull her back up.”

He looked at the other two guys with a confused look on his face, and then back at me.

“Is there a problem to what I just asked?”

“No ma’am, it’s just that—”

“It’s just that what? Bring her back up!” I demanded.

Without any further debate, they did what I asked. “Open it,” I said lowly.

Again, they followed my instructions and opened the casket. I gazed upon her empty shell, taking everything in for a moment.

“Leave me alone for a moment.”

“Ma’am…” one of them said.

“Please,” I asked, stopping him, before he could get out one sentence.

They walked away as I walked closer to the soft yellow casket. “My baby,” I said, brushing her bangs to the side, letting the tears flow.

I stood there for another moment or two, staring at her, wishing she were still here with me. The wind blew and I looked up towards the blue sky, watching the gray clouds start to form across it.

“Auntie,” I heard Krystle’s voice whisper as loud as she would normally do. I looked back down at her sleeping peacefully, and stared.

“Krystle?” I asked, rubbing her cold, sealed lips.

The wind blew again, almost taking my hat and once more, I heard Krystle speak.

“Auntie?”

Had I gone crazy
?

“Get him,” Krystle said, now sitting up in the casket with her head towards me, eyes closed, and mouth moving. I jumped back, blinked twice then looked again, only to realize she was still lying in state.

“Sirs!” I yelled across the gravesite.

“Yes ma’am?” one answered, trotting across the green grass.

“You can close it now.”

The others joined him as they all recited Psalms 23 and I walked to Tony and the limo driver, waiting down the street.

“You okay?” Tony asked, as I sat down next to him removing my hat.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sir, we can go.”

We rode silently until the limo pulled up to the reception hall on Dairy Ashford, where the repast dinner was being held.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, patting my shoulder.

“I'm fine,” I said, giving him a slight smile.

“You sure?”

“I’m not in the mood for mingling right now. I kinda just wanna go home and lie down, to be honest with you.”

“I understand; you want me to take you home?”

“Naw, I’d rather be alone,” I said, laying my head back on the headrest.

“Okay sis, you go on and go home; if I can't find a ride, I’ll call an Uber or something. I love you,” he said, kissing my cheek and getting out.

“Thank you for everything today,” I said to the limo driver as I got out.

“Ma’am?” he called out from the window.

“Yes?” I answered, adjusting my hat.

“If you like, I could take you home, so your brother won't have to find a ride home.”

“To be honest with you, sir, I lied to my brother. I wanted to make a stop before actually going home.”

“I can take you anywhere you would like to go and drop you there.”

“Okay, give me a second,” I said to the limo driver. I opened my purse grabbed my cell phone and dialed Tony’s number.

He answered on the second ring, while I told him my plans. He agreed and told me that he would be out shortly. I sat in the limo waiting on Tony to come out, which he did, five minutes later.

“I want you to relax and get some rest please, Courtney,” he said.

“Tony, I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

I looked down, going over my thoughts about what happened at the gravesite. I wanted to tell him, because I didn't want to hold any secrets from him, but I couldn’t tell him because I was afraid of his judgement.

“Well?” he asked, leaning his face into the limo.

“Nothing,” I said, snapping out of my thoughts. “Here’s the key to my car, it’s parked over there near the back of the building.

“Okay, thanks Courtney,” he said, turning around walking away.

“Where to Ms. Courtney?” the limo driver asked.

“Just drive north; I’ll let you know where to go.”

I guided him through the streets of Houston until we reached my destination.

“I can actually wait for you if you’d like.”

I glanced at the house and then at the driver, looking at me through the rear view mirror.

“You know what, that would actually be better.”

“Are you okay, Ms. Courtney? Your voice sounds a bit raspy.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” I said, clearing my throat and getting out the car.

I got out the limo and began to walk towards the house very seductively. I didn’t even get a chance to knock or reach the front steps good before the door swung open.

“Courtney…”

“Brandon… Hello. There are some things I need to discuss with you.”

“What are you doing here and with a limo?”

“Oh, my daughter’s funeral was today; just came from the services.”

“So how does that equal to you being here?” he asked, seeming impatient, which was irking my nerves. That in turn, led me to believe what I was about to do, was nothing but right.

“Well, to show you how sorry I am about Bishop and Krystle, Tony and I thought that it was only fair to give you a portion of what we are receiving from her insurance.”

“Oh that’s cool,” he now grinned. “Well, come in from this weather; you sound like you’re getting sick or something; voice all raspy.”

My talk with Brandon took a while I suppose. I honestly don’t remember coming home. My head was spinning as I lay down in Krystle's bed.

“Courtney?” Tony said, knocking on the door.

“Yeah come in,” I said, propping my head up on my hand, looking at the door.

“You alright? I brought you some tea. You didn’t sound good when you got home yesterday.”

“What did I sound like?” I asked, sitting up a bit.

“I don’t know, weird; anyways I can’t be in this room like you can. I think about her often. I even had a dream about her last night. I’m headed to work to get my mind off of things, what about you?”

I took a sip from the mug, and then held it, “Naw, I think I’m just going to clean up some of Krystle’s things today.”

“Okay. Make sure you take a shower you still have on the trench coat you stumbled in the house with last night,” he laughed. “Where the hell did you get a trench coat from anyways?”

I pulled the blanket off a little, and then put it back on.

“You know what, I don’t even want to know,” he smiled. “Get better.”

“Okay,” I responded.

I waited until I heard him lock the front door, and was gone for about five minutes, before I ran to the bathroom and shut the door in a panic.

“Trench coat? Where the hell did I get this coat? Remember Courtney remember,” I said aloud to myself. “Pockets… this coat has pockets; something's gotta be in here about whose coat this is.”

I dug into the pocket and pulled out two folded up pieces of paper and a wallet. When I opened the wallet and saw Brandon’s name on the driver’s license, I remembered I went to see him.

“He must have given me this coat; I’ll go return it to him later,” I said aloud, talking to myself once more.

I placed the wallet and the folded pieces of paper on the counter and began to unbutton the coat Brandon let me borrow.

“Damn I’m mad I slept in this good white dress,” I said, taking off the coat.

I let it drop down to the floor as I caught a glimpse at my reflection in the mirror. Forget about sleeping in the dress, the whole thing was ruined. Blood was everywhere. I took off the white dress, pissed because I know I normally time my cycles and this was much too early, but I paid it no mind. I took off the dress, turned on the water to the shower, and then sat down on the toilet. I closed my eyes for a second, when all of a sudden, my mind just began to race.

“
So what are you saying, Doctor?”
I remembered asking.

“There are certain things that can trigger one's illness. A major life event caused by death, a birth, or something as minor as a chair being moved from one corner to the next.”

I snapped out of my thoughts and shook my head at what I remembered, took some toilet paper and wiped myself, and then looked at it.

“Nothing? How is that possible? Its blood everywhere,” I whispered to myself.

I got into the shower, closed my eyes and ran my face under the water. I reached for the soap, rubbed my hands together, and then rubbed the soapy bubble lather across my face. Things weren't adding up and I knew I was smart enough to put two and two together.
I’m never this forgetful.
I heard the house phone ring continuously over the shower; it had to be an emergency. I hurried and finished bathing, turned off the water, wrapped a towel around me; then walked downstairs into the kitchen to answer the phone.

“Hello?”

“Courtney, have you watched the news today?” Tony asked

“No, not today why?” I responded.