Worthy of Redemption (5 page)

I felt disgusting still wearing the same clothes I put on twenty-four hours before. I stepped into Kyle’s walk-in closet and was surprised by how organized it was. On one side his suits were arranged by color, as were his dress shirts. The other side held more casual clothes, also color coordinated. His shoes were arranged by type – dress, casual, and athletic. I took a more casual button down, blue shirt and then took a pair of boxers from a bureau in the bedroom. Judging by the snippets of conversation I was hearing from the other room, he was going to be awhile. I went into the master bath and stripped out of my day old clothes and started the shower.

I honestly didn’t know how Kyle was going to feel about me rooting through his closet and drawers and subsequently borrowing his clothes, but when our little moment of time together ended, and I knew it would, I at least wanted to be wea
ring clean underwear. Even if they weren’t mine.

As I washed my hair with his shampoo, I tried to think of my week ahead and all of the things I had to do at
SHOTZ
and
not
about my morning in bed with Kyle or all of the things I learned about him. I tried to think about the alcohol I had to order, the upcoming inspection with the fire marshal, and the major scrub down the place needed, and
not
about Kyle’s tongue in my mouth and his hands cupping my breasts. I tried to focus on the event I was having at the bar on Valentine’s Day that would benefit local cancer patients, and not the fact that all of the things I had learned about Kyle not only didn’t truly repel me, but made me feel a little deeper for him. He reminded me of a lost little boy who had been very ill behaved and now he was just trying to redeem himself but no one noticed or cared.

But it didn’t matter what I thought or what I felt. Even though he wanted to kiss me so badly, I knew it wasn’t really about
me
. As he said himself, he was fucked up in the head, and I didn’t disagree. After his faux father’s visit, there was no disputing that. He was fucked up in the head pre-Emmy, but I believe he went over the edge when he beat her and he was still in the pit he had fallen into. I was just another warm body who happened to be occupying the same space with him. I was replaceable and forgettable.

I didn’t want to have to have that uncomfortable conversation, about how he was sorry he made a mistake,
etc.
I already knew it was a mistake, but I didn’t need it said to my face. After I got out of the shower, I quickly dressed in Kyle’s clothes and pulled my own jeans back on. I found a small plastic bag under the sink and stuffed my bloody shirt and day old underwear i
nside and tied it tight. I opened the bathroom door half expecting to find Kyle sitting on the bed, but he wasn’t there. Standing in the doorway of the bedroom, I listened for him. I didn’t hear his voice, but I heard the clicking of a keyboard in the guest room. I was half tempted to leave my phone behind, but I needed it.

Kyle sat in the guestroom with his back to me, typing madly on the keyboard. My phone was a few inches from the laptop. I left the bag with my clothes outside the door and walked in.

“Are you finished with this?” I asked him as I picked up the phone.

He nodded without even giving me a glance or pausing in his typing.

“Your keys are in the freezer,” I said as I crossed the room.

He didn’t answer or give any indication that he had heard me, but I knew he did. I left the room, grabbing my bag along the way. I went into the kitchen and took his keys out of the freezer. I put them on the end table next to the couch. I thought about leaving a note, but what could I possibly say? There was nothing to say. I was sorry for his problems, especially his family problems, but there was nothing I could do. He let me in briefly, but he was already shutting me out. I didn’t want to be
that
girl, trying to save someone who didn’t want me to save him. I wasn’t trying to test Kyle, but if he really wanted me or my friendship, he knew where to find me.

I took my jacket out of the closet and slipped quietly out of Kyle’s life.

A year and a half later…

~Kyle~

“I wish you never found me in the bar.”

Emmy stood with her back to me, looking out of the large window at the far off Philadelphia skyline. I knew she was trying to put some distance between us, but I didn’t care as I approached her from behind. I inhaled the scent of her hair. It reminded me of vanilla and cherries, a sweet smell that invaded my senses and made me want to tangle my hands in her hair and pull her to me and let her feel the affect that she had on me.

“If it wasn’t there, it would have been somewhere else,” I said in her ear as my hands slipped down her sides and rested on her hips.

