Your To Take - Connaghers 03 (4 page)

“The colors you’ve chosen so far are hard and dramatic, a
bit like you and Reyes.” Jesse mused aloud. “He’s harsh and grim. As a cop,
everything is black and white. Right or wrong, law and order or utter chaos. I
bet he despises the gray. Gray is where people begin to tell lies. All too
soon, gray leads to black. There can be no middle ground, no compromise, or
black wins every time. Everything has to be in its proper place, right or
wrong, and he’s always right.”

His analysis was spot-on, but then again, Elias wasn’t that
hard to read. She wasn’t too concerned, until Jesse began analyzing her.

“You’re definitely red: passionate, uncontrolled wildfire.
You clash with black all the time and you never give up without a fight.”

His gentle voice didn’t sound aggressive or inflammatory,
but he dared a soft brush of his lips against her ear that damned near made her
knees buckle.

“Maybe you need a buffer between you and him. Someone
softer, gentler, who can absorb all the dramatics without falling apart, who
would never try to set one against the other, and will always do exactly as you
say, when you say, how you say, no questions asked. Someone who’d love getting
burned by your sparks, and isn’t afraid of the harder black, either. In fact,
you just might like someone who can take it hard, real hard, as hard as you
want.”

She knew, then, that she was in serious trouble.
Street-smart and worldly in ways she couldn’t even comprehend, Jesse had voiced
the crux of her relationship problems with Elias. In the great war of passion
between them, Jesse offered himself as Switzerland.

What he didn’t get at all was that Elias would go all
shock-and-awe on them both if she even thought about it.

So why am I thinking about it?

She couldn’t tell Jesse that he was wrong, because he
wasn’t, and she couldn’t refuse him, because he had to know how fast her heart
was pounding. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

Ironically, now she knew exactly which color to use in her
line.

Without saying a word or turning toward him, she stepped
away. He let her go without trying to hold her back. Trailing her fingers along
the fabrics, she walked down to the opposite end of the shelving, straining up
high to reach a shimmering bolt of blue-lagoon silk.

It’d been an impulse buy, rather embarrassing, actually,
because she’d never thought she’d end up using it, and it had cost her a small
fortune. The color was too bright, too jewel-toned for business wear, and too
seasonally restrictive for all-year wear. Or so she’d thought as she’d shoved
it on the highest shelf out of her way.

Bracing herself mentally, she raised her gaze to his face as
she walked toward him. His eyes, so bright, so hot and intense, were made
darker and richer by the silk in her hands. Her chest constricted with an
answering surge of attraction, deeper and more compelling every time she looked
at him. If he’d stop looking at her like that, begging her with his eyes to
devour him whole, then maybe she could pretend nothing had changed.

He was just a good guy who’d fallen on hard times.

She was just a good Samaritan.

He didn’t have to get in the middle of her romantic mess.

Her cheeks burned at the thought. The image of him and Elias
both touching her seared her mind, burning her to ash. She’d never once thought
about such a thing, but now…

She draped the silk over the center rack and stepped back to
look at her entire collection. If she made a simple turquoise shell to wear
with the black pantsuit, and maybe something with gray and turquoise mixed
together, it might work. However, she needed to settle on the signature piece
for herself.

“What do you think?” She didn’t turn to look at him, afraid
that he’d see the growing need in her eyes and take the next step himself. “Is
it too much?”

“Nothing’s too much for you.”

A lump crowded her throat, making it impossible to breathe.
“Jesse—”

“Hear me out, please.” He stepped closer, hovering behind
and to the side without touching her. “Keep your cop. I don’t care. Just keep
me too.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“You’re my guest. I’m gladly helping you and I want nothing
in return.”

“You think I want you only because you helped me?” He
dropped his forehead against her shoulder. She let out a soft sigh. If he’d put
his hands on her, she could have taken him to task for touching her, but his
head was such a tender gesture that she couldn’t be upset. “Why do you think I
made you that card? Why did I carry it all these weeks, hoping beyond hope to
find you again? When you get the chance, look closer at the card. See my
message to you. If you’d simply thanked me for the card and sent me on my way
last night, I would have gone, happy to have only seen your face, and loving
you as much as I do now.”

Her breath seized up in her throat. She’d dated Elias off
and on for months and he’d never told her his feelings. He’d never show such
vulnerability. He couldn’t let down his guard long enough.

