Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (20 page)

“You’re stupid”

“ You’re useless”

“ You’re a bad girl”

“Only Catholics go to heaven”

“Your body is something to hide out of shame”

“ Sex is dirty—save it for your husband”

“ Girls are meant to serve men”

“ Men always come first” (for example, in many families the men get the best cuts of meat, and the women get what is left over)

“Girls should not be ambitious or bright”

“ Women can’t make money—they must marry it”

Most tribes or families do not deliberately try to poison their members— they are merely handing down what they recognize as tribal wisdom, even in the form of limiting and painful ideas. It is useful to think of yesterday’s tribe as today’s dysfunctional family.

My friend Carla recently realized, after resolving her many physical illnesses, that the seeds for these illnesses had been planted in her childhood. Her mother had repeatedly beaten her, not out of malice or lack of love but simply following her own tribal programming of how to love and prepare a daughter for life. She had told Carla that the beatings were how she showed her love. Whenever Carla’s mother saw another woman beating a child in the supermar ket or elsewhere, she used to remark to Carla that obviously that woman really loved her child. Carla’s mother, a first-generation immigrant from southern Europe, deeply believed that life is very difficult and filled with pain and that to accomplish any thing, Carla would have to suffer. Later, each time Carla reached a cherished goal, she developed a serious illness. She is now realizing that she can reach her goals joyfully by using her innate gifts and talents and her inner guidance, and that repeated illness and suffering need not be part of her experience. Carla is an extreme example, of course. Most childhood wounds are far more subtle, but potent nonetheless.

The Second Chakra: Symbolic Creative Space

The second chakra is concerned with the day-to-day physical as pects of living, with the people to whom we relate, and with the quality of our relationships. The second chakra also relates to everything we own: money, relationships, and passions. Since most of our early programming is to serve the tribe, most men and women automatically move into the roles of their second chakras in an unconscious way. They choose the partners that fulfill the needs of their second chakra. Women thus tend to marry for physical security, money, children, and social status, and out of fear of abandonment. We then carry out our roles accordingly. We are programmed to tend to the needs of our personal tribe and often become completely controlled by the fears of the second chakra.

SECOND-CHAKRA ISSUES:
HOW RELATIONSHIP WOUNDS MANIFEST IN THE BODY

Fear of abandonment