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Authors: Rachel Rae

BOOK: Within
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“What the hell are you talking about? I never wanted that to happen and you know that!”

“You pushed the fuckin’ subject! If you wanted her back, you should have said something a long time ago!”

“Do you hear yourself, Tony? If I wanted her back… Boy if I knew I could have this career and her back; then I would have kept my own damn child!”

“To hell with that stupid excuse
I had a career,
you had a child!”

“Damn right I did!” I said, pointing at myself, “But you remember this, your wife couldn't have any and I gave you that gift! I gave you Krystle!”

“You gave me a headache! When Krystle started acting this way, my wife had been looking for a way out! You brought all this bullshit up front and center… You're the reason she left me!”

“Bullshit Tony!”

“Like always, you don't want to take responsibility for nothing! You came to my house damn near every day, confusing Krystle, poking and prodding at her! Did you not think she was going to ask questions?”

“You gotta be kidding me!” I yelled, beginning to pace back and forth by the elevator. “I was over there every day to help! Oh how often we forget about whom in the hell made that poor girl have an abortion!”

“I'd gladly do it over again,” Tony growled lowly.

I was disgusted at the way my brother’s thought process was going. How could he blame everything on me, but his bullshit be justified? I pushed the down button to the elevator, with him standing behind me.

“After we get to your home, I'm packing up and I'm going back to my house.”

“Courtney, look... I'm sorry.”

“There's no need to apologize; you said how you felt. I'm good.”

The elevator doors open and we got in quietly, heading down to the first floor.

“Do you think I would purposely try to hurt Krystle? You know me, I wouldn't hurt my child.”

The doors opened and we both stepped out, spotting Krystle across the room by the entry doors. When she finally noticed us, she walked out of the building towards where we parked.

“Listen to me, Courtney,” Tony says, grabbing my arm, “Have you ever seen Bishop? I mean ever?”

“From a distance, Tony, why?” I asked, stopping.

He let go of my arm and looked off, taking a deep breath before speaking, shaking his head with his hands on his sides. “The decision for me to make Krystle have an abortion, wasn't a hard decision to make.”

“I get it Tony, okay! Now let's go; I'm not trying to cause a scene here.”

“She told Bishop's dad before she told me or her mother. His father, Krystle and Bishop came to the house to see what we can do as far as the baby went.”

“And?” I asked impatiently.

“Bishop looked just like his father,” he mumbled with his head down.

“Great Tony,” I said dismissively, walking away from him.

“His father's name is Brandon, Courtney,” he yelled after me, still standing in the middle of the room. I stopped at the door, turned around and looked at him.

“What now?” I asked, walking back to him.

He repeated what he said, but now in a lower tone.

“There are hundreds of Brandon's in Houston.”

“When they came to my house and we saw each other, we knew then we had to do something to stop it.”

“So what you're telling me is that she was dating her half-brother and got pregnant from him? Is that what you're telling me, Tony?”

He nodded his head yes and I shook my head in disbelief. “Why didn't you tell me this?”

Before he could answer, Krystle walked back into the building with her arms folded across her chest. “I'm hot and ready to go.”

“Krys, we're coming, go get in the car,” I said, glancing over my shoulder.

“I would, but y'all have the keys!” she shouted, sucking her teeth.

Tony dug into his right pocket, pulling out his keys, throwing them into Krystle’s awaiting hands.

“Don't sit in the driver's seat either,” he said, as she walked away, back out the building towards the car.

“So you just let her believe you hated her and were a mean father?”

“I had to, I didn't want to hurt her no more than what she was already going through.”

“But…” I began. “I can't believe this shit.”

“We tried to separate them, but it was hard since they had already started living together. Finally, Brandon told Bishop the truth. We thought it would go away, but Krystle was heartbroken; that's when I started hearing more about these girls, Akira and FiFi.”

“This is all too much, Tony, remember? She said she and Bishop was becoming distant, because he was cheating on her with them?”

“Yeah,” he said, looking off briefly, then back at me. “For two months, I thought everything was okay, until that one night she said she was going to meet with Bishop to talk. I was afraid he was going to tell her. Then I thought about it and if she found out that way... it was okay, because it didn't come from me.” 

I walked up to my brother, grabbed hold of him, and squeezed him as tight as I could.

