Wrestling With Love (5 page)

“No, Scott, that’s not why I chose it for you. Have you actually seen yourself when you wear it?”

Scott shook his head. “No, I just throw it on and leave.”

“Well, if you took a moment to look at yourself with that on, you would know why I want you to wear it.” Derek imagined Scott in the tank with his broad shoulders, 24

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prominent collar bones, strong pecs, and tan skin on display with only two small straps of cloth to block clear view of his muscles. The tank also hugged his abdomen, highlighting his well-defined torso and creating the perfect picture of masculinity and strength. I fuckin’ love that tank top.

Scott smiled. “Ok, you’re the boss.” He threw a pair of black combat boots into the duffle bag along with his toiletry kit and was done packing. “Let’s head over to your house now so I can pick out your wardrobe.”

They went to the kitchen to say goodbye to Scott’s mother, Shannon, who was reading while drinking a glass of wine. “We’re off,” Scott said. “I’ll call you when we get there to let you know we’re safe.”

Shannon got up and gave Scott and Derek each a hug. “You boys are going to have such a wonderful time. New York is so breathtaking. It’s so full of life and energy and culture. Drive carefully and have fun.”

Derek had already packed his clothes in a small bag, so when they got to his house, he dumped his things into Scott’s bag. His parents provided the same dutiful warnings of driving safely, then walked them out to Derek’s car.

Claire gave Scott a hug, then pulled Derek into a tight embrace. She had been doing more and more of that as the beginning of college approached. “Have fun you two. Do you have enough money?”

Derek and Scott each had two hundred dollars for the trip, saved up from various birthdays and graduation gifts. “I think so. We should be fine.” Derek tossed their bag into the backseat of his car and they pulled out of the driveway. As Derek settled into his seat, getting ready for the trip by making sure everything was adjusted the way he wanted it, Scott rifled through the CD collection. Pulling one out, he slipped it into the stereo hiding the cover so Derek wouldn’t know which one he had chosen.

Derek rolled his eyes. “Which CD did you put in? This is going to be a long ride. Shouldn’t we make sure I enjoy the music choice as well?”

Scott smiled, a sinister playfulness tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Are you trying to say you don’t trust my judgment?”

“I’m…you…shut up.” Heat rushed to his cheeks and he was sure they had flushed red.

“Nice comeback.” Scott leaned back in his seat and within a few second the car was filled with the sounds of Howie Day. Acoustic guitar and folk-songy vocals combined to create a soulful, relaxed mood. “Oh, I like this. I’ve never heard him before.”

Derek was thrilled with the CD choice. This particular record had his favorite song, Madrigals. It wasn’t so much the song that Derek liked, but the way Howie played it. The way he slowly integrated one sound, recorded it to his mixing machine, looped it, and then added another sound was what inspired Derek in his own mixing. This particular version of Madrigals represented everything he strove for when mixing. 25

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“Fast forward to track four. That song is what you can expect when we get to the show tonight.” Scott obeyed and reclined in his seat so he was lying back. His shirt lifted out of the waist of his pants revealing a thin trail of blond hair and copper-toned skin. Just the sight of his pelvis, the sculpted oblique muscles curving toward his groin, guiding Derek’s eyes to the spot just under the button that he longed to touch and taste, drove him mad with desire. Pushing the thoughts to the side, he focused on the music and lifted his gaze to glance at Scott’s face.

Scott’s eyes were closed and he had his hands resting on his stomach, his fingers tapping to the beat Howie was recording. A thin smile lit up his face as his head nodded back and forth. As Howie began to sing the melody, he opened his eyes and looked at Derek. Seeing the motion, Derek glanced at him and was struck by the awe in his eyes. He smiled then turned back to face the road. “Pretty good, isn’t he?”

“How have you not played this for me before? I totally get your music now. All through high school when I watched you mix for the parties, I knew you were inspired by this guy, but I had no idea you modeled your work after him. It’s amazing. Your stuff is just like his.”

