Written on Her Heart (22 page)

She loved him. Why didn’t he tell her the journal belonged to him? He knew how she felt about the soldier in her journal. He should’ve said, “It’s me. I’m your soldier.” The only logical conclusion was he didn’t want her to love him that way.

“Mean,” she muttered at the photos. “Weasel your way into my heart with your big blue eyes and your cutie dog and that un-freaking-believable smile. Always looking grouchy so when you smiled at me I’d think I might be special.”

Emma flopped onto her couch and dragged a photo of the two of them onto the cushion beside her. She placed the drawing next to it and opened the journal. Already in full loser mode, she thumbed through the pages, rereading her favorite passages and letting her tears fall and mingle where his had stained the pages before. Curiosity flicked, and she turned to the final page. Did he write anything new? How did he feel about her shutting him out? Did he hurt too?

And there it was. A brand new entry waited for her. He’d dropped this off for a reason. Nicholas had something to say to her, and against reason, she prayed it wasn’t goodbye.

When I led my caravan into a roadside bomb, I lost three men. I vowed that day to never laugh again because they couldn’t. I was responsible for that truth. A few weeks later, I returned home to my family. While their families grieved, I healed. After that, I promised never to forget what I’d done. I looked at my scars every day, forcing myself to remember the smoke and sand and chaos. Grown men crying for their mothers, or their wives, begging me to tell their babies their daddy loved them. I carried that with me a long time. It used to define me, and I hated myself for it.

Then I met her.

There’s a girl out there who understands me, and for some reason, she cared about me anyway. She sees beauty in the world everyone else walks past. When I met her, she changed everything. I stopped looking behind me and I started looking ahead. Stopped punishing myself and started being thankful. With her, I saw a future beyond the moment at hand. Possibilities unfolded for me I hadn’t considered in years.

The best thing about this girl is her fortitude. She’s been hurt too, but she lives. She thrives and she smiles. I don’t smile much. But when I’m with her, it’s easy. Everything’s easy. And I’m not alone.

She’s gone now, but before she left, I called the families of the friends I’d lost. I told their families my story. Told them how I led the caravan that day and survived. Then I told them how the last thing they thought of was how much they loved their families. Every time I finished, I braced myself for their anger. But it never came.

Much like my girl, those families had already let go. They thanked me for sharing the truth with them and some even invited me to come and visit anytime. They told me their loved ones would be honored to know I survived. But I hadn’t. I died that day too. So, it hit me. What I’d been doing was selfish. I had my whole life to live and I refused. In trying to honor them, I’d failed.

Then I knew what I had to do. It was time to be brave. Time to be honest with myself and my girl. I’d given every last piece of my crumbled heart to a little redhead, and I needed to make sure she knew it before someone smarter than me swept her away. Someone who had enough sense to grab hold and run.

When I bought the ring, I knew the secret was out. Everyone in town would know what I’d done, and if I didn’t hurry, she’d hear it from the grapevine before she heard it from me. All the way to her house, I practiced the words.

Emma Hastings, I know we’ve only begun to know one another, but you’ve unraveled me. I’m certain our souls are already connected somehow. My heart beats for the moment I might be with you again. Your face is the last thing I see when I fall asleep at night. Your voice belts out Shania Twain over the less impressive artists on my radio. You consume me and I like it. I want it and I need you. With you, I am complete. I am whole. I am me. There has never been a moment in time when I was more sure of anything than I am right now.

After that, I’d fall on my knees before her. I wouldn’t kneel. Kneeling would imply self-control. In the quest to win her heart, I had no control. She held the reigns, and I decided before I bought the ring if she said no, I’d wait. But I’d never give up hope. I love her in a way that transcends time, and waiting for a month or a decade wouldn’t change or minimize that truth.

But I hesitated. I doubted, and she’s gone.

But I’m still here. Waiting.

Emma blinked through the cascade of tears and ran to the bathroom for tissue. She blew her nose and wiped her eyes and ran full force through her house at the sound of Heather’s Jeep on the gravel of her drive.

She wrestled the door open with tear-wetted hands and found Nicholas standing in her front yard. His truck parked in the drive. Mavis lumbered at his feet. The sun burned low and golden in the sky behind him

“Emma.” He spoke so soft, the wind carried the word to her ears. Hands in pockets, head down, and eyes rolled up to her, he looked like a giant broken doll. His hair had grown, and his boots were untied.

“I read your journal.” Tears and a laugh broke the words. She read his journal. Again.

“I was kind of counting on that.” He took a tentative step forward. Mavis waited.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said. Her arms strained against themselves, wanting to reach for him. “Not what happened to your friends and not what happened to us.”

His long black lashes broke up the glistening blue of his eyes. Her knees loosened beneath her and she wobbled. He took another step forward.

“We’re not broken.” The words tumbled from his lips, coated in determination. “You’re angry. I’m a jerk. But we aren’t broken.” He motioned between them and took another step. This one bigger than the last. “I haven’t fought for anything in a long while, Emma, but I’ll fight for you. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.” He reached for the railing at the bottom of her stairs.

