Woman of Courage (42 page)

Buck sniffed the air as his stomach growled noisily. “Is that stew I smell?”

She nodded.

“It smells mighty good.”

“Would you like some?”

“I sure would. Some hot coffee, too.”

“I have no coffee,” she said. “Just herbs made into a tea. Would you like some of that, or should I go to the mission house and ask Mrs. Spalding for coffee?”

“Maybe later.” Buck grimaced as he drew in another quick breath.

“What is your name?” she asked.

“Buck. Buck McFadden.”

The Indian woman gasped, and Buck jolted upright, despite the pain that shot through his side. “Are you all right? Why do you look at me in such a strange way? Did I say somethin’ wrong?” Buck watched as she searched his face, going from his eyes to his nose, his mouth, and back to his eyes again. It felt as if she were trying to reach his very soul.

“McFadden?” she repeated. “And your first name is Buck?”

“Yeah. But it’s not my real name. The name my mother gave me when I was a boy was—”

“Red Hawk,” she said, finishing his sentence.

“That’s right. How’d you know?”

Tears welled in her eyes as she placed her hand gently against his chest. “I am Two Feathers, and you are my son, Red Hawk. My prayers have been answered, for you have come back to me.”

Buck sat, too stunned to say a word. After all these years, could it really be true? The tune she’d been signing suddenly came back to him, for it was the same song his mother had sung when he was a boy.

“Oh, my son, my son,” she sobbed. “My eyes see you, and yet I cannot believe you are really here. My heart sings with joy; there is so much I want to tell you. We have lots of catching up to do.”

Buck could barely speak around the lump in his throat, as she began to sing that song again. He was in his mother’s lodge, and she had prayed for him. Did Two Feathers know of the white man’s God, or was it the Great Spirit who had answered her prayers? It didn’t really matter, he supposed. The important thing was that they had found each other.

“It is so cold out here,” Nathan said, rubbing his hands briskly together. “Can we go inside and talk?”

Amanda wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to Nathan. Seeing him so unexpectedly was a shock. What she really wanted was some time alone, and she needed to check on Buck. But she didn’t want to be rude, and since Nathan had come all this way to see her, Amanda felt that she ought to at least take the time to talk to him. “Follow me,” she said, motioning to Nathan.

When they entered the mission, Little Fawn was crying, and Eliza, looking more than a bit flustered, was holding her baby while trying to calm Little Fawn at the same time.

Amanda hurried across the room and picked up her daughter. “There, there, little one. I know you are hungry.”

“I need to find Yellow Bird,” Amanda told Nathan. “You can visit with Mrs. Spalding while I am gone.” Before Nathan could reply, Amanda wrapped Little Fawn in a blanket and hurried from the cabin.

When Amanda stepped outside, she was relieved to see Yellow Bird heading her way. “Oh good, I am glad you are here,” she said. “Little Fawn needs to be fed, and Nathan is inside waiting for me.” She drew in a shaky breath. “He wants me back, Yellow Bird, and I don’t know what to say to him.”

“Who is Nathan?” Yellow Bird asked.

“He’s the man I was supposed to marry before I left my home in New York. I told you about him, remember? I explained how he broke our engagement the night before our wedding and said he was in love with my best friend.” Amanda disliked having to relive the hurt and humiliation of this all over again.

“Gray Eagle say he bring yellow-haired man here to mission, but he not know who the man was.” Yellow Bird took Little Fawn from Amanda, and patted her back. “Let’s go inside. I will feed baby while you talk to white man.”

“Yes, I need to do that. I just wish….” Amanda’s voice trailed off. “Oh, never mind. We’d better get in, out of the cold.”

When they entered the mission, Amanda was surprised to see Nathan sitting by himself, his hands stretched toward the warmth of the fireplace. Mrs. Spalding had apparently taken her baby and gone into their living quarters, leaving Nathan alone.

“I am glad thou art back,” Nathan said, rising from his seat. “We have much to talk about.”

“Yes, we do.” Amanda nodded. She motioned to Yellow Bird. “This is my friend, Mary Yellow Bird.”

“It is a pleasure to meet thee,” Nathan said in his most charming voice. “I would shake thy hand, but it appears as if both of your hands are full holding thy baby.”

“Oh no,” Amanda was quick to say. “The baby is not hers; Little Fawn belongs to me.”

Nathan’s face blanched. “Thou art married to an Indian?”

Amanda shook her head. “I am not married to anyone. Little Fawn is from a Flathead tribe. I found her in the woods where she’d been left to die.”

“What? I am confused,” he sputtered. “Why would anyone in their right mind leave a baby in the woods to die?”

While Yellow Bird hurried off to feed Little Fawn, Amanda took a seat and asked Nathan to do the same. Then she relayed the story of Little Fawn. “It was horrible, Nathan,” Amanda said, nearly breaking into tears at the thought of it. “After I learned what was happening, I went to the woods and searched for the abandoned twin. When I found the baby, I decided to name her Little Fawn and raise her as my own.”

“I can understand how sorry thou must have felt for the infant,” Nathan said, “but surely thee could have found a home for her with some Indian family.”

Amanda shook her head. “I doubt that anyone would have taken her, considering how superstitious some tribes seem to be. Besides, I fell in love with the precious little girl right from the start and couldn’t bear the thought of giving her up.”

Nathan frowned. “This is most unexpected. I-I hadn’t planned on raising someone else’s baby, much less an Indian child.”

