Yours (21 page)

“Vale, I can’t—I’m sorry—I don’t know why I’m being like this. I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay,” he said, as I stifled my sobs back with a tissue. “It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry,” I kept repeating. “I’m sorry—”

“Jessica.” Something in his voice made me snap to attention.

“Yes?”

“Please don’t. You’re not the one who should apologize. Look, if you don’t want to talk to me, we don’t have to—”

“No!” I nearly yelled it.

“No?”

“No,” I said, calming myself. “No, I want to—I want to talk. You’re the only one I can talk to!”

“Me?” There was a note of disbelief in his voice.

“Yes! April doesn’t want to bring it up ever, and all of my friends—when they see me, they look away. It’s like I’m cursed, and nobody wants to talk to me because it’ll rub off on them. Or they just don’t know what to say to me. And my parents are even worse and I don’t want to talk with them about it because nobody can understand, they just can’t! And I’ve been having these dreams…”

I stopped myself.

“I’m sorry,” I said, sniffling into the already-wet tissue. “I’m ranting. Can I—can we meet again, Vale?”

“You want to see me again?” Again, he sounded like he couldn’t believe me.

“You’re the only one who knows what I’ve been through. You… you saved me.”

There was a silence on the other end.

“Sure,” he said. “Yeah.”

“When can we meet?”

Hope bloomed in my chest.

“Well, thing is, I’m in Guatemala right now.”

“Guatemala?” Now it was my turn for disbelief.

“El Alfa was shipping to some other compounds out here. We just closed them down.”

Relief flooded through me. I thought about what that man had said—that Vale was a hero. I believed it.

“That’s—that’s good.”

“I’m not going to be able to go back to America for a while, I don’t think,” Vale said. “The West coast, anyway. I gotta stay away from anywhere El Alfa knows people. Knew people. It’s dangerous.”

“Oh. Okay.” My voice caught on the last word.

He wasn’t going to come to see me. Disappointment welled up, tearing my eyes up again. I blotted them out roughly. I was angry for being so sad. Angry for needing Vale.

It was a moment before I realized he was talking again.

“Why don’t you come out here?”

There was a pause while I parsed his question. Go out there? To Guatemala? Before I could answer, he was talking again.

“If you don’t want to, I completely understand. But—”

“I want to.”

The words were out of my mouth before I realized it.

“You’re sure?”

I smiled through my tears. I hadn’t known what I needed until now. But hearing his voice made me realize that there was only one way for me to get past what had happened. And I needed Vale.

“Yes,” I said. “I’m sure.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Vale

I met her at the airport. She looked so fragile, but she smiled bravely. I followed her lead, hugging her back when she lifted her arms. The touch of her skin made my body twinge with desire, but I held back.

It took all of my willpower to hold back, but I held back. It was amazing to me that she was even here, that I could reach out and touch her. After the mission, I couldn’t believe that she would ever want to see me again. I’d begun to think that it was for the best. So her deciding to come here to visit me took me by surprise.

“Where are we going?”

She looked nervously around at the crowds of people thronging out of the airport. I motioned her out to the curb. There was a silver sedan waiting for us outside.

“I thought we could go sailing. There’s a hotel, if you’d rather not. Not that we’d stay in the same room. I could get you another room. I mean…”

I stopped myself. For some reason, having Jessica nearby turned me into a stammering fool. Without anyone around for me to pose for, I wasn’t nearly as much of a badass. I caught her smiling at me, and I smiled back.

“Sailing?”

She arched an eyebrow at me.

“You’re a sailor?”

I let out a sharp laugh. I’d never thought anyone would ever call me a sailor. I hated boats. But I’d been trying to get rid of my fears one at a time.

“I’ve been learning. It’s fun, actually. Boats. They can be fun.”

I opened the door and she climbed into the passenger’s seat.

“You’ll have to show me.”

We didn’t talk about anything serious at first. I pointed out the monkeys and pigs in the countryside. She chatted about the flight, and I told her bits and pieces about what I’d done in Guatemala after we’d escaped from El Alfa’s compound.

