Yiddish with Dick and Jane (6 page)

chaver
(CHAH-ver) – A guy’s best pal. Friend, chum.

dreck
(drek) – Literally, excrement or dung. Something-—merchandise, a work of art, etc.—-that’s cheap, lousy, meretricious junk (i.e., even worse than
schlock
). “We saw their new house. Believe me, the furnishings are strictly from Dreck Barn.”

emess
(EH-mess) – The real, unvarnished, unmitigated truth, with claims to objectivity or universal validity, e.g., “You want the
emess?
They’ll never get divorced. They hate each other too much.”

es gezunterheyt
(ESS geh-ZOONT-er-HATE)– Literally, “Eat in good health,” meaning, Enjoy!

fancy-schmancy
(fancy-SHMAN-see) – Pretentiously fancy, although when Betty says it she’s mocking, lightly, her own potential pretentiousness. The addition of
schm-
to the beginning of a word is also a popular way to minimize the subject as being relatively trivial or otherwise dismissable, compared to what you’re about to say. E.g., “Emmy schmemmy, the show stinks.”

farblondget
(far-BLUN-jet)–Lost, confused, wandering around, wildly astray. “I go to Starbucks for a lousy cup of coffee, I take one look at the grande this and vente that, with the macchiato and the caramel latte cream, I get totally
farblondjet
.”

farmisht
(far-MISHT)–Not “famished,” which isn’t even Yiddish (although, since it means “really, really hungry,” it could be a sort of honorary Yiddish), but rather, confused, addled, dysfunctional.

farshadat
(far-SHAH-det)–Pained, wounded. One of us (E.W.) heard Cindy Lauper use this in an interview!

fartootst
(far-TOOTS’T, rhymes with “car foots’d,” although also can be said “fah-TOOTS’T”) – Disoriented, confused, distracted. In this case, Jane is more the latter—more
fartootst
than
oysgeshpilt.

feh
(feh) – Expression of distaste or disgust. We know someone who, when asked if he had dogs or cats as pets when he was growing up, replied, “Never. My mother used to say, ‘Animals in the house?
Feh!
’”

fressing
(FRESS-ing)–A Yiddish word
(fress)
with an English suffix.
Fress
means to eat heartily, to eat a lot, to eat indelicately or wolf one’s food. You

nosh
for fun and recreation and to be sociable. You
ess
when you’re hungry. You
fress
because you’re a big fat pig.

freylech
(FRY-lich)–Happy, cheerful, upbeat. Used more to describe a general personality trait than a specific response—and usually concerns the behavior of others rather than one’s own mood. “Prozac schmozac, at least she’s more
freylech
now (
kinahora
).”

goniff
(GAHN-iff) – A thief, a crook. Older generations have also used it admiringly, to mean rascal, but its main usage has narrowed down to something plainly derogatory. For this reason one hardly ever hears Robin Hood referred to anymore as “that
goniff.
”

gornisht
(GORE-nisht)–Nothing, nada, zip, zilch— and in a bad way. Not “What do you want on your hamburger, Sol?” “
Gornisht
.” But rather, “What do you want on your hamburger, Sol?” “What do I want on my hamburger? I’ll tell you what I want on my hamburger. I want your sister should give me a little respect when she calls and I answer the phone. Instead I say hello and she right away asks for you. I get
gornisht.
That’s what I want on my hamburger.”

handl
(HAHN-dl)–Literally, “to be in business.” To bargain, deal, negotiate. Often said with accompanying hand gestures signaling juggling, balancing, weighing one thing against another.
Antonym:
Paying retail.

heymish
(HAME-ish)–Homey (as an adjective, not a noun). Can be used about people as well as about places: “The Archbishop of Canterbury? Lovely man. Very
heymish,
for an Anglican.”

hilf
(hilf)–A real help, a godsend.

hokking me a tshynik
(HOCK-ing me a CHYE-nik) – Literally, “banging me a teakettle.” Relentlessly talking or jabbering— but really, nagging or badgering about something to the point of abuse or unreasonableness.
Hok
, used alone, can be a bit milder, and can mean urge, exhort, pitch, ask. “It’s Pledge Week on NPR. Every station you tune in, they’re
hokking
you to be a member.”

hoo-hah
(HOO-HAH, with both syllables accented)– “Do tell!” “You don’t say!” “Hubba hubba!” “Hoo boy!” An expression denoting excited or titillated interest. “Guess who’s going to be at the seder! Beyonce!”
“Hoo-hah!”

