You Should Smile (18 page)

As I turned the corner, still running, I heard Thad scream, “You lying motherfucker!  What did you do to her?!!”

I ran down the hall as fast I could toward Hanover’s office, tears streaming down my face.  Hanover was lying on the floor of his office, with his hands over his nose, blood everywhere.  Thad hovered over him, while Grant’s advisor, Dr. Bowles, and Grant tried to hold Thad back.  The storm was raging in Thad’s eyes.

I had to stop Thad.  I had to keep him from doing something we’d both regret later. 

“Thad, don’t!  Don’t!”  I ran up until I was standing in front of him, putting myself in between him and Dr. Hanover.

“Please, Thad, don’t.  It’s not worth it.  He’s not worth it,” I begged.

Grant and Dr. Bowles were barely able to hold him back.  His eyes met mine and I could see the violent anguish in them.  I had to reach him somehow.

I stepped closer, putting my hands on his chest.  “Please, Pickup Grinner…Please.  Don’t.   For me….” I said low.

His chest heaved and I heard him take a deep breath.  After what seemed like an eternity to me, he nodded his head, a silent acquiescence.  I had reached him.  He muttered to the guys, “I’m good….I’m good.”

They looked at me and I nodded.  They let him go. 

He grabbed me and hugged me tightly, not even caring that there were people around.  “Are you okay, Shay?” he asked.  I nodded again, too tormented to speak.  He pulled back from the embrace to look past me to Hanover, who was still lying on the ground, holding his bleeding nose.

Thad’s voice was calmer this time, though still full of malice.  “Don’t ever come near her again, do you understand me?”

Hanover nodded, blood still streaming down his hands onto his dress shirt.

As we turned around, I noticed that everyone had come out of their offices to see what was going on.  I was still crying heavily.  Thad’s arm was around my waist as he led me down the hall.  Grant came over and gave me a hug as we left.  Everyone else just stared.  It was just like one of those scenes in the movies where the heroine becomes the pariah, enduring the judgment of those surrounding her.  They didn’t have to say it; I saw it in their eyes.  I was the whore who caused this mayhem.  Looks of disdain, and some of strange pity, seemed to permeate the hall.  I was Hester Prynne and this was my scarlet letter.  In the movies, the banished heroines always seem stoic and dignified in their pariah status.  I just felt low and ashamed, even though I knew I’d done nothing wrong.

Thad never said a word as he drove us to his place.  His jaw was set in its usual angry position and I was too stunned to initiate conversation.  When we stepped inside his house, he finally spoke.  His tone was one of channeled anger, as if it were being held inside, ready to release its fury at any moment. 

“She called me.  That’s how I knew.  She called me as soon as you left her office.  She’d read your complaint.  She figured it all out immediately.  She couldn’t wait to threaten me with it.  She couldn’t wait to throw it in my face that she’d ruin us both…..”  He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a deep breath.  “What she didn’t realize is that I didn’t know what she was talking about with the complaint…So while she was trying to gloat about exposing our relationship, I just kept hearing the words, ‘Shay’s sexual harassment complaint against Dr. Hanover…’ That’s all I heard…”  He chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head, the rage building up inside him again.  He paced over to the couch and sat down, looking straight ahead, as if talking to the air.  I remained standing by the door, taking it all in. 

“And then, it hit me.  I realized why you failed.  I realized what he’d done.  I don’t even know if she was still talking.  I slammed down the phone and ran downstairs to his office.  Grant must’ve been meeting with Bowles next door because they were over there as soon as I punched him, holding me back…..”  He voice trailed off as he paused.  “….but what I can’t understand, Shay…..what I can’t fucking understand….. is why you didn’t tell me.…”  He glanced up at me with a tortured look in his eyes.

I walked over and sat down beside him on the couch.  I kept my eyes on the floor, hoping I could find the words to explain it to him.  “It’d been going on for a while.  I always brushed it off as best I could.  He threatened me directly last night.  He’d seen us sneaking in the hallway at Moe’s….said he wanted me to ‘do something for him’, too….I wanted to tell you, Thad.  I wanted to so badly, but I couldn’t.  I knew you’d do exactly this – you’d get angry and try to hurt him and then you’d get in trouble.  I was trying to save you.  I was trying to save us….”

He looked over at me and I finally met his eyes.  “Am I that predictable, Shay?”

I gave him a half-grin.  “Well, maybe when it comes to something I know is gonna set you off….”

