186 Miles (17 page)

Saturday
morning, I woke a little after 9 am.  Walking downstairs, I was surprised to
see Vince and Belle at my stove, cooking together.  Anthony was flipping the
channels on the television.

I
was wearing yoga pants and a camisole, thankfully, not my usual short gown. 
“Hi, guys.”  I ran a hand through my short hair, checking for stray wild
pieces.

Vince
walked to me as soon as I hit the last step, wrapping his arms around my
waist.  He bent and pressed his mouth to mine, slanting his lips, parting them
an inch.  “Good morning, lady.”

Whoa. 
In front of his dad?
 
I had never kissed Ryan like that in front of Walter.

“Hi,”
I breathed.  He held my hand and guided me to a stool at the bar.

“Sit,
babe.  We’re cooking.”

“I
see that.  Good morning, Belle.”

She
smiled at me.  “Good morning, beautiful daughter.”

I
froze.  It seemed so intimate.  I couldn’t think of a time that my
own
mother had been that familiar with me… ever.

Vince
smiled warmly.  “You want some coffee?”

I
nodded lazily, pressing my chin to the bar top.  “Yes, please.” 

He
handed it to me and rubbed my thumb with his.  “We’re making doughnuts.”

“Really? 
I didn’t know people actually
did
that.  I just thought that you went to
Krispy Kreme or whatever.”

Belle
put her utensil down and stared at me.  “You’ve never had any homemade
doughnuts, honey?  Your mamma never made you any?”

“My
mother barely opened cereal boxes.”  I sounded bitter.

“Well,
today is your lucky day, baby, because we are making the good ones.  Zeppole!”
Belle answered.

I
looked at Vince.  “They’re basically like cream puffs,” he said, smiling.

“Mmm,
sounds good.”

Belle
rolled out the dough, carefully kneading it with her fingers.  “My Vincent, he
could barely sleep last night.  He misses you too much.”

Vince
snapped, playfully, “Mamma, what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m
just saying, you have a hard time without her.  He was counting the hours to
see you.”

I
looked at him and smiled.  “I counted the hours too.”

He
leaned over the bar and pressed his lips to mine.  “Love you.”

Belle
had a worried look on her face.  I knew she was afraid that I would break him. 
She feared that I was lonely; that my heart belonged to someone else.

“Love
you too.”  I reassured her… and him.

A
slow smile crept up Belle’s lips as she rolled out her mix.  She washed her
hands carefully in the sink and then turned to Vince, placing them on his
face.  “You are a lucky boy, figlio.  You have this good woman here, yes?  You
take your time with her.  She needs you to be patient.  You show her love, but
not too fast, hmm?  You’ll scare her away and then where will you be?”  She
turned back to her prep station.  “You kids go sit down with your papa.  I’ll
finish up here.”

*

They
really were the best doughnuts I had ever tasted.  There was definitely
something to be said about fried homemade dough dipped in sugar and swimming
with ricotta cheese.

Anthony
told stories about his days in the jazz band and beamed about his children. 
Vince and Jack were truly the lights of his life.  He had a hearty laugh; it
sounded like Jack’s.   They asked me about my job, my friends, my volunteer
work, how often I baked, if I played any instruments… everything.  They wanted
to know
everything
about the girl who loved their son.

After
breakfast, Vince turned to Belle.  “Mamma, we have a surprise for you.”

“What’s
that, my baby?”  She had the look of sheer panic in her eyes. 
Did she think
that we were getting married or something?

On
Monday, as promised, I had called the storage facility in Naperville and made
arrangements for my father’s piano to be shipped to Indianapolis.  It had
arrived on Thursday afternoon.

“In
here.”  He guided her into the den.  There, in the corner, sat an old,
out-of-tune upright.  Belle placed her hands on her face.  “Oh!”  She turned to
Vince.  “Play something for me.”

Vince
had practiced all night on Thursday.  He was rusty at first, but he took his
time, adjusting to the feel of the keys.  I lay on the loveseat listening to
him for hours that evening.  When I started to get tired, I kissed the back of
his neck.  He shut the lid and carried me upstairs.

“Well,
we’ve only had it for a few days, so I haven’t practiced much.”  He smiled at
her.

“I
don’t care.  Just play something.”  She turned to me.  “My Vincent and my
Jackie were the best at
everything
.”

I
know.

