Your Heart to Keep: Holly and Jax (26 page)

“We’ve all got so much catching up to do,” Leah chimed in.

My mother shut the front door and ushered everyone into chairs.

“Thanks for coming around guys. I can officially say, it’s so great to see you!”

We all burst into laughter. Micah took Leah’s hand and entwined their fingers. My eyebrows rose to the heavens as I looked to both of them.

“What? We’re taking each day at a time. We’ve agreed to date exclusively and see where things go,” smiled Leah.

“I’m so happy for your guys! You look perfect together!” I truly was glad that they had officially mentioned the word dating. “It’s about time!”

“Tell me about it!” Leah said, receiving a playful tickle from Micah. They both glowed with happiness and the way they looked at each other, I knew they were smitten.

My mind flicked to Jax and a sense of regret washed over me, wishing we’d ended up like my two friends on the sofa.

My face must have clouded over because Leah moved over to me and squeezed my arm. “Are you okay, Holly?”

I nodded, my mouth a tight line. I blurted out what was on the tip of my tongue, not caring any more. Not caring if my mother was sitting doing her tapestry, listening but not speaking.

“How is Jax?”
Micah answered. “He’s doing better. Getting some closure on the accident and Chloe, I think.” He rubbed the back of his neck, glancing to Leah and then back to me. “He feels really bad about what happened. I hope you two can work it out or at least get back to being friends.”

Barely a whisper, I replied, “So do I.”

“You’re not still mad at him?” Leah asked.

“I’m over being mad and I feel a little silly about my reaction to it all. He must think I’m an idiot.”

At that point and with the change in conversation, my mother rose and went into the kitchen, leaving us to talk in private.

“That’s far from what he thinks, Holly. He’s been agonizing over what he said. He really cares about you. I think you should call him. Break the ice,” offered Micah.

I knew I should do that but it was so hard to actually pick up the phone and dial the number.

Time had passed and the longer it went on, the more awkward I felt about doing it.

“What are you afraid of? Micah asked.

“Rejection,” I meekly, replied.

“Are you serious? Look at you. You’re gorgeous! He’s got it bad for you, trust me. He even went out to Chloe’s gravesite to try and gain some finality. He’s never done that before.”

“He hasn’t?”

“Nope. It’s been too hard but I think after what happened between you guys he realized that he needed to let her go so he could move forward. It had to have been hard for him but ever since that day, he’s been different as if a weight has been lifted off.”
That brought with it a wealth of comfort. I hated the hurt I knew had been simmering under the surface. Maybe there would be a chance for us. If he was prepared to take the steps necessary to move forward then the least I could do was try harder too.

“On that note. We’re leaving. We haven’t eaten dinner yet. I picked Leah up to go to the gym and we showered and changed there and came straight here.”

I shot Leah a questioning glance. “You’ve started going to the gym?”

“I am. Micah has been taking me. Joined last week. I decided it was time to get fit and healthy. You guys are doing it so I felt left out.”

I knew Micah had probably coaxed her into going but it didn’t matter. I was happy for them to be spending so much time together.

“I love you both. Thanks again for stopping by.”

“Love you back,” they both chimed as if they were in total sync.

They looked at each other wide-eyed upon speaking in unison and then we all laughed hard, Leah letting out a snort at the end.

“Okay that was freaky. Only old married couples say the same things,” I said.
Micah was shaking his head but grinning as he headed out the door. Leah turned on her way out and quietly said to me so only I could hear. “I think I’m in love. He’s so perfect!”

And then they were both gone.

Chapter Forty One

Holly

At the ten day mark, post-transplant, I was noticing further improvement with my vision. I had returned to work a couple of days earlier with the delight of seeing the faces of my students. I was good advertising for those in my class whom were eligible for corneal transplants and who weren’t permanently vision impaired.

It was now Saturday and I was sitting in a café with Micah and Leah at Denver’s trendy Larimer Square. It had a cozy, pedestrian friendly, neighborhood feel with restaurants, retail shops and clubs. We were people-gazing and chatting, happy about life in general. I really had been missing out on a lot before and now I wondered why I had left it so long to try the procedure again.

The atmosphere was vibrant with singers out and about on various corners and people from all walks of life, strolling leisurely, enjoying the crisp yet cloudless day.

There was only one person missing from our little group but I was trying hard not to think of him. His cell had been turned off the couple of times I’d tried to call so I hadn’t bothered again. Maybe that was a sign. Maybe I just needed to forget all about him and move on. The problem with that idea was that he already had a piece of my heart and it wasn’t something I could just switch off. Watching Micah and Leah get closer each day, caused a twinge of jealousy to fester inside me.

“You miss him don’t you?” It was Leah that dragged me from my daydream.

My head angled up to her smiling face, while Micah sat with his arm across her shoulders, planting light kisses on her cheek, trying to distract her.

I sighed. “Is it that obvious?”

