Yours Unfaithfully (38 page)

“Tim, please take me to bed, for the last time, if it has to be. Let me feel your affection for me once more. Whatever you decide, I’ll go along with it, but don’t shut me out tonight ... please.”

He owed her this at least. Hadn’t he promised her that he would never leave her? Tim Fisher was a man of his word; he would do what she asked like he was a knight of the realm on a white charger, rescuing her from the darkness of her lonely existence. This would be his good deed for the day. He could be proud then instead of ashamed.

“Come on, Neen, I’m going to take good care of you and to hell with Saturday. We’ll worry about that tomorrow.”

Her eyes were saying thank you. She had the look of someone who had just received good news. There was something special about dishing out happiness, a nice warm feeling inside, a satisfaction unique to giving, like when you threw a pound coin in a beggar’s hat, or at Christmas when you saw someone open your present. This was much more than that though; this was giving someone your body, because they wanted it, because they needed it and only your body would do. It was like giving the most precious thing you owned, yet when he looked at her face and saw how much she wanted him he knew it would be worth it. She needed him at this moment and he needed to be needed.

Once safely tucked up in their room they did what came naturally. They were, after all, quite used to taking each other’s clothes off, but tonight was extra special. If this really was their last time then he would make sure she experienced the maximum pleasure. Giving would be his pleasure tonight. He held her tight throughout their lovemaking, giving her the reassurance she sought. She was safe in his arms, wanted, valued and respected.

But no sooner was the excitement of the act over than a new desire washed over him. The desire to move away from her, to get up and wash, to distance himself from the taint of their bonding. He turned and slipped his arm from her but she clung to him, not satisfied by the pleasures already experienced, but wanting togetherness, commitment, affirmation of his sincerity ... wanting more than he could give. He heard her mutter “Please, Tim”, but that only made him more sickened at his willingness to do her bidding, knowing how wrong it was. The soft glow of moonlight creeping through a chink in the curtains was like a beam calling him to leave now, but he daren’t. To do so would provoke her anger such that she might do anything.

A woman scorned, and all that, my god, he’d used her, but now, what now? He had no use for her. Only one thing was important to him now; Saturday, his meeting with Mel. It had to be a success. This shameful feeling which engulfed him was proof that he loved his wife, wanted her. He’d had to use Nina to discover his true love for his wife. She’d never understand it, she must never know of it, but that meant keeping Nina on good terms. As he lay there, he explored every aspect of his folly, chastised himself for every bad move he’d made, but there was no chance to do it differently. What was done was done. A cold fear gripped him as he explored the possible outcomes of his meeting with Mel. It was a sobering realisation, but he was frightened of meeting his wife. Perhaps he could feign illness if she questioned him, claim weakness from lack of sleep, worrying about her, hence his pale colour, his lack of appetite, his vagueness of mind, distraction caused by a month of concern for her safety, her well being. If Nina even hinted at their time together he was finished, the game would be up. He was sweating as he contemplated a sudden and tearful end to his marriage, all because of this wretched affair, this woman who even now was clinging to him like some parasite. He tried to ease himself away from her until he was in danger of falling off the edge of the bed. Why couldn’t she just accept that it was over, why couldn’t she be reasonable, was that really too much to ask? Eventually sleep took hold. When he woke a bright shaft of sunlight had replaced the moon’s subtle glow. He got up at once, before she could try to stop him. A shower would help cleanse him of what had taken place between them. He was dressed and watching the morning news when she woke.

“Nina, I have to be at the airport in less than an hour, can you have breakfast on your own and then get a cab to the station?”

“Whatever, Tim.”She turned and went back to sleep, he slipped out of the room, heading for the car with almost indecent haste, like a fugitive escaping the scene of a crime.

He would have to face her later, tonight; he had to make his peace with her, check that she wasn’t going to trash him to Mel tomorrow. Like it or not, Nina held the key to his future, he had to be nice to her, whatever ‘nice’ meant.

