18 Truths (40 page)

I awakened on a cloud, the pain gone for the moment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The deep voice didn’t surprise me. Somehow, I’d already sensed Riel manipulating my dream.

Looking at his sad eyes, I sighed heavily. “Because I was instructed not to tell anyone.”

“Since when do you follow orders?”

Ouch, that burned. I turned away, feeling like he slapped me in the face. When I turned to look at him again, a deep suspicion grabbed hold of me, because pure devotion seeped from his gaze. I hadn’t warranted that kind of devotion. Maybe Nate was right, maybe Riel did love me.

“Who are you?” he whispered, his eyes trained on me.

“I’m someone you should’ve never let inside headquarters.”

“Do you ever regret being born?”

I hissed out a breath through my teeth. “I think everybody does at some point. I didn’t… until I lost Conner. Heartache. It’s a real heavy thing to experience. I think I’d take Hell over heartache if the choice was condemnation or to go through that again.”

“Be careful what you wish for. That’s borderline blasphemy.”

“What? Is the truth too much for God to handle? He sees all and knows all, right?”

“Yes,” he whispered, exhaling a slow breath. “And He loves you, as do Nate and I… yet you act like you don’t know it. Do you know who you are?”

My heart beat faster at the realization that he’d already asked me this question. Perhaps there was one last truth he needed to impart to me. “I was a human, then a spirit guide.”

His fingers gently grabbed my chin and turned my face toward his. “I didn’t ask
what
you are, but
who
you are. There’s a difference. Don’t you see that?”

I nodded slowly. “I’m a forgiven daughter of the Most High God. I’m a friend to the Kingdom of Heaven.”

He smiled, lighting the sky with his brilliance. “Then it’s time you start acting like it. Do you hear that?”

The faintest of sounds touched my ears. “It sounds like singing.”

“Yes. Nate could join the choir of angels.”

I blanched at his comment. “You mean, our Father will even forgive
his
treason? Does God’s mercy know no bounds?” Frankly, Nate wouldn’t even still be here if I were God. I would’ve delighted at the sight of Nate being struck by lightning at this point.

“Humans make a lot of mistakes. So yes, God’s mercy is boundless for those who repent. But Nate didn’t commit treason, silly girl. He was trying to protect you, again. If you listened to his heart, you’d know there is no wickedness in him. In fact, he’s finally following his heart and that’s why he’s singing. He has caught on to the secret of life.”

My breath caught. “What’s that?”

Riel laughed. “Well, it really isn’t a secret. The Dr. Judy’s of the world would go out of business if humans would just remember two simple words. Look up.”

blinked, and then looked down at Conner’s hand enclosing mine.

He smiled. “Welcome back. You’ve been out for a while.”

“Were you singing?”

“Yeah. Nate started it. I just figured I could wallow in self-pity and fear, or I could join him. He’s not a half-bad vocalist either. I can see why he took my place in that fake timeline of yours.”

I looked around the dimly lit room, barely able to make out the shadows of my friends. “I want to sit closer to them. Can you move okay?” Eyeing the thick bandage taped to the bare skin of his back, I mentally kicked myself for even asking. But then his hand gripped mine and with a jaw set with determination, he stood, taking me with him.

For a long moment, all of us just stared at each other around the Kumbaya circle, until Dr. Judy finally broke the silence.

“Well, it’s probably time we all had a little talk, yes?”

Sighing, I nodded in agreement. My throat felt too tight to talk, but I swallowed and pressed on. “First off, I want to say I’m so sorry to you, Dr. Judy. I went behind your back and let you down. And Grace, I let you down too, even though you didn’t know I was supposed to help you. And Nate”—I glanced at Conner—“it’s probably best we discuss some things in private.”

Nate gave me a nod, and I knew he understood.

“No matter what happens,” Grace said. “I never thought I’d see my mom again. I dreamed, wished, and even prayed about it every night. So I forgive you, thank you even.”

Dr. Judy wrapped Grace in a hug. “I think we can all learn something good from this bad experience. We have to remain truthful to ourselves. I never told Grace the truth about her father her entire life because I was afraid, and look where that landed the both of us. And Nate, you weren’t honest with your feelings because you didn’t want to add any stress to Olga’s life, and look where that got you. It got you a jealous, insecure girlfriend who was willing to rebel and work with demons because of the unhappy situation she found herself in. Isn’t that right, Olga? And Conner…well, I don’t really know you, but I heard a lot about you this past year. And for Olga’s sake, I’m glad to see you.”

A flush crept across Conner’s cheeks. “Thanks. I’m glad you got to be reunited with someone you love, too.”

“I’m just relieved my daughter doesn’t hate me.”

Grace turned toward her mom. “I could never hate you, maybe strongly dislike you sometimes, but that’s my right as a teenager.”

They both giggled together.

“I tried so hard to protect you by hiding the truth from you, but I should’ve told you about your strength. If you knew the power within you, the demons could’ve never captured you tonight.”

My mind flashed back to the conversation I had earlier with Nate, when we wondered if Grace possessed any angel powers. In the end, she saved us all.