“I know you, Hols. On the outside you’re happy and want everyone to think that life’s just rosy but I can see what’s missing.”

“I tried calling twice but his cell must have been turned off.”
Leah turned to Micah and gave him a look I couldn’t quite decipher but they both shared something only the two of them were privy to.

“What?” I asked, wanting to be in the loop. They knew something I didn’t and it involved Jax.

Leah gave a nonchalant shrug. “Nothing. He’s just been really busy lately with work and the gym and all. I’m sure he’ll get back to you.”

Micah looked at his watch for the third time in as many minutes.

“Do you guys have to be somewhere?”

“Nah. Not for a while anyway. I said I’d help the folks this afternoon in the office but I don’t have to be there until 2pm,” Micah replied.

“Oh. Well, I don’t want to keep you out. It is 11am.” I downed the rest of my coffee. “I’ve got some stuff to do at home anyway.”

When I started to get up, Leah stood and pushed me back down, crying out, “No!”

I landed with a thud and looked at her surprised and a little annoyed. “What the hell, Leah? What are you doing?”

“Sorry. It’s just that we can’t leave yet.”

“Why not?”

She looked unusually on edge, her eyes darting around. “Because we haven’t spent much time together, that’s why. We should stay here a little longer.”

Why did my friend keep looking at Micah and why did she seem so edgy? Something was up and I wasn’t sure what but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and just enjoy their company. Truth was, I didn’t really have much to do later except a pile of laundry but I didn’t let on.

Sitting in the al-fresco area on the sidewalk was so much better than being inside. Too much of my life had been spent indoors so I decided from now on I was going to enjoy the outside world as much as I could.

While we were sitting, idly chatting some more and watching the world go by a familiar yet strange sensation came over me.

My heart rate increased and my head turned a little woozy. Squeezing my eyes shut for a minute, I opened them and re-focused.

Micah must have caught my odd moment because he asked in a concerned voice, “Holly? Are you alright?”

“Mmm. Just had a funny dizzy spell, that’s all. I’m fine.”

“Do you need a glass of water?”

“Actually, yeah. That would be great if you don’t mind.”

Getting up, Micah walked inside to get me some water.

Leah grabbed my hand. “Are you really alright?”

“Yes. I just had this strange sensation come over me. I’m sure it will pass soon.”

Only, it was getting stronger. I looked all around me, as if I would find the source of whatever was making me feel so odd.

People were walking past us and others were walking towards us. A mother with her baby in a stroller. Two teenage girls, bags slung over their shoulders, giggled and chatted, flicking their hair about as they approached. A guy in a tight black tee, faded denim jeans and black work boots swaggered behind them. His tousled, inky hair fell any which way it pleased and moved slightly with the gentle breeze.

I squinted to focus better and the closer the guy came, the more I realized that he was staring at me. Hard.

Did he know me? Did I know him?

Micah returned with my water. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” I hadn’t taken my eyes off the guy, even moving my head to the side when Micah stole my vision of the stranger so I could better see him.

The guy oozed sex. I wished he would hurry and pass us so I could see him up close.

“Hols?” Leah asked. I could see her turn her head to where my gaze was fixated and I vaguely noticed Micah turn too from my peripheral vision.

I couldn’t answer because I was transfixed. The stunning guy was holding a motorbike helmet under each arm, yet he was walking alone so I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe his girlfriend had gone into a shop and he was meeting her.

With each long stride he took, muscles seemed to bulge in different places under his t-shirt. He was like a work of art. Carved with the sharpest chisel. Jeans that clung to toned thighs, drew my attention south. I could feel my wide-eyed stupor, locked on to the meaty package behind his zipper.

Leah and Micah chuckled but it sounded far off as if teasing my hearing.

The stranger got to our table and rather than keep walking he stopped right in front of me. I looked up. His dark eyes held mine so firmly as if he knew me, yet it was only something mildly familiar that tickled my consciousness. He stood silent, drinking me in as I wondered what he was doing.

When his ample mouth opened and his panty melting voice spoke with its bottomless depth, I nearly fainted. “Hello, angel.”

It took me a moment to comprehend who it was that was burning me up with his fiery stare. I could feel my mouth open as clarity washed through me. There was only one person that called me angel.

“Jax?”

His smile blinded me. My eyes watered. This was him? My Jax? How was this beautiful, edgy creature the man I had lost my virginity to and why had he wanted to take it from me? Surely there would be a swarm of females lining up at his door to offer themselves.

His hand came up to my chin and gently pushed so that I closed my cavernous hole. “In the flesh, sweetheart.”

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak. All I could do was look. Never in a million years did I dream that his heavily lashed, intense eyes would leave me floundering. The way the sun cast a slight shadow on his two day growth or the way his lips upturned slightly at the corners, dimples bracketing them.
“Breathe, angel.”

Pulling my eyes away from Jax, I turned to my friends who were beaming at me. “You knew about this?”