Amanda’s spine went rigid. “I am not asking you to raise my daughter. Where did you get such an idea?”

Nathan’s face turned crimson. “I came here to be with thee, and I had hoped we could be married. If thou agreed to be my wife, would I not be expected to raise thy child?”

Amanda sat staring at the fire, unable to form any words. Did she still have feelings for Nathan, or had she left them behind when she and Papa left New York? Could she agree to marry Nathan, after his betrayal? “I need some time,” she said. “A lot has happened to me since I left home. I am not the same person I was back then.”

Nathan eyed her speculatively. “Thou art thinner and not as prim and proper as thou used to be, but thou art the same woman I fell in love when we lived in New York.”

Amanda folded her hands to keep them from shaking. “If you will recall, you fell in love with my best friend, so I don’t think the love you felt for me was very strong.” She sighed. “Maybe you loved me more like a sister instead of someone you wanted to marry.”

“It wasn’t like that,” he insisted. “I was just confused about us, and Penelope wooed me with her charms. Once I realized she was not the woman I thought her to be, I broke things off.”

“Whether that’s true or not, I am in no way ready to marry you,” Amanda said, holding her ground. She would not allow herself to be taken in by Nathan’s charms. If he was sincere, then he would have to prove himself.

“I understand,” he said, drawing his fingers through the ends of his thick blond hair. “I will stay here at the mission and help out wherever I can, and when thou art ready, we will talk of marriage.”

What if I am never ready?
Amanda thought.
Will you go back to New York and forget you ever knew me, or will you stay here and make me uncomfortable for the rest of my life?

“I have not met Reverend Spalding yet,” Nathan said. “Is he somewhere with thy father?”

Amanda slowly shook her head. “Reverend Spalding left early this morning to speak with some of the Indians who live nearby, and my father …” She swallowed hard, afraid she might break down. “I regret to inform you that Papa passed away a short while into our journey.”

Nathan’s mouth dropped open. “Preacher Pearson is dead?”

“That’s right. He was fatigued, felt pain in his chest, and died.”

“I am sorry to hear that. Dost that mean thou madest the trip here alone?” Nathan asked.

“I was alone for a short time after our guide was killed by a falling tree.”

“First thy father, and then thy guide?” Nathan’s forehead wrinkled. “How didst thou make it this far without them?”

“It’s a long story,” Amanda said. “I have someplace I need to go right now, but I’ll tell you all about my journey as soon as I get back. In the meantime, why don’t you rest here by the fire? When Reverend Spalding arrives, perhaps you can ask him what you might do to help out at the mission. That is, if you haven’t changed your mind.”

“I have not. I want to offer my services in any way they might be needed.”

“Very well,” she said with a nod, wishing he’d had second thoughts about staying. “We will talk more when I return to the mission.”

“Where art thou going?” Nathan asked as Amanda slipped her dark bonnet on her head.

“A friend of mine was injured when he fell off his horse, and I need to check on him. Would you please tell Yellow Bird when she comes back to the room where I went?”

Nathan nodded slowly. “I hope thou wilt not be gone long, for I am anxious to continue our conversation.”

Amanda wrapped the shawl tightly around her shoulders and rushed out the door.

For more than an hour, Buck and Two Feathers tried to catch up on each other’s lives. Two Feathers kept saying it was a miracle, and that the Great Spirit had brought them together, but Buck thought it was just a twist of fate. How thankful he was to know his mother was alive, because he never thought he’d see her again.

“It nearly tore my heart out when Silas Lothard sent me away and wouldn’t allow you to come with me,” Two Feathers said, gently stroking Buck’s forehead. “But I never gave up hope of seeing you again, and I prayed daily that God would take care of you.”

Buck nearly choked on the bile rising in his throat. “Oh, He took care of me, alright. He allowed Silas to beat me for no reason at all, and then he kept preachin’ to me from that Bible of his.” He narrowed his eyes. “I was glad when he died. An evil man like him deserved to die. I hope his soul went right past the gates of heaven and straight to—”

Two Feathers held up her hand. “You must not talk like that, my son. You must forgive Silas for the terrible things he did.”

“Forgive him?” Buck shook his head. “I could never forgive that man for what he did!”

“You must, Red Hawk. If you’re ever going to be free to live a life of peace, then you must forgive.”

Buck was about to refute what his mother had said when he heard Amanda’s voice outside the lodge. “Two Feathers, it’s Amanda Pearson! I came to see how Buck is doing.”

Two Feathers rose from her mat and said, “The white woman has come by many times to inquire about you. If you feel up to company, I will show her in.”

“No, do not let her in. I need time to think about things before I speak to Amanda.”

“Are you sure?” his mother asked. “I sense that you have things you wish to say to this woman.”

Buck shook his head determinedly. “Whatever I have to say can wait till I’m feelin’ better. Right now, I need to rest and think things through.”

F
or the next four weeks, Nathan helped out at the mission, and Amanda visited him whenever they both had a free moment. He was always friendly and seemed interested in hearing about the things that had happened on her trip. Amanda was surprised to see Nathan chip in and help with even the most mundane things, in addition to teaching some of the children how to read and write. Maybe she had misjudged him. Perhaps he really did care about her, as well as the Indian children, and wanted to share in her work here at the mission. But did she still love Nathan, and could she open up her heart and trust him again? As it stood, she couldn’t say how she felt about Nathan. It was obvious that things weren’t going to work out between her and Buck. He didn’t want to see her and had made that clear every time she stopped by Two Feather’s lodge.