I felt her tense under my hands. I knew if I ran my thumb across her nipple or slipped my hand into her jeans, she would yield to me. If I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her slender neck, her stubborn will would break and she would be mine forever. I wanted her to want me without me seducing her into it, but being so close to her was almost too much to take after such a long absence. I was just about to pull her up against me, but she suddenly moved away.

“I should go,” she said and speed walked to her enormous pocketbook.

“Emmy,” I said, closely following her. I caught a hold of her wrist just as she reached the door. It was the same wrist I broke two years ago. The thought made me sick to my stomach, but I quickly pushed it out of my mind. I had to remind her of what we had, how much she used to want me and how much I still wanted her.

“I can’t deal with losing you again,” I said to her. “What do you want me to do?” I would have done anythi
ng for her to keep her. I would have given up anything.

She looked up at me, her mouth slightly parted and a confused and pained look in her eyes.

“I don’t think…” she shook her head as she stared at me with her beautiful brown and green blended eyes.

“Nothing I can do?” I asked. “We just had a really nice night. I know you don’t really mean that. You had a good time.”

“I did, but…” she blinked hard, trying hard to look away from me. “It’s not enough,” she whispered.

I knew she was still struggling with her feelings for me. I could feel it in my soul. If I had to seduce her to make her break through those walls, then so be it.

“Kiss me,” I said, leaning in close to her.

“No,” she said, but it wasn’t as firmly as she probably meant it to be.

She tried to move away, but I grabbed her shoulders. Yeah, I was out of line, but I had been out of line since the first time I kissed her.

“Kiss me, and then if you still want to walk out of the door, I will let you,” I said.

“I can’t,” she whispered, but made no effort to get away from me.

“Because you know how it will make you feel,” I said. I used my own body to press hers up against the door. I pressed my erection against her thigh, not far from her heated core. “You want to kiss me, though. Don’t you?” I whispered.

I moved in slowly, preparing to taste her lips and sweet mouth again. It’s something I ached for every day for nearly two years. As a last ditch effort, Emmy closed her mouth tight. I flicked my tongue across her bottom lip and almost groaned.

“Open,” I demanded and tried to part her lips with my tongue. I growled low in my throat, growing frustrated and harder with her refusal to give me what we both needed. “Open your fucking mouth. You want to kiss me,” I said. “Open.”

When she still didn’t open her precious lips, I decided on a different route. Moving quickly, I put my hand up her skirt and was immediately rewarded with her damp pussy and engorged clit. She gasped and I stole the opportunity to finally get my tongue into that luscious mouth. I heard a low groan escape from her throat, and knew that I had her - until with strength I never knew her to have, she shoved my hand away from her and turned her head, releasing herself from our kiss.

“You want me,” I whispered in her ear. Again, I thought she was folding, but again I was wrong.

“I didn’t come here for this!” she screamed as she shoved me away from her.

A sudden burst of anger boiled up to the surface of my own lips. Why the fuck did she come here if she didn’t want what I wanted? Did she come here just to tease me?

“Then what did you come here for?” I yelled at her. “Did you think that we could just pretend that nothing ever happened between us?” I closed the distance between us, trying to calm down. “I know you love me, Emmy,” I said.

I reached out to touch her, and she almost let me, but with a pained expression on her face, she shoved me away again.

“You hurt me!” she screamed. “You put your hands on me and you hurt me.”

“I was fucked up on drugs, Emmy. I’m so
rry. I don’t even remember it,” I said, as if not remembering it was a viable excuse for my actions.

“It’s not just the drugs and the abuse, Kyle. You weren’t strong enough to stand up to your dad and to Jessyca.”

“But I eventually did!” Even in my ears, I knew I sounded like a little boy saying that.

“Eventually was not soon enough, Kyle,” she said bitterly. She reached into her house-sized bag and produced the bracelet I had given her after she had her cast removed. She thrust it at me, but I stepped back from her, as if the thing was poisonous.

“That was a gift. I don’t want it back.” Somehow, it felt like taking back the bracelet would sever us forever. Sever everything, all of our feelings, all of our memories, all of
us
.

“You need to take it back,” she demanded. “This is why I’m here. I’ve been holding onto it, in essence holding on to you. I have to let you go.”

