You're Always in the Last Place You Look (29 page)

Chapter Thirty-Two

“How about over there?”

“By the trees? I think I can get through there. Just watch your side.” Crutcher’s south field was already packed with trucks, cars, and teens, some of whom I didn’t even recognize, and a few I doubted were even seniors. It looked like a revival gone wrong for wayward teens. I edged the truck between Dirk’s camo Toyota and a beat up silver Civic, barely missing taking off the mirror on the Civic.

Once clear, I shoved Zane’s shoulder. “You were supposed to be watching, dufus.”

His lips disappeared as he attempted to look chagrined. “Sorry. This is so cool though. It’s like the last big bang.”

I glanced around at the chaos as I parked next to a stand of maples, knowing had I graduated last year, I never would have come. The difference a year and one person can make—because Zane was right. This was very cool.

Bang
,
bang
,
bang
. I just about leapt into Zane’s lap, then closed my eyes, letting my heart slump back into my chest as I rolled the window down.

“Jesus, you just about gave me a—”

“Dudes, you should park over near us.” Gary said, while Gavin, who was clinging to Gary’s back like a monkey, gestured vaguely, looked confused, then adjusted his finger and pointed at Gary’s beat up Chevy stepside.

“Mmm, we’re good,” I said, not really thrilled with the idea of listening to whatever went on in their tent all night.

Gary shrugged, almost losing Gavin in the process. “Suit yourself.”

After Gavin had regained his perch, he whispered loudly, “I think they want privacy.” I didn’t want to know what he was doing to Gary’s back as he cried out, “Ah, ah, ah,” while his hands pulled on Gary’s wide shoulders. I felt the burn across my cheeks, and knew I was blushing madly even though that was exactly what this party was about. A final chance to let your inner teenager run wild before becoming the adult everyone expected us to be. I’d only just met the teenager within me, but I planned to give him full control over the next twelve hours. At least that was my intention anyway.

Zane laughed. “Someone start the party early?”

Gary rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Ya think? Jesus, Gavin, get a hold of yourself, you’re scaring the kids.”

Gavin whispered something in Gary’s ear, causing Gary to color from the collar of his brown Carhartt t-shirt all the way to the roots of his blond hair. He dumped Gavin on the ground.

“Okay, now you’re scaring me. I think someone needs a chore, you guys want some help?”

“I do not,” Gavin bolted, pouncing back and forth on his feet.

We shared a look. “Nah, we got it,” Zane said. “Take him for a walk or something.”

“Yeeaah, it’s the something I’m worried about.” Gary shot a look at his boyfriend. Gavin laughed, never stopping his energetic prancing.

I watched them wander off.
Oddest couple ever
. It was like watching an Arabian bounding around a Clydesdale.

“God, he’d drive me nuts. How does someone
have
that much energy?” Zane asked as he hopped into the back of the truck. I followed him up, and tossed the tent onto the ground.

I shook my head. “Poor Gary. He must be exhausted.”

We busted up laughing, then saw Gavin goose Gary with both hands before darting off, and laughed so hard we both almost toppled out of the truck.

*

Taking another swig from the bottle, my feet fumbled and the ground rushed up.

Zane made a quick grab around my waist, and we both went backwards over the log he had been sitting on. After hitting the ground, I proudly held up the bottle, not having spilled a drop when I landed on top of Zane.

“I think Gabe needs another drink,” someone called out.

“I think you’re drunk,” Zane said laughing. “And heavy, ugh.”

“Mmm, I’m not drunk. Almost. Maybe. Just a little. I’m comfy though. God, you’re warm.” I didn’t move because he was warm, and his arms were around me, and I didn’t want to move.

“You’re spilling.”

“Ha! Oohps.” Righting the bottle, I shuffled around until I was straddling his hips. I took a swig of the Pendleton that his uncle of all people had given him. Two bottles in fact. I think this was the first one. Or maybe it was the second one?