“I came to find you because I couldn’t face life without
seeing your smile at least every once in a while.” He rubbed his mouth on her
shoulder. “I’m not offering myself to pay you back. I just need to be with you,
whatever that means.”

She let go of the silk, afraid her sweaty palms would ruin
it before she could ever implement a design. Swaying, she fought to keep her
head and remain calm, untouched. “You don’t know me, Jesse. Not really.”

“Yes, I do.” He whispered in her ear. “I know your heart. No
one else has even considered helping me in five years. That’s proof of what
kind of woman you are, and I want to belong to you. I’m yours to take, Vicki,
if you want me.”

So close, so tempting, if she turned her head just a little,
she could touch him. She could kiss him. She knew he wouldn’t make the move
himself. No, he wanted—needed—
her
to take him, as he’d said.

His hair tickled her cheek and she couldn’t resist him any
longer. She turned and pushed her mouth to his. Groaning deep in his throat, he
opened his mouth and melted into her. He surrendered completely, giving
everything to her, no hesitation, wide open and eager. Taller and bigger, he
still managed to drape himself on her, making himself vulnerable. Even though
she knew he could have put her in the wall like Elias had done him last night,
she
was the one slamming Jesse backward.

His back hit the wall and he made a low, whimpering sound
that wasn’t pain, but a plea, as if he were saying,
Drink me down, possess
me, use me, take me hard.

And God help her, that’s exactly what she did.

He spread his arms out against the wall to resist the
temptation of touching her and silently begged with every muscle in his body
for her to take every inch of him. Gripping his hair in both hands, she inhaled
his mouth. She gnawed on his bottom lip, pressing the sore spot from his
introduction to her cop last night until he groaned and arched into her,
pleading for more.

Finally, her tongue sank into his mouth as deeply as he
wanted to be buried in her. So ravenous, she took his mouth, her fingers
twisting his hair until he couldn’t help but moan out his enjoyment.

She tore her mouth from his on a soft cry of regret.

He realized, then, that she was ashamed of that desperation,
as he’d felt this morning when his stomach had betrayed him so loudly.

With her eyes squeezed shut, she whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? I’m begging you to kiss me again, every day, all day,
just like that, please.” He tucked his cheek against hers. He had to squeeze
his hands into fists to resist the urge to clutch her, desperate to keep her
from withdrawing. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had. I’ve never had a woman
do me like this, like I need.”

She didn’t pull away, not yet, as though she couldn’t bear
to let him see the lust and shame on her face. “You’d rather have a man?”

“Hell, no. I’m not gay; I’m not even bi. But a lot of men
like my looks. I did what I needed to survive.” He was proud that his voice
didn’t quiver. Hopefully she had no idea how much he’d hated selling himself.
The degradation, the shame of servicing a man, often against his will, to keep
from getting the shit beat of him or worse. He didn’t want that part of his
life to touch her, not if he could help it. “I like my partner to be in
control, but I want a woman to take me. I want
you
.”

She groaned against his ear, turned on, he hoped, but she
shuddered, a slight withdrawal that had him leaning into her, trying to entice
her with his body to stay.

Desperately, he whispered his fantasies into her ear. “I
like sex rough, hard, sweaty, up against a wall, frantic, wherever you’ll take
me. I love you in control, taking what you want, demanding I give it up,
everything, for you.”

“I can’t take advantage of you like this. It’s wrong. You
trusted me—”

He couldn’t help but laugh and shift his hips forward,
pressing his erection into her stomach. “How could something that feels this
good be wrong?”

She slid her right hand down his back and wrapped her
fingers around the waistband of his pants, hauling him tighter against her.
“I’m going to hell for this.”

“Then you might as well enjoy me fully.”

Laughing raggedly, she buried her face against his neck.
“Hold me, Jesse. Just hold me. It’s been so long.”

Wrapping his arms around her as tightly as she held him, he
didn’t ask any questions. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like he
was pushing her to choose him over her cop. But if that son of a bitch had been
neglecting her, then Jesse would be more than happy to fulfill her every need.

“I’m going to go upstairs and make some calls, so feel free
to help yourself to the laundry, take a nap, whatever you’d like. First thing
tomorrow, I want you to see a doctor. Then we’ll go shopping so your baggy
pants don’t make me think about how easily they’d fall down, and we’ll go by
VCONN and you can meet my brother. Right now, I need…to think. About all this.”