I could tell that it pained her to say that. She didn’t really want to let me go…did she?

“You don’t have to,”
I said, feeling hopeful that she would agree.

“What do you expect me to do, Kyle? Tear my son away from his father and move into your shiny new apartment with you? Tear him away from his family and everything he knows? Is that what you want? It probably is, Kyle, because you don’t give two shits about the aftermath when you get what you want. You smooth talk your way into getting things your way and then when it gets too fucking hard you duck out or shove some meth up your nose. You beat me and you could have killed me and Lucas. That broke me. I will never be with you again.”

She shook the bracelet in my face. I was too sickened by her words to move.

“Take the fucking bracelet!” Emmy shrieked.

Stunned, sick, and feeling like the biggest fuck up of all time, I took the bracelet from her. It may as well have weighed ten thousand pounds; it felt so heavy in my hand.

“Thank you,” she said, straightening her shoulders. She opened the door and stepped out.

“I am very sorry,” I said to her back.

Without a second glance, she walked away. I kicked the door shut before I went after her again. I stared at the closed door for a good five minutes before I finally stumbled back to the living room.

That was it. She was gone. I knew she was gone forever. There was no hope left, nothing left for me to hold onto but the stupid ass bracelet.

With a roar filled with pain and anger, I threw the bracelet across the room, barely hearing it clink to the floor over the sound of my own grief.

~Lily~

The last thing I wanted to do was put on my corporate high heels and work behind a desk in paper pushing servitude, but the quickest way to my goal was to humble myself, cover my tattoos and walk into Sterling Corporation like I b
elonged there.

Okay, so it helped to have a friend on the inside.

Mayson tucked a pencil behind her ear and spun in a full circle in her chair, looking for a misplaced file. Her desk was overflowing with them. So was her floor.

“Ummm…” Mayson bit her bottom lip and tapped a file with her fingers.

“What are you looking for?” I asked, reaching for a chocolate in a mug perched on the corner of her desk.

Her eyes narrowed at the chocolate as I un
-wrapped it.

“Only because you’re unemployed and homeless will I allow that act of treachery, Lillian Whitman,” she said.

“Yeah, but I’m not unemployed anymore, right?” I asked before popping the chocolate goodness into my mouth.

She broke out into a smile. “No, you are not. I’m just not sure where to put you. There have been a lot of changes, people coming and going – mostly g
oing…” She frowned. “Anyway, I don’t want to throw you to the wolves, you know?”

“I can handle anything you throw at me,” I said and sat up a little straighter. “I’ve been tending bar since I was seventeen. I’ve handled plenty of wolves, and pigs, dogs, and jackas
ses.”

“Seventeen? Is that even legal?” she asked warily.

“Define legal.”

“Never mind,” she said, shaking her head. “
Lily, you’ve never been in the corporate world. There aren’t just wolves and jackasses, there are
sharks
.”

“Listen, we’re wasting time,” I said, stealing another chocolate. “I can ha
ndle anything and anyone. I’ll learn anything I need to learn quickly. You know I’ll work my ass off.”

Mayson sat back in her chair and eyed me carefully. “There is a position that I’m having a hard time filling. I wanted to hire from within the company, but not many
seem to want it.”

“What is it? Cleaning toilets?” I smirked.

“You remember Kyle, don’t you?” she asked carefully.

I didn’t blink, raise an eyebrow, or shift in my seat. I had memories of Kyle that most likely no one else but he and I were aware of.

“Yes, I remember Kyle,” I said. “What about him?”

“He’s heading a new department. The assistant that replaced Emmy has been promoted, so she was unable to follow him. As I said, the department is brand new. He needs an assistant
and office manager. Besides the fact that he is extremely demanding and can be a real dick, it’s just going to be a lot of work getting everything rolling correctly. The pay is spectacular, and you’ll get benefits after sixty days.”

“Well…” I sighed. “You know I’m not looking to stay with the company forever, right? This is just a means for me to get where I need to get. How long do you think it will take to get this department up and running?”

“A year, maybe less. Depends on your team,” she said with a shrug. “I figured you’d be here a year to eighteen months.”

“That’s about right.”

