Without Looking Back (17 page)

‘Christ!’ Tess exhaled slowly. ‘This is unbelievable!’

They fell silent for a few moments and Tess chewed on a long shoot of grass, elbows on knees, staring out across the lake. Louis followed her gaze and suddenly they were both aware of Max and Millie, tiny specks on the other side, jumping up and down, shouting and waving.

‘Oh, no,’ Louis said, scrambling to his feet. ‘Millie’s probably getting cold and wants to go home . . .’

They ran back into the water, gasping with the shock of the cold on their sun-dried skin. As they waded in, Louis suddenly stopped and grabbed Tess by the arm. ‘You really do promise—?’

‘I really do promise, Liam,’ she said, switching back to his fake name. ‘I like you, crazy dancer-boy. I’d never do anything to hurt you or your family.’ And she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek before turning and diving back into the water.

THAT NIGHT, LOUIS
couldn’t sleep. Long after Dad’s bedroom door clicked shut, he found himself still staring at the ceiling, his heart pounding.
I could end this
, he thought,
right here, right now, with just one phone call. I could have the police here before morning, I could have Maman on the next plane out, I could be back at the Lycée, back in Paris, back with my friends in the blink of an eye. It is all so fragile, this new house, this new life. How easily I could crush it. And perhaps I have already taken the first step by telling Tess, by sharing our secret with someone from the outside world, someone I’ve only known a few weeks, someone I have no idea whether I can trust. So why did I do it? Because she guessed something was up, because she cornered me for answers – true, but that couldn’t have been the only reason. After all, I could have told her another story, made up another excuse for having to cover our
tracks. But I told her the truth and, with that one conversation, risked everything! Yet strangely, all I felt was relief – relief at having shared this secret, relief at having told Tess something real about me and, for a moment at least, relief at having been able to be myself again
.

But as the days went by, Tess appeared true to her word. She never showed the slightest flicker of amusement when using their names. She stopped asking any questions about their previous life. And she only ever brought up the abduction when she and Louis were alone. Which was less and less frequently. Of course, there were the dance classes, but Miss Kano was present then, and they were having to work very hard to get the dance routine sorted out in time for the competition. Now that school was out, Tess baby-sat three days a week, and at the weekends helped her mother in the stationery shop they owned in Windermere. On her days off, however, she usually cycled round to the farmhouse. She came swimming with them, she made pancakes with them, she played Barbies with Millie in her bedroom and basketball with Max in the courtyard. But most of the time she practised dance moves with Louis outside to the beat of hip-hop on the new stereo Dad had finally got round to buying.

Millie would appoint herself music-controller, for lack
of anything better to do, and sat next to the stereo on the sill of the open kitchen window overlooking the garden, one hand on the pause button, the other round her Barbie’s hair. Louis and Tess shouted out ‘Stop’, ‘Go’ and ‘From the top’ at intervals, to which Millie responded eagerly, if not always very accurately. Now and again she hopped off the windowsill and down onto the grass, and suggested some dance moves of her own, which Louis would ignore and which Tess would make polite noises to. Max dribbled the ball up and down the courtyard and practised shooting into the basketball net Dad had erected above the door of the barn.

Above them, the sun beat down from a cloudless sky. It was hot, really hot, the kind of dry heat that you can feel actually roasting your skin. Louis had stripped down to his vest and already his hair was damp against his forehead and his tracksuit bottoms stuck to the backs of his knees. Tess was wearing cut-off jeans and an oversized T-shirt that skimmed her thighs. They were practising the last part of their routine – now that the step sequences, spins and tumbling were out of the way, Miss Kano had asked them to come up with some good
pas de deux
moves.

‘I know,’ Tess was saying. ‘We can do that classic ballet pirouette where you put your hands on my waist and I
turn four times and end in
arabesque
.’ She demonstrated.

‘So what do I do?’ Louis asked.

‘You have the easy part. You just put your hands on either side of my waist. Not too tightly, though, because you’ve got to give me room to turn.’

They tried it. Halfway through the pirouette, Tess’s knee hit Louis’ leg. He stepped backwards, she lost her balance and they both ended up in a heap on the ground.

‘You should end it like that,’ Max said, bouncing the ball off Louis’ head as he lay prone, Tess sprawled on top of him. ‘That way you’ll definitely stand out.’