Vince
familiarized himself with the keys for a few seconds before playing a piece I
had heard many times just a few nights before.  It was called “Last Date,” an
instrumental by an old country musician named Floyd Cramer.  It was such a
sweet song.  Belle walked to Anthony and he took her in his arms.  He held her
close and they began to sway like they had danced to this song a thousand
times. 
Had they?  Had Vince played this song for them?

I
could feel my throat getting tight as I watched them.  I joined Vince on the
bench and laid my head on his shoulder.  When he ended the song, he caught a
few of my tears with his thumb.  “Hey, what’s going on?”

“I’m
going to take a shower.  I’ll be back down in a few minutes,” I whispered.

I
stood and turned to his parents, still wrapped in an embrace.  “I’m going to
get cleaned up.  Thanks for breakfast, Belle.  I’ll be down soon.”

*

After
my shower, I took extra time getting ready.  I misted my hair with ridiculously
expensive sea salt spray and let it dry naturally.  I took my long bangs and
pulled them back, pinning them together with a small, rhinestone clip.  I
needed another haircut.  That was one negative about short hair.  You had to actually
cut it from time to time.

I
carefully selected my clothing.  I chose a tomato red pullover dress with an
empire waist and deep pockets at the side.  It dipped into a low V at the front
and had the tiniest of light blue flowers strewn throughout the material.  I
paired it with cornflower blue ballet flats and a pair of silver skull stud
earrings that Elsa had given me.

I
wore a light coat of smudged kohl eyeliner, thick mascara and strawberry
gloss.  After a final look in the full length mirror, I made my way back
downstairs.

“Sorry
that took so long,” I announced.

Vince
came to my side, whispering, “It’s worth it.  You look so beautiful today.”

I
smiled up at him and turned to Belle and Anthony.  “Anything you guys want to
do today?”

*

I
was exhausted.  We went to the Farmers Market, took a walk around the Circle, wandered
down by the Canal, went to Brugge for a late lunch… by the time we ended up
back at Vince’s apartment, my feet were killing me.

I
tried to talk him into dropping me off at home so that he could spend time
alone with his parents, but he insisted that I stay with them.

“I’m
really tired though, babe.”  I collapsed on his bed.

“Just
relax.  You’ll be fine.”  He seemed nervous.  His mind was elsewhere.  “Let’s
go back out to the front.”

“You
alright?”

“Oh
yeah, I’m good.”

He
was lying.
  I
knew his tells.

“Yeah? 
You look a little frazzled.”

“No,
I’m fine.”

I
followed him out to the living room.  Belle and Anthony were on the couch;  her
legs were in his lap.  He rubbed her feet.

Vince
walked around the couch, now facing them.  “Ray?”

I
looked at him, puzzled.  “Yeah?”

“Can
you come over here?”

He
was definitely acting weird.

I
walked over so that I was standing opposite him, in front of his parents.  Yes,
this was
definitely
odd.

He
knelt on the ground in front of me and held up a delicate white gold band with
a small, princess cut stone in the center.  Accent stones decorated the sides. 
“Rachel…”

I
turned and faced the front door.  I felt a wave of nausea hit, so I ran to the
bathroom instead, vomiting the contents of my lunch into the toilet bowl. 
Did
he just do that?

After
washing my hands and brushing my teeth, I cracked the door and headed back into
the living room, my head dizzy.  I looked at Vince.  He was visibly crushed.  I
turned my attention to his parents.  “I’m so sorry.”  I picked my bag off of
the table and closed the front door behind me.

I
got into my car and drove straight to Carrie’s.

Lila
answered the door.  “Auntie Ray!”

I
smiled down at her.  “Hi, baby.  Is your mama home?”

“Mom!”
she screamed.  I flinched.

Carrie
came to the door holding a near-sleeping Audrey.  “Hey, what are you doing
here?”

I
looked at her, tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes.

“Oh,
boy, get in here.”  She clasped her free arm around my shoulder.  “Let me just
put this one upstairs and meet me on the patio.  We need wine.  Lila, come
upstairs with me.  Mommy’s gonna talk to Auntie Ray for a few minutes.  Can you
come watch a video with your sister?”

Lila
hesitated, but responded, “Yeah, I guess.  I get to pick though.”

Carrie
caved.  “Whatever you want.  Move it.”

A
few minutes later, Carrie joined me on the deck.  I had grabbed a bottle of
wine from the rack, but it sat on the table, unopened.  She fiddled with the
corkscrew and finally pulled the cork out, exclaiming, “I hate these fucking
things.”  She didn’t bring any glasses out.  Instead, she took a swig straight
out of the bottle and handed it to me.