Derek’s chest protruded a bit as he filled with pride. “You think? My mixing sounds like his? Really?”

Scott sat up. “Fuck yeah. Is he gonna play stuff like this tonight?”

“Probably. He usually stretches a couple of songs out, creatively mixing various beats and sounds together like this. It’s why I love him so much.”

Scott closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat once again. “You love him, huh? Should I be jealous?”

Derek laughed. “Hardly. He’s straight.”

“But if he were gay…”

“You’d still have nothing to worry about. I may love him, but I’m freakin’ head over heels for you.” He reached over and placed his hand on Scott’s leg, then realized what he had done and instinctively pulled his hand away. Scott managed to catch his hand before he could remove it entirely, bringing it back to rest on his lap. “I like how hot your hands are. I can feel the heat straight through the fabric of my jeans.”

Derek’s heart pumped just a bit faster and his breathing became just a hint shallower. “You don’t mind?”

“Why should I mind?” Scott laughed. “We’re alone in the car. No one else is around to watch or bug us. We’re heading to New York together to enjoy your graduation gift to me. Why would I mind you touching me?”

“I guess no reason.” Derek continued driving, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on Scott’s lap, listening to the melodies of his favorite musician. Derek had driven to the city with his parents a few times and recalled that the trip seemed very long. With Scott in the car, the trip seemed to fly by, and Derek was 26

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surprised when they crossed the Connecticut-New York border. “Wow, we’re almost there. That went fast.”

Beck’s uncle, Joshua Stoltz, lived in the West Village. They followed the signs which led them to the Henry Hudson Parkway and drove down to Christopher Street. As they turned off the Parkway and drove through the West Village, they saw thousands of people on the streets. There were old ladies, young couples, kids on skateboards, people dressed in suits, people barely dressed at all. Derek saw two men, probably in their mid-twenties, holding hands as they strolled down the sidewalk. Neither glanced around to see if anyone was watching. To his surprise, the people walking by them paid no attention either. As he drove, he noticed there were lots of gay couples. “Scott, look, there are so many guys holding hands and, look, there’s a couple kissing over there.”

Scott had been observing the scene too, not with the same thrilled sense of awe, but with a hint of shock and maybe even horror in his face. “I know. I can’t believe it. If we walked around Harvard Square like that we’d probably get beaten up or, at the very least, we would draw comments and stares. I don’t know if I could do that.”

As Derek watched them, he had reached a totally different conclusion. If it was okay for all these people to hold hands and show affection, then it should be okay for him and Scott to do the same. “It’s different, but I like it. Maybe we should have applied to colleges here instead of Boston.”

They arrived at Christopher Street and spent another twenty minutes looking for a parking space. It seemed most streets didn’t allow parking between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. except for loading trucks. Finally giving up, they found a parking garage and drove in to park their car. The prices were ridiculously high. Back home, an overnight parking spot cost about twelve dollars. Here, they would have to pay almost forty. Deciding it was a worthwhile expense, Derek handed over his keys and told the attendant that they would be leaving before 5:00 p.m. the next day. Beck’s uncle was forty-two and worked as a psychologist. He was gay and had a boyfriend, Pierre, who worked in the fashion industry, although Derek questioned Beck’s definition of fashion when she informed him Pierre was a sales clerk at H&M. They lived in a sizable apartment on the top floor of their building located on Christopher Street in the heart of the gay part of the West Village. Everything about city life was new and exciting. As they walked up the steps to Josh’s building and pressed his apartment number, Derek jumped when a voice sounded in his ear. “Derek? Scott?”

“Yes. It’s us.”

“Great. You’re right on time. I’ll buzz you in. Come to the top floor.” They heard a buzzing sound and Scott opened the door.

When they arrived at the apartment and Josh opened the door, Derek was taken aback. Beck’s description of her uncle left much to be desired. Josh was tall and welltoned, standing at five feet, eleven inches and weighing in at one hundred ninety-five pounds, he guessed. His body was well proportioned and he had perfect teeth. 27

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“Welcome boys,” he said, beckoning them inside. “I hope your trip wasn’t too long. Did you hit much traffic?”

