Worth the Wait (21 page)

Hostility festered as she considered how her dad’s subsequent behavior had affected her entire life. Years of neglect—of his being consumed by his own grief—had conditioned her to give much more than she ever demanded in return. Shame and fear had made her tolerate the abuse, expect it, even believe she deserved it.

Until now she hadn’t realized how much that dynamic had spilled over to all of her relationships. How could she expect anyone to love and respect her if she didn’t love and respect herself enough to require equality in her relationships?

She’d been punishing herself since the day she walked away from that crash. Well, no more. Hank and Franco were happy to give her time, attention, and effort. Never again would she allow David, or anyone, to use her as a friend of convenience.

With each passing minute, her nervousness eased. Soon she’d board the ferry and put this trip behind her forever.

C
HAPTER
E
IGHTEEN

D
avid lingered at the corner across the street from an old stone cathedral. A brilliant sun blazed in a cloudless sky, yet he felt no heat—no temperature whatsoever. He watched the attendees, all dressed in black, filing out of the church’s open doors.

Since his mother’s death, his muscles constricted any time he crossed paths with a funeral procession. This time was no different, except he felt inexplicably drawn to this particular occasion. But why?

He needed to go to Vivi. She’d be waiting for him. As usual, the thought of seeing her lightened his mood. He turned to leave, then caught sight of Catalina and Jackson amid the mourners. Unease set in. His hasty steps carried him across the street as if he’d been floating.

“Why are you here?” His gaze moved from his brother to his sister.

“Why
weren’t
you here?” Cat’s angry eyes scorched him. “Why are you dressed so casually? Don’t you care at all?”

Bewildered, he wondered if his father had died and he’d somehow not known. That couldn’t be right. Something was off—and terribly wrong.

Jackson lowered his brows scornfully before shrugging dismissively and wrapping his arm around Cat. “We’ll miss her, but she’s with Mom now.”

“Who?” David’s voice resonated impatience. “Who will you miss?”

His brother’s and sister’s apparent disdain irked him.

“Vivi, David,” Cat choked out. “Vivi’s dead.”

David’s eyes snapped open just before he bolted upright in bed. A chill swept through him, but his labored breathing settled once the nightmare faded. Falling back to his pillow, he flung his forearm across his eyes. Thank God. A world without Vivi would be bleak.

With his eyes closed, he curled his body into a fetal position, hugging the pillows. He buried his nose in them and inhaled her scent, which lingered in the bed.
Sweet Vivi
. The memory of her naked body tangled in his sheets aroused him. If he didn’t smell her perfume, he might believe last night had also been a dream—a fantastic dream.

He’d never have anticipated the best sex of his life would be with his childhood friend. The tiny girl with tremendous heart. The intensity of his persistent desire surprised him. An unexpected outcome.

One he doubted would diminish any time soon.

Once he returned to New York, the demands of his profession would help push the memory of last night from his mind. He’d just been assigned to another prominent transaction. The details would dominate his time and attention.
Shit.
He winced at the thought of working with Laney on the deal.

The near future looked grim, especially the immediate challenge of hanging out with Vivi today as if nothing had changed. No matter what he’d told himself or her, everything between them was different now. His body throbbed as he envisioned her asleep in a bed downstairs. Was she awake and thinking of him?

He scowled, remembering how she’d torn out of his room last night like Cinderella at midnight. Perhaps her point about Cat finding her bed empty rang true, but it had seemed sudden.

Ending it quickly, however, might have been for the best. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Better their friendship suffer a temporary setback than she risk everything for him when he was too lost and broken to think clearly.

He stretched and glanced at the clock. Seven twenty. Vivi might be in the kitchen making breakfast now. His pulse quickened. Then he felt ridiculous for panicking. He’d negotiated with some of the toughest lawyers on the planet; surely he could maintain a poker face around Vivi for twenty-four hours. The only real question was whether she could do the same. Then a second question popped into his head: Could he keep from seducing her tonight?

Dammit
. He was in trouble.

A quick run would ease his nerves; it always did the trick. He tied his shoelaces and blew out a deep breath. When he descended the steps, Hank looked up from the kitchen table.

“Good morning, Hank.” David glanced around.

“Feeling better today?” Hank straightened in his chair. “Yesterday was pretty lousy.”

“It was,” David replied. “I have a better perspective this morning.”

