You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) (32 page)

I joined the world of gaming as a little girl. It was where I first discovered my voice and felt accepted. I found a community through the Ultima Dragons that I didn’t have anywhere else in my life. During all that time I spent online I was never shamed for my enthusiasms. Never made to feel that I didn’t deserve to be heard because of my gender. And I wouldn’t be who I am without that community.

It’s hard for me to imagine how that same fourteen-year-old girl might find a place to belong in the gaming world that exists today, with strong voices pushing her back, harassing her, questioning her authenticity with the unspoken threat:
Fit in the way we want you to or get out.
I don’t know if I could handle that kind of environment. Perhaps I would hide my gender. Or just quit games entirely.

But I don’t think those choices are acceptable for anyone. So if my speaking up made one person feel like they belong or prevented one person from stifling their own voice, then it was absolutely worth it.

Because if you can’t be your own weird self on the internet, where can you be? And what would be the point?

- 12 -

It’s Been Real

Let’s wrap this up with some peppy “Go, internet!” thoughts!

In January of 2014, an executive from YouTube took me and my business partner to lunch to inform us that the company wouldn’t be investing in Geek & Sundry or any of the other original content channels anymore. The two-year funding experiment was over. We were on our own.

I left the restaurant, got in my car, and drove exactly one block. Then I pulled over and burst into tears.

Of joy.

No, it wasn’t PMS. (Maybe.) It was relief that I could be free to follow my own compass again. Concentrate more on less. And maybe have a digital vacation and log offline for a bit? (Psh, don’t get crazy, girl.)

I immediately went home and wrote down the top things I’d learned going from naïve actress to inexperienced web series show runner to world-weary start-up lady with Geek & Sundry.

I learned everything about creating and businessing the “stab me in the eye” way, but wow, did it feel good to take a moment to realize how much I’d grown over the past five years. And eventually, it led me down the best path I could ever have imagined.

In July 2014, I sold my company to Legendary Entertainment. The coolest, nerdiest company in Hollywood. After a lot of meetings, it was clear: HERE was a partner who would be fun to hang out with at Comic-Con.

The head of the company, Thomas Tull, isn’t a Hollywood dude, he’s a MATH GUY. We had a conversation about fluid dynamics and comic books the first time we met and I thought,
Wow, this guy is the coolest CEO bigwig I’ve ever met. I haven’t met many, but he’s definitely the coolest.

Today I work with my company to create and produce shows for the web and television, write things like this book, act in tons of interesting projects, and still tweet and do conventions and stay connected with people in my online community every day. I’ve carved out the perfect job for myself, and the world has opened up to me in a way
that I could never have imagined as a weird homeschooled kid writing in that little pink diary.

•  •  •

A few years ago I took a trip to George Lucas’s Skywalker Ranch. (One of the employees was a big
Guild
and
Dr. Horrible
fan, so we got a private tour. I take advantage of stuff like that, because, uh, why not?) We toured a huge warehouse filled with props and wardrobe pieces from
Star Wars
and
Indiana Jones.
I hover-touched the REAL DEATH STAR.

Yeah, it was amazing. You can touch me and secondhand hover-touch the real Death Star, too. (Use some hand sanitizer first, please.)

At one point I stopped at a shelf with some odd-looking grenade objects, colorful but rough around the edges.

“What are these?”

“Oh, they’re from
Star Wars
. Part of the power generator inside the shield generator on Endor.”

I looked closer. “They look . . . janky. What are they made out of?”

“Dixie Cups.”

“Wait, what? You mean the . . .”

“Yes, the disposable cups. They’re spray-painted, see?” My guide lifted up the prop delicately and turned it over for me. Sure enough, I could see that underneath all the paint and decoration was a cup I could pull from a dispenser next to an office water bottle.

“Um . . . what?”

“During the filming of
Star Wars
, Lucas ran out of money, and the studio wouldn’t give him more. He invested his own money in the film in exchange for the merchandising rights . . .”

“. . . and that’s why he’s a billionaire.”

“Right. But they still had to cut a lot of corners. Some of the props, even wardrobe pieces like the cuffs on the slave Leia costume, had to be cobbled together any way they could.”

“By painting Dixie Cups.” I stared at the prop in awe. It probably cost half a penny to make, and was a piece of the biggest movie franchise ever created. Definitely the most inspiring object I’d ever seen.