Josh drew them into the front hall. Beck’s description of this too, had left much to the imagination. The apartment was small, but the way it was decorated made it seem spacious. The living room and kitchen were connected, forming one large open space. A table, positioned along the wall near the kitchen, gave a slight separation between the two rooms, and the furniture, antique couches with stained wooden legs and chairs with similarly colored leather cushioning, were placed at angles so the room didn’t have a square feel to it.

Derek shook Josh’s hand. “No, not at all. We just got to talking and before we knew it we were here.”

Josh smiled. “I remember the days when I was young and took road trips with my friends. So exciting!” Josh had a dreamy look in his eyes. “You two make a handsome couple. Beck said you were cute together. I see she wasn’t exaggerating.”

Scott stiffened slightly. Not enough to be noticed, but enough for Derek to know Josh’s comment had bothered him. He, on the other hand, felt entirely at ease. “I guess it’s one of the few times that she managed not to exaggerate. You know how she is.”

Josh flashed a knowing smile. “Yes. I know. It’s wrong of me to say so, but she is my favorite of all my nieces and nephews. She has always had a certain flair. I guess I’ve felt she and I were kindred spirits.” He walked over to a chair in the living room and sat down. “Please, take a seat.”

Derek and Scott walked to the couch and sat next to one another.

“So Derek, you’ve known her since kindergarten. I’m surprised I never met you before. I’ve heard all about you though.”

Derek smiled. “Well, I only just came out to her a couple of years ago, so she probably didn’t even think to introduce the two of us until then. Most of the time she and her parents came here to visit you and now I can see why. This city is exciting.”

Scott had become surprisingly silent. Derek reached over and placed a hand on his leg without even thinking. He felt the muscle under his hand begin to tremble and saw Scott sit up a bit straighter. Jesus, Scott. He’s Beck’s uncle. He knows we’re a couple. Josh continued, seemingly unaware of the silent interchange between Derek and Scott. “Yes, I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourselves. The Bowery Ballroom used to be quite a dance spot back in the day. Now it’s turned into a concert hall and the newest and most alternative musicians play there. Come, let me show you to your room.”

Josh led them down a short narrow hallway. The first door they came to was the guest room. It contained a queen sized bed, a dresser, and a television. Scott placed their bag on the bed. “Let me show you the rest of the place,” Josh said. Continuing down the hallway, they came to another door. It was Josh and Pierre’s room. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway. “Well, this is my home. You’re welcome to it any time you like. Maybe you boys would like to settle in for a little while 28

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before dinner. I’ve made reservations for us to have dinner at six o’clock. I hope that’s okay.”

Derek looked up. “Oh, you don’t have to take us to dinner. It’s nice enough you’re letting us stay here.”

“Nonsense. Like I said, Beck is my special girl. I have no children of my own so when I get the chance to spoil her or her friends, I take advantage of it. And, I’m paying. No discussion or arguments.”

Derek tried to protest, but Josh was insistent so he gave up, allowing his generosity. Once in the guest room, Scott closed the door and began unpacking their things. Derek lay down on the bed and observed him. His movements were quick and he was silent. Derek already knew it was because of how open everything had been. The men on the street, Josh openly acknowledging the two of them as a couple, Derek’s hand on his leg, all of it represented the one thing that distinguished the two of them from each other. Where Derek felt like he had stepped into his own personal heaven, he assumed Scott felt the exact opposite. The question was whether he should bring it up or wait for Scott to.

After several minutes of silence, Derek realized he would have to be the one to speak first if they were going to speak at all. “What’s the matter? Aren’t you glad to be in the city?”

Scott walked over to the bed and sat down. “I had no idea Beck had told Josh about the two of us. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m used to being the one who’s in control of who knows about me and us. All of a sudden, more and more people know. It scares me a little.”