Tess laughed, disentangling herself from Louis. ‘Sorry, sorry, let’s try again!’

They got to their feet and resumed their position. ‘Five, six, seven, eight . . .’

OK until the third turn. Then Tess lost her balance again and fell against Louis’ chest. He grabbed her and staggered backwards and she hung her arms round his neck.

‘Hopeless!’ Millie cried gleefully.

‘Sorry, sorry!’ Tess laughed into Louis’ T-shirt, her arms still around him, panting. She felt warm and her breath tickled his cheek. Her arms were brown from the sun, brushed with fine golden hairs.

The third time they tried, they met with the same result. ‘You’re pulling me off-balance!’ Tess complained.

Louis laughed and said something about her pirouettes making him dizzy. But for some reason he didn’t want them to get this move right. He really didn’t want the dance to end. It only took a small shift in balance for her to fall against him. He only had to pretend to get mixed up with a particular step sequence for her to instantly take his hand and, head lowered, staring at his feet, carefully map out the required movements with him. Dancing with Tess today was like having permanent butterflies in his stomach – he felt at once giddy, light-headed and extremely alive.

Eventually, too hot and tired to continue, they returned to the relative cool of the kitchen and Louis set about making iced smoothies while Tess splashed her face with water at the sink. Millie was trying to do
pirouettes
round the kitchen table and Louis snapped at her in French to stop it, causing Tess to look up at him in surprise.

‘What?’

‘I’ve never heard you speak French before. That’s so cool. Sounds nothing like the French we learn at school.’

Louis shrugged, embarrassed, and Millie piped up, ‘
Moi, je parle français parfaitement!
’

Tess laughed in delight. ‘What does that mean?’

‘She said she speaks perfect French,’ Louis translated, frowning at Millie in annoyance. ‘She’s showing off, as usual.’

‘Oh, that’s so cool!’ Tess exclaimed. ‘Liam, you say something.’

He took the ice cubes out of the freezer and poured out the drinks. ‘What?’ he asked, embarrassed.

‘I don’t know. Say something to me. Preferably something nice.’

Louis pulled a face, his mind suddenly a blank. ‘
T’es jolie
’ – the words escaped him with a will of their own. ‘I mean –
t’es gentille
.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘You’re nice.’

‘No it doesn’t! No it doesn’t!’ Millie crowed. ‘He said
t’es jolie
, which means
you’re pretty
!’

‘Shut up, Katie! I said
t’es gentille
!’ Louis yelled, the blood hot in his face.

‘Liar! You said—’ But Tess cut her off, grabbing her by the hand and bending down to whisper something in her ear. Louis glared at them both suspiciously.

Millie’s eyes widened and she began to grin, then she turned and whispered something in Tess’s ear.

‘Look, do you two want a drink or not?’ Louis asked in annoyance.

Tess straightened up, grinning. She looked at him. ‘
T’es meenon
,’ she said.

Louis stared at her. ‘What?’

Tess looked at Millie for help.

‘
T’es mignon!
’ Millie crowed. ‘You’re cute:
t’es mignon, t’es mignon!
’

Tess tried again. ‘
T’es mignon
.’

Louis felt his cheeks burn; he picked up his drink and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. ‘You two are loonies,’ he said. But inside his chest, his heart was thumping as if ready to burst.

That night, Louis lay face down on his bed, wearing only his boxers. It was too hot for a T-shirt; it was too hot for any blankets. The window was wide open, revealing a large patch of night sky. Max was playing his GameBoy on his bed, still fully dressed. His bedside lamp cast a puddle of light on the floor. From the room next door, they could hear Dad’s voice as he read Millie her bedtime story.

‘So,’ Max said suddenly, without looking up, ‘do you fancy Tess or what?’

Louis stopped breathing.

Max still didn’t look up, but wrestled with the buttons, the sound of electronic firing erupting from the machine.

‘What are you talking about?’ Louis managed.

Max shrugged and glanced up. ‘Do you honestly think Tess fancies you? You clearly fancy her.’

Louis tried to steady his breathing. He gripped the edge of his pillow hard. ‘No. I don’t – I’m not—’

‘Oh, come on,’ Max said. ‘You were all over each other today.’

‘That’s because we were dancing!’ Louis protested. ‘It’s a pair dance. We
have
to touch each other. We have to—’

Max just chuckled infuriatingly.

