You're Always in the Last Place You Look (27 page)

“Sorry, sir. Next time call me?”

“Hopefully there won’t be a next time, but you can bet I will. Zane?” He held up a plastic bag holding what appeared to be two cans of Lysol spray, then set them at his feet, unwilling to enter Zane’s room. Zane nodded unenthusiastically, obviously knowing what to do with them. I assumed he was to spray everywhere he had touched.

Which he did. Including some surfaces I was sure he probably hadn’t laid a finger on since he moved in.

*

The flu took out half the school, and a fair part of the town before it petered out. I kept secretly hoping Mrs. Cormley would succumb. However Zane’s aunt and uncle were miraculously spared, as were my folks, who seemed to have neglected passing on their hardy immune systems to me. When I thought about it, I couldn’t remember the last time either of them had been sick despite my bringing home about everything that made the rounds since I began kindergarten.

Rain bloomed during the flu outbreak, and somehow, because so many were ill, only one field was down at the time. Where normally there would have been at least ten cut, and waiting baling. People were talking about it being the grace of God.

I called it luck.

Whether luck or divinity, the day Dirk, Chuck, and Gary—the three hardest workers you could ask for in a hay field—returned to school having finally beaten the virus, the sky shimmered heat-saturated blue-grey. A promise fields would soon be dry.

Chapter Thirty

The heat soared into the high eighties, the first cutting went down, and we bucked hay like mad men. Most days we worked well into the twilight hours, and Zane and I’s personal time became a myth. Even though we spent almost every waking moment together, I felt the days before graduation slipping away. My time with him shortening as the days lengthened.

*

“Are you guys going to the senior campout?” Lily asked Friday morning. The campout was always on the Crutcher’s ranch in the south field. It was a tradition they had continued even after the last of their four sons graduated six years ago. The stories of prior parties were legendary, and as long as we didn’t let the bonfire get out of hand, and removed all our trash, they left the seniors alone to get as wild as they wanted.

“I don’t know,” Zane answered.

“Of course.” I blurted at the same time, then looked at him. “It’s not up for debate. We’re going.” A whole night of Zane all to myself, the two of us wedged into a two-man tent? I wasn’t about to miss that.

“Gavin’s coming,” Gary added, grinning in that sweet, innocent way he had. Then he leered and waggled his eyebrows, ruining the effect.

Zane shifted on his feet, and gave a facetious eye roll. “All right, if I have to.” I didn’t miss the glimmer in his eyes as he shot a suggestive look my way. Damn hormones saw it too.

*

“Did you turn your math assignments in?”

I grinned. “Yeah, you should have seen Mr. Kernsey’s face. It was priceless. He counted them up and his jaw dropped.” With Zane’s help, and perseverance on both our parts, I had managed to complete all but two of my missing assignments. The need for sleep kept getting in the way, and those last two just didn’t happen.

Zane’s arm looped around my waist, stopping me, and swinging me in front of him. “I know it sounds corny, but I’m really proud of you.”

I tapped his forehead. “I couldn’t have done it without that abacus you call a brain, but I’m proud of me too.” My grin kissed his grin.

He kept hold of one of my belt loops as we continued walking. “So, what do you plan on doing, being an accountant or something?” I asked.

Zane made a face. “Fuck no. I have no idea why I’m good with numbers, because I despise math.” He shivered exaggeratedly. “I don’t know...I had everything planned out before the accident. But now?” He shrugged.

“What
were
your plans?”

He bowed his head and smiled. “You’re going to laugh, but, I wanted to be the next Ed Hardy.”

“Who’s Ed Hardy?”

He glanced skyward and shook his head. “Rednecks.” His head shifted so he could take me in. “He’s a world famous tattoo artist.”

I gently pinched his neck, eliciting an “
ow
” and a dirty look from him.

“Better watch what you say, city boy. Your neck’s redder than mine right now.” I chuckled. “So how do you become a world famous tattoo artist?”

“Actually I wanted to become a designer. Hardy started by doing tats, but now he just sells his designs to other artists. That’s what I want to do. I need to learn how to digitize, and I wanted to get a graphic design degree. At least then I’d have something to fall back on, you know in case I ended up really starving doing the artist thing.” He sighed as if it all seemed out of reach now.