“Too bad Vivi didn’t feel the same.” Hank studied David, as if expecting a certain reaction.

“Oh?” David fiddled with his iPhone, trying to act indifferent. “What gives you that impression?”

Hank tossed a piece of paper across the table. “She’s gone home.”

David’s lips twitched despite every effort to keep his expression blank. He scanned the note, although his eyes couldn’t focus on the words with everything around him turning black.

She’d left without saying good-bye.

To get away from him? Probably. He’d hurt her, exactly as he’d warned her he would.

Overwhelming desire had hijacked his judgment last night. Now a sense of panic threatened to do so again if he didn’t get control of himself. Though lost in thought, he gradually became aware of Hank’s scrutiny. With effort, he relaxed his posture and studied Vivi’s note once more.

“No explanation?” He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. “Maybe it’s her father. He gives her no peace.”

“Is that right?” Hank’s voice revealed sarcasm.

Not only had Hank buddied up to Vivi all week, but he’d been studying David, too. Hank’s gaze felt intrusive, and David never liked being in the hot seat.

“You’ve been judging me all week and I’m sick of it.” David crossed his arms. “If you have something to say, then spit it out.”

“Chill, David.” Hank steepled his fingers. “I’m just trying to figure you out. I mean, you seem to care about Jackson, Cat, and Vivi, yet you aren’t really there when they need you.”

“Maybe it looks that way to you. Whether or not anyone believes me, I am doing what is best, just as I’ve always done. They might not admit it, but they know I’m always here for them.”

Hank shrugged. “If you say so.”

David wondered if they’d all confided these thoughts to Hank, or if he was drawing his own conclusions. He wouldn’t ask. Hank didn’t appear to be the kind of guy to betray a confidence. David might never know the answer, but he knew one thing for certain: no way would he defend himself to Hank. He tossed the note back on the table. “Cat will be disappointed.”

The kitchen clock read seven thirty-five; twenty-five minutes remained before the ferry left. If he sprinted, he might make it to the harbor in time. “I’m on my way out for a long run. Be back in an hour.”

He inserted his earphones and jogged down the steps, dismissing Hank and his conjecture.

Once outside, he dialed Vivi’s cell. No answer. He stood in the middle of the road an
d glanced at the darkening sky. Three and a half miles to the harbor. He’d end up stuck in a downpour. He hesitated, considering his options. If she stayed, he’d be too tempted to get her alone again.

Everything would be easy if it were only sex. But last night he’d been captivated like never before. He wished he could trust these feelings. Wished he could be the man to make all Vivi’s dreams come true. Wished he believed they could withstand whatever Cat and Jackson threw at them, along with all the other obstacles couples face.

Regrettably, he’d lost all faith in happy endings when he caught his dad with Janet. And without more certainty about the outcome of a romantic relationship with Vivi, he couldn’t let her jeopardize her relationship with his entire family. He’d have to hold back, to let go of fantasies that they could build some lasting love.

Sorrow gripped him. Whether today or tomorrow, next week or next year, the result would be the same. He should let her go now.

But something coaxed his feet to move. His sluggish pace broke into an all-out run.

He reached the harbor at five past eight. The ferry churned through the water several hundred yards offshore.
Goddamn it!

He’d run two women off the island in an equal number of days.
One hell of a record
, he thought grimly.

Standing on the shore, he watched the increasing distance between Vivi and him. He called her phone again only to be sent to voice mail. Apparently physical distance alone wouldn’t satisfy her.

He stood in the middle of the parking lot, uncertain of his next move. Minutes passed before the charcoal sky began spitting fat raindrops on his face. Frowning, he looked up at what probably wouldn’t be a passing storm. Not what he needed now, but probably what he deserved. In the absence of thunder, he decided to head home rather than take cover in town.

On a good day, the ascent from town to the cliffs made the run home a hearty challenge. Today, it plain sucked. Within minutes, his soaking clothes clung to him. Wet socks and soggy shoes rubbed against the backs of his ankles, causing blisters to form by the time he returned home.

He stepped inside the house and sneezed in the air-conditioned space. Trotting upstairs with the intention of bypassing the group and taking a hot shower, his plans were derailed by his sister.

“Did you know Vivi left?” Cat asked.