Grace sucked in a breath. “What exactly are my powers, Mom?”

“Your father wasn’t an ordinary angel… he was an archangel.”

“Right, so what does that mean?”

“That you have angel power in your blood,” Dr. Judy explained matter-of-factly. “For years, I didn’t know if Simon was your biological father, or if your earthly dad was, but by the time you turned thirteen, I was fairly certain you were half angel. You were smarter, wiser, stronger, and faster than other girls your age. I was convinced Simon was watching us from afar, would see your gifts, and come to get us.”

Even now, the sorrow in Dr. Judy’s voice was raw. I knew from experience there were some kinds of grief you never recovered from, no matter how much time passed.

“When another year passed and Simon still didn’t come for us on your fourteenth birthday, I fell into a deep pit of depression, drinking all the time. And well, you know the rest of the story. The drinking opened the gateway for the demons to torture me. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and black-hooded, faceless figures would be standing at the foot of my bed, and I’d be paralyzed. After a year, they came and got me for good.”

A long silence fell over us, and I wondered what would happen to Grace now. Surely, as a half archangel, she wouldn’t receive the same sentence as the rest of us. At least, I hoped she wouldn’t. She didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t continue to live out in Limbo now that she knew the truth. For a second, I wondered what Dr. Judy was even doing here. Then my mind flashed to her telling me to hypnotize her. Like a trail of breadcrumbs, the truths I learned in Dr. Judy’s office that fateful day caused the demons to take notice of me, setting me on a path of deceit, and ultimately culminated in me breaking every rule in the book and attempting a dangerous journey on my own. I supposed Dr. Judy would be tried as an accomplice, but that didn’t take away the cold-hearted fact that I was the one to blame for the situation we now found ourselves in.

I sighed. Half of my conclusions just brought more questions. Studying a familiar outline in the darkness, I decided it was about time I got some answers, because mental prison? That was the worst kind to be in.

As if sensing my mood, Nate looked over at me. He reached across our small circle and took my hand. “Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone.”

Nodding, I said, “I was just about to ask you the same thing.” I stood, sneaking a glance at Conner. He didn’t smile. I stopped mid-step, feeling awkward holding Nate’s hand in front of Conner, but then Nate tugged me and I started again, lacking the strength to decipher what I should do right now.

He led me to the farthest distance we could manage in the tiny room. “So…” He trailed off, letting a breath go out of him.

“So, has this whole experience pretty much been your perfect idea of the afterlife?”

Half choking on a laugh, he said, “Well, I was hoping for unicorns.”

“Yeah, I always hope for unicorns.” I nodded toward Grace. “We saw some pretty crazy stuff tonight, eh?”

“Crazy doesn’t even begin to describe the state of things.” His joking demeanor vanished. “Speaking of the state of things, where do you and I stand? You know I’m not a traitor, right?”

I gave him a slight grin. “Yes, Riel visited me in a dream when I fell asleep in here.” Shivering, I hugged myself and nodded toward Grace. “You really had nothing going on with her?”

He made an impatient noise. “Gosh, my act was more convincing than I thought. No, Olga, no, there was nothing ever going on with Grace and me outside of a spirit guide relationship. I was going the extra mile because I doubted my abilities to help anyone after learning I killed that kid in the car accident. I just wanted to do the best I could for Grace to make up for the life I lost. And”—he paused for a few seconds, like he was searching for the right words to say—“because Grace was a welcome distraction in our relationship. I knew something was up, could tell you were trying to hide your feelings from me. I ignored my thoughts in the hope it was nothing, in the hopes that if it was something, I wouldn’t add to your stress by pressuring you to be with me in your already fragile state. So when I got assigned to Grace—”

“
We
got assigned,” I reminded him.

“Okay, we. In any event, I already doubted my abilities as a spirit guide, and I didn’t want my failure to be your failure. That’s why I went the extra mile and spent all my time with Grace, to be the best I could be for her, and for you. And part of me felt relieved when Riel told me to distance myself from you because that meant you wouldn’t have the chance to break up with me.”

I reached up, caressing his cheek. “Seriously? You’re always putting my needs first, protecting me. How do you do that all the time?”
God, help me to be like that. I don’t want to love two people at once.
If Nate was a traitor, things almost would’ve been easier for me.

He shrugged. “Well, if I’m being totally honest about my feelings, the day when you said you wanted to look for Conner… it just hurt so badly. It’s like you didn’t become a spirit guide to be around me, you stayed with me just to find him.”

I didn’t know what to say to this, so I sat there for a moment, my head down. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this before? Have you just been angry at me, holding a grudge?” That didn’t seem like him, but I’d also never seen him jealous before.

“I thought I should be angry with you, but when I searched deep down inside myself, I didn’t find anger at all. I just found sadness and misery.” He reached his hand to my chin and tilted my face toward him. “And I was going to tell you all of this later that day when you first brought up Conner. But if I had, you’d hear all the sorrow in my voice, and I still wanted to give you the space to figure things out for yourself without guilting you into something you didn’t want.”