“I can totally see you doing that.” I gave him a slightly abashed sidelong glance. “I snooped a bit when you were sick, and I saw some of your drawings. A bit macabre for me, but your really good...and I’m not just saying that.” I concentrated on the ochre soil in front of us as my insides twisted over what I was about to say. “I think you should follow your dreams—wherever they may be.”

“SAIC in Chicago offered me a scholarship. I haven’t accepted it yet.”

Nodding, I felt my heart fracture. “How good’s the school for what you want to do?”

He halted, his face a map of lines and conflicting emotions. “One of the best in the nation.” He said it as if that was one of the worst things to be.

Trying to keep my face blank, I turned and continued walking through the underbrush, and into the harsh white sunlight. “Then I think you’d be stupid not to accept it,” I finally admitted. It would be painful watching him go, but I knew he was talented enough he could actually have a very promising future, and I refused to be the one who held him back.

He sighed. “Yeah, probably...”

The conversation died there.

*

“How do you think you did on your finals?” Dad asked.

I swallowed the green beans in my mouth. “I must have done okay, I’m graduating aren’t I?” Friday had been the last day of school for us seniors, and notices had been given out during homeroom informing us of whether we had enough credits to graduate or not. There was nothing like waiting until the last minute to torment us. That was Idaho for you, or maybe that was just high schools in general.

Mom and Dad both smiled proudly. I was sure they thought I was headed for summer school, but thanks to Zane’s help I had managed to avoid that humiliation.

“That you are. We’re proud of you, even if you don’t know what to do with yourself now.” Dad raised his eyebrows, pointing a forkful of mashed potatoes my way.

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. I didn’t even have my diploma yet and Dad was already hounding me. “I’ll sort myself out before I have to pick my classes. Just let me bask in the miraculousness of graduating for a few days, please.”

He grinned. “A few days then.” Wiping his mouth with his napkin he added, “So, does Zane have a plan?”

“Yes. He does.” We hadn’t talked about it again, but Zane seemed more anxious the past few days, and he was always touching me as if he couldn’t get enough, or I might disappear. However it wouldn’t be me going. I wasn’t sure I could elaborate without choking up, and I think my parents realized that since they didn’t pry further. “Can I be excused?”

Mom nodded, and Dad gave my hand a quick squeeze. After rinsing my dishes, and putting them in the dishwasher, I headed to my room needing to wallow in my own self-pity. Zane
would
leave. He’d take that scholarship, and by the end of college he’ll have forgotten all about Idaho and everything here. Why wouldn’t he? His dream couldn’t thrive here. He needed Chicago’s help for that. I tried to be happy for him, but it just wasn’t in me right now. Once I allowed the first tears to fall, I couldn’t stop them, and I cried, quiet and messy, until there was nothing of me left.

*

“Gabe, wake up, we have work remember?”

I opened my sore eyes and the splendor before me hurt. I closed my eyes and curled up so I didn’t have to see it—see him.

I felt his fingers land on my cheek, his thumb skitter along my temple. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I pushed up, and past him without looking at him, without letting him see my face in the brash morning light. I refused to guilt him with what was my own doing. He’d never once said he loved me, and the fact that I’d fallen in love with him was therefore my own problem.

“You’re lying,” he said boldly.

“So what if I am.” Bending down, I picked up a pair of dirty jeans off the floor.

“Talk to me,
dammit
.”

I yanked out a pair of underwear, and some socks from my dresser. “No.” I paused at the doorway, and finally did look back at him then. “When are you planning on leaving?”

His eyes flicked down. “I haven’t decided yet.”

I gave him a hard look. “Who’s lying now?” I retreated to the bathroom, and slammed the door.

*

We didn’t touch, we barely talked, we didn’t kiss, and my heart continued to crack. It had only been two days, but already I missed his smile, the sound of his laugh, the way he blushed, the way he looked at me all soft. He seemed to have retreated, and even though he was always near, I’d never felt so alone. It had been a dumb argument, and I wanted him back, no matter how long I had him, except I didn’t know how to fix this—how to fix the ticking time bomb that was us.

*

“What’s going on with you guys?” Tye hefted a bale and chucked it onto the flatbed. He tipped his head towards Zane, who was kneeing a bale into the stack as if he’d hayed his whole life. “He watches you when you’re not looking, and his face is so sad, but your face is devastated, and man, it’s breakin’ my heart.”