She
chose her words carefully.  “Oh, Ray, what did he do?  Break up with you?”

“Worse,”
I sniffled.

“Okay…
cheat on you?  That fucker…”

I
cut her off.  “He bought me a ring.  He was going to ask me to marry him in
front of his family.  I threw up and then ran.”

She
smiled at me.  “Like threw up on
them
?”

“No,
asshole, like in the bathroom.  But thanks for the sympathy,” I huffed.

“Listen,
babe, I know this is bad, but I thought you were going to tell me some
tragedy.  All it sounds like you are telling me is that this guy is fucking
nuts.  In a good way, of course.  He just loves you, but got a little
premature.”  She took another swig.

“I
love him too, but I’m not ready for that.  He knows it, but bought me that ring
anyway.  What am I supposed to do?”

“I
know that you’re looking for advice here.  If you were picking out a pair of
shoes, I could help with that.  But I am
not
helping you with this.  You
have to have your
own
Come-to-Jesus moment.”  She fumbled through my bag
and found my cigarettes and a lighter in the side pocket.  Lighting one and
handing the pack to me, she said, “I know you want me to tell you what to do. 
But
you
know what you want.  You want
this
guy.  But you have to
tell him to slow the fuck down.”

I
took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it.  “I’ve gotta quit these things.”

“Go
home, Ray.  Talk to Vince.  He’s confused about what just happened.”

She
was right.  I finished my cigarette and had three slugs of wine out of the
bottle before grabbing my purse.  “You better go get your girls.  They’ve probably
been up there painting on the walls.”

“Ugh,
I know.  They’ve been total assholes lately.”  I gave her a wide-eyed stare. 
“What?”

I
pulled her in for a tight hug.  “Thanks for listening.”

“Sure. 
And, hey, if the worst thing he can do is ask you to marry him after three
months, you’re doing pretty well.  It took Rick six years, so… there you go.”

“But
now you’ve got everything,” I said, pointing upstairs.

“Yep,
I do.  Now go get yours.”

*

When
I pulled into my driveway, the sun was just starting to go down.  Vince was
sitting on the bench in the garden.  When he saw my headlights, he stood,
fumbling nervously.

I
pulled into the garage.  He followed.  “I’m sorry, Ray,” he spewed.  “I don’t
know what I was thinking.  It just seemed like the right time and I don’t know
why I thought that.  I know you told me that you wanted to wait, but I got way
ahead of myself.  I asked my mom to bring that ring with her from Chicago.  I
don’t know why I did that.  Now I’ve ruined us and I…”

“Vince,
stop.”  I motioned for him to come in the house.  “You haven’t
ruined
us. 
You just need to stop for a minute.  Think about all of this.”

“I
have
.  I wouldn’t give you my Nonna’s ring without thinking about who I
was giving it to.  I guess I got to the point where I couldn’t see a future
without you, so I jumped the gun.  I should have waited for you to tell me that
you were ready.”  He kneaded his hands together.

“I
see you in my future too.  And I love that you wanted to give me your
grandmother’s ring.  But I need you to hold on to it for a while.  We need to
set some ground rules.”

“Okay,
whatever you want.”

“I
just want a little time to get used to being a couple, you know.  But I need it
to be at a normal couple pace.  First of all, I want two weeks.”

“Two
weeks of what?”

“Being
alone.”

“Ray…”

I
sat down on the couch.  “I mean it.  We need to get some perspective and I
can’t when we’re together all of the time.”

“Okay,”
he said, sitting on the opposite end.

“Okay? 
Next, we need to go on dates.  Like you pick me up, take me to the movies and
kiss me goodnight.  None of this fucking-every-two-minutes thing we’ve got
going now.”

He
smiled.  “Okay.  Dates.”

“We’ll
make our first date two weeks from today.  You plan it and I will be ready.”

“Can
I still call you?”  He looked desperate.

“Not
for two weeks.  If you do, I’ll just end up breaking and you’ll probably end up
moving in here.”  I smiled at him.

“What
about texting?  Can I say good morning?”

I
thought about it.  “One text per day.  Make it good.”

He
squeezed my hand, got up and walked to the door.  “I’m not gonna screw this up,
Ray.  I promise.  I’ll see you in two weeks.  5:00.”

