Without a Doubt (25 page)

“Who was it?”

“Kelly.” His brows rise and it pisses me off. “I'm dating your cousin, remember?” I throw back his words. “There should only be one girl in the entire picture, remember? Don't seem so surprised that Eva's my girl in the picture.”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Sorry.”

I shrug, deciding to offer some information. “I don't want to talk to her anymore and it makes Eva uncomfortable, so it's for the best.” Suddenly, I have a craving to see her, touch her, kiss her, and to make her smile and laugh. I pick up my phone to text her. “Think you can give me a ride to Eva's dorm?” If I don't have a way back, she'll have no choice but to spend the night with me.

Glen nods and after a moment, he smirks at me like he knows something I don't.

“What?”

“You're whipped,” he grins, cracking an imaginary whip with the flick of his wrist.

Eva texts me that she isn't busy. “Shut up and let's go.”

Glen laughs, but we leave for campus. “I'm glad I'm not your roommate anymore,” he says out of the blue on the short drive there.

“Why?”

He gives me a quick, pointed look. “You're dating my cousin. I don't want to share a room with her boyfriend.”

I laugh. He makes a good point. We make plans to eat at Smitty's this upcoming week when he parks, and then I'm on my way to see my girl. I delete Kelly's voicemail. When I slip my phone into my pocket and look up to open the door to enter the building, I see Eva standing there. She's in jeans and a sweatshirt, mine that she stole.

“Why is Glen dropping you off?” she asks.

After kissing her briefly and wishing I had brought my own coat, I answer, “So you'd have to come home with me.”

She smiles. “Well, come on, so I can pack some clothes. Aren't you cold?”

“Yeah. It got cold fast this year.” And it has. We could faintly see our breath when we were outside.

“It's a furnace in here,” Eva says as we walk to her dorm, pushing up her sleeves. “How was the game?”

“Good. I picked the winning team and won twenty bucks. Hey, Catherine,” I say when we enter the dorm. She's lying on one of the beds, reading a book.

“Hey.”

I sit on Eva's bed while she moves around to pack. “We're going to get a late night milkshake. Do you want to come with?”

Catherine and Eva both glance at me in surprise. Should I not have asked? Eva's been around my friends and I thought it would be nice to do the same.

“You should come,” Eva tells her. It's like they're having a silent conversation with one another with their eyes.

“Yeah, okay. I will.” She grabs a bookmark from their nightstand and puts it in her place. “Are you staying with him again?”

“Yep,” Eva answers.

Catherine grabs her purse. “When are you two going to move in together? It'll be simpler.”

I laugh at the craziness of that idea. “We are not moving in together.”

Something about my tone makes Eva look at me and she doesn't exactly have the same expression as I do. Us living together after what, three months, would be crazy, right?

“You don't want to live with me, Emerson?” There's a dare in her tone.

Shit. Any answer other than yes sounds like it will be the wrong answer. “You don't think it would be too soon? We aren't
that
serious yet,” I explain anyway.

Her lips part with shock. She folds her arms over her chest defensively. “How serious are we then? How serious do we need to be?”

“It's only been like three months.”

It's like something clicks inside her head. Her shoulders fall with defeat, her arms drop, and she removes her overnight bag from her shoulder, dropping it onto the floor with a thud. “Makes sense. You're right.” She nods as if she's convincing herself. “You know, I don't really feel like a milkshake anymore. Let's just go, so I can take you home and come back. I'm really tired.”

“Eva,” I begin, wanting to change her mind and fix however I messed up.

“Are you even sure you want to be with me?” she blurts out. “Have we been together long enough for you to make that kind of decision? I mean, if moving in together seems absolutely ridiculous to you, then how can you say you want me enough to be with me and not someone else?” Someone else as in Kelly, I'm sure.

“It's not the same,” I try.

“No, it's not. Moving in would be an easier decision, not a harder one!” I've never really seen Eva pissed. I've seen her happy, grouchy, annoyed, and nervous. Never angry. Her fists are clenched by her sides, her body is entirely too still, and she's watching me with narrowed eyes, waiting for my next mistake. “I can't believe you would say that. Not after everything else, that we're not
serious
enough? Are you kidding me, Emerson? Just,” she huffs. “Go wait for me outside, please. I'll be out in a few minutes to take you home.”

A glance at Catherine shows me she looks uncomfortable and maybe a little guilty for causing an argument to result from her simple question. I want to say something, to defend what I said, but I decide it can wait a few more minutes. Nodding, I stand and walk out of the room and outside.

My impulse answer does seem stupid when I think about Eva's perspective. If I can say goodbye to Kelly for good for her, why wouldn't I be willing to move in with her? The cold air gives me goose bumps and I rub my arms to warm up. My word choice seems poor as well. It's not that we aren't serious enough, but we haven't reached that point. But then, if I were Eva, would I believe we had since I closed the door on Kelly? That was huge, we both know it, so does it mean something as big as moving in should be easier? Smaller to take in?

Five minutes pass and I'm about to go check on her when I hear Glen call my name. I turn to see him walking toward me, looking as pissed as Eva did when I left her.

“What the fuck did you do, man?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“Eva called, all upset, and asked if I would take you back home for her.”

My stomach drops. I glance back at the door to the building as if she would appear at any second. “She did?” It's like a punch to my gut. All I wanted to do was see her and spend time with her. How the hell did I get to this point? To where she doesn't even want to spend all of three minutes in the car with me. I run my hand through my hair, clutching a handful in frustration. “Damn it. Let me talk to her.”

Glen reaches out to stop me from opening the door. “No. Trust me, if she's upset, you need to give her time. Eva's like a wall once she's pissed. Anything you say falls on deaf ears, but simultaneously fuels the fire.”

