Zane's the Other Side of the Pillow (19 page)

Tevin eased over onto the sofa next to me and took my hand. “I realize that I just said that all I needed was to be in the same room with you, but I need you. I need to be inside of you. I need to caress you, and taste you, and make love to you.”

Shit! Time to come clean!

“Tevin, if we hadn't run into each other at the airport, I would've contacted you within the next few days anyway.”

He seemed surprised. “Really?”

“It would've been mandatory.” I paused and took in a deep breath. “There was no way that I could've continued to hide it from you.”

“Hide what? Your emotions?”

“No. Our baby.”

Tevin's mouth fell open, and then his eyes fell to my stomach, which was covered by the loose sundress I was wearing. He reached out and touched it. I wasn't showing in a major way but, as my lover, he knew that there was more there than there used to be.

Finally, he spoke. “How many months?”

“I'm about eighteen weeks.”

“What . . . did . . . are you okay?”

“I'm fine. And the baby's fine. I don't want you to panic.”

“I'll try not to. It's just that . . .”

“I understand. There's no indication that I won't be able to carry the baby to term. I realize that you're concerned about a miscarriage.” I ran my hand across his face. “Even though things fell apart between us, I'm sure you know that there was no way that I would ever, or could ever, abort your child.”

He got down on the floor and laid his head on my stomach. “I know you wouldn't.”

“This child was conceived out of love, and I couldn't have picked a better father for my child. As loving as you are toward me, this baby is in for a lifetime of attention from both of us.”

He glanced up at me. “Please don't make my child be born out of wedlock. It would be different if we were casual, or it was a one-night stand, but your ring is right there on the coffee table and I
didn't want to marry you because of the baby. I asked you before I even knew you were pregnant.”

“Tevin, we need to get used to each other again. We need to talk and do things and feel comfortable around each other again.”

“You don't feel comfortable with me, Jemistry?”

“I'm not sure. I think so, but it's been months. And it's really not so much about you as it is about me. I still have some unresolved issues from my past and before I commit to marriage, I need to work them out.”

“We can do premarital counseling!”

“Yes, we should definitely consider that, if and when we officially become engaged.”

Tevin looked like he had been slapped. “If and when?”

“If it were an automatic yes, then I would just say yes, baby.”

He moved his head up from my stomach to my mouth and started kissing me. I was a goner and we both knew it. The fact of the matter was that I was in love with him and could no longer run from it. It would have been insane for me not to love him. I was going to have to let go of the past and make a sincere attempt at happiness . . . for me, for him, and for our unborn child.

T
evin ran me a bath in his step-down garden tub. Then he sat beside me and washed me all over in the most tender way. His eyes were glued to the baby bump on my stomach the majority of the time. He turned on Marsha Ambrosius's
Late Nights & Early Mornings
CD to help me relax. Her music is like being serenaded by a songbird.

“When's your next doctor's appointment?”

“On Tuesday.”

“I'm going.”

I giggled. “You didn't even ask me the time. What if you have to work, or have a scheduled surgery?”

“I'm going to take off work and if there is a surgery scheduled, we'll rearrange your appointment so I can be there.”

“Tevin, it's not that serious. It's only a routine prenatal checkup. Why don't you wait until I get a sonogram next month? I heard that's when the excitement begins.”

“The excitement began for me the second you told me that you're carrying my seed. They listen to the baby's heartbeat and check your vitals and everything, right?”

“Yes, but you can do that right in your bedroom, can't you?” I splashed some water at him. “After all, you are a doctor.”

We both laughed. “True enough. I'm going to do that, too.”

“I bet you will.”

“But I'm still going Tuesday. I want to make sure.”

“Everything is fine. I feel fine.”

He started caressing one of my breasts that were both fuller since becoming pregnant. “Yes, you do feel fine.”

“I want you to make love to me tonight, Tevin. I want us to try to rebuild what we had.”

“We will, and sooner or later, hopefully sooner, you'll agree to be my wife.” He started washing my back with a towel. “I meant what I said. I want us to be married when our child is born.”

“I realize you meant it, but you do know that a lot of people have kids prior to marriage, and a lot of them never get married at all. It's the new trend.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that. Trend or not, I was raised to be married to the mother of my children. It's crazy to me that people will commit to making children together but won't commit to each other in the truest sense of the word.”

“It's become the norm now. I'd guess that half of the mothers of the kids at Medgar Evers have never been married.”

“But I bet they're telling their kids not to have sex outside of marriage, let alone not to have kids,” Tevin said. “I'm not sure why they would be surprised when it happens, if they provided the blueprint for doing it.”

“Well, a lot of parents are single because they got divorced.”

“I get that and you're preaching to the choir. That happened with my own parents.”

“I know.”

The conversation was not going well. Tevin had a point. I was willing to carry his baby because I believed that he would be a great father but I hesitated to marry him. But I was no dummy either. Men could be amazing fathers and be horrific mates, or vice versa. They could be terrific mates, but fail at fatherhood altogether.

The CD switched to the next song: “Chasing Clouds.”

I stood to get out of the tub. Tevin received me into a towel and dried me off from head to toe. I had almost forgotten how tender he could be with me.

He sat on the edge of the tub so that his head was level with my chest and then started gingerly sucking on my left breast. It was tender because my hormones were out of whack and it was a little painful. But I liked the feeling just as I always did in the couple of days leading up to my period every month.

One thing was for sure. I didn't miss my periods. Hated them. Men had no idea how disgusting and traumatic menstrual cycles were for women. And we had to go through that shit every month.

