Worth The Fight (Hard To Love Book 1) (7 page)

I drop the remaining stones when I hear my phone alerting me to a text through my headphones. Unhooking my phone from my armband, I open my messages and groan when I see that’s it’s from Zeke’s number. I wonder if this is him telling me that I'm fired, that I ruined everything when I let my anger take control. I reluctantly open it and I’m shocked when I read what he’s sent.

What's happening tomorrow? I promise not to be late.

I let a sudden laugh out, probably scaring the wildlife that’s surrounding me. Of all the messages I expected him to write, this was not one of them. Every time I think I know what’s happening, Zeke throws me for a loop. I smile, knowing that life will never be boring while I work with him, but at least I know I still have a job.

Today has been one epic fuck up after another. Every time something happened I thought the day couldn’t get any worse, but it was like the universe wanted to prove me wrong. Bringing home the random hookup was mistake number one and I paid for that when I got home after training. Apparently she wasn’t too happy with the way we left things and threw a rock through my front window. Well, I'm not a hundred percent certain it was her, but she’s the only person I pissed off today that knows where I live.

Now I'm sitting with a coffee on my back step thinking about all my other fuck ups from today. I would prefer a beer but I think that would be a very bad idea at the moment. There’s a certain coach who would rip me a new one if he knew I had even thought about having a drink. With that simple thought, I’m brought back to the biggest mistake of the day, and the one I don’t know how to deal with. I thought our altercation in the ring was bad enough, but getting hard when my body was flush with Bryce’s wasn’t where I saw the fight going. Add to that what happened in the changing room, and it cemented it into as confusing as fuck. I don’t know why I watched him while I ploughed into Asha’s body, and I certainly don’t know why I was struggling to come until he came into the room, or why I kept my eyes on him as I filled her body with my release? Bryce staring at me pushed me over the edge into the best orgasm I’ve ever had. When he came, the sound he made as he threw his head back was the sexiest thing I’ve ever fucking heard in my life. That takes a lot for me to admit, but there is no mistaking how it made me feel, even though I know it shouldn’t. I always knew I was different, that what I felt when I was younger wasn’t the same as all my friends, but when I spoke to my dad about it, he told me I was confused and I needed to find a girl. According to him, once I had been with one I would know what I was meant to feel. Now I'm really confused, and I can’t help wondering.
Is there more to what I'm feeling for Bryce?

Instead of analysing the feelings that are confusing me, I grab my cell from my pocket. I didn’t get a chance to speak to him after Asha left, he had run away before I had even turned off the shower. I don’t know if he's going to come back tomorrow, but I need him to. I need to find out what’s happening to me. Throwing caution to the wind, I text Bryce and pray that he’ll reply.

What’s happening tomorrow? I promise not to be late.

I stare at my phone while I drink my coffee. For all I know he could be half way back to England by now, and who would blame him? I'm not the easiest guy to get along with on with on a normal day, so add in how fucking confused I'm feeling and I know I’ve been a dick to him. I can’t help it, pushing people away before they see the real me is a defense mechanism. I need them to leave before they see that I'm not as happy as I make out I am. My phone vibrates in my hand and I read a reply from Bryce.

Be in the gym by 10. If you’re hung over you will be running again.

I feel a smile tug at my lips, the feeling of relief is more than I imagined. I’ll see him tomorrow, even though I'm not sure what the fuck will happen when I get there.

Chapter Seven

I make sure I arrive well before ten the next morning, determined to get on Bryce’s good side from the get go. My efforts weren’t in vain and we’ve had a good day. I feel that we’re getting back on track together but we haven’t spoken about what happened yesterday. I don’t know if leaving it hanging over our heads is a good thing, but there’s been no opportunity to talk. Where yesterday there was no one here, today it feels like everyone who has ever trained here has decided to come at the same time. Even Coach decided that he needed a sit down with me and Bryce to discuss our game plan and for a guy that doesn’t want to train me, he had a lot of suggestions.

Now I'm standing in the shower with memories of the last time I was in here taking up residence in my head. I can clearly visualize how Bryce had looked when he orgasmed and it’s making me hard. Shit, I can’t be getting hard when it’s so busy in here. Every shower is taken except the one next to me, and at the moment I'm thankful for that. Or I am until I see Bryce walking into the room with a towel over his shoulder. He stops walking when his eyes settle on the empty cubicle and me.
Well this is awkward
. I can’t leave now, not without making things obvious. I close my eyes and turn away from him, hoping he will just act like nothing is weird. I make sure I keep my head under the water until I hear his shower turn on, only then do I risk looking over at him. His head is leaning forward until his chin is resting on his chest, letting the hot water hit his shoulders and neck.

“Everything okay? I saw you roll your neck a lot today.”
What the fuck?
Why not just admit that I couldn’t take my eyes off him the whole damn day. I'm meant to play the friend card until I understand what’s happening with me.