She must be seriously considering taking him to her bed if
she wanted him to get checked out, but at the same time, she wanted space. She
needed to slow down. He understood that. He wasn’t her whole world, not like
she was for him. “I’ll do whatever you want, Vicki. I’ll stay down here until
you call me.”

“I…” Pulling back, she blew out her breath. “You don’t have
to stay down here or wait for me to call you. I want this to be your home.”

“It is, as long as you’re here.”

Chapter Four

Sitting on the edge of her bed with the door shut, Vicki
stared down at Jesse’s birthday card. Her hand trembled, making the butterfly
wings blur, but she already knew his subtle message to her. At first glance,
the black lines had merely seemed to be outlines to emphasize the soft
watercolors. But the longer she’d stared at the card, she realized the lines
were actually curves—no, letters—long, graceful cursive to spell out his
message over and over.

I love you.

Her phone rang, making her jump. Elias. Sick at heart, she
hit the button. “Please don’t tell me that you can’t make it tonight.”

“What’s wrong, Vik? Is your houseguest starting to scare
you?” He laughed, telling her he wasn’t really serious.

“You were right, Elias,” she whispered, fighting back the
tears. “You were right, and I’m in trouble.”

“Trouble like you need me to come over and bust his mouth
open again?” His hard cop voice echoed over the line. “I can be there in twenty
minutes. If you’re in danger, then I’ll send the closest squad car to pick him
up.”

“No, no, I’m not in danger.
He
is. I’m scaring
myself.”

“Hold on a minute, Vik. Let me find a private room.”

She heard the chatter of the office and finally the door
shut, sealing off all noises.

“Okay, spill. What has you so freaked out?”

“He does love me. He told me. Even the birthday card—that he
made months ago—says that he loves me.”

“Yeah,” Elias said slowly, drawing the word out. “How’d you
react to that earth-shattering news?”

She squeezed her eyes shut and held the phone away from her
ear in case he started yelling at her. “I kissed him.”

It took her a minute to realize the muffled sounds coming
from his phone weren’t curses, but might actually be laughter.

“You aren’t laughing at me, are you? I kissed him. No, I
slammed him up against the wall like you did last night, only instead of
splitting his lip open, I damned near bit it off.”

Elias laughed harder. “Did he thank you for it?”

“Yeah, yeah he did. In fact, he begged me to do it again.
Why aren’t you pissed?”

“Oh, Vik, I don’t know. It’s not like I have any right to be
pissed at you for kissing another man when I haven’t been around in months.
Besides, you’re too upset for me to be mad, and he’s not a bad kid. No, he’s a
real good-looking kid, a nice tender morsel.” He laughed harder, like one of
his buddies had told him the most hilarious joke he’d ever heard. “Making love
to you has always been like wrestling a hungry crocodile. Did you shock the
hell out of him?”

Stricken, she could barely breathe through the tightness in
her chest. “I’m that bad?”

“Aw hell, no, Vicki, you’re that
good
.” His voice was
as tender as she’d ever heard him. “You’re the hottest, sexiest, most
passionate woman I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. But you’re not a soft,
passive woman in bed, far from it. Half the fun is wrestling you for dominance,
and the other half is making sure you enjoy the consolation prize, as much as I
am. Any smarter man would never have left you simmering all these months. It’s
as much my fault as yours that you’re so attracted to Jesse.”

“So you’ll come over tonight? Please?”

He let out a wicked, low laugh that made her blood smolder.
“Oh, I don’t know, Vik. Your couch isn’t that comfortable. Besides, you’ve got
that hot cabana boy to tend to you now. Why do you need me?”

“I won’t make you sleep on the couch tonight. I swear.”

“We’re going to be loud, babe,” he purred, drawing a rough
groan from her. “I’m going to make you scream. We’re going to hit every surface
of your bedroom, hell, your whole apartment, and your boy’s going to hear every
whimper, thud, curse and shout of release. Are you sure you’re up for that?”

Her nipples were so hard the lace of her bra felt like
sandpaper. “Can you come home now?”

Now it was his turn to groan. “I wish I could, but I’ve got
a meeting with the lieutenant in five minutes. I expect we’ll go out on a tip
this afternoon, so don’t hold dinner for me.”

“Elias, please, you
have
to come tonight.”