Veronica wasn’t like he’d expected from the mental picture drawn by Simon. Instead of the red faced, ruthless character that Simon had portrayed, she was in fact quite ordinary. Ordinary in the sense that in a department store, choosing lingerie she would look as normal as the next woman, whereas Tim had conjured up visions of a tough skinned woman in leather clothes, with corks dangling from her hat and brandishing a whip. Instead of a gravel dashed voice demanding instant obedience, she issued her instructions politely with a hint of a smile.

I suppose I’ve got the right person, Tim thought as he drove them west towards the Manor. Simon always liked to talk when they were driving and, indeed, often sat alongside him, so, deciding to take a chance, he endeavoured to engage her in conversation.

“Should I call you Veronica or Mrs. Stonewood, Mam?”

“Well, Tim, as I’ve never got close enough to a man to contemplate marrying him I think Mrs. might be wholly inappropriate and I can’t stand these modern mamby pamby creations like Miz. In fact where I come from, Miz is a call in a card game, so that just leaves Veronica. If it was good enough for my parents it should be good enough for you, OK?”

“That’s fine, I didn’t want to cause any offence, so I thought it best to ask.”

“What’s Simon been telling you? I suppose he said the Ogre from Down Under is coming, did he?”

“I don’t think he put it quite like that.”

“You’re very loyal, Tim, a great quality and damned hard to find nowadays. I’m not entirely wrong though about Simon’s description of me, am I?”

“I sensed he feels a little intimidated by you. Something to do with things that happened a long time ago?”

“You mean the will. My father left all his property in England to Simon. We fought all the time as kids and even into our twenties. Dad thought it was serious, but it was sibling rivalry, nothing more. Quite healthy even. In a way Dad made it worse. Every time we all met he would start out by saying, ‘I don’t want to hear you two arguing.’ That always prompted one of us to say, ‘It’s not me it’s him,’ and before you knew it we were at it again. He decided that if he left me a load of land in Australia I would make a life out there, marry a tough, handsome man who would look after me and keep me in line. I was upset when the will was read. I was being sent off round the world to make something out of what I saw as the outback, while dear brother sat comfortably here on his ass in ready-made luxury. I had a right to be angry; all Dad had done was make things worse between us.”

“I’m sure Simon felt guilty at having got the cushy end of the deal, but we didn’t speak much for a few years and then, later, when we did we had this gulf between us which had got bigger during the time we’d been apart. In fact, the land in Brisbane has mostly been developed into what we call Riverside and Southbank, and is probably worth more than all of Simon’s portfolio put together, but I stopped caring about the money side of our dispute a long time ago. I buried my resentment soon after I settled out there, but I don’t think Simon knows how to. He was too ‘old school tie’, too formal to just call me up and say let’s put it behind us and be friends, so we just went on getting further apart. That’s all there is to it. Not so ominous when you know the truth is it?”

“Why didn’t you call
him
up and say those things to
him
, you know, Let’s put it all behind us and be friends?”

“I don’t know, Tim, and that’s the truth. I guess I felt that he was the one who’d had the best of it and I was the one who’d had the raw deal, therefore it wasn’t up to me to say sorry for it. But, you’re right, I could have done so. Maybe I could have ended this feud, if that’s what it is, all those years ago. A shame because actually I always liked my brother when we were kids. I used to boast about him to the girls at school. It was only to his face that I was horrible. Maybe I was to blame for what happened. Maybe Dad saw in me faults that I didn’t know I had, which is why I never got the chance to put them right. I wish he’d said it to me, Veronica, you need to stop behaving like a jerk, stop being such a hoity little bitch and start being a real person. That’s all it would have taken then, but no he just pushed me to the other side of the world. He never could stand any kind of conflict, he was a timid man, a lovely father, just too kind to get involved in our row I guess.”

“Anyway, it’s too late now, so I’m here visiting the few friends I still have in England and Simon’s scuttled off to Florida rather than face me, just like Dad. That’s what he would have done in the same situation. Sorry, Tim, I didn’t come all this way to bash your ears matey, it’s just that I haven’t talked to anyone for twenty four hours and you’re a good listener. I’ll shut up now and let you drive.’