“I think I overdid it yesterday. It’s been so long since I had a good workout, my body can’t cope with too much anymore. I’m going soft.” He laughs and rubs over his stomach. I can’t help but let my eyes move down his body, watching as his hands rubs over his cut abs and down towards that perfect fucking V of his. If he's thinks there’s anything other than hard muscle on him he’s clearly delusional. I haven’t seen anyone more built than him and, as much as I don’t want to admit it, his body turns me on. I feel myself harden in agreement, my dick trying to tell him just how perfect he is.

When I stay quiet he looks over to me, his eyes roaming down over my body. I see color flushing his cheeks when he sees me watching him and he quickly turns away to grab his body wash. He lathers the soap in his hands before rubbing over himself, his hands moving easily over his slippery skin. I try not to watch, there are too many men in here to witness me staring openly at a naked guy, but it’s like my eyes are magnets and his body is made of iron. I start to rub over my own body and when my hands move south, the feel of my hand on my dick almost has me groaning out loud. I feel more turned on now watching Bryce rub his body, than I did when I was inside Asha. There is something wrong with me, I shouldn’t be reacting to him like this, this isn’t the way I should be feeling.

There have been other men in the past that I have found attractive, even though I wouldn’t admit it, but none that have made me react like this. I never thought much about those passing fancies because, as I keep telling myself, I'm not gay. But with Bryce, this attraction when he's near just feels natural, primal even. I need to either stop all these thoughts, block them out like I always have, or I need to allow myself to feel everything, see where it leads. I don’t know which scares me the most, but I know I'm going to need to make a decision really soon.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when a rolled up bandage comes flying across the changing room and hits me on the side of the head. I turn and see Jason standing staring at me.

“What?” As soon as he starts talking I wish I hadn’t opened my mouth.

“Look man, I know you like pussy. We’re all jealous of the women you get, but who the fuck are you thinking about now? Who could possibly be hot enough to have you jacking off in front off all of us?” I look down and find my hand wrapped around my dick as it continues to rub from root to base. I instantly drop it but I can’t help the redness that spreads across my cheeks.
Shit
. Normally I would give some lame answer and just get on with my shower without worrying about what these jackasses think of me, but knowing that Bryce is standing next to me has me struggling. I look at him out of the corner of my eye and see that his cheeks are just as flushed as mine and I wonder if he's remembering yesterday. Maybe he thinks I'm thinking of Asha.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? You never know, Jason, maybe it was you.” I wink at him before turning away and hiding under the water. I hear Jason laugh behind me and I'm thankful that I got away with that.

“Yeah, you wish I wanted your ass. Anyway I wanted to check you were hitting Joe’s with us tonight. You in?” After going out earlier in the week I could really do with a night in, but I never turn down a night with the guys. I turn and look over my shoulder at him.

“Bryce is invited, right?” The words are out without even checking to see if he wants to go. We’re finally getting along and I want to use the opportunity to spend some time with him, get to know him better.

“Of course, see you at nine.” He salutes me before leaving the changing room and I turn to look at Bryce. He smiles at me and I feel my heart stutter in my chest.
Shit, I need to get myself under control.

“I'm not gonna go out tonight. I'm still trying to recover from the other night.” He lifts his eyebrows at me and I know exactly what he's talking about.

“How about I promise not to drink and to also not be a dick?” He laughs and it makes me smile.

“Fine. But I swear if there is any finger fucking it better be with me.” And just like that I'm hard again, visions of my fingers on his body causing lust to race through my veins.

****

I'm sitting in a corner booth in Joe’s watching the front door but trying not to make it obvious I am. Bryce knew we were aiming to get here for nine and he said he’d be here then. I look down at my watch and see that it’s just turned nine-thirty. He's late and I'm starting to get impatient, worrying he's changed his mind about coming. I grab the glass of water in front of me and take a drink to distract myself, but the door opens again and my eyes zero in on it instantly. I feel my body relax when I see Bryce walking through it. He looks around the bar, presumably for us, and I wave my hand at him, making sure he doesn’t miss us.
Fucking hell, Zeke, get a grip
. I'm acting like lovesick ass. Joe’s isn’t a big bar, I'm pretty sure he could have easily found the large group of very noisy guys playing pool.

I resist the urge to sit on my hands as I watch him approach, but I think maybe I should when I take in what he’s wearing. He has on black jeans that hug the top of his thighs that highlights the huge muscles and a simple white t-shirt, but the way it clings to his body is making it hard as fuck for me to think coherently. In this moment I realize one very important thing, I might not be gay, but I think I want Bryce, and I don’t know where I go from here. I smile as he sits next to me and our thighs brush against each other in the tight space.

“Sorry I'm late. I got a little lost and some woman took me to a place called José’s. It was scary, and I don’t ever want to go there ever again.” His eyes widen and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I don’t even know the place she took him, there isn’t a place called José’s around here.

“How did you escape?” He's about to answer when a waitress comes over to the table.