Heather’s Jeep rumbled up the road in the distance. Mavis lifted her head to look and let it fall. A soft bark popped out and disappeared into the wind.

Nicholas was on the second step when Emma looked back to him. Her breath caught in her throat. “What I did to you was inexcusable. I should have told you the journal was mine the minute I suspected you had it.”

“But you didn’t.” She thought he didn’t want her to feel that way about him, the way he knew she felt about the journal. But he bought her a ring. Heat blazed over her skin.
He bought her a ring?

“I am more than a few entries in a journal. I needed you to love me. This me.” He placed a hand to his chest.

“I do.” Her vision blurred with unshed tears.

A car door thumped somewhere nearby. Heather.

Emma smashed her lids down. The tears fell. He took her hands and lifted them, swaddled in his. Before she could look, she felt him there before her. Their bodies touched. His breath tickled her face. Scents of shampoo and mint and earth overtook her. Heat from his body scorched through hers. She missed him so much.

“Emma.” His face was so close she had to force her eyes from his lips. “You love me?”

Hadn’t she told him every day? Announced it to the world? Written it in the sky? She hadn’t. The pain of realization cut deep into her chest. He didn’t know. How could he know?

“Emma.”

She shivered. Every time he said her name, she waited to explode. His lips brushed hers, gentle and cautious. Once. Twice. When she didn’t move away, he caught the edge of her bottom lip in a kiss.

A sigh escaped her, and his lips pressed firm and soft. Nicholas pulled her hands around his neck and leaned in to deepen their embrace. He loved her. His heart beat against her chest, and all she wanted in the world was to be there in that moment forever with him.

“I love you,” he murmured against her mouth, giving her only a moment to breathe. A smiled changed his face and he kissed her again.

Caught in the moment, she launched into his embrace, tying her legs around his waist. He turned to lean against the door as he held her. Her toes curled against his back.

“A-hem.” Heather coughed. “Get a room.” Her heels clomped up the steps interrupting their kiss.

Emma buried her face in the crook of Nicholas’ neck, but he didn’t put her down. Completely unembarrassed by their display, he turned his cheek over her hair to look at Heather. “I came to beg forgiveness.”

“Looks like that went well.”

Wriggling out of his arms, Emma stood beside him, holding tight to his shirt. If he never left her sight again, it’d be too soon.

Nicholas leaned down to her level. And then kept going.

Heather gasped.

Emma’s hands flew to her eyes. She looked out from between her fingers to find him on bended knees as he’d promised in his journal. He wasn’t missing his chance. As if it were possible she’d ever look at another man when she had all she ever dreamed of right here.

“Emma Hastings, I love you.”

“Oh. My. Word.” Heather almost shouted. “Now?”

“Shh.” Emma stomped her foot in warning.

“I love you more than all the stars in the sky, and that fact will never change. You are my dream girl. My perfect match. My destiny.” An ornery smile crept up one side of his perfect mouth. “I’m not perfect, but if you’d be willing to put up with me awhile, I promise to make you happy. Keep you safe. Reach things on the top shelf for you.”

She chuckled, shielding her mouth with a shaky hand.

He dug into his pocket, shifting and readjusting on his knees. He retrieved a perfect gold band. A small round diamond sat on top, shining for the entire world like a beacon meant for her. Extending it between them, he cleared his throat. “Would you please do me the unbelievable honor…of becoming my wife?”

The trembling in her hands spread to her extremities and she waffled. He caught her in his arms and cradled her close. “Did you swoon? Is that a yes?”

Emma wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his lips to hers. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, absolutely, unequivocally yes.”

He slid the perfect ring onto her trembling finger and kissed it gently. His eyes never left hers and a warm shiver swept through her. Behind them the sound of tires over gravel broke her reverie. Nicholas chuckled low in his chest. Peeking over his shoulder, she found a caravan of trucks headed their way and her neighbors walking across the yard.

“What on earth?”

“They’re getting married!” Heather squealed into the phone, waving people from the yard toward the porch where they stood.

Nicholas pulled her to his chest, steadying her. “I might have asked your father’s permission before I came over.”

“What if I wasn’t home?”

“Oh, I told him you were coming home.” Heather spoke to her while dialing another number.

“Your mom called me when you left her house. I tried to give you time to read the journal, but it killed me. When I got here, I was afraid I’d come too soon.”

“You all knew?” She spoke to no one in particular. “What if I said no?”

“I would’ve asked again. And Heather would’ve called them off.”

“Like you were going to say no. You’re crazy about this guy.” Heather winked.

Oh boy, she was winking now like James.

“Congratulations.” Clarissa appeared beside her on the porch. She hugged Emma and smiled at Nicholas.

Heather raised an eyebrow, but kept whatever she was thinking to herself. “Who’s hungry?”

“I’ve got salad in the car. Your father’s coming with it.” Emma’s mother hurried up the steps, linked arms with Clarissa and headed for the kitchen.