“Seriously,
Vince?  5?  Are we going to the MCL?”

“5:00
sharp.  Wear the dress with the apples.”

He
turned the knob and gave me one last look.  “I do
love
you, Ray.”

“I
know.  I love you too.”

*

Day
One:
  Thinking
about you this morning.  Sundays are usually spent in bed together (Talking. 
Get your mind out of the gutter).  I miss your face and your voice.  13 days left.

Day
Two:
 Bob is
wearing a Wu-Tang tee and stretch pants today.  I wish I could taste your strawberry
lip gloss… on your lips.  12 days.

Day
Three:
  My mamma
says she misses you.  She and my dad want to see you again when things go back
to normal.  Will they go back to normal?  11 days.

Day
Four:
  A girl at
the Starbucks gave me her phone number on a cup.  I didn’t realize that people
really did that.  Anyway, I threw out the cup, of course.  But not before
drinking the coffee.  10 days.

Day
Five:
  When I
think about spending my life without you, I don’t want to get out of bed. 
Having a bad day, Ray.  Will you still love me in 9 days?

Day
Six:
  Put some
pictures of last weekend up on Facebook today.  We look so happy in them.  In 8
days, we will take another picture.  On our first date.  We’ll take a hundred
pictures.  I love you madly.

Day
Seven:
  I put on
the red pants you like today.  And the Jeff Buckley t-shirt you wore to bed the
other night.  My mom washed it, but I can still smell your shampoo.  Saturdays
without you suck.  7 days.

Day
Eight:
  I can’t
wait to have my second first kiss with you.  6 days.

Day
Nine:
  It’s
early.  You’re probably sleeping.  When you get dressed, wear that white dress
with the black collar that you wore when I kissed you in the garden.  5 days.

Day
Ten:
  There’s a
Bruce Lee marathon on tonight.  I wish you were watching it with me on my
ridiculous TV.  I need someone to throw popcorn on.  4 days.

Day
Eleven:
  I woke
up and you weren’t here.  It’s been too long since I’ve touched you.  3 days.

Day
Twelve:
  I
talked to Jack.  Something weird is going on with him and Elsa.  She answered
his phone.  I can’t wait to hold your hand on Saturday.  I’m not going to let
it go the whole night.  2 more days.

Day
Thirteen
:  Work
won’t be as terrible today knowing that I get to go out on a date with the
hottest girl in the city tomorrow night.  I think Bob is ready to kill me. 
Tomorrow.

Day
Fourteen:
  I
will see you in just a few hours.  I can’t wait to smell your perfume.  Touch
your skin.  Hear your voice.  5:00.

*

At
4:55 pm, my doorbell rang.  I had been ready for an hour, staring at the
driveway.  I swiped a fresh layer of strawberry gloss on and ran to answer it.

“Hi,”
I answered, out of breath.

“My
God.  You look more beautiful today than you ever have.”

I
blushed.  “Thanks.  Are you ready?”

“Can
I come in for a minute?”

“Sure,
do you have to pee or something?” 
Do you have to pee or something?  You’re
an idiot.

Vince
cupped his hands to my face and pressed his lips to mine gently.

“Nope,
that was it.  I just couldn’t wait another minute to kiss you.”

God,
I missed him.
 
For the past two weeks, I had cried a hundred times.  Every text was a stab in
my heart.  I pictured him in a hundred different scenarios touching me in a
hundred different ways.  I turned to my battery-operated-boyfriend several
nights, sadly.

“Wow,”
I breathed.  “Well, that was nice.”

“There’s
more where that came from.  So, shall we?”

I
set my security alarm and locked the door behind me.  Vince took my hand and
led me to the driveway, opening the passenger side door for me.  “Milady.”

“Oooh,
aren’t we formal?”

“Nothing
if not formal, my dear.”  He closed my door and walked around front to the
driver’s side.  I admired him.  Luckily, he had a slow gait.  He wore a fitted
white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of loose dark jeans
with large cuffs at the bottom.  He wore his butter yellow Converse.  They
complimented the apples on my dress.  He knew what I would be wearing.  He
matched me on purpose.  The idea made the butterflies in my stomach come to
life.

He
pulled out his matte black glasses and put them on, looking to me.  “Ready?”

I
wanted to say fuck all and go back inside, pin him to a wall and have my way
with him.  Instead, I said, “Yep.”

“MCL
then?” 

I
smiled at him.  “Hey, it’s your date, buddy.”