“I will,” he promised. “It might be late, but as soon as
we’re done with the bust, I’ll drive straight to you.” He hesitated, an edge
coming to his voice. “You know he’s probably loaded with STDs or worse. God
only knows what he’s been exposed to in prison, let alone the streets.”

“I know,” she whispered, lying back on her bed. “I’m taking
him to the clinic tomorrow. I already made an appointment.”

“You’re serious, then. Jesus, Vik.”

“I know.” She closed her eyes and rubbed her temple with her
free hand. “What does this mean for us?”

“Hell if I know. I’d say I should simply take the hint and
get the hell out of Dodge, but you’re begging me to come over tonight.”

“I’ve missed you.” Her voice broke but she refused to bitch
and moan about the past. Elias had chosen to bail on her. He’d played both
judge and jury and blamed her for everything that had gone wrong, but she
couldn’t stop loving him.
Even when he’s an uncompromising ass.
“I don’t
want to lose you all over again.”

“But you want him too.”

Her relationship with Elias had always had a lot of
failings, but one thing she’d never done was lie to him. “Yeah, I do.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Yeah, I want that too.”

Laughter exploded out of him, startling them both. “Don’t do
anything rash, Vik. I don’t want you to get burned.”

“You either. He’s not a threat to you, so don’t let your
macho ego get in the way of this.”

“
This
?” He drawled out, making her toes curl. “What
exactly are you offering me, Vik? Sharing you with that young pup? I’m a
junkyard Rottie named Spike and I guarantee my bite is just as mean as my bark.
I don’t tolerate cream-puff poodles around my woman.”

“You know you’re my top dog. Jesse…well…I guess I’m
his
top dog.” At least Elias hadn’t cursed her out or driven over to break Jesse’s
arm as he’d threatened last night. Definitely an improvement. “You don’t bite,
do you, Spike?”

He snorted. “You know I do, babe.”

“Yeah, me too.” Her neck throbbed right below her ear, his
favorite place to grip her with his teeth while they made love. Her voice had
gone sultry and thick, but she didn’t care. “Just to be clear,
babe
, you
don’t have to worry about my cream-puff poodle biting you. That’ll be all me
with my crocodile teeth.”

Watching Jesse come up the stairs toward her apartment,
Vicki tried to swallow around her heart that felt like it’d lodged in her
throat. His freshly washed jeans were comfortably worn, threadbare and ragged
in spots, which was all the rage anyway. He’d pulled his hair back in a
ponytail, tight in contrast to the simple cotton T-shirt and jeans.

He’d left his shoes and socks off too. Barefoot and
vulnerable, he made her heart ache. He trusted her to take care of and protect
him. In the cold on the streets, he’d never walk around without his shoes for
fear someone worse off might take them.

To break the intensity, she asked, “Hungry?”

He stared at her mouth, pausing several steps below so his
head remained lower than hers. “Starving.”

Blood pounded a vicious tempo in her ears. Slowly, she
reached out to lightly brush her fingers across his jaw to the ponytail holder.
“May I?”

“You can do anything you want to me.”

She worked the rubber band loose, trying not to pull his
hair, but his eyes darkened like a mysterious lagoon. Experimentally, she
wrapped her hand in his hair and tugged, mesmerized by the way his mouth
softened, opened. His tongue darted out, his eyes falling shut. “What do you
like?”

“Anything you want.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. I’m up for anything you tell me to do. You said
your brother was a sadist, so if pain runs in the blood, try me. I can take a
lot of punishment.”

She blew out her breath, frustrated and scared spitless.
Maybe
I should have gone with Victor a few times so I’d know what the hell I’m
getting into.
“I don’t want to punish you. I want you to feel safe and
secure with me. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

“Not even your cop?”

He didn’t say it like an accusation, but dread still made
her stomach queasy. She owed Elias her allegiance first and foremost. He was a
good man, an excellent cop and a fabulous lover. But when it came to his pride,
he could be a loose cannon.
In the end, aren’t I cheating on him with
another man? How can I ask him to allow this?

“Because if you want him to fuck me, I’ll accept him
gladly.”

Blood drained from her face. She cupped his cheeks in both
hands and leaned down with her sternest look. “I will never ask you to do such
a thing. If you don’t want to do something, I need to know. You told me earlier
you don’t like men, so don’t make that kind of offer to me. It’s not necessary.
In fact, it’s repulsive to me, and to Elias, that you’d think we’d require such
services from you in order for you to stay. You have to tell me the truth or I
can’t protect you.”