“Hank told me before my run.” Had Vivi taken Cat’s call? Perhaps she wasn’t avoiding him; perhaps her phone was dead. “Have you spoken with her?”

“Just hung up. Her dad left some disturbing messages last night, but she hasn’t been able to reach him this morning.” Cat crossed to the coffeepot and refilled her cup. “I’ll bet he got drunk, mumbled a bunch of garbage, then passed out. No doubt he’ll be fine, yet he found a way to ruin her vacation.”

Though plausible, David doubted the explanation. Now he had confirmation that Vivi was, in fact, avoiding him. She fabricated this excuse about her dad, just like she had when David had blown up over the paella.

Her father hadn’t ruined her vacation—David had. Another reason to hate this version of himself.

“I’m going to shower.” God forbid any of them noticed the sickening emotions roiling inside him.

Thankfully, the hot water relaxed some of the tension in his neck and shoulders. Dried and dressed for the day, David returned to the kitchen to make breakfast. Jackson had joined Cat and Hank in the adjacent living room. Rather than seek their company, David ate alone at the counter.

He’d deal with Vivi later. First he had to finalize the end of his relationship with Laney. What he’d experienced with Vivi only underscored the hollowness of what he shared with Laney.

He almost resented now learning he might not be satisfied with the type of relationship he’d previously found comforting, especially when the one that felt so much better was taboo.

David stirred his coffee while remembering the look in Vivi’s eyes when they’d made love. Seeing that love staring back at him again had been the sweetest victory. Even now, he felt drawn to her despite her absence.

What in the hell was he going to do with these feelings? And how would he salvage their friendship? Jesus, he’d fucked everything up.

Jackson’s hand clamped onto his shoulder, breaking his daze.

“How are you today?” Jackson appeared genuinely empathetic. He plopped onto the stool next to David. “Between Laney and Dad, I’m sure you’re having a rough one.”

David gaped at his brother, having completely forgotten about his father’s impending wedding.
How is that possible?
He set his spoon aside and sighed. “I’ll survive.”

Jackson nodded and flashed a sheepish grin. “Not really another option, is there?”

The simple statement of fact sank David’s heart. He had no options. He’d been sleepwalking through his life lately, waiting to feel better. Instead of controlling his situation, he’d let it control him, which hurt the people he most loved. Defeated, he shook his head. Jackson set his elbow on the counter and leaned his jaw against his fist.

“Are you ever going to let us in on your beef with Dad?” he asked.

“No.” David’s sharp answer came quickly. The image of his mother’s pleading face flashed through his mind, strengthening his resolve. “I’m sorry it bothers you. I wish it didn’t.”

“I barely recognize you, David,” Cat called out from the sofa, her large eyes filled with concern. “I believe you think you’re doing the right thing, but it feels wrong to me. You should’ve stayed and grieved with us instead of running away. Even now you’re only half-present.”

“I’m sorry, Cat.” David sighed and dropped his head to his hands. “I love you both. That doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to some privacy with respect to my personal problems, whether they involve Dad, Laney, or anyone else.”
Vivi.

“You’re the same as Dad,” Jackson muttered. “Tight-lipped. Closed off.”

“I don’t particularly appreciate the comparison, Jackson.” David shoved his mug aside. No insult could have hit him harder. “Trust me, I’m nothing like Dad.”

“So I take it you won’t be attending his wedding?” Jackson sat back, arms crossed.

“You assume correctly.” David refused to be the first to break eye contact.

“Are you pissed he’s not still mourning Mom?” Jackson leaned forward. “I know it hasn’t quite been two years, but doesn’t he deserve another shot at love?”

David reminded himself of Jackson’s ignorance regarding the timing of their father’s “love” affair with Janet. His mother’s voice rang in his ears.
“Don’t tear everyone apart, David. Please! You’ll only bring more pain to everyone. Let your brother and sister keep their memories of our family intact.”

He held his tongue. Seething at the injustice of the situation, his outrage rolled off him in ripples, like heat waves.

Jackson stood up, shaking his head. “Hell, someone in this family should be happily in love. You, Cat, and I sure aren’t having any luck.”

“Hey,” Cat chimed in from across the room. “Speak for your
self.”

David snapped, his recent disappointments and mistakes bringing him to his knees. Like a cornered animal, he came back biting. “Guess what? I don’t give a fuck what Dad does. I’m just not interested in being any part of it.”