Yours Unfaithfully (40 page)

The problem with Ratty she thought, is he never takes no for an answer. The problem with me is I don’t know if I want to say no. The train manager announced the approach of her station. She had very little time left to get herself organised for all the smiles, the reunion, the hugging, the kissing, and at the end of the day no doubt, matters of a more marital nature.

She lugged the cases for one last time across the platform to a waiting taxi, then gave him the instructions that would take her to her door. It was like being inside a space shuttle before take off. She imagined the world outside counting down, waiting for the big explosion that would be the start of her next voyage. Much as she was desperate to see the kids and to question Trudy about everything they’d done, every scratch they had, every trip they’d made together, she was dreading the first moments face to face with her husband. What was it her mother had always said? ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’.

Maybe I don’t have a heart, she thought, maybe I’m heartless, a heartless cow, that’s what I am, returning to my family to smile and give them all the presents I bought in Poland, whilst hiding the truth of my infidelity, my treachery, my attempt to destroy the love and loyalty upon which our marriage has been based for twenty years.

Twenty years, is that how long I’ve waited? Waited for a man to hold me with feeling, with tender love? No wonder I jumped at the chance to share myself with Ratty. If only you could learn to love me like that, Tim, then, maybe ... just maybe we could have a relationship that would satisfy us both.

“Here we are then”. The taxi driver must have realised she needed to be returned to the real world in time for her grand entry, hence his announcement that they were turning into her road, as if she wouldn’t know that. But he was right, she’d seen nothing on this final leg of her long journey.

The road was empty. She hadn’t phoned them because it would have made it even worse, as if she were saying, be ready, sound the fanfares, I’m back, when all she wanted was to slip quietly back into her home and into her old routine. Maybe they would all be busy. Tim might have had to work, Henry might be off playing football, James might have a music session. Please, that would be the perfect homecoming. She paid the taxi driver and started up the path skillfully towing her case behind her. She pushed the kitchen door open ... still nothing. She let go her cases and pushed open the door into the lounge ... Suddenly there were screaming children on every side, so overcome with excitement that they shouted above one another, drowning out individual voices so that conversation was impossible. Nina’s three children had waited in hiding with hers, to witness the moment. Trudy, Nina and of course Tim stood behind the children, smiling and waiting until the crescendo subsided sufficiently to make their words worthwhile.

A banner across the wall said, ‘Welcome Home Mum’. Helium filled balloons stood up on ribbons from the chairs and from everywhere that they could fix a drawing pin. If she had ever doubted the warmth of welcome awaiting her, this dispelled those thoughts completely. Fully five minutes passed before the children let her go, they wanted to know what it was like, where she’d been, had she missed them and then they each gave her a present, things they’d made for her, or in Amy’s case, a picture of Poland that she had painted from a book.

At last the children allowed the adults a turn and it was to Trudy that Mel turned first, after all she had been the one who had kept these children safe and well and amused for four weeks. Trudy affirmed their good behaviour and excellent health, laying to rest any fears Melanie might have had.

She turned her head to the only two people left in the room to whom she had not yet spoken. Nina and Tim stood side by side smiling like two book ends. They had patiently waited their turn and that turn had now arrived.

Nina spoke first, “Welcome Home, Mel. It seems a long time, you must be tired out. We must sit down and have a good long chat. There’s so much to tell you and I want to know all about your trip, but first ... you need a chance to recover from your journey. I’ll go and put the kettle on and give you a chance to talk to Tim. He’s been like a fish out of water these last few days.”

She made her way through a room full of children towards the kitchen.

Melanie looked into Tim’s eyes, she saw that they were staring back like beacons from a lighthouse, searching, searching through the fog for any missing clues to their difficulties. Without a word being exchanged they both knew that the sparse conversations between them over the past four weeks would have to be explained. Reasons would be required, fears would have to be allayed, but first they would have to say something to each other.

“Tim, you look more tired than me, have you had trouble sleeping?”

God, what sort of a question was that? He thought about the past two nights and felt the sweat forming on his forehead.

“No, not too bad, but I’ve been anxious, anxious to see you arrive safely home, the kids have been ...”