Hotzeplotz
(HOTS-a-plots)–Timbuktu, the middle of nowhere. Used not by the mover but by the person who is moved away from. Suggests an unfathomable distance or an unreasonably (and, really, hurtfully) obscure place. “Visit? How can I visit when you live on the moon now?” “Ma, I’m ten miles away.” “Honey, it might as well be
Hotzeplotz.
”

ibbledick
(IB-bl-dick) – Literally, “nauseated,” “barfy.” Vaguely unwell, out of sorts. N.B.: There is no Yiddish phrase for feeling “in sorts.” Then again, there is no English phrase for it either, so never mind.

kibbitz
(KIB-bits) – To chat, gab, engage in frivolous conversation. Once commonly used in connection with card games, for someone who hangs out but doesn’t play. “I’m broke. You guys play. I’ll
kibbitz.
” Not to be confused with
kibbutz
(kih-BUUTZ, rhyming with “rib toots,” as in “tootsie”), which is a communal farm. The one thing you don’t have a chance to do on a
kibbutz
is
kibbitz
.

kina-hora
(KINE-a-HOAR-a or, more colloquially, KIN-na-HOAR-a)–Reflexive magical phrase to ward off the evil eye (similar to “knock wood”). E.g., “It doesn’t look like my son will be indicted,
kina-hora.
”

kvell
(kvel — i.e., one syllable) – To beam with pride and joy, usually parental or grandparental. The accepted and in fact inevitable response when someone
kvells
at you is to squirm and become self-conscious and generally act like an embarrassed twelve-year-old—which, to the
kveller,
you essentially still are.

latkes
(LOT-kiss) – Potato pancakes. It’s possible that Betty knows that Jane is lying, because you don’t bake
latkes
in the oven. You cook them in oil in a skillet. It makes you wonder: Does Betty know how to make
latkes
?

maven
(MAY-ven)–An expert, an authority—either really or derisively. Real: “Ask Tom. He’s the electron microscope maven.” Derisive: “Put that slide down! Who do you think you are, the electron microscope maven?”

mazel tov
(MAH-zl tuv) – Literally, “good luck” (
mazel
means luck, as in, “Talk about
mazel
—he got out one day before the stock went south”). Used colloquially to mean congratulations, but is often reserved to convey moral approval of the thing being celebrated, to suggest that the celebration is particularly deserved: a birth to people you like, the marriage of nice people (or of the children of nice people), an award won for real merit. To an obscure Tasmanian novelist for winning the Nobel Prize: “Congratulations.” To Philip Roth:
“Mazel tov!”

mechayeh
(meh-CHAI-eh) – A pleasure, a delight, combining the physical and the emotional. “Cancún? Please. The beach was a hundred degrees. Like an
oven
. Any little breeze was a
mechayeh.
”

mechuleh
(meh-CHOO-leh, with the guttural
ch
)– Bankrupt, kaput — a business, a marriage, whatever. See how the letters for “kaput” are in the word “bankrupt”? Isn’t language great?

meeskite
(MEESE-kite)
–
An ugly person or thing—even a sentiment. Most often used with regard to women. But then, Judaism is the religion where the Orthodox men have a prayer thanking God they weren’t born women, so there you are.

megillah
(meh-GIL-lah)
–
The Megillah is the Book of Esther, a long, tedious account read in synagogue during the holiday of Purim. Thus, a lengthy story or recitation of events full of boring detail: “Then somebody asked him about his prostate operation, and we had to sit through the whole
megillah.
”

mensch
(mench) – Literally, “person.” Here, a mature, admirable, unselfish human being. “That editorial made me so upset. But Timmy got up from his video game and went all the way to the bathroom to bring me the Xanax, the little
mensch.
”

meshugge
(meh-SHOOH-geh, rhymes with “boogiewoogeh”)–Crazy, wacky—but used lovingly. “I can’t meet you for lunch. I’m waiting for my
meshugge
plumber to
tanz
himself over here and fix the drip in my bathroom.”