“I always wonder if maybe I’d stopped her that night Brandon would still have his son,” he said, weeping on my shoulder.

“You're her father, what do you want to tell her?” I asked, breaking our hug, rubbing his back.

“She has to know; I just hope she forgives me.”

I dreaded the ride home and I did not want to tell Krystle the truth.
What good would any of it do to tell her this, all at once
? We rode home silently; after everything that my brother finally admitted to me, I was up in the air about my emotions.
What I should tell Krystle
? Either way it went, the truth had to come out, which was something I wasn't willing to hide as long as Tony had. If we told her the truth, she would probably never forgive us and hate me.

When we got to the house, we sat in our normal discussion room, Tony's man cave. Krystle didn't say much until after I spoke.       

“What do you want to know, Krys?”

“The truth. Are you my real mother? I mean it would actually bring some light to the distance and tension there was between my mom and me.”

I rubbed my forehead, thinking about what I should say to her. “You know we love you…” I began.

“That's it, Aunt Courtney, enough! It's a simple question. If I'm not going to be told the truth, then there's no need to go on with this conversation!” Krystle yelled, standing.

“I know you're angry, but have a seat, okay?”

“No! I'm sick of the secrets, the talking to me as if I'm an infant, all of this! I know something ain't right with me, but when will y'all agree our whole family been fucked up before me?”

“If I'd let you have that baby, it would have been more fucked up then you would think,” Tony blurted out.

“Tony, can I talk to you for a minute?” I interrupted.

“Nope!” he quickly responded, never taking his eyes off Krystle.

“You have something you want to tell me other than your lies? I'm all ears,” Krystle smiled.

“Let's call a spade a damn spade here.” I watched as my brother began to pace around the open floor, unable to control his temper or words any longer. I called his name again, trying to get him to talk to me in the living room or something, but he kept walking around.

“Tony!”

“Shut up, Courtney! She wants to talk grown and act grown remember?”

“Indeed I am, Uncle Tony, now what?” Krystle answered.

“That's a great question. Now what, huh?” He did a slight chuckle and then sat back down closer to her. “Ask me any question and I'll answer it honestly, go ‘head! I won't spare your disrespectful ass feelings no more. Ask me!”

“Tony? Can I speak to you please for one second? This shouldn't be done like this.”

“This is between me and the one I raised for nineteen years, my child!”

They were about to go round for round with no referee, and I couldn't stop it. I just sat back, shaking my head as the questions and answers began to spill.

“Why did Momma leave?”

“Because she couldn't handle your situation anymore.”

“Is Aunt Courtney my mom?”

“Pandora's box might not be something you want to open,” Tony said, still looking at Krystle.

“It's already been cracked. Please answer,” she begged.

Without waiting for Tony, I went ahead and answered, “Yes I am.”

She didn't respond at first; she just looked like she was more sad than angry, which I could understand. It probably looked to her that her whole life was a lie.

“Why did you give me up?” she asked in a low tone.

“Honestly, I wanted to focus on my career; besides, your parents wanted kids so bad, but they couldn't do it on their own. We didn't think at that time it would be a bad idea.”

“Who is my real father?”

“I'm your real father, Krystle, and I always will be.” Tony spoke up.

“Whose DNA combined with yours, which made me, is what I'm asking.” 

I looked at Tony, sighed, and then stared at my niece. “His name is Brandon.”

“Do you still have contact with him? I want to meet him and ask him some questions too! Why was it so easy to give me up, or why didn't he put his foot down?”

“I can't do this, Tony.”

“She wants to know, she wants to know the truth.”

“There's more? Ughh! What else is there?” Krystle asked, sitting back.

“You've met him already,” I whispered.

“No, I haven't. I've never met a Brandon.”

Her eyes moved from left to right, looking between Tony and myself. She sat on the edge of the couch, waiting on my answer. I closed my eyes and let the words escape from my mouth.

“Brandon is Bishop’s dad.”      

 

Chapter Twelve

KRYSTLE

I was confused; they had to be joking. If that was true, why didn't Mr. Brandon say anything to me? I felt sick to my stomach, I wanted to speak, but I felt the vomit sitting in my throat. I could hardly breathe or move, so I just sat there shocked.

“Krystle, please say something,” Aunt Courtney said.