“Give me that.” Zane tried to take it, but I held the bottle out of the way. “Remember what happened the last time you drank? You want the evening to end that way again?”

“I’m supposed to hold your hair tonight.”

“You already did that when I was sick, remember?”

I frowned, rubbing my nose, and then remembered. “Yep. I snuck through your stuff while you were sleeping. I shouldn’t have done that. I saw your drawings, and they’re kinda scary, but really good.”

Zane was laughing so hard he was bouncing me up and down.

I leaned over him and whispered. “If you don’t stop laughing, I’m going to get hard, then you’ll be in trouble.”

His laughter escalated, but he managed to snatch the whiskey away from me. I lurched forward and tried to grab it back, then stopped and grinned down at him.
Someone
was hard. And his head was back, his throat teasing me. Conking my head against his chin, I nipped his neck right below his Adam’s apple. His throat rippled in fear beneath my sexual prowess.
Hah
!
That would teach it to mock me
! Mmm, God he tasted good. Like sweat, and campfire, and boy. I licked up his neck.

“Lily? Lily, are you still over there?” Zane yelled.

“Yeah, why?”

“Come get this, please. Gabe’s not allowed to have anymore.” He chuckled. “Maybe ever.”

“Pffhtt, you’re no fun,” I mumbled against his neck before my tongue continued its trek to his earlobe, where if I nipped just right, I could make him pant.

“Ah, sexy drunk.” Lily shoved her foot against my hip. “Actually, it looks like you’re having a whole lot of fun with him, horndog.”

I laughed, wriggling my hips, and causing Zane’s head to loll back. I loved that I could unhinge him. It was like having power over another person, but a good kind of power. Brushing his hair off his cheek, I ran my thumb over where he had a hold of his lip ring. His eyes opened just enough to see me.

“I
am
having fun with him.” I leaned down, resting on an elbow, and toyed with his hair. “So beautiful...” I murmured against his lips. He was too. Such a beautiful person, he made my heart ache. He made every part of me ache.

“Alcohol induced sweetness.
Gag
, leaving now.” Lily said, before scrabbling back over the log we’d tumbled over.

My hands became a little—a lot—bold, and found the warmth of him hidden beneath his shirt. His fingers curled around my neck as my knees cinched down against his hips. He smelled so good, his body perfect beneath me. I wanted to taste, and feel, and experience every part of him.

He wrenched his lips away. “Oh God.” Seizing my hands, he held them captive against his chest. “If you keep pinching, and, shit, you need to slow down,” he breathed.

“I don’t wanna slow down.” I sucked in his lower lip, giving it a nip.

He released my hands, and before I knew it, we were sitting up, me straddling his lap. “Yeah, definitely need to slow down.” His flushed cheeks and heated eyes belied his lips though.

I grinned, palming his crotch. “You don’t feel like you want me to slow down.”

His throat worked as his fingers wrapped my wrist. “Gabe, you’re making it really hard for me to be the better man here.” He removed my hand, then laced his fingers between mine and held on. “I can’t let you do anything you’re going to regret later.”

“I’m not that drunk. See, I can still touch my nose.” I touched my nose with the hand he had a hold of, and then kissed the back of his hand, trailing my tongue through the valleys between his knuckles.

He smiled over my triumph. “All right. If you still want to ravage me after you walk off some of the alcohol, then I’m all yours.”

“Okay, deal.” I jumped up, swayed, then steadied my head with my hands. It worked. I took a few steps;
whoa
,
grounds moving
. Maybe it hadn’t worked so well.

The more we walked the more stable the world became. I’d obviously drank a bit, but thankfully not as much as the guy who was hanging off the edge of a portable cot, ralphing. The cool night air helped clear out my head, and steady the world, yet it didn’t help with the yearning, the desire, the need, the want I had for Zane. My teenage self had finally decided to take over, and now that I had riled all those pesky hormones, they weren’t so willing to retreat. Over the past few weeks I had pretty much lost all control of them anyway.