“What have the kids been, Tim?”

He didn’t know what the kids had been. He’d hardly seen them in the time she’d been away. He caught Trudy staring at him, as if daring him to speak about the children or what they had felt. She looked ready to torpedo him; she was angry and it showed. He mustn’t let Mel see her looking like that or she would want to know why.

“I was going to say the kids have been so happy with Trudy, she’s been wonderful with them.”

“That’s kind of you,” she said unconvincingly. Already they were struggling for something to say to each other ... this was the proof, if proof were needed, she thought that their relationship was struggling.

‘How’s the job going, Tim?’

‘Great, honestly, it was the right thing to do. I’m glad you pushed me into it. Simon’s a good boss and so is Veronica.’

“Who is Veronica?”

“She’s Simon’s sister, she’s over from Australia on a short holiday.”

“Short or not, you seem to have got to know her quite well?”

‘I only met her yesterday when I picked her up from Heathrow. I just meant she’s a nice person, is that a problem?’

“No, sorry Tim, it’s me being a bit prickly. I was at Heathrow recently too, it would have been nice for me to be picked up by a man, one who instantly thought I was a ‘nice’ person.”

“Mel, I could have if you’d phoned and asked me, but you chose not to give me any details of your journey home. Did you come back on your own or with him ... Nina’s boss?”

“He has a name, Tim, he’s called Rattani, but most people call him Ratty, and yes, in case you’re wondering, he is a nice person, just like Simon’s sister.”

“I wasn’t wondering at all.”

“Liar ... you said Nina’s boss, as if some stigma was attached to him. You couldn’t bring yourself to say his name!”

“Well, you seem very keen to defend him, being as he’s a lawyer I would have thought he could do that for himself, without your help.”

“That’s your trouble, Tim, you think.”

“Mel, I haven’t seen you for four weeks, I’ve been looking forward to this moment, please don’t let’s spoil it with silly arguing.”

“Sorry, Tim, you’re right. We should be all smiles from here on, look, like this.” She stretched her cheeks into an exaggerated smile. It would help her to deal with the niggling irritation that Tim was propagating simply by being there.

“So ... Have you made any plans, Tim? Are we all eating out somewhere tonight to celebrate our being a family together again?”

Shit ... why hadn’t he thought of that? It was so obvious, so blatantly the thing to do, but he’d been too busy with other things to get today organised.

“Sorry Mel, I didn’t know if you’d be too tired, first day back and all that. I’ll get on the phone and book something now, where do you fancy?”

“Why don’t we try the Walnut Tree? Maybe third time lucky?”

Tim’s recollection was that their last visit there had been a success, unlike the first one, but he wasn’t about to argue.

“I’ll ring them now, how many of us, Mel?”

Melanie turned to her friend. “Nina, you and the kids will join us tonight for a meal won’t you? Help us celebrate all being back together.”

Nina was delighted at the suggestion, “We’d love to Mel, what time?”

“Seven thirty?” she shouted to Tim, who was talking to the restaurant,

“OK,” he said, acknowledging her at the same time.

“Seven thirty, Neen.”

He put the phone down and made an announcement. “Right everyone, we’re eating at the Walnut Tree at seven thirty, my treat, we’ll leave here at seven. I booked the table for ten, OK?” He looked towards Trudy as he spoke, making it clear that she was included. He had some work to do to get Trudy on-side and tonight’s meal would be a good start. Nina wouldn’t say anything out of place in front of the children and so he could relax and enjoy the evening.

Melanie spent the remainder of the afternoon with the children before they got ready to go out, which meant that she had almost no time to talk to Tim. This suited her fine, though she had no idea that it suited Tim even more.

The Maitre de welcomed them as always, seating them on a large round table in the centre of the restaurant. Tim sat next to Mel, who sat next to Trudy. The kids all rushed to grab seats so that by the time Nina got to sit down she had to sit next to Tim. The irony of the situation was not lost on either of them, as one furtive glance confirmed. On his left Tim had his wife; on the right he had his lover.