He nodded.  Still searching my eyes, a serious look washed over his chiseled face.  “I’ll never be like Atticus, Shay.  I’m not built like that.  I won’t just wipe the spit off.  I’ll always punch the Ewells of the world….”

“I know that.  It’s part of who you are…..and I love that part of you, too.”  I did.  I loved all of him.  I was sure of that.  What I wasn’t so sure of, though, was how long
I
could control the aftermath.  Would
I
always be able to save him from himself?  Was
I
strong enough for that? 

He seemed worn down and defeated.  “I have no idea what’s going to happen to you, Shay.  Gina made it clear she was reporting us to the Dean.  I’m sure the Dean already knows.”  He bristled and I could tell he was starting to get angry again.

I shrugged.  “I know.  I knew it as soon as she saw me coming out of the office….but the truth is, I knew all along what the risks were and I still chose to be with you….and I’d do it again and again….and again…” I whispered the last part as I put my hands on his face and brought his mouth to my own.  We began to kiss slowly, sensually – feathery touches of lips upon lips.  He traced soft kisses across the sensitive spot on my neck and I moaned quietly as the feelings washed through me.

My moan seemed to stir something in him.  He groaned, forcefully biting into my neck and sucking the skin between his sensuous lips.  I winced just a little, recognizing that fine line between pleasure and pain.  I also knew I’d have to wear a turtleneck or scarf tomorrow.  He was marking me as his own, possessing me with his pent up anger.  He grabbed at my shirt, trying to pull it up impulsively and I reached to help him lift it over my head.  Yanking my bra down below my breasts, he bent over and gripped an exposed nipple with his teeth.  He bit down wildly, evoking a scream of surprise from me.  He was still out of control, raging inside.

He stilled, as if waking from a trance.  “Oh god.  I’m sorry.  Are you okay?”

You know how in the movies when the heroine realizes something profound about the hero?  When she suddenly “gets” him and understands what he needs?  I realized at that moment that Thad needed to channel his rage through me, through us, through our physical union.

“I’m fine….”  I hesitated for a split-second, aware of what I was about to ask…then blurted, “You can’t hold all of your anger inside you forever.  You need an outlet.  Use me to channel your rage….”

He looked up into my eyes.  A sudden understanding of what I was proposing flashed across his face.  He shook his head.  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea….”

“I know you’re not going to hurt me, Pickup Grinner. 
I trust you
…”  I used the same words he’d once told me.

For the first time that day, he finally smiled faintly.  “Okay, but if it gets too much, I want you to tell me…..Promise?”

“I promise,” I whispered.  I put on a brave face, but I wasn’t really sure if he’d be too rough.  I had no idea, honestly, but I felt this was something we had to overcome for our future. 

I smiled seductively at him and began walking toward the bedroom, removing my clothes along the way.  He followed behind, doing the same.  I knew he was scared to try this, scared to see how far he could go while angry, so I knew he’d never make that first move.  I crawled upon the bed on all fours and looked behind me.  “Now, are you going to fuck me or what?”

Still he hesitated.  He tentatively moved behind me, his hard dick at my entry.  I bucked my ass backward toward him.  Finally, he gave in, thrusting into me.  I screamed at the sensation of him filling me.  I gripped the sheets with my fists as my body slowly adjusted to him.  He started out slowly, allowing the friction to get me wetter.  Then, he began moving his hips more purposefully, speeding up with each movement.  I could hear his breaths becoming more pronounced, more rhythmic, as his thighs started to make a slapping sound against my skin.

I could tell he was holding back.  He was still trying to remain in control, to restrain his rage.  I looked back at him over my shoulder and said, “That all you got?  I thought you were gonna
fuck
me.….”

I saw the challenge ignite in his eyes.  He grabbed my ponytail and wrapped it around his fist, pulling back forcefully to expose my neck.  Then, using my hair as a grip, he flexed his hips and slammed into me.  The sensation of my neck, covered in sweat, hitting the open air brought me closer to the edge.  I felt my orgasm looming, so I tried to focus on the feel of him inside me. 

Pounding.  In and out.  In and out.  In and out. 

I was screaming out in pleasure and he was screaming out in an angry rage. 

Furious pounding. 

Pulling my hair tighter into his fist, I heard his voice, low and deep, “Is this hard enough for you, Shay?”

“Yes…” I moaned loudly.

Reckless pounding.

“Do you like it when I fuck you hard?”

“Y…Yes,” I stammered.

Chaotic pounding.