Now, I know bringing George Lucas into the mix might be setting the bar a WEE bit high, but the point is that he believed in his vision enough to make it happen NO MATTER WHAT. No one in the movie business wanted to make sci-fi movies at the time. The genre was completely disdained. Lucas believed in himself enough to put in his own money and use whatever resources he had to make his movie happen. And he found out, “Hey, billions of people feel the same way I do about sci-fi movies!”

With the help of frickin’ Dixie Cups.

That same motto “I am determined to create something or express myself, no matter how hard it is, even if my mom is the only one who sees it!” is the embodiment of how I view the web. For the first time, everyone has a chance to have his or her voice heard, or to create a community around something they’re passionate about and connect with other people who share that passion. Best of all, it rewards people and ideas that never would have made it through the system and allows the unique and weird to flourish.

I love the idea of breaking the system. And the beauty of the internet is that it gives everyone, especially unrepresented voices, the opportunity to do a little breaking. (Perot, I just can’t quit you!)

It might be extremely dorky to point out, but who you are is singular. It’s science. No one else in existence has your point of view or exact genome (identical twins and clones, look for inspiration elsewhere, please). That is why we need people to share and help us understand one another better. And on a bigger level than just taking a selfie. (Not hating on selfies, but a few is enough. You look good from that angle; we get it.) We need the world to hear more opinions, give glimpses into more diverse subcultures. Are you REALLY into dressing your cat in handcrafted, historically authentic outfits? No problem, there are people out there who want to see that! Probably in excruciating detail!

I was raised incredibly weird, but one day I accidentally got brave and thought I had a unique point of view about gaming. I decided to jump into web video—a world I knew very little about—to express it. Who knew there was anyone out there who wanted to listen?

I believe the next Oprah Winfrey or George Lucas will not come from a local news desk or college film program. He or she will come from the world of the web. Where the bar to entry is low, and where
a group of kids can dream up a story and shoot it in their backyards. Regardless of whether someone gave them permission or not.

I hope all my copious oversharing encourages someone to stop, drop, and do something that’s always scared them. Create something they’ve always dreamt of. Connect with people they never thought they’d know. Because there’s no better time in history to do it.

So bust through all the cat GIFs and top-ten linkbait and share something of yourself. If you enrich one other person’s life, it will be worth it. If you find one friend, it will be worth it.

Plus, the apocalypse may be right around the corner. And then there’s that global warming thing happening.

So take advantage of this time like it’s a 2-for-1 sale, baby!

Good talk.

OXXO

Felicia

Thanks, Guys!

To my brother, Ryon, who made me laugh while writing when I’d IM him with questions and have conversations like this one:

Felicia Day

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Felicia Day

Hey do you remember when we were driving to Florida and Grandma pulled a Taser on Mom and then Mom threatened to leave her on the side of the road?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014 8:57 PM

Ryon Day

yeah I remember that one!

ha ha it is to laff

that was the trip the dog died on and we weren’t there!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014 9:23 AM

Felicia Day

Oh I didn’t remember the dog died during that trip! Thanks, good detail!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014 9:24 AM

That story didn’t make it in the book, but reliving our childhoods made us laugh together. For his help in delving into our past dysfunctions, I give the biggest thanks to him.

To my aunt Kate, who taught me the joy of pretend.

To my dad, because he’s always made me feel like a success, no matter what I’ve done. And who will ALWAYS bug me to keep saving more in my retirement fund.

To my boyfriend, who kept me going through a lot of the crap I just threw up on all the previous pages. I’d delete my Twitter account for you, honey.

To Kim Evey, who was my companion and inspiration through the best and worst. Without you, this book wouldn’t exist.

To Wil Wheaton, Sean Becker, Ryan Copple, Maurissa Tancheroen, and the cast of
The Guild
and
Dr. Horrible
, all of whom fuel my creativity and inspire me to be a better friend.

To Joss Whedon, whom I adore with stars in my eyes, who I want to be a badass for. Who inspires me to keep creating while standing awkwardly near the hummus.

To my agent, Erin, and my editor, Lauren, and everyone at Touchstone who believed that people wanted to hear stories from the life of a very weird internet woman.

And lastly, to every fan who’s linked or tweeted or commented on my work. To every person who ever worked on or volunteered on
The Guild.
You kept me going. You turned my struggle into a success. You are the only reason I’m here. Love you muchly.

About the Author

Felicia Day is a professional actress who has appeared in numerous mainstream television shows and films, including a two-season arc on the Syfy series
Eureka
and a four-season arc on the CW show
Supernatural
.