Sighing, I nod and follow him to his car. “This seems so stupid to me,” I mumble. Then, I recap what happened. “I see why she's upset now, but I didn't even know she wanted to move in! She stays over a lot, yeah, but I don't know. It feels like I walked into a trap. Are you sure I don't need to try to talk to her?” I finish as he pulls into my apartment complex. Not talking to her, not trying to fix this, doesn't sit well with me at all.

Glen seems to think about it. “I get your side, but...” he trails off.

“But what?” I ask urgently.

He hesitates before deciding to continue. “Eva has always been easygoing and her life motto would be to go with the flow without many second guesses.”

“And she's been second guessing everything since she found out about Kelly,” I fill in for him, feeling defeated as he nods. For the first time, I wish Kelly had simply broken up with me. This thing with her is fucking everything up. All I want is Eva and to move forward. I don't know how to make her stop doubting us. I think, overall, she believes in me, in us, but there's a small part full of doubt. “How do I make her see it?” I ask quietly to no one in particular.

“For starter's, don't laugh at the idea of living with her,” Glen answers. “I don't think either of you were anticipating what you were getting yourselves into with one another. I don't think you can make her see it either. Eva likes to be sure of herself and I think as long as you keep treating her like you have, she'll end up sure. She'll come around to that point. Just give her a little time.”

I move my hand to the door handle, but lean my head against the headrest. “The one person I thought I never wanted to lose has turned out to be the one person I wish would stay away.” I sigh heavily for what feels like the millionth time. “Thanks for the ride, Glen.” With that, I get out and head inside.

My phone rings. With disappointment, I see it's not Eva. With fury, I see it's Kelly instead. Twice in one night? I don't even care what she wants. I answer and snap, “Damn it, stop calling! You wanted me to see other people and I am. I can't continue seeing Eva if you keep calling me. My girl, who apparently never doubts, can't stop because of this stupid fucking situation you put me in. I want out, Kelly. Completely. Once and for all. Be happy and live your life without me being part of it. Please,” the anger diminishes with that last word, turning me into a beggar.

There's a silence and then, the call ends. Kelly hangs up. I feel guilty for talking to her so harshly, but I feel relieved for saying it. Now, if I can only get Eva to stop being mad at me.

A distant banging startles me awake. I feel restless. I've been tossing and turning all night, waking up each time. All because I don't like how I left things with Eva. I throw my covers to the side and walk down the hallway. A quick glance at the microwave in the kitchen shows that it's three AM.

“Come on, Emerson,” I hear my favorite voice grumbling as she knocks.

I unlock the door and swing it open with flourish, my eyes dying to see her.

And there she is.

She's wearing sweatpants and my hoodie. Her black curly hair is frizzy and her blue eyes play peek-a-boo as she blinks slowly at me twice before it clicks that I opened the door. I'm unsure why, maybe because it's so early, maybe because she looks like she's been sleeping like I have, but I wordlessly open my arms.

Eva steps forward, wrapping her arms around me. She sighs. It's the kind of sigh one makes when they've been away from home for a long time and just walked through their front door. Being back where things are stable, where everything is in its place, where you can relax and chill because you're finally home. That's what her sigh sounds like to me. Hell, it feels that way to me, too.

“I'm sorry,” she mutters into my chest.

“For what?” I ask, stepping back enough so I can close the door behind her. Honestly, I'm confused. What is she sorry about? For how she feels? An apology isn't needed for that.

“I overreacted and made Glen take you home. I've been sleeping like crap and couldn't take it anymore.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “That's how much you mean to me, Emerson. I got out of bed immediately to come see you.”

I laugh. I can't help it. “C'mon, sunshine. Let's go lay down.”

“I want to talk,” she says as a protest.

“We will,” I promise.

But when we lie down, cuddled together, we fall asleep before any more words can be spoken. I sleep peacefully until she wakes me up again in the morning. She must have woken up before me because she's not her usual grumpy self when I open my eyes. She's solemn, but not grouchy.

“I'm sorry,” she repeats, not wasting any time. “The way you said it and reacted rubbed me the wrong way. I haven't even seriously considered it. Catherine has mentioned it a few times in a joking kind of way. I think the first time she said you were going to ask me, I laughed and said you weren't. But I felt like you thought it was so absurd and impossible to consider. Then you kept talking about how we weren't serious enough.” She shakes her head “That was so hard to hear,” she whispers.

I wrap a curl around one of my fingers, rubbing my thumb over the soft strands. “Eva, it was a knee-jerk reaction and once I said it, I was screwed. Nothing I could've said would've helped.” She nods in agreement. “You're already over here a lot because I want you around so much. Moving in is a big step. There would have to be a conversation about it first, probably more than one. I laughed because I was caught off guard and I figured you'd be on the same page.”

“We are, I think,” she says.

“Yeah? What page are we on?” I ask.

“The one where moving in sounds like a good idea, but then when one of us is too much for the other and we need some space, we'd have nowhere to go. So, everything is fine the way it is.” She gives me a small smile. “If I'm over here four or more nights a week, then let's talk again, or closer to the end of the semester.”

I kiss her forehead. “It's a plan.”

“You can stay in bed this time. I'll shower first.” She gives me a quick kiss before getting up, grabbing her overnight bag on the way.

I'm kind of impressed. Eva's never the first one out of bed. I don't want to lie here though. I get up, hearing the water running. I open the door, intending to join her, but I spot a box of feminine products on the counter. Joining her probably isn't going to happen. I quietly close the door and return to bed until she's done. Faintly, I wonder if her monthly visit is part of why she got pissed off so quickly last night. I shake my head of the thought, knowing if I voiced that aloud, she'd kick my ass for saying it.