‘I don’t fancy her,’ Louis said.

‘You
so
do.’

‘I don’t!’ Louis exclaimed hotly. ‘She’s just my dance partner, that’s all.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes!’

‘You should be careful though,’ Max said.

‘What d’you mean?’

‘She’s going to start asking questions.’

Louis said nothing and closed his eyes, breathing heavily into his pillow.

But his conversation with Max played on his mind that night. Did he fancy Tess? No. Of course not. Why? Because she was a teenager and he didn’t turn thirteen for another four months. He had never fancied a girl before. Even if he
did
fancy her, there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t know how to kiss a girl. In films it always looked so easy, but there must be some kind of technique, some set of rules. And how were you supposed to know whether to do it or not? How were you supposed to know whether she wanted to? You couldn’t very well ask. But when he closed his eyes, he could see her face so clearly: that dark-brown hair, those big green eyes, the sprinkling of freckles across her cheeks. He found himself imagining what it would be like to actually kiss her. Deep down he knew he really wanted to, even though it scared him.

‘D’you want to go for a cycle ride?’ It was Tess on the phone. She had called their new landline while they were in the middle of lunch and had asked to speak to him.

As soon as Dad had said her name, Louis had felt his heart begin to pound. Now he was gripping the receiver, his pulse racing in the palm of his hand, wondering whether Tess meant ‘you – Liam’ or ‘you – the whole
family’. The French language was much better: there

would be a distinction.

‘Liam, are you still there?’

‘Yes, yeah. I was just thinking, I’m not sure what Josh and Katie are up to this afternoon but—’

‘No, I mean just you. I haven’t had a chance to talk to you on your own for ages.’

‘Yes. Sure. I’m free. Now?’

‘Well, finish your lunch. I’ll meet you outside The Rose and Crown in half an hour.’

He returned to the kitchen table, feeling flushed.

‘Is Tess coming over?’ Max asked.

‘No. I’m going cycling with her this afternoon – is that OK, Dad?’

‘Fine,’ said Dad. ‘You’ve got your key. Max has got a doubles match, so, Millie, why don’t you and I go to Tesco together?’

‘Oh, great,’ Millie said sarcastically.

Max was looking at Louis in surprise. ‘Where are the two of you going?’

‘Dunno,’ Louis replied quickly. ‘Just around the dales, I guess.’

Max said nothing and started eating again. A few minutes later, Louis washed his plate, shoved on his trainers and grabbed his bike from the barn.

Tess was waiting outside the village pub for him, her hair windswept, her long legs tanned against her bright-blue mountain bike. They set off on the road leading out of the village and for a while cycled side by side in silence, the wind whipping at their cheeks and making their T-shirts billow out behind them. As they picked up speed, curving down the long descent, Louis shouted across, ‘Where are we going?’

‘You’ll see,’ Tess replied, and she was smiling.

Fifteen minutes later, after a gruelling, stony uphill struggle that required them to shift right down to their lowest gear, the path narrowed between tall walls of bracken and became so uneven, they were forced to walk. A thin, fine drizzle was now falling from a milky grey sky and Louis was just beginning to wonder what Tess was playing at when he saw, looming high above them in a chiselled mountain of black slate, the vast mouth of a cave. Tess was heading straight for it, her feet scrabbling against the pieces of loose rock; Louis struggled to keep up with her, his calf muscles aching now. As they approached the cave, the rocky path fell away into a pool of clear turquoise water, and Louis saw that there were several large slabs of rock protruding, forming giant stepping stones into the dry part of the cave. Tess threw her bicycle down and began to leap
from slab to slab, disappearing towards the vast wall of blackness that stretched up in front of her.

She turned round. ‘Come on, Liam!’

Her voice already echoed. Louis put down his bike beside hers and followed her across the stones.

The cave was vast, as high as a house. Drops of water fell from the craggy roof into small pools with an echoing drip. Smaller pieces of rock jutted out from the walls like giant pieces of furniture. Tess jumped off the last stepping stone and walked down the length of the cave, singing, ‘O, for the Wings of a Dove’. It was like being in a cathedral with a full choir – the cave resonated with sound. Louis jumped off the last stone and stopped to listen. Her voice was so pure, so clear, he could almost taste it. Tess turned round and broke off, laughing. ‘Isn’t it great?’