I palmed the back of his head and pulled him closer to me. He sucked harder and I moaned. He reached between my legs and started fingering my pussy. I spread my legs wider so he could stick a couple more inside of me. I started gyrating my pussy on his fingers as I swayed to the slow rhythm of the song.

Tevin stopped sucking my breast for a moment. “I've missed you, baby.”

I kissed the top of his head as he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my chest. “I've missed you, too, my love.”

I lifted his head and gazed into his eyes. “You are my love, Tevin. I realize that now. I love you and even though I need some more time before I can take it to the level of marriage, what I feel for you is real.”

“You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that, Jemistry. But I'm glad you waited . . . until you were sure.”

“Well, I'm definitely sure. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I buried my tongue in his mouth. His was thick, sweet, and we explored the caverns of each other's souls.

We continued the kiss as he lifted me up and carried me to bed.

He laid me down on a pile of pillows and ate my pussy until I came all over his tongue. My senses seemed heightened because
of the pregnancy. It must have been the hormones but all I know is that I could barely take the sensation. A couple of times I tried to pull away from him but he pulled me right back so he could get what he wanted. Once I climaxed for the third or fourth time—I lost count—he was ready to have intercourse.

He seemed nervous about getting on top of me so I got on top of him in a reverse cowgirl position and rode him as he grabbed my breasts from behind.

“I'm not ever letting you go, Jemistry. Never again,” he whispered.

“You never have to worry about it. Never again.”

We both came and I curled up into his arms and fell asleep.

The next morning, Tevin was in the kitchen bright and early cooking breakfast. The man really knew how to throw down. Turkey bacon, egg whites with spinach and fresh garlic, grits, and buttermilk biscuits.

He had the morning news on and, as usual, it was nothing but bad news. The world was truly going to shit. Parents killing their own kids, men killing their pregnant wives, child molesters raping kids in school classrooms, school shootings at least monthly, and drugs like meth and bath salts turning people into animals.

“Do you mind if I turn this off?” I asked, pointing at the TV as I entered. They were showing a story about a teenaged girl who stabbed her mother to death in the shower because she had placed her on punishment for missing curfew. “After such a relaxing and
stimulating
night, I don't want to wake up to this.”

“Sure, turn it off. Change the channel. Whatever you want,” Tevin replied as he started plating the meal. “The last thing I want is for you to get upset, not while you're carrying our baby.”

I chuckled. “Well, then I need to take the year off from school.
There will be drama in my life between now and when I go into labor. I just don't want to hear it this morning.”

Instead of turning it off, I opted to tune into
Jerry Springer
. There were two women on there fighting over the same man.

Tevin smirked as he set my plate in front of me.

“What?”

He shrugged. “You said you don't want to watch any drama but then you turn to a talk show?”

“This isn't drama to me,” I replied. “It's funny. The people on these shows want their
segment
of fame, not even fifteen minutes. Anyone with common sense wouldn't go on one if a producer called them up and said they were invited to be a guest.”

Tevin sat beside me and started digging into his plate. I got up to get two glasses and to grab some orange juice from the fridge. It was packed with food.

“I thought you said that you were low on groceries, since you were in Florida.”

“I was,” he said. “I went to Whole Foods at six
AM
.”

“Wow, I was really knocked out. I didn't even hear you leave out or come back in.” I sat back down at the table and poured both of us some juice. “The island must've worn me out.”

Tevin rubbed my thigh. “Don't give Saint Thomas credit for the magic that only my dick can do.”

We both laughed.

“I kind of recall being on top last night and putting in most of the work,” I stated jokingly. “But your dick was my sleeping pill last night. I haven't had my medication in a hot minute.”

“So when are you moving in?”

I almost choked on my juice. “Moving in?”

Tevin stopped eating and stared at me. “Jemistry, I can understand if you're not ready to get married yet. And honestly, I don't
want to go to the justice of the peace. I want a big wedding. You deserve that. But I'm drawing the line at us living separately while you're pregnant. Anything could happen and I need to be there in case it does.”

“Tevin, I still have to go to work and so do you. You make it sound like you're going to be on watch around the clock.”

“I may not be able to do that but I can damn sure be around you as much as possible, and that means you moving in here.”

“I told you yesterday, I'm subletting from Tiana for the next month. I promised her that I would rent her place for three months, and I plan to keep my word.”

“So pay the rent. Better yet, I'll pay her the rent and you can still move in here.” He paused. “Where's your stuff?”

“In Public Storage on Bladensburg Road.”

“Then we need to figure out what furniture we want to keep of mine and what we want to keep of yours. I'm not emotionally attached to any of my furniture so I'll defer those choices to you. The only thing I care about is you being here.”

“How can you make those kinds of decisions off the cuff and act like I don't have any say in the matter?” I was getting irritated but tried to remain cognizant of the fact that my hormones were changing. “I'm used to being independent. It's been a long time since I was under the same roof with a man.”

“I'm not
a man
. I'm
your man
, and the father of
our child
.”

It was obvious that he was letting his feelings enter into the discussion.

“How about a compromise?” I said. “I'll stay here most of the time but still keep Tiana's place for the next month or so, in case something hap—”

“In case something
what
? Happens to break us up again? Jemistry, why all the negativity and assumptions? It is possible for two people to make a life work together. Granted, we live in a different
time than even our parents but it doesn't mean that everyone is incapable of having a functional situation. Nothing's going to happen.”

“I get what you're saying but we just got back together last night.”

“You keep making it sound like we've been apart for a decade. Neither one of us has changed that drastically since the beginning of June. And we love each other. That's all that matters.”