“Do you like it when I pull on your ponytail?”

“God, yes….” I screamed.

Animalistic pounding.

“Good, ‘cause I’ve always wanted to grip it while fucking you from behind.” 

Oh fuck me.  His words were dirtier than usual, grittier than usual.  I liked it.  A lot.

Then he did something he’d never done before.  He slapped my ass – hard.  The initial sting surprised me, but after the burn had subsided, a pulsing tingle from where his hand had been finally reached the sensory part of my brain.  My body responded by coming hard and deep, wave after wave of pleasure as the friction continued. 

Feeling my walls gripping around him, he pulled back on my ponytail again and pumped into me with unrestrained, violent thrusts.  His low moan transformed into a piercing, primal scream as he came inside me with one final thrust. 

He collapsed on top of me, breathing frantically, gasping for air.  After a few moments, I flexed my body upward and he lifted so that I could move out to lie beside him.  I rubbed the tight muscles of his back as he tried to calm his breathing.  When he finally calmed, he lifted his face from the pillow and turned toward me.  His voice cracked with emotion.  “God, I love you so much……”  He leaned in to kiss me softly, breathing against my mouth, “Thank you…..”

I knew why he was thanking me.  I’d known what he’d needed.  Would I always know?  Would I always be able to calm him? 

We held each other, limbs over limbs, and finally succumbed to a deep, restful sleep.

***************

The next day, I received a letter from the Dean’s Office acknowledging the filing of the complaint.  The letter stated that I was to meet with the Dean that Friday afternoon…..and then Thad called and said he’d gotten a letter to come to the meeting, too….

Friday arrived before we knew it.  Thad and I just went to the meeting together.  Why pretend anymore?  We assumed the worst.  He’d punched a fellow professor and I’d been cast as the campus slut siren.  Dean Sullivan wasn’t exactly known for her sympathy toward unprofessional behavior.  She exuded a no-nonsense demeanor – always.  It was sure to be a disaster.  Plus, I remembered my dad saying once that employers always give bad news on Friday afternoon.  It’s a more controllable environment – less time for emotional outbursts.  The weekend served to cool tempers.

I’d already started thinking of other careers I could pursue. 

Dean Sullivan looked up from her desk as we entered.  She was stone-faced and hard to read.  “Ms. Elliott, Dr. Reeding.  Please, have a seat.”

Thad and I sat in chairs across from her desk.  Thad clenched his jaw and stared at the floor.  I tried to look as remorseful as possible. 

Dean Sullivan cleared her throat.  “I’ve been hearing a lot about you two lately….” 

I blushed.  Thad continued staring at the floor.

She paused thoughtfully.  “First, there’s this letter of resignation I received from you yesterday, Dr. Reeding.” 

I looked up at her in surprise and turned toward Thad and hissed, “Your
what
?”

Dean Sullivan smirked at me and said, “Oh, you didn’t know about this?  Why yes.  Dr. Reeding says he wishes to resign effective today.” 

Thad wouldn’t look at me.  Why would he do that?  I wished I could ask him. 

She continued.  “Then, Ms. Elliott, I have here a copy of your grievance, which showed up on my desk yesterday, as well.  It was an interesting read, I must say.”  I blushed again.  I couldn’t look her in the eyes, so I started checking out her own book collection on the shelves beside me.

“And
then
, I receive reports that you two have been engaged in a sexual relationship from the Director of Human Resources, Gina Denson, and Dr. Kyle Hanover….”

Thad looked up and started to interrupt.  “Dean Sullivan.…”

Dean Sullivan held up her hand, cutting him off.  “Let me finish, Dr. Reeding.”

Thad turned his head back toward the floor.

“If those things weren’t enough, I heard this morning that Dr. Reeding broke Dr. Hanover’s nose yesterday afternoon.”

I continued to read the book titles.  She had a lot of political communication books.  Weird.

“You know, as Dean, I’ve seen a lot of things in my day….but I have never had an attempted resignation, an allegation of sexual harassment, an allegation of an improper relationship, and a physical assault all occur within two days and involving the same two people.  Not even close.  It’s odd, to say the least.”

She turned her desk to the side and appeared to be looking out the window.  “So I asked myself early this morning, how can two seemingly professional people be involved in so much craziness?  It was then that I remembered……that day at Keno’s when I introduced you…..”  She chuckled quietly.  “You all could’ve started a fire with those sparks….”

I looked up at her in surprise.

