1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader (52 page)

376

FACT :
The chemicals indole and skatole,
which cause the foul smell of human feces
, are used as ingredients in perfume.
White Diamonds and Jean Nate in particular.

Shayne C. Gad, Toxicology of the Gastrointestinal Tract (CRC Press, 2007).

Richard Allen Miller and Iona Miller, The Magical and Ritual Use of Perfumes (Inner Traditions, 1990).

377

FACT : Thin stools can be an indicator of colon cancer
or its precursor, polyps in the colon.
Or they can simply mean that you are a small dog, like a Chihuahua or a Dachshund.

Sally Wadyka, “What Your Bowel Movements Are Telling You About Your Health,” MSN Health & Fitness,
www.health.msn.com
.

378

FACT :
If your stool is pale or grayish,
you could have problems somewhere in your digestive tract
, such as a blockage in the liver or a pancreatic disorder.
Or maybe your stool just needs a little sun. Try shitting on the beach for a week or two and see if that helps.

Sally Wadyka, “What Your Bowel Movements Are Telling You About Your Health,” MSN Health & Fitness,
www.health.msn.com
.

379

FACT :
Stool that is black and tar-like can be the harmless result of taking an iron supplement, but
can also indicate dangerous bleeding
in a higher part of the GI tract, like the stomach or esophagus.
Stool that is black and tar-like can make you wish you had a bidet, because TP is powerless against it.

Sally Wadyka, “What Your Bowel Movements Are Telling You About Your Health,” MSN Health & Fitness,
www.health.msn.com
.

380

FACT :
Stools that have an extremely bad and unusual odor may be
indicators of a more serious condition
, such as cystic fibrosis, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, and chronic pancreatitis.
They might also be an indicator of olestras eruptus—the volcanic ass explosion that often follows the consumption of olestra.

Christian Stone, “Stools—foul smelling,” Medical Encyclopedia, Medline Plus, U.S. National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health, November 13, 2007,
www.nlm.nih.gov
.

381

FACT :
Women are up to
five times more likely than men
to have urinary incontinence problems, primarily due to trauma the body experiences during pregnancy and childbirth. Of the 25 million Americans who suffer from incontinence, 75 to 80 percent are women.
Oh, great. Something to add to their “pregnancy ruined my body” bitch list.

“What Every Woman Should Know,” National Association for Continence, March 27, 2009,
www.nafc.org
.

382

FACT :
More than 6.5 million Americans have fecal incontinence—
the inability to control the passage of stool
—and most of them are women. More than 10 percent of adult women in this country suffer from fecal incontinence.
This is why they make cork.

“Fecal Incontinence,” National Association for Continence, August 14, 2008,
www.nafc.org
.

383

FACT :
During pregnancy, a woman can develop a fistula, or
a hole in the vaginal wall that allows urine to stream out constantly
. In the past, women with fistulas frequently became outcasts from their families and communities because of their odor.

My wife develops a fistula with her hand whenever I talk about old girlfriends.

Denise Grady, “After a Devastating Birth Injury, Hope,” New York Times, February 23, 2009,
www.nytimes.com
.

384

FACT :
A rectovaginal fistula is an abnormal connection between the rectum and the vagina that
can lead to passing gas or stool through the vagina
. The injury can be caused by childbirth, cancer, a complication from surgery, or an inflammatory bowel condition such as Crohn’s disease.
Yes, passing stool through your vag is slightly abnormal.

Mayo Clinic staff, “Rectovaginal Fistula,” May 30, 2008,
www.mayoclinic.com
.