His eyes shimmered and his mouth trembled. “I’ll do
anything, Vicki. Please don’t send me away.”

“I’m not going to send you away, but we have to take this
slowly. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t want to lose Elias just
to have you, but the thought of losing you…” Letting out a rough growl, she
pulled Jesse into her arms. Eagerly, he went to his knees, pressing as close to
her as possible. “I’m going to get help for you, for me, whatever it takes.
You’ve been abused, and I don’t want to screw this up out of ignorance.”

He hugged with his entire body, arms locked around her hips.
“I’ve never had a choice. I don’t know what I like, not really, but when you
touch me, even a hug, it’s like angels start singing and my bones melt and my
blood boils in my veins. It’s you. Whatever you want. I trust you not to hurt
me.”

Hands trembling, she held him, smoothing her hands over his
back and shoulders.
Such responsibility. God help me.
She couldn’t stop
touching him, though, like she couldn’t watch him walk away into the snow and
cold. She wanted to make him feel safe and loved like he’d never been before.

“Just having you touch me…” Muffled against her stomach, his
words burrowed into her. “I’m starved for affection and physical contact as
much as anything else.”

“Let’s go eat dinner.” Soothingly, she ran her fingers
through his hair. “Then if you can stand to watch cheesy horror movies, we’ll
cuddle on the couch for awhile.”

Reluctantly, he released her and stood. “If you’ll let me
hold your hand, I’ll even watch ballet.”

She offered her hand, and he clasped her fingers between his
palms, bending down to kiss her knuckles. His caressed her with his lips,
making what should have been a polite gesture into something so erotic it could
have been X-rated.

And then he got his tongue involved.

He nudged her knuckle firmly, lips closing around the small
bump to suck and work, silently demonstrating what he’d eagerly do between her
thighs if she gave him the chance. His teeth grazed her skin, making her groan
out loud and pull her hand away, although she kept his fingers gripped in hers.

“Give me any part of your body,” he said, his voice
breathless, “and I’ll worship it with only my lips, tongue and teeth.”

Unsteady, she had to brace herself against the door frame
before trusting her balance. “Good Lord, Jesse, will you stop tempting me like
this?”

He shook his head, tumbling his hair down to veil his
stunning eyes. “You asked me what I’d enjoy. I’m just being honest. I’d love to
have you spread out naked with the order that I’m only to touch you with my
mouth.”

Now that she’d fueled his confidence where he felt safe
enough to flirt and entice, this dangerous attraction was only getting worse by
the moment. Floundering between consuming need and embarrassment—at how easily
and fiercely he’d managed to turn her on—she forced herself to turn away and
shut the door. She even tried squeezing her eyes shut so she couldn’t see the
tempting invitation blazing in his.

But that didn’t stop him. “I think I could come just from
sucking on your finger. I know I would if you kissed me right now.”

“We are so not going there. We can’t. I want to give you
time—”

“I’ve had time on the streets. I’ve done time in prison. I
don’t need time to know that I love you.”

“
I
need time. I can’t say that I want to protect you,
and then take advantage of you.” In desperation, she added, “Elias is spending
the night, and this time, he won’t be on the couch.”

Jesse’s eyes only darkened more and he edged closer. “Can I
watch?”

“No!” She shuddered at the thought. Elias would probably
bust a vein in his forehead if she’d even thought to ask him. “Absolutely not.”

Groaning, Jesse dropped his head to her shoulder. “Please,
Vicki, I’m dying. Give me something. Anything. Can I at least come when you
do?”

She opened her mouth to retort that he could come whenever
the hell he wanted, but she couldn’t say it. She stood there, mouth open, eyes
wide, dumbstruck by the surge of pure power and primal lust that crashed
through her. She liked the idea of controlling his release. Making him wait.
Giving him a word, a simple caress, and watching his mouth fall open, his eyes
blaze, while he pumped at her command.

“Oh,” he breathed out in a soft whisper, raising his head to
search her face, his eyes as wide as hers. “You like that idea. While he’s
inside you, think of me downstairs, tangled in the sheets, sweating and
rock-hard while I listen, begging to hear your cry of release. No matter how
much I hurt, I won’t touch myself. All it’ll take is your voice, your scream,
and I’ll explode. Yes? Please?”