“I may be a stuffy old Dean, but I can tell a smoldering chemistry when I see it,” she smirked at me.

I blushed and returned to looking at the bookshelves.

She paused and pulled her hands together.  “Did you ever hear of an English professor here named Dr. Fielding?” 

I shook my head, perplexed at where this was going.  Thad nodded slowly and replied, “Yes.  I’ve heard of him.  Great professor from what I heard.”

Dean Sullivan smiled and said softly, “Yes, he was…..He was also my husband.”

I raised my eyebrows and looked at her again.  She gave me a sideways glance.  “Not all women take their husband’s names, Ms. Elliott.”  I wanted to grin, but I bit my lip instead.

Silence again.  Where was she going with this?  Was she senile?  Fifty-something is too young to be going senile, right? 

“And then it all made sense.  All of it.  How can two professionals end up involved in all of this craziness?  Love.  Love makes you do crazy things….”  She looked out the window again.  “I recognize the looks you two give each other, you know.  I recognize it because Darren and I looked at each other like that for twenty-two years….He’s been gone four years now…..Cancer….”  She trailed off, the memories still painful.

Thad finally looked up. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Thank you.  I miss him every day.”  She cleared her throat again.  “Listen, I don’t condone this mess you all have gotten yourselves into, but I do
understand
it…..With that said, though, we need to address these issues head-on.”

I saw Thad’s head go back down.  I felt brave enough to look toward her instead of the shelves.

“First, Dr. Reeding, I won’t accept your resignation.” 

Thad looked up and opened his mouth to argue.

“
Let me finish
, Dr. Reeding,” Dean Sullivan admonished, more forcefully than last time.  He nodded, backing down.

“I’m not going to accept it because it’s a bunch of bullshit.”  Thad tensed again, but she continued. “You don’t really want to resign.  You’re doing it because you think it’s your only choice in light of all of this.  Why don’t you hear me out first, and then, if you still want to resign, I’ll let you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled.

“Now, Dr. Reeding, I don’t condone violence at this university.  You can’t just go around punching people in a professional environment.  Understood?”

Thad nodded.  “Understood.”

“Good.  As for your punishment, this verbal warning is all you’re going to get.  It better not happen again.  Now, I can’t stop Dr. Hanover from filing assault charges against you, though I doubt he will after you hear the rest of what I have to say.”

I still didn’t know where this was all going.  I glanced over at Thad, who wore a face of bemusement.

Dean Sullivan then turned her attention toward me.  “As for you, Ms. Elliott….where should I begin?” 

My palms started to sweat.  I forced myself to look at her, even though I wanted to melt into the floor. 

“You never struck me as the type who needed to throw herself at someone to pass her defense.” 

I squirmed in my seat, trying to stop my mouth from blurting a response.

“I heard about the relationship between the two of you from both Kyle Hanover and Gina Denson.  Kyle Hanover told me that you also came onto him, Ms. Elliott.”

I started shaking my head forcefully.  I couldn’t stop myself.  I opened my mouth to speak and she held her hand up again.  “Just as I told Dr. Reeding, please let me finish first.”

I slumped back down into my chair.

“Listen, I see how you two look at each other…” She looked at me directly.  “Shay, you’re a grown woman….”  She turned to Thad.  “You’re a grown man….”  She moved her head back and forth to both of us.  “I don’t believe for one second that either one of you ‘coerced’ the other into a relationship.”  Her eyes came back to me.  “And I don’t believe for one second that you would’ve thrown yourself at Kyle Hanover when you’re head over heels in love with another man, Ms. Elliott.”

I smiled and bravely looked to her face as she continued.  “After reading your complaint and hearing Dr. Hanover’s version of the story, that’s what really bothered me.  His story didn’t make any sense in light of what I knew about you and Dr. Reeding.  So I did a little investigating early this morning.  I looked up the grades he just turned in.  His grade distribution wasn’t that odd, but as I looked closer, it was clear that the students in his class getting A’s were overwhelmingly female…..Could be that females were just better students that semester, but I found this pattern repeatedly.  Then I printed off a list of the A students with their photographs.  Turns out, only
pretty
girls were getting A’s in his classes.  This was worth a follow-up on my part, so I called in a few of those students.” 

She shook her head and looked directly at me.  “You’re not the only student he’s sexually harassed, Ms. Elliott.  He apparently has a pattern of this behavior, trading or blackmailing grades for favors.  After questioning, some of these students were clearly traumatized and were willing to put their complaints on the record, as well….”  She looked between the two of us.  “I don’t think either of you will ever have to worry about Kyle Hanover anymore, nor will any university in the future.”

