18 Truths (30 page)

He put my phone down on the table. “Okay, I can’t concentrate with your manic behavior.” He turned to Conner, who was still reading calmly. “Why don’t you two go bowling for a while?”

“Bowling?” I said, looking up at the clock on the wall. “We can’t go bowling at a time like this.”

Conner set the book down on the table. “No, Bo’s right. He needs peace and quiet to work. Just thirty minutes. Then we’ll come right back here. Deal?”

I gave him a look that I’m sure said I questioned their sanity, but he was already pushing me toward the door.

Conner and I used to go bowling at Starlite Lanes in Grand Haven with the Jedi Order all the time. For two years, we even joined a league with Nicole and Sean, who hadn’t been dating yet. During that time, Conner bowled a perfect game. Once. Everybody made a huge deal about his three hundred, which he loved of course, but also made it out to be no big thing. He said bowling was a sport made for the laziest of “athletes,” using air quotes on the last word. “Basically,” he’d told the Grand Haven Tribune, “if you have three fingers and can walk four steps in a straight line, you can become a certified world-class athlete in the sport of bowling.”

On our walk to the rec room, I thought about how we’d bowled every year on Conner’s birthday for as long as I could remember. Then, just as Conner opened the door, I realized something very important. “Your nineteenth birthday is this week.”

He looked down at me and smiled. “And you’re my early present.”

I let loose an exasperated exhale. “I can’t believe I almost forgot! Time has gotten away from me this past month, with the news that I’m dead and all.”

He nodded. “Good thing, too. Otherwise, we’d have nowhere to bowl tonight, seeing as Starlite Lanes is a few dimensions away.”

Glancing around the room full of teens, I said, “I was just thinking about that. I wish we had a cake and some candles to celebrate like old times.”

“I don’t need cake to celebrate when I have you for my treat.” He slid an arm around my waist, directing me toward the lanes. “Though technically, we don’t age here, so I’m not sure if this birthday even counts.”

“I say it does, and I’m always right.”

He pulled me closer against him. “Can’t argue with those words. Are you still a size seven shoe?”

“Last time I checked.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back. Why don’t you go set us up on lane number two?”

The lights glared off the glossy linoleum as I made my way over. Funny how even in the Underworld the bowling alley managed to smell like a combination of stale nachos, sweaty shoes, and floor polish. Lane number one was full with five pretty girls, all plastic looking, sipping from their plastic cups and sitting in their plastic chairs, staring at me.

“Who are you?”

“Are you Conner’s new girlfriend?”

“Do you know about Julia?”

“When did you get here? I’ve never seen you around Camp Fusion before.”

“How’d you die?”

Each one took their turn firing a question my way, but never giving me a moment in-between to answer.

“Um, I’m just a friend of Conner’s.”

This only made them stare more.

Ignoring them, it took me a moment to come up with names to enter into the scoring computer. Usually, I’d just type in our real ones, but since I was incognito…
Kurt and Poncho.
Poncho was his nickname for me, based on an inside joke. I even used the word ‘poncho’ in my blog title when I started one last year.

When Conner came over with the shoes and saw my choice of names, he laughed. “Nice. Maybe when this whole after death life is over, God will reincarnate me in the Spirit of Kurt Cobain.”

I didn’t believe in reincarnation, and unsure if Conner really did, I was just about to ask him about his beliefs, but he already moved onto the next thing.

“Do you want a big ball or a small ball?”

“Big ball.”

“That’s what she said.”

The plastics dropped their mouths open. When Conner returned with a red fourteen-pounder for me to bowl with a minute later, I whispered in his ear. “Why won’t they stop staring at us?”

He shrugged. “Girls can’t help but have that natural reaction to me. You put me to go first?”

I nodded. “It is your birthday week. But in the name of equality, I think you should bowl with your eyes closed.”

“That would be dangerous.”

“As if danger ever stopped you from doing anything before.”

“Why do you think I never told you I loved you?” he deadpanned, stepping up to the line. He hurled the ball down the lane and knocked all ten pins down.

“Not bad, Mr. Anderson,” I said, walking past him with my ball. I threw my red ball down the lane, but it veered left, and I only knocked down six pins.

Conner grinned as he stood by the ball return, waiting to go. “Ouch. Try not to suck at this, or it could get embarrassing for me. I have an image to maintain here, you know.”

“You better shut your mouth before I crush you like an ant.”

“You and what army?” He turned, and then proceeded to bowl another strike.

“I don’t need big muscles like you. I’ll use the Force and my powerful brain waves to take you down.” I grabbed my ball and hurled it down the lane. At least I knocked down eight pins.

He grabbed me by the waist with his free hand when we passed each other. “I’m sorry you suck so badly at this, but I am available all night to ease your sorrows. You can take me down any time.”

I looked past him. The plastics all huddled together, whispering. “Ha! I’m only letting you win because it’s your birthday.”

He took a step back. “I wonder what my parents will do on that day.”