“Usually, I wouldn’t hire someone for a position like that if they weren’t planning on staying for a long time,” she said. She looked like she was having second thoughts.

“Listen, Mayson,” I said, leaning forward. “I like a challenge. If you have any other pos
itions that are equally challenging and have a spectacular pay, I’ll take any of them. If not, let me be the dick’s assistant. I promise I can do it, and I promise I will not leave before the department is up and running. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find out that I like the corporate world and never leave.”

Mayson snickered. “I highly doubt you’ll change your dreams after working for Kyle Sterling for a year. You’ll be running for the exit at the end, trust me.”

“So, you’ll give me the position?”

“Yes,” she said with resignation. “You’ll have to go through some basic training and or
ientation for a week or so, and then you’ll be able to join Kyle.”

“Thank you,” I breathed. “I owe you for this.”

“I look forward to endless free food and drinks when you finally open your establishment.” She stamped a yellow sheet of paper and handed it to me. “Come back tomorrow morning at eight-thirty and go see Harriet down the hall. She’ll get you started.”

“I’ll be here,” I said getting to my feet.

“Good luck,” she said, already distracted. She spun around in her chair again. “Now, where’s my pencil?"

I stepped into the corridor and headed towards the elevators, wondering if I had finally climbed aboard the train to Crazy by taking a job working directly for Kyle Sterling, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I really needed that paycheck. As Mayson had pointed out, I was a
lready homeless – I was homeless before the bar burned down. I spent my nights on a friend’s couch in North Camden, and even that was beginning to look unreliable. If I didn’t get a decent income soon, I was going to end up sleeping on the streets of Philadelphia.

The elevator arrived as I tried to shake that thought.
I was putting the paper Mayson gave me into my bag as I stepped on, only glancing at the one pair of shoes in the cab to make sure that I wouldn’t run into anyone. While I was in my bag, I thought I’d have a piece of gum. The smell of spearmint in the bag was strong, but the gum eluded me. With a sigh, I gave up and finally dared to steal a glance at my one elevator companion.

Kyle Sterling pinned me against the wall with his cold eyes.

Well, at least we’re getting the awkward part done with…

I didn’t get a “hello” or a “hey” or a “what’s up” or anything decent from Kyle when he finally spoke.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. His eyes flittered over me with something that looked like disgust.

“Same as you,” I answered. With great effort, I didn’t roll my eyes at my new boss. “I’m taking the elevator down to the lobby.”

“This elevator is going to the twenty-first floor,” he said coolly.

I looked at the one lit up button. Maybe if I had been paying attention and not thinking a
bout being homeless, I would have noticed the up arrow lit up above the doors. I punched the L button with a little more force than necessary.

“You haven’t answered my question,” he said, stepping up beside me.

“Applying for a position,” I said, watching the numbers tick up to twenty-one. It felt as if the elevator was moving painfully slow, delaying Kyle’s departure from the cab that suddenly felt much smaller.

I saw him nod once out of the corner of my eye. “Of course. Mayson helped you out then?”

“Mmm hmm,” I nodded.

How much slower can this thing go!

“Where did she put you? Mail room? Data processing?”

I finally looked at him, one of my newly waxed, ring-free eyebrows raised in a challenge.

“What makes you think she’s put me in the mail room or data processing?” I asked.

“Up until a few weeks ago you were merely a barmaid for several years,” he said from his high horse. “Where else would she put you?”

“So, because I was ‘merely a barmaid’ I must not have any redeeming corporate abilities?”

He only stared at me with his cool gaze. His silence was a loud and clear r
esponse to my question. I turned my attention back to the dials and was relieved to see the number twenty-one light up, quickly followed by the dinging sound I never thought I’d enjoy more. Kyle took his time stepping off of the elevator, but then he stood in the entranceway, holding the door open, staring at me again.

“Why do you need to know where I will be working?” I asked, not hiding my irritation.

“I could use a file clerk in my department,” he said.

“A file clerk?” I laughed. “Well, as your assistant and office manager, if I find that I can’t control my urge to staple you to a wall, I’ll ask you for a demotion – to file clerk.”

I gave him a gentle shove and grinned with satisfaction at his surprised face as the elevator doors closed.