I shook my head as I tossed a bale onto the deck, and reached for another. “It’s nothing...”
It’s everything
. I felt as if I was unraveling. That every time I looked at Zane, a piece of me seemed to disappear, poof, gone, and that too soon I’d be back to being nonexistent again.
Dramatic much
? Geez, I needed to stop the pity party of one.

Tye retrieved a bottle of water from the chest strapped to the grill at the front of the flatbed. I hucked another three bales up while he took a swig. He held it out to me, and I stopped, even though I knew it was a ploy to talk to me, and I didn’t really feel like talking about this with him—or rather I didn’t know how, since the two of us had never talked about anything important.

“I’ve known you a long time, and I know I haven’t been the greatest friend, kinda selfish actually—”

“Only kinda?” I blurted, raising my brows as I took a drink. Despite being roping partners, we had rarely associated at school until recently. Simple politics; Tye was popular and I wasn’t.

“Would you let me finish?” Exasperated, he shook his head, and I gestured for him to continue. “I wish I hadn’t been so stuck up—I knew you were struggling, and I ignored your problems, telling myself they were your problems, not mine. I can’t fix that now, but as your roping partner, I can tell you to quit being an idiot. It’s obvious you love him, and judging by the way he looks at you, and if you don’t fix things, I’m locking you both in your LQ until I see it rocking.”

I gave him a disgusted look. “Why does it always come down to sex?”

“You have to work it out first. But, yeah, then it comes down to make-up sex.”

I rolled my eyes. “For you mayb—”

“
Holy shit
!” Tye’s eyes widened, his hands landing on his head.

“What?” I whipped around to see what he was looking at and froze, the water bottle slipping from my fingers. An undulating black wave had engulfed the flatbeds.
Shit
! Hornets. “Oh God, Zane’s allergic...” And rather than diving off like everyone else was doing, he was crouched against the back of the stack, his arms wrapped around his head. There was a bunch of thumping and yelling, then Sharkey hit the gas, causing the truck to lurch forward. I watched with growing horror as Zane toppled, falling between the flatbeds, and disappearing beneath the tires of the rear trailer. I wasn’t sure if I was actually shouting
stop
,
stop
,
stop
, or if it was trapped in my head on a loop as I ran against everyone, into the roar of the swarm.

I didn’t even think about broken bones, or internal injuries, as I grabbed Zane under the armpits and began dragging him. My only thought was to get him out of there, and I hoped and prayed it wasn’t too late. He began struggling against me, his body twisting back and forth making it hard to move him. Thank God, at least he was alive. Suddenly he became lighter, and I glanced up to find Tye holding his knees. He mouthed
run
. Or maybe he yelled it, but I was deaf to anything other than the thunderous drone vibrating through
everything
.

It seemed we ran forever before Zane’s screams rose above the roar. Desperate not to fall, desperate not to lose him, I didn’t, or rather couldn’t look at him. Every breath seared my lungs, my back burned, and I was sure my arms were about to tear from their sockets. But still I ran.

“Gabe...Gabe, we’re clear. Stop.
Gabriel
,
stop
!”

I stumbled and fell backwards, Zane landing on my legs. The world slammed back into place, and it wasn’t just Zane screaming. The air was a cacophony of agony. All my concern was tangled around the black-haired boy before me though. Scrambling out from under him, my eyes finally crash landed on Zane.

“Zane.” Pulling his hands away from his face, I held his arms down while Tye sat on his legs, trying to tame his thrashing. “Zane, look at me, look at me. Where do you hurt?”

“Get em’ off. Get em’ off,” he screeched, rolling back and forth, but at quick glance there didn’t seem to be any bees still on him.

“They’re gone, they’re gone, Zane, calm down.” Remarkably he did for the most part. His hands continued to move, batting at his head, and ruffling his hair, but he lay still while we searched him.

I only found one bald-faced bastard stuck to the nape of his neck by its stinger. I brushed it off, smashing it with the heel of my palm, then carefully removed the stinger. My eyes roamed his exposed skin over and over, surprised—shocked actually, at the lack of stings. His breathing grew shallow.

“Where’s your EpiPen?” I asked as I pinched out another stinger on his forehead, and one near his ear. When he didn’t respond, I grabbed his face and looked right into his scared, unfocused eyes. “
Zane
,
EpiPen
,
where is it
?” I shrieked, fear beginning to seep through the cracks of my falsely calm facade.