It was only when we got to the dock that she quieted down. I led her down the rickety pier carefully, holding her arm to make sure she kept her balance. The boards were precariously laid, crooked and warped by the humidity, with gaps that yawed open, waiting to claim an ankle. She wound her way down the wooden steps and around to the end where the boat was tied.

“I’ll take your suitcase,” I said. She nodded silently, and silently took my hand. Hers was small and warm, cradled in my fingers. I helped her down onto the deck and she stumbled forward as a wave rocked the boat against the dock. I caught her around the waist and eased her down quickly to safety in the middle of the deck, where she could lean against the mast.

She looked around the boat, her palms pressed back against the mast to steady herself. It seemed incredible to me that she was here. I’d truly thought that the hospital would be the last time I saw her.

“This is a pretty sailboat,” she said.

“It’s a catamaran.”

“What’s the difference?”

“See the hulls?” I pointed to the long wooden hulls stretching out on either side of her past the mast. “There are two of them.”

“Why?”

“It’s more stable,” I explained.

“So you won’t tip us over as easily?” she asked, smiling mischievously.

“Exactly.”

We sailed out from the edge of the coast. She laughed with glee the first time we crossed a boat wake, and the hull rocked up and down sharply, clapping against the murky green water. The rays of late afternoon were still hot on our faces, and she sat smiling on the deck, her face upturned to the bright sun, as I steered us out to the open sea.

The boat was stable, and she seemed stable too. Surprisingly stable, after everything that had happened. I didn’t want to bring it up too soon, so I let the silence hang over us. It was a strangely comfortable silence, as though we’d known each other for much longer than we actually had. I lifted my head into the wind, reveling in the peacefulness of sailing. It was nice, really, as long as the waves weren’t too strong. This boat was stable.

The water grew clear and blue as we headed towards a cluster of small islands just off the coast. The air here blew fresh and cool compared to the hot and humid inland. I thought Jessica was enjoying the sail, and I left her alone as I managed the wheel.

It was only when I’d turned into the middle of a reef and dropped the sails that I realized she was crying softly.

“Jessica?”

I set the anchor and quickly sat down next to her. I put an arm around her and she drew close into me, crying, her hands limp in her lap.

“Jessica? Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she said, sniffing once. She smiled through her tears. “I mean, no, but yes.”

“No, but yes?” I smiled back at her gently. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to hurt her. I was so worried that she would turn around and disappear again. But she only leaned into my arm and laughed through her tears.

“I’m better now than any time in the past month or so. You’re the first person to treat me normally, you know?”

I didn’t know, but I nodded like I did. She continued, the tears dripping down all the way to her chin.

“Everybody else…they all look at me strange. They don’t know what to say around me. They treat me like I have a disease, like I’m contagious. April doesn’t want anything to do with me. It’s like I’m reminding her of what happened just by being around. And my parents… well, they’re my parents.”

She wiped her hand across her wet cheeks. Stupidly, I fumbled for the right words.

“I’m sorry, Jessica. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for everything that happened. For everything I did.”

“For James? I know.”

There. That was it. She would always remember that I’d killed her friend, no matter why. No matter what excuses I made for it.

“You did what you had to,” she said. She looked up at me over tear-stained cheeks with a wry little smile. “How many women did you save here? In Guatemala?”

I blinked.

“Who told you about what I was doing here?”

“Your friend. Ten.”

“Ten is not my friend,” I corrected quickly. “He’s my boss.”

“He seems to like you a lot for just being your boss,” Jessica said.

“Yeah, well. He’s a good guy.”

It was strange to me that, as much as I’d cursed his name in the past, I thought this was true. Ten
was
a good guy. He made me do his dirty work, yeah. But usually there was method behind his madness. And we had done a lot of good work, too.

“So how many?” she pressed.

“A lot,” I admitted truthfully.

“How many did you save?”

This was a girl you couldn’t fuck around with. I appreciated her bluntness.

“Thirty-four in Guatemala City.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“And another twenty in Antigua.”

“He said you were a hero,” she said. She spoke so softly, I almost didn’t hear the end of her sentence. It shocked me.