Zane leaned against a tree, and lit up a smoke.

“You don’t seem to be smoking as much.”

He glanced at the smoke, flicking the filtered end with his glittery copper painted thumbnail, the colors I’d picked weeks ago, and he still hadn’t changed them. “No. I’m sort of trying to quit.”

“For me?”

He looked at me and smiled. “No. But maybe because of you.”

I nodded, not really sure what the difference was. “I meant it when I said you were beautiful.”

His smile softened. “I know you did. My mom, she used to grab my face and say; what a beautiful boy. It always embarrassed the shit out of me.”

Ignoring the cigarette smoke, I stepped up, and took hold of his waist with one hand. “Sorry if I embarrassed you, but she was right.” I traced his vine with the fingers of my other hand, pausing on each drop of blood. I wished I could have met his family, but I knew if they were still alive, Zane wouldn’t be here for me. He looked at me while he smoked, watching intently as I touched him, caressed him, adored him.

*

Zane stood before me in the tent. A nervous energy had eclipsed the tenderness of only minutes ago. He tentatively touched my cheek with just his fingertips. “Why do you love me?”

“Who says I love you?” I tried to sound teasing, but I knew my face gave me away.

The seed had been planted with that first touch, sprouted with that first kiss, and with every minute I spent with him, it flourished, blocking out everything but him. I felt the choke of it as I had drug him across the field, and then the glory when he came back to me.

His fingers feathered across my eye. “It’s in every look you give me.” Picking up my hand, he laid it against his cheek. “Every touch.” Leaning forward, he whispered against my lips, “Every kiss.” His lips touched mine, and I would have crumpled beneath the emotional weight had he not wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me against him. It tasted like a betrayal to love him. So wonderfully sweet, yet achingly sour at the same time.

The pain that was our future eked out of me in a mournful whimper, and I clung to him. What we had would end, but he couldn’t stop me from loving him while I had him. As if Zane knew this, his lips parted in invitation. Gone was the teasing sweetness, the languid explorations. This kiss—this kiss was fierce, full of fire, want, desire, need, pain, sorrow, and even resentment.

As our clothes came off, any inhibitions that remained within me slid away in the reveal. I gazed at him openly. Others might only see Zane’s scars, his tattoos, but to me he was the most exquisite thing ever created. My breath caught as my eyes traveled over him, and a shaky laugh escaped. I was going to explode just looking at him, all that pale skin etched in ink, his nipple ring, a finer version of the one adorning his lip, his flat stomach, the little dip above his wide hips. My breathing escalated as I gazed at him hard. I’d never
seen
him hard, and my body tightened almost painfully at the sensual sight. I stared for a long moment before dragging my eyes back up his body, past his flushed chest and shoulders. He was breathing heavily, his eyes roaming over every inch of me.

When his eyes traveled down, I saw the veins stand up along his arms, his stomach hollow, then he trapped his tongue stud between his teeth, and it was all I could take. Eighteen years I’d waited to feel this way—to want someone so completely I burned for him.

Grabbing behind his knee, I yanked and shoved him back onto the air mattress. I cringed at the tell tale pop, then chuckled at Zane’s surprised face. I descended a bit more gracefully.

“
Unnhhh
.” I had planned to say
oops
, but when skin met skin, and my body pressed against his, that was all I could manage. I lost sight of him as my eyes closed tight against the sensations intent on undoing me. Panting, I tried to regain some command of my faculties.

“You okay, cowboy?”

“No,” I breathed.

He chuckled. “Relax, you’re all tense.” His fingers trailed up my back, and across my shoulders. My body threatened to let loose, and I trembled with the effort it took to keep control.

“If I relax, I’ll want to move, and then, you know, it’ll be over.” I set my forehead on his shoulder, and pushed myself off him a few inches, my hands on either side of his ribcage finding the ground beneath the deflating air mattress. The tiny separation helped me gain a false sense of control anyway.