mishegas
(mish-eh-GOSS, says Rosten, but we’ve also heard MISH-eh-goss)–An absurd or ridiculous idea or belief; irrational behavior; individual, eccentric craziness, which encompasses everything from minor tics to major neuroses, but not outright psychosis. “Forget dinner at your mother’s. I can’t deal with her running around in her bra and all her other
mishegas.
”

mishpocha
(mish-PUH-chuh) – The whole family. Not necessarily the entire extended family, from all over the place plus Israel, but everyone within a reasonable distance. Can be used metaphorically: “We had a working lunch at the Italian place — everybody in Sales, the whole
mishpocha.
”

Mu Shoo
(MOO SHOO, with both syllables accentuated) – A popular Chinese dish, consisting of shredded vegetables and meat wrapped in a thin flour pancake spread with hoisin sauce, and, as such, a sort of honorary Yiddish term. (“Really?” No. Not really.)

nisht geferlich
(NISHT geh-FAIR-lich)–“I’ve seen worse.” Manages to compress good news and bad news into a single phrase—which, in Yiddish, a language of tragic-but-ironic acceptance, amounts to a cry of joy.

nisht gut
(nisht GUT) – Literally, “no good.” Used to mean no good, as in “bad.” Sorry. But sometimes a word just means what it means.

noch
(nooch or noch, rhyming with “cook” or “lock,” with the guttural
ch
sound) – In addition, even, moreover, yet — but more fun, more ironic, and much punchier. “He got out of prison—and ran for Congress! And won,
noch.
”

nosh
(nahsh)–As a verb, to eat in bites, to graze or snack. More polite nibbling than actual eating. However, as a noun—i.e., if you invite people over for a
nosh
—it means you serve just as much food, if not more, than the Fountainbleu does for its buffet brunch.

Nu?
(new) – “Well?” “So?” “What’s new?” “What’s happening?” “Any news?” Also, ironically: “What did you expect?” “And you’re surprised?” It’s not really spelled with a question mark, but if you leave it out people will think you mean the thirteenth letter of the Greek alphabet. And no one wants that.

nudjedik
(NOODGE-eh-dik)–Anxious, antsy. Your daughter takes the train back to
Hotzeplotz
. It’s supposed to arrive at 11:30. You check. It does. It’s now almost 1 a.m. and you still haven’t heard that she made it home. You start to get
nudjedik
.

oy gevalt
(OY geh-VULT, or OY geh-VAHLT) – “Oh no!” “Woe is me.” Expression of dismay that vaguely suggests unhappy or worrisome ramifications. “She’s dating a Republican?
Oy gevalt!
”

oy Gotenyu
(oy GAWT-ten-yu)–
Oy
is the universal exclamation, of the family that includes the English “Oh!” and the Spanish “Ai!”
Gotenyu
invokes
Got

(God), as in “God help us.” “She ordered corned beef on whole wheat?
Oy Gotenyu!
”

oysgeshpilt
(OYS-geh-shpilt, where the first syllable rhymes with “Royce.”) – Worn out. Also passé, something that’s run its course. A terrific Scrabble word, if Yiddish were allowed, which it isn’t.

oy vey
(OY VAY, with both syllables emphasized)– “Oh no,” “Oh my God,” etc. — e.g., what a person says when the TiVo breaks down right before the season premiere of
The Sopranos
. It’s an involuntary response to the unexpected, like a sneeze. “The elevator’s
broken
? They live seven flights up!” (Sigh.) “
Oy vey.
”

plotz
(plahts)–Literally, “to explode.” To fall over from bad news or to burst from good news. Can go either way. But this is how one reacts to feelings: by exploding or fainting. Nothing in between.

pupik
(PUH-pik, the
u
rhyming with
oo
in “hook”)– Technically, “bellybutton.” Professionally, used by mothers describing the length of the skirt on the
shiksa
(see
sheygets
) that their only son brings home. “In walks this ‘Bridgette,’ with the blonde hair, probably bleached, in a dress up to her
pupik.
”

putz
(putts, rhyming with “huts”)–A fool, a ninny, a simpleminded jerk. Also slang for penis.

rachmones
(rahch-MUN-ness)–Compassion, fellow feeling, empathy, pity. “The Rachmones” would also make a very nice name for a sensitive Yiddish punk rock group.

rugalach
(ROOG-eh-lach) – German pastry consisting of small, rolled-up flaky minicrescents baked with nuts, raisins, chocolate, cinnamon, etc. Crumbly, dense, and chewy. Great with coffee. No matter how often you put them out intending them to be a
nosh,
you always end up
fressing
them.