“Don’t worry, I like talking when I’m driving, it makes the journey seem much shorter. Your brother and I talk a lot when we’re in the car, not about you mind, but he always asks about my family and that kind of thing. He’s a good man, he’s good to work for, and yes, I do feel loyalty towards him, but this feud is nothing to do with me. My loyalty to Simon extends to his family, and so that includes you.”

“Thanks for that, Tim, I shall look forward to our little chats as we hunt down my few remaining friends. I wrote to lots of people back here after I settled in Brisbane, but one by one I’ve lost touch, so now I don’t have many. The internet helps of course, but there’s no point in writing messages to someone if you never intend to see them again, and yet, you know, deep down this is still home to me. I’m a compulsive talker, Tim, just tell me to be quiet if I get on your nerves. I’m a long way from home, at least I’m a long way from the place I’ve learned to call home. What about this family of yours, the one Simon always asks about? I wouldn’t mind hearing about them if you care to share your stories with me. Maybe you can patronise me a bit, help me to feel welcome here.”

“Of course, I’d be pleased to tell you about my family, although it’s all very complicated at the moment.”

“Hell, Tim, families are always complicated. There’s no such thing as an uncomplicated family. In fact, they’re like the dodo, and they died out years ago.”

“Well, mine’s a bit of a mess at the moment. My wife’s been working in Poland for the last month, she’s due back tomorrow and I’m nervous about seeing her after all this time apart. The kids have been looked after by a nanny and she seems to be closer to them than me, and Mel, that’s my wife, has been distant on the phone, almost like we didn’t know what to say to each other. I can’t wait to see her, yet I’m dreading our meeting. Does that make any sense?”

“Perfect sense, Tim. Of course she was distant on the phone, she was in Poland for Christ sakes. She probably missed you like mad and hearing your voice made her want to cry. That’s how women are, Tim, even I know that and I’ve never had to deal with love and sentiment, but I bet she’s counting the minutes until she sees you again.”

“Do you think so, honestly?”

“I’d bet my ranch on it. Just you make sure you get the biggest bunch of roses she ever saw and you take hold of her and let her know she’s home, safe to you. I wish I could see your faces tomorrow. Who knows it might even get me crying, and that hasn’t happened since my horse came second in the Australian Derby. Do you know, Tim, I can see why my brother treats you like one of the family, but I guess as he’s not around for a couple of weeks, you’re going to have to make do with me.”

“That’s fine by me, Veronica. I’m relieved you’re not like I thought you’d be. I had visions of you wearing jeans, a hat with corks and brandishing a whip.”

“Well, back home that’s exactly how I dress, but as I’m on holiday I thought I’d dress like you lot. She laughed and Tim found himself joining in.”

“Can you believe that I was petrified of picking you up this morning, after everything Simon told me about you?”

“Like I said, Tim, Simon doesn’t know me because he hasn’t taken the trouble to sit down with me and talk since Dad died. Do you realise you and I have talked more on this journey than Simon and I have in years. How daft is that?”

“It’s not only daft, it’s a shame, Veronica, and whatever you might think, I know your brother and he’s a lovely man. You two must get it sorted out, before it’s too late.”

“Maybe it’s already too late, Tim, he’s a stubborn old fool is Simon.”

“He’s not a fool, Veronica, daft maybe, but well intentioned and kind to boot.”

“Has my brother moved you into one of his houses, Tim, or do you live in at the Manor?”

“Neither, Mel and I bought a house three years ago on a posh new estate, Willow Brook, in Elmthorpe, not too far from the Manor. Mel earns good money. She’s got a top job at a bank, which is why she’s off to Poland instead of being at home looking after us.”

“Sounds like you don’t approve of women having successful careers, Tim?”

“Only if means they can’t have a successful family too.”

“Tim, I’d like to meet your family while I’m here, God knows I’ve precious few friends, and I could do with some new ones. Would you and your wife come over for dinner one evening? Bring the kids of course.”

“I’d like that Veronica, but in the circumstances, you know with her being away and all that, I’ll need to check with her. If everything’s OK when she gets back I’m sure we’d love to.”

“Why wouldn’t everything be OK, Tim? You seem a little apprehensive about her impending return. I would have expected you to be over the moon, is there likely to be a problem?’