“Hey, sexy. What can I get you to drink?” Her hands stroke Bryce’s arm as she speaks to him and I can’t help the feeling of jealousy that courses through me as I watch her hand. I want to reach out and remove her fingers from him to make sure she doesn’t touch him again. The feeling shocks me, I’ve never been possessive over anyone in my life, not even with the girls I sleep with. They can touch and sleep with all of the fighters for all I care. They’re just a place to warm my dick. So this feeling is strange, I have this need to take Bryce away from here and not let her look at him again.

“I’ll have a water, thanks.” He turns to look at what I have in front of me and I pick up my glass and shake it towards him. He smiles at me before turning back to the waitress.

“Oh, a guy like you needs something stronger than water. How about I bring you something I know you’ll like?” Pushy women don’t bother me, in fact the pushier the woman the more she gets my attention, but this one is starting to really annoy me.

“He said he wants a fucking water. How about you go get him one and bring me another.” Her eyes widen and she walks away without saying another word. Bryce is frowning when he turns to look at me.

“Are you okay? That was rather … abrupt.” I run my hands over my face and try to get a grip of myself.

‘Yeah, I'm fine. It’s been a long ass week and I think I'm tired.” I hope he accepts my excuse, it’s definitely not one I would believe.

I look down at my watch and notice that I have been sitting here for nearly two straight hours talking to Bryce without realizing it. We’ve spoken about nothing important but it’s been great just getting to know the little things about him. Yesterday still hasn’t been mentioned and as much as I would love to end the night on good terms, I know we need to talk about it. I take a drink of water, wishing like fuck it was bourbon, and get ready to bring it up. I lean forward, resting my left elbow in the table in an attempt to keep the conversation for our ears only.

“I completely hate to bring this up, and I don’t want it to ruin a great night. But … yesterday. I think we need to talk about it.” I feel his leg start to bounce against mine and I know he’s feeling as anxious as I am about this topic.

“Which part? The part where I acted like a douche, or when I caught you in the changing room with the girl?” Well there’s nothing like getting straight down to it. I notice he doesn’t mention anything about me getting an erection while fighting with him, or how I watched him when I came. He’s totally brushed over everything I did wrong and I can’t believe that he thought he was the idiot in this scenario. I know it was me, and I own it completely.

“I'm pretty sure I was the one being a dick. You were just trying to push me and I gave you nothing but attitude. That’s not the bit I meant though, I meant what happened after that, when I was in the shower.” His bouncing leg speeds up and it’s making me feel more nervous.

“Look, Zeke. There is nothing to talk about, you were … let’s just say, getting relief and I should have left you to it.” I reach down and still his knee. I know I should remove my hand but I can’t. Instead, I tighten my grip around his thigh while moving it slightly higher as I lean in and talk directly into his ear.

“I was speaking more about when you came in your shorts watching me.” I know that I’m taking a risk here and that there are a hundred different ways he could react but I don’t expect what he does. He shakes his head at me before jumping up from the table.

“Fuck you, Zeke.” With those parting words he stalks towards the exit but I'm not about to let him leave this time. He's halfway to the door when I grab him by the arm and pull him sideways into the back hall that no one uses. I push him into it and lock the door behind us. There’s no way he’s escaping before we sort this out. I need to tell him how I feel, and I need to know if he's feeling it too.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I can’t help the anger in my voice as I speak. I start pacing in front of him, my frustration making it impossible for me to keep still.

“My problem? I thought that maybe you were a decent enough guy not to take the piss out of me for what happened. My body reacted like a teenage boy, I'm so fucking sorry. I can’t help it if …” His words stop and my pacing ceases.
What the fuck was he about to say?

“Don’t stop there. You know, you have this really annoying habit of only saying half a sentence. If it’s important enough to start it then fucking finish it.” His face contorts and he looks as if he's physically in pain. He reaches up and grabs his hair and it’s his turn to start pacing. The tension he's throwing off worries me. He suddenly stops moving as he comes to stand in front of me. His eyes meet mine with an intensity that I haven’t seen before. He takes a few deep breaths, obviously bracing himself.

“I was going to say, I can’t help it if you turn me on like no one ever has before. That when I see you I can’t help but get hard, and when you came I couldn’t control my body.” I stop breathing and I'm pretty sure my heart stops beating as well. Even after everything that’s happened between us I didn’t imagine that he would actually be attracted to me, let alone openly admit it. I refuse to break eye contact, but I don’t know what to say.
How do you reply to a confession like that?

“Shit, I knew this was a bad idea.” Bryce says as he moves to barge past me but I grab him and press him up against the wall.

“Just give me a fucking minute, Bryce. This isn’t something I know anything about.” I need him to slow down, I need to think. His chest rises and falls quickly, his labored breathing matching mine.

“I don’t know what to do next.” My confession is quiet, and I'm not sure if he can hear me over his breathing.

“What do you want to do next, Zeke?” His eyes soften as he looks at me, almost like he’s pleading with me, but I'm not sure what for.