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Authors: Gary Provost
100 Ways to Improve Your Writing (Mentor Series) (16 page)
BOOK: 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing (Mentor Series)
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At noon on August 3, I was in Room 1104 of the Westcott Hotel, just five floors above a flame that would eventually consume the entire hotel and take 118 lives.
But if you were in Amarillo, Texas at the time of the Providence fire and were assigned three months later to write a story about it, your experience at the time is of no relevance to your article, and so it would be foolish to write the following:
At the time of the Providence hotel fire I was in Amarillo, Texas swilling down piña coladas with William F. Buckley.
If you decide it is best to put yourself into a story, do so with confidence and enthusiasm. Don’t creep shyly in with some absurd device like “This reporter witnessed the events,” or the pretentious “We” when you mean “I.”
In other words, don’t be coy about involving yourself in what you write.
If you are going to put yourself into an article, memo, or story, do it early.
It’s okay to begin your profile, “I met Jane Fonda at the Top of the Pru in Boston. She was staring out at the Boston skyline. She was startled when I touched her.”
On the other hand, you are intruding if you have written forty-three paragraphs about Jane Fonda, all without mentioning yourself, and suddenly let drop; “She turned to me then, the weariness showing in her face, and I thought for a moment that she would place her head on my shoulder.”
Don’t make the reader ask the question: Where the hell did he come from?
Here are some other types of intrusions you must avoid:
1. Typographical and spelling errors, as well as blatant grammatical errors, will break the reader’s spell. They will remind him that he is reading:Now is the time for all goodmen to come to the aid of their country.
2. Obscure words, difficult words, and words that don’t come within a mile of the meaning you are assigning to them will also break the reader’s spell.Van was the cotyledon of the family, and Donna, the youngest, was of course the coup de grâce.
3. Using the same word in unrelated ways two or three times in a short space will also intrude on the reader’s trance.The night was still and quiet. From our position on the hillside we could see that the still was still there.
Puns, double entendres, rhymes, inside jokes, and various other literary parlor tricks are amusing, and they can be good writing in a story that is intentionally whimsical. But generally you should stay away from them in your writing. They might make you look clever, but they will diminish the success of the writing. The reader sees too much of form and loses track of content. Quite often the reader will chuckle at your cleverness but will cease to take your story seriously.
It is often when searching for the perfect title that a writer falls prey to word games. Don’t call an article about a coyote that has escaped from the zoo “Don Coyote.” Please.
If you have read any of Tom Wolfe’s early books, you know that Wolfe employed a lot of visual GIMMICKS like ZOWeeee!!!!!, lively little passages full of CAPITAL LETTERS, and unUSual Punk Chew A Shun....!!!?
I call that the Tom Wolfe game, and it was fine for Wolfe. It was fun. It worked. It became part of his writing personality. It’s his.
But ninety-nine percent of the time this sort of thing fails. It draws attention to the gimmick and away from the content. It reminds readers that they are reading, and it occasionally brands the writer a moron.
Certainly the appearance of your story is not irrelevant. Clean paper, bold print, white space—all of these things affect the success of the story. But writing is not primarily a visual art. It is more like music than oil painting, and the extent to which it must depend on the shape, size, and color of those squiggly little lines is the extent to which it is not writing, but is something else.
If you cannot state a good reason for doing SOMEthing LYKE Thhhhiiiissss!!!, don’t do it.
You are playing the mystery game when you withhold some vital piece of information because you think the reader will hang in there until the end just to find out what it is. More likely the reader will be distracted by the unanswered question and will not pay close attention to what you write.
In
On Becoming A Novelist
(Harper & Row), John Gardner put it this way: “One of the most common mistakes among young writers is the idea that a story gets its power from withheld information—that is, from the writer setting the reader up and then bushwhacking him. Ungenerous fiction is first and foremost fiction in which the writer is unwilling to take the reader as an equal partner.”
On Becoming A Novelist
(Harper & Row), John Gardner put it this way: “One of the most common mistakes among young writers is the idea that a story gets its power from withheld information—that is, from the writer setting the reader up and then bushwhacking him. Ungenerous fiction is first and foremost fiction in which the writer is unwilling to take the reader as an equal partner.”
Every writing teacher has read hundreds of unpublished stories that begin with something like “The package arrived at two A.M. Sammy opened it in a frenzy; he stared at its contents and smiled.” The story goes on and on, and we hear a lot about “it” or “the contents of the package.” If we stick around long enough, we discover in the last paragraph that the package contained an adorable beagle puppy.
Another common version of the mystery game occurs in the first-person story. We don’t learn until the end that the speaker is not a person at all but a 1957 nickel or an oak tree. This is silly stuff. Gardner describes it as the writer jumping out at the last minute and yelling, “Surprise!” It’s also an extremely efficient way to drive away readers.
Similarly, when writing a paper for a school assignment, bring the statement you wish to prove into the paper’s beginning, and then prove your statement. Don’t wait until you are almost finished with your paper to mention what it is you are writing about.
Readers expect writers to be honest. Don’t let them down. Even when writing fictional stories, don’t mislead readers or hide facts from them. Especially, don’t lie.
Adhere to the guidelines below, and readers will reward your honesty by believing in your words.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Seven Ways to Edit Yourself
1. Read Your Work Out Loud
2. Cut Unnecessary Words
3. Think About What You Have Written
4. Ask Yourself These Questions
5. Follow These Rules of Form for Titles
6. Prepare a Perfect Manuscript
7. Use Common Sense
Before you turn in anything you have written—whether to a teacher or an editor—read aloud every word.
Often when you write and rewrite and constantly rearrange information, your ear for the sound of the writing becomes corrupted. Reading out loud will return to you the true sound of your story. You will hear the sour note of the word that’s “just not right,” and the drastic changes in tone will cry out to you for editing. You’ll notice that you are breathless at the end of one long sentence, and you will know that you must break it up into two or three. Listen for the music, variety, and emphasis of your sentences. You will discover that some of them are confusing and need a word added or removed for clarity’s sake. And you will see that a sentence like “Who knew that Lou cued Sue, too?” might not
look
funny, but it sure makes a funny and distracting noise in the reader’s head.
look
funny, but it sure makes a funny and distracting noise in the reader’s head.
Let’s pretend your mechanic called you up and said, “Mr. Duckworth (assuming your name is Mr. Duckworth), your car is ready. I’ve put in a new carburetor, an alternator, two hoses, a couple of clamps, and three unnecessary parts.”
What would you think of such a phone call?
Hmnn. You might think it’s time to get a new mechanic.
You don’t want unnecessary parts in your car. They do no good, and they slow you down.
So you certainly don’t want unnecessary words in your writing. They do no good, and they slow you
and
your reader down.
and
your reader down.
Every word you write should be doing some work in the sentence. It should earn its keep by providing some portion of the total information you are trying to communicate. A word is unnecessary if it’s doing no work, if it’s doing work that doesn’t have to be done, or if it’s doing work that’s being done by another word or phrase nearby.
Read what you have written and cross out every word that is not contributing information. Sometimes you will cross out two words and replace them with one. Sometimes you will cross out ten words and replace them with five. But most of the words you cross out will require no replacement.
BOOK: 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing (Mentor Series)
12.69Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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