Yiddish with Dick and Jane (2 page)
Bob and Katie and Scott sit by Grandmother.
They wait for the ambulance.
“Father,” asks Katie, “will
Bubbe
be okay?”
“Of course, Katie,” says Bob. “She is just a little
tsedoodelt
.”
They hear the siren outside.
The paramedics
tanz
themselves in.
The paramedics examine Grandmother.
“
Nu?
” asks Bob.
The paramedics put Grandmother onto a stretcher.
One paramedic looks at Bob.
“
Nisht geferlich
,” says the paramedic.
The paramedics carry Grandmother to the ambulance.
They drive her to the hospital.
Bob takes out his cell phone to call Jane.
“When your mother hears this she will
plotz
,” says Bob.
Bob tells Jane the news.
“Your mother is not in pain, Jane,” says Bob.
“But she is slightly
tsedreyt in kop
.”
See Dick.
Dick is Jane’s brother.
Dick is playing golf with Tom. He borrows Tom’s sand wedge.
Tom is Dick’s oldest
chaver
.
Tom and Dick play golf with Frank and Steve.
Dick wants Frank and Steve’s business.
Dick
schmoozes
with them.
See Dick
schmooze
.
Schmooze
, Dick.
Schmooze
.
Schmooze, schmooze, schmooze
.
Dick gets a call on his cell phone.
It is Jane.
“I am
schmoozing
on the golf course, Jane,” says Dick. “Can I call you back?”
“No, Dick,” says Jane. “We have
tsuris
.”
Jane tells Dick what has happened.
“
Oy vey
, Jane,” says Dick.
Jane also leaves a message for her sister, Sally.
Sally teaches a course in Transgressive Feminist Ceramics. She lives in Berkeley.
She might as well be in
Hotzeplotz
.
Dick drives to the hospital.
He stops for a red light.
He sees Tom’s wife, Susan, coming out of a Courtyard by Marriott. She is wearing a dress up to her
pupik
.
Susan is with Dick’s friend Phil. Phil puts his arm around Susan.
“I wonder why they are at that motel,” thinks Dick.
“They must be going to a party to celebrate some
simcha
.”
Jane and Bob and Katie and Scott wait to hear from the doctor. They read old copies of
McCall’s
and sit on
shpilkes
.