“Last year they still had a party for you. Your death was kind of a big deal in Grand Haven. I mean, the flags flew at half-mast the day of your funeral and everything. So your birthday celebration was packed. They did this whole bonfire in the back with s’mores and gave everyone sparklers in remembrance of you. They even played a Cantankerous Monkey Squad song on the radio in your honor.” I recalled the entire thing before sadly realizing I wouldn’t have been at Conner’s eighteenth birthday party, because I was already dead. That had all happened in my limbo state.

“Sounds fun,” he said, only picking off seven pins this time. “But that was only real to you, right? Or did your alternative timeline mimic real life for everything?”

He looked at me, waiting for my response, but suddenly, I felt too gutted to answer. Everything from the past day weighed me down—Nate and Grace, the Alpha File, the deal I made with Sam, my twenty-four hour time limit, the lies I’d let Conner believe since I’d arrived at Juvie, the threat of what might happen if I was caught for violating pretty much every single Spirit Guide law.

And I couldn’t take it. It seemed I’d become an equal opportunity sinner, but I couldn’t lie to Conner anymore. On his almost birthday, he deserved to know the truth, whether he wanted to or not.

“Man can embody truth,
but he cannot know it.”
—W.B. Yeats

onner kissed me, his hand winding into my hair, the other on my hip, pulling my chest to his. I wasn’t sure why he was kissing me, but the touch of his lips on mine felt powerful. Even though this kiss was slow and deep, I felt it more than the ones filled with desire and passion back at the tree house. He felt the difference, too. I could tell by his breath, ragged and swift, the intensity growing, until Bo cleared his throat, reminding us we weren’t alone.

I felt my cheeks blush, and twisted my hair back into a knot. “What was the purpose of kissing me just then?”

He raised his eyebrows. “It made you shut your mouth. You were getting too worked up.”

We were back at the library now. I’d spent the last five minutes trying to tell him about my death, but couldn’t find the right words.

“What the hell?” someone shouted behind us. We turned to see Julia moving forward through the stacks.

“What are you doing here?” Conner asked, backing away from me.

I tried not to take his distance personally.

“Tara was pissed she never got her ID back, so I told her I’d investigate and find you guys. You can imagine my surprise when my friends informed me that you and
Olga
were getting cozy during a game of bowling. I decided to lay low and figure out what was going on for myself when I saw you guys here in the library.”

“How much have you heard?” I asked. We’d already discussed the Alpha File and Sam’s twenty-four hour time limit with Bo.

“Everything.” She had one of those high nasal voices that just set your teeth on edge.

“Well, this complicates things,” Bo said. “You two should probably go talk somewhere.”

“Too late for that, Bo. And I know Conner is your friend, and your responsibility as his accountability partner, but the pair of you should’ve never helped Olga with that file. I have to turn her in, and now you’ll both be incriminated, too.”

She headed toward the front doors of the library, but Conner blocked her way. “You can’t just go barge into Leo’s office and tell him about this.”

Julia hit his chest with the flat of her hand. “I know you’re in love with Olga. Thanks for the gentle breakup, by the way. All things considered, I’m certain you understand I don’t give a damn about what you want me to do.”

I practically flew across the room, helping Conner to block the entrance. Luckily, nobody else needed to go in or out. The library remained empty at this hour.

Julia didn’t look pleased. “Did I stutter?”

My shoulders tensed. “I don’t care if you did.”

Conner sucked in a deep breath and grabbed her hand as if to implore her. “Listen, Julia. You may have already stopped caring about what I think, but it’s not just me. Bo is your friend, and your best friend’s boyfriend.”

Julia rolled her eyes.

“Look, we’re working on a plan. This whole thing will be over soon. Nobody else needs to know, unless you tell them.”

Julia looked from Conner to Bo, and then glared at me like I was the devil. “Well, what’s in it for me, Conner?” She sung his name like a love song, and I could hear her desperation, her need to cling to him.

“Um, eternal glory?”

She cleared her throat. “I’m being serious.”

“I am, too. Isn’t it enough to just get a pat on the back and know in your heart that you did the right thing? Isn’t that what being in Juvie is all about?”

She took a step closer to Conner. “You tell me. Is it about doing the right thing, or about loving people? None of us here were good at either of those things. But it seems at times like these you can’t do both. It’s one or the other.”

He straightened his body to full height. “I really don’t know what you’re getting at, so why don’t you just spell it out for me, sweetheart.”

Julia leaned into Conner. “I mean, I could do the
right
thing according to you, and I would only do it because of my love for you. But then I would lose you in the process to Olga. Every coin has two sides, so let’s look at things from your perspective. You can keep on loving Olga, or you can do the right thing for all of us. Let her go when she leaves, and don’t try to find a way to be with her. Promise to stay with me and commit, and I won’t tell anyone.”

I stared at her. “Conner, you don’t need to make any deals with Julia. We’re wasting time. So please, let me give her an object lesson in the abuse of power. That’s one thing I never added to my life list and I should’ve. Number nineteen, kick someone’s a—”