“What? No. I’m not—I do my job. I follow orders.”

“Is that what you did in Tijuana?”

I tilted my head. Smart girl, too. I couldn’t get anything by her. I hadn’t followed any orders at El Alfa’s compound. Ten had been furious with me, but only until I told him what I knew. It felt good to bring down something bigger than just one guy, but I hadn’t done it alone.

“I’m not a hero,” I said finally.

“You are,” she said. She leaned into my arm. “You’re my hero.”

“Nah, Jess,” I said, embarrassed.

“Vale?”

Her eyelashes were dark on her cheeks as she tilted her head back against my shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“When you came up to me and we started dancing, that was the craziest thing I’d ever done in my life.”

I didn’t know what she was driving at, so I stayed silent.

“But I’ve been wondering… I need to know… was any of it real?”

“Real?”

“I mean, did you… did you ever want me?”

Tears spilled over her cheeks as she looked up at me.

“Oh, Jessica.” I hugged her closely with my arm, nuzzling the top of her head. Her hair smelled like coconut.

“It was all fake, wasn’t it? El Alfa told you to do it, and you did—”

“No.”

“You never wanted me at all—”

“That’s not true.”

“It isn’t?”

I cradled her face in my hands and turned her so that she had to look at me. She sniffed, her eyes rimmed red with tears, putting on a brave face.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Vale,” she said, in a voice so soft and broken it made my heart ache. “Please don’t lie…”

“Jessica, I’ll never lie to you again. Do you believe me?”

Her lip quivered. She bit it and nodded her head.

“I wanted you the moment I saw you dancing in the middle of that crowd. That’s—that’s why El Alfa sent me after you.”

“Why?”

“Because you were the first one to catch my eye. I always thought—I thought it was my fault you were there, because I was the one who chose you.”

She was silent. I sat there, unsure of what to say. There was a tension between us, something rippling and dark under the surface, and I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to go too deep.

“Jessica?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry I ever lied to you. I’m sorry for everything that happened.”

“It—it wasn’t your fault,” she said. Her voice trembled over the words.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. I take full responsibility for everything I did. I’ll have that weight on my conscience forever. The only thing I can do is promise that I’ll never lie to you. I’ll never hurt you again. And if there’s anything I can do for you, just tell me and I’ll do it.”

Her eyes closed over her tears and a silent sob wracked her body. I pressed my forehead against hers. She looked so small in my arms, so fragile. I would have killed a hundred El Alfas to save her again.

“Tell me what you want, Jess,” I whispered. “Anything… anything you want.”

The words were soft, so soft that I had to lean forward to catch them.

“I want… I want to be yours.”

Chapter Forty

Jessica

For an awful second, I thought I had messed everything up. Vale looked down at me with such shock in his eyes that I thought he was going to turn around and jump overboard to swim a mile to shore. But then the look softened.

“Jessica, I didn’t ask you here to…I…I don’t want you to think you owe me anything.”

I shook my head.

“It’s not about that,” I said.

“You’re sure that you want this? You want
me
?”

He seemed so surprised. His reaction threw me. Most guys that handsome assumed that women wanted them. Vale seemed to be doing everything in his power to avoid that conclusion.

He looked off to the side of the boat and I let my gaze drift down his body. He was wearing a white buttoned shirt and casual khaki slacks. He was tanner, too, than he’d been in Mexico. I wondered if too much had changed. But I had come here for a reason, and I kept a hold of it in the front of my mind.

“Vale,” I said, as clearly as I could, “I’ve never wanted anything else so badly.”

Then his mouth was on mine, taking the breath from my lips in a kiss that was gentle at first, then more and more insistent. His arms drew me closer as he kissed me.

“Oh, Jessica.”

I leaned into the kiss, deepening it. Every minute on the way here, I’d been terrified of what I’d find when I arrived. Vale hadn’t been his real self in Mexico. I didn’t know who he would be. I only had a thin hope that he was the kind of man that I thought he was, the kind of man I saw peeking out from under the façade back when I was locked up.