She looked at me again.  “Ms. Elliott, I’m sorry you had to go through that.  As Dean, I have the authority to review sexual harassment complaints in the Arts and Sciences…..and I rule in your favor.”

Relief washed over me.  She believed me.

“Now, to the matter of Ms. Gina Denson…..”  She paused and started tapping her pen on the top of her desk.  An awkward silence hovered.  “I’m not even sure how to tell you this, actually...”  She looked at Thad.  “After I spoke with her, I had another strange feeling.  She was too invested, too emotional, too forceful, too full of hatred over the situation.  I wondered why she cared so much about some grad student and some psychology professor.  It just didn’t add up, so I had our computer guys run a check on her computer.”

My eyebrows shot up yet again.  She was full of surprises today.  I didn’t know they could even do that.

“Yes, Ms. Elliott.  Your job computers belong to your employer, not you.  Employers have every right to see what’s on an office computer any time they wish, so keep that in mind for future reference.”

She turned to Thad.  “Dr. Reeding, the computer people found some really disturbing stuff on Ms. Denson’s computer.  She was obsessed with you.  There were pictures of you all over the place, including photographs taken of you going to the grocery, dry cleaners, etc.  She was clearly stalking you.”

Thad bristled and I knew that his anger was rising.  “May I please say something, Dean Sullivan?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“I was once engaged to her.  That’s why I wouldn’t come here for years.  She’s got serious problems.  I had no idea that she was stalking me to that level, but it doesn’t really surprise me, either.  My biggest fear has been that she’d find out about Shay and go after her.”

Dean Sullivan nodded.  “Aha.  Well, that makes more sense, I suppose, as to why she was obsessed with you.  Hopefully, neither one of you will have to worry about her again, either.  The President has been looking for a reason to get rid of her for years due to her instability and unprofessionalism.  This was the last straw.  He fired her this morning.”

Thad and I were stunned into silence and Thad began to speak.  “Dean Sullivan, I….”

Dean Sullivan cut him off again, smiling this time.  “Now hold on.  I’m not done yet……”

“We have to address one final issue – Ms. Elliott’s dissertation.  Since you have to re-defend your dissertation anyway, Ms. Elliott, any future impropriety concerning your relationship with Dr. Reeding will be moot if he’s removed from the committee.”  She turned to Thad.  “You’ll be removed from her committee and a new outside person put on instead….Further, I’m going to
assume
that you had no part in actually writing her dissertation.”

Thad shook his head vigorously.  “Absolutely not, Dean.  She wrote all of it herself.”

Dean Sullivan smiled again.  “That’s what I figured.  Would you be willing to sign something to that effect, just in case there are any questions?”

Thad nodded his head and smiled.  “I’ll be glad to.”

Her eyes came to me again.  “Now, Ms. Elliott, you’ll need a new main advisor.  I’m not going to rely upon your Chair to influence your choice this time.  Frankly, I’m appalled at the way he’s handled this fiasco, though he’s always been a small-minded sexist prick anyway.” 

I snorted out loud.  I couldn’t help it.  She looked at me, pretending to be stern, while fighting to hold back a smile. 

“Before I became Dean, I was in the political science department.  I worked there for years, so I know it well.  My specialty happens to be political communication.  So….I’ll serve as your main advisor for your new defense.  We need to schedule it right away because the President has to fill Dr. Hanover’s position with someone as soon as possible…”  She actually grinned at me.  Grinned! 

I grinned back.  What in the world just happened?  Hanover and Gina were gone, my grievance was supported, and now I had a potential job offer?  Was this like one of those movies where everything gets tied up into a perfect, shiny bow? 

Thad finally spoke.  “I can’t thank you enough, Dean Sullivan…..for everything.”

I nodded, “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean Sullivan smiled quickly.  “You’re both very welcome.”

As we stood up to leave, she said, “You all should cherish the time you have together.  True love is rare and life is short.”  I thought I saw her eyes get a little glassy. 

Then, her face got stern again.  “Alright, get out of here.  I have work to do…and, please, NO. MORE. DRAMA.”

***************

A few days later, I noticed that everyone up at the department had seemed to change their behavior toward me.  I was no longer Hester Prynne.  I was just Shay again.  Even Dr. Grambling seemed to tolerate me without too many sneers.  I wondered why the sudden change and Grant finally spilled the beans after too many beers.