Micah nodded. “I don’t really have to work this afternoon. I was wondering why this jackass was so late. He was meant to get here half an hour ago.”

“Fuck you!” Jax threw at his friend. I spun around at his words but realized when I saw the smirk on his face that he’d been joking.

“Well, ah, Micah and I really do have to go though, Holly. Jax, are you alright to get Holly home?” Leah asked as if she already knew the answer.

“I’ve got it,” answered Jax, regarding me who still sat dumbfounded.

What was going on here? Leah had wanted to spend time with me before and now that Jax was here she suddenly wanted to disappear?

“Wait!” I called out as Micah and Leah started to walk off without even saying goodbye.

Leah stopped and turned, “Call me later, Hols. Love you.” She winked and then continued to walk down the street with Micah.

Damn her! Putting me on the spot like this, having to face Jax. What was I meant to say?

He didn’t wait for me to offer him a seat, he took one on the opposite side of me.

“How are you?” he asked me softly, pulling out the chair beside him and placing both helmets on it.

“Good.” My brain had stopped communicating with my mouth because I couldn’t stop ogling his handsome face. It was everything I’d imagined and more. His profile showed off a straight, masculine nose with only the tiniest hint of a bump on the bridge, cheekbones high and proud. What truly drew my gaze though was his mouth. I knew beyond those ripe lips sat a small, metal instrument of pleasure that had flitted and flicked over my most private parts in such a way that I’d crashed into a wave of bliss.

“You can see me.” It was a statement filled with amazement on his behalf.

Nodding, I offered a small smile. “The procedure was a success. My vision is getting better every day.”

“Holly that is so damn incredible. I’m really happy for you.”

I knew he was because his voice held nothing but sincerity and now that I could see his expression, it only further confirmed the fact.

He combed his hair with his fingers, glanced away and then found my eyes again, his jaw twitching. “Look. I don’t know if you want to hear this again or not but I need to tell you how sorry I am about the night of your birthday. I was an ass and I accept full responsibility for it.” He picked up a packaged sugar out of a small bowl in the middle of the table and fiddled with it like he needed something to keep his hands occupied. “I don’t expect you to understand because sometimes I have trouble understanding everything that’s happened over the last few months. I just want you to know that I’m trying. I’m trying really hard to get through it all and I really want us to still be friends.”

He was looking down at the sugar, fascinated with it, appearing extremely nervous.

This big, bulky guy who I knew had trouble expressing himself, had just opened himself up to me and taken the initiative. He really did want to be friends.

My heart went out to him. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he’d had to deal with. Losing his girlfriend and then having to come to terms with the fact that her heart was inside me.

I grabbed his fidgeting hands, taking the sugar and placing it back into the bowl and then I laced his fingers with mine across the table.

“I owe you an apology too. I over-reacted. I see that now. I didn’t wait around for you to explain. I guess what I’d been fearing all along was that you felt closer to her through me and maybe felt like you were with her when instead, you were with me. I want you to want me.” The sentence ended on a whisper but my eyes held his.

They were an open book of pain and emotion, deep and unyielding in their hold over me.

His thumb rubbed my forefinger and I relished in the small comforting gesture. “I do want you for you. I love everything about you. I won’t lie to you though, it’s been a struggle at times, feeling the pulse of her heart beating under your skin. At first it was all I could think about when we came into contact but I know now that it’s your heart. It may have belonged to Chloe but it’s got your blood pumping through it. She gave it to you and in a way I’m glad that something of her has stayed alive instead of rotting in that cemetery. I’ve accepted that she’s gone and I want to move forward. There’s so much I like about you Holly. You’re good and pure. Something I haven’t been since I was small. But I feel that part of me still there when I’m with you. I like how you make me feel. I want to be a better man for you because you deserve that but I need your help.”

Small tears trickled down my cheeks as he opened up “Thank you. Those are the words I’ve longed to hear. I’m so proud of you. I see the person you are deep down and the one you show the world. I know you’re a good person but were just dealt some shitty blows. Whether it was Chloe’s heart that brought us together or not, it doesn’t matter because the more time I spend with you, the more I want to know you. The real Jaxon Reynolds. I don’t want to be friends.”

His eyes filled with confusion at that and he was about to speak when I cut him off. “I don’t want to be friends because I feel more than that for you. I can’t just be friends because you already have a piece of my heart. I want to be there for you.” I was smiling through my tears, watching the relief smooth over his features and his mouth stretch at the corners.

Rising up, he grabbed both helmets and asked, “You want to take a ride with me?” I could actually see the twinkle in his eyes.

“I would love that.”

Jax insisted on carrying both helmets as we walked together down the sidewalk to where his bike was parked. I was taken aback at the sheer size of it.

“Wow! Your bike is beautiful!” It was. All polished chrome and sleek lines.

“Thanks. I like her.” Resting his helmet on the seat, he turned to me and put mine on, moving in close and murmuring, “She feels even better with you on the back.”