As Melanie was busily engaged with Trudy in settling the children, Nina whispered in Tim’s ear, “Bon appetite”. She smiled and left him to contemplate the meaning behind her words.

Eventually, when they had all chosen and their order was taken, Tim became acutely aware that he needed to pay a great deal of attention to Mel tonight if this was to work.

“How does it feel, Mel, to be home, eating with us lot?”

“It feels good, Tim. At least tonight I won’t have to talk business through and after the meal.”

“Is that what happened in Poland, you talked late into the night?”

“Yes, most nights. Sometimes I walked around the lake in front of the hotel. It was so beautiful, I fell in love with that walk. I want to go back and spend more time there, see more of the city and for that matter the country.”

“I’d have thought you’d have had enough of Poland after a month. After all, you didn’t even want to go there when they asked you, if you remember.” The acidity in his voice revealed the resentment he still felt for the time she had spent in Poland and away from him.

After twenty years of marriage his tone wasn’t lost on Melanie.

“So do you have a problem with me liking Poland?”

“No, I’m just surprised that’s all. I thought you would have hated it because it kept you away from the kids ... and from me.”

Melanie felt her anger rising so much that she wanted to say, ‘In your dreams Tim’, but that would bring the meal to a disastrous and premature conclusion, not a good idea.

“Well in the beginning that may have been true, but after all, it wasn’t the Country that kept me away, it was my work.”

“So you hated the work then?”

“No Tim, I didn’t, OK? I’m sorry, I know you want me to say that but it isn’t true. I enjoyed my work. I was appreciated by the members of our team because I have qualities which make me good at what I do. They see me as someone who is capable of a lot more than just ‘ number crunching,’ as you described it, and they believed in me. They believed that I could carry on negotiations for the bank and do a professional job. You know how hard I worked to build a career, to get on in the bank, all those nights I spent at night school and then taking exams, well this makes it worthwhile. It’s great to be seen as someone with a lot to offer.

Tim was fuming at her overt defence of her trip. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted contrition, he wanted to hear her say she never wanted to do anything like that again. It was becoming clear that she’d be off tomorrow if another project were offered to her. He couldn’t stand the thought of this all over again.

“What do you mean, the team appreciated you? There were only three of you ... and it was this Ratty guy who chose you, so you mean he appreciates you, is that it?”

“Yes, Tim, you’ve got it, he appreciates me.”

“Well, Simon appreciates me but when he goes off to Florida for a month he doesn’t drag me with him, expecting me to leave my family, he finds someone out there to do the job.”

Melanie’s fuse was about to blow. “Yes, Tim, but you’re a taxi driver. I expect he can get one of those anywhere.”

Tim pushed his chair back hard against the wooden floor, the screech of wood on wood causing everyone in the room to stare across at his table. He stood up so fast he nudged his plate and tipped his wine glass over. Without looking back he headed for the toilets where he could splash his face with cold water and try to calm down before he erupted and caused a scene that would be remembered at the Walnut Tree for a long time to come.

Of the children, only Henry noticed the manner in which his father had left the table. He looked across to his mother to measure her reaction. She put her finger to her lips to signal that he should say nothing. The adults couldn’t fail to observe his departure and wonder precisely what words had been exchanged to precipitate such a dramatic exit. Nina attracted the children’s attention to the food with a story about the famine in Africa, explaining that children there had little or no food and that this meal would be a month’s food for them.

Trudy gave Melanie a concerned look, “Is everything all right?” she asked, knowing full well that it wasn’t.

“Yes, its fine, Tim’s just a bit overcome at having me back; he’ll soon be right as rain.”

Inwardly she doubted that, thinking instead that things had reached a new low between them, but she felt none of the concern she had felt a couple of months ago when the same thing had happened. Then she was willing to take the blame and do anything to regain Tim’s respect, whereas now she was ambivalent. She had changed while in Poland, she had regained her confidence, no longer a doormat for Tim to wipe his feet on. She knew there could be no going back to her old conciliatory ways. Subservience and submission were traits of the past. If Tim wanted them to have a future he would have to accept her for what she was, a successful woman with opportunities of her own making, ones which might not always include Tim and ones which he might find hard to live with.