Right at that very moment, I could feel depression slither its way back in slowly. Still I sat there. The coldness of my aunt's fingertips brushed down the back of my arm, causing me to shiver and look in her direction. I had to be trippin’, because in that slight glance, she resembled FiFi. I knew it was my aunt, but my mind began to play tricks on me. There were words being said, I know, but it was muffled and unclear. My eyes started to tear up some from staring for so long, and when I finally blinked, Aunt Courtney went back to normal. I could finally hear and speak again.

“I think I should go take my medication and lay down,” I said, standing.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” my dad asked, standing behind me.

As I turned to respond to him, his face had now turned into Akira’s. Once again, there were words being said, but his words were filled with static. The more he spoke, the louder the static became, causing me to cringe and cover my ears. I closed my eyes for a second, taking in three short breaths then exhaled deeply. When I opened my eyes, things were back to normal, but now they were looking at me strange.

“Maybe we should take her back to the hospital,” I heard my dad say clearly.

“I don't need to go to a hospital, I need to go take my medicine and lay down. I just can't process all this right now.”

“You should probably take a shower first.”

“I will!” I said aloud.

“You will what?” my dad asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Aunt Courtney said I should take a shower first.”

“No I didn't, Krys,” she said, standing behind the couch.

There was a loud laugh in my head, followed behind my aunt’s response. I looked around at their faces, noticing they were glaring at me as if I was crazy.

“I have to go,” I said, pushing through them, rushing to my room. I closed the door behind me, leaned against it and locked it.

“I can't do this,” I whispered to myself, “It's all too much.” I walked over to my vanity and looked at myself.

“Just take the damn medicine.” My hands started to shake as I picked up the pill bottle and opened the top.


Obviously that shit don't work for you. I thought it was supposed to make you normal?”

“Leave me alone, Akira, go away,” I pleaded, placing my hands flat on the surface of the nightstand.


Are you talking to me? Look at me directly when you speak to me.”

I looked around the room, still holding the open pill bottle, “You're just in my head; you're not real.” Finally looking up again, I realized my reflection said different, she appeared, suddenly standing beside me through the mirror. I looked to the left of me then to the right, realizing she was only in that mirror.

“That was some conversation you had down there tonight,” she smiled.

“I know I’m just talking to myself, and I’ve had this conversation with whoever you are before, so make it real fuckin’ brief, I’m sick of you.”

“Are you? Are you sick of me? So I’m fake is what you're trying to continuously convince yourself?”

“Whatever Akira, so you’re a part of me; something I’ve told you I didn’t want anymore and I’ve been doing nothing, but trying to get rid of yo ass. What’s next? Have you forgotten that as soon as I take even half of this pill, yo ass is null and void?”

“Maybe, but then again, maybe not. Who am I to say when I leave and when I go?”

I went to my room door, unlocked it, and then peeped out. My father's room door was closed from what I could see; I knew he would pretty much stay put all night. Aunt Courtney was still in the kitchen, which meant I had very little time to talk. I locked my bedroom door again then went back to the mirror.

“Okay, what do you want?” I asked, confidently spreading my arms apart, but she disappeared just as fast as she came.  

“I don’t want this life anymore. Not like this. I just want to be normal,” I said, shaking about fifteen pills into my hand.


You can’t OD on those.”

I looked in the mirror once more, now seeing FiFi standing beside me.

“Oh Lord, now here you come with some bullshit, huh?”

“I told you before, I only come when I’m asked, unlike others.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, walking back to my door, unlocking it and looking out for a second time.

“What are
we
looking for?” FiFi whispered.

“Aunt Courtney,” I said, seeing that the light from the kitchen was now off. Again I shut the door, quietly locking it and then turned around. FiFi was out of the mirror, standing face-to-face with me.

“Wait a minute…
we
?” I asked, walking past her giving her the side eye.

“Yes, I said
we
.”

“Ain’t no
we
in this; just Krystle.”

“Your Dad is sleep and so is your aunt, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’m here because
we
have to talk.”

“There is absolutely nothing that needs to be discussed with you,” I said, lying across my bed.

“I find it humorous that you’re so short with me,” FiFi said, still standing by the door.

“And I find it funny that you know I know that you aren't real, yet you continue to come to wherever I’m at.”

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