186 Miles (18 page)

“No,
it’s
our
date.  Our first real one, right?  It only took almost four
months.”  He studied me.  “By the way, I’ve been doing some thinking these past
weeks, believe it or not,” he said, smiling, “and I just want to apologize that
I never really took you on too many dates, you know?  We went to the Village
and got dinner or whatever, but I never really wooed you.”

“Wooed
me?”  I laughed.

“Don’t
laugh, Ray… you know what I mean.  I should have taken care of you.”

“You
took care of me,” I said, smiling.

“Not
like
that
, dummy.”  He smiled back.  “But that’s going to change.  I’m
going to impress the shit out of you.”  He started the car.

*

We
drove to the Corner Wine Bar.  We could have walked from my place, but I was
wearing heels.  He was thinking ahead.  We sat out on the patio and had a glass
of red wine.  I let him hold my hand across the table.  He lightly rubbed our
fingers together.

“So,
did you like the texts?”

“All
of them except one.”

“The
I’m-Lonely-And-I-Want-To-Die one?”

“No,
the Starbucks girl one.”  I frowned.

He
smiled.  “I hoped that you missed me.  That one was selfish.  I shouldn’t have
sent it.  What I should have said that day was that I loved you and that I
missed you so badly.  I
did
, you know.”

I
looked up at him.  “I know.”  I paused.  “I cried.”

“When
I sent you that stupid Starbucks text?  Oh, God, I’m sorry, Ray… I wasn’t
thinking.”

“No,
not that. 
Every
day.”

He
looked visibly upset, staring at our hands linked together.  “Please.”

I
didn’t know what he was asking for.  “What?”

“Please
don’t leave me.  Give me another chance.”

I
squeezed his hand tighter.  “This
is
our chance.  I don’t want to be
without you.  I was miserable these last few weeks.  I picked up the phone constantly. 
I couldn’t sleep… I lost three pounds!”

“Three?” 
He laughed lightly.

“Well,
you know, for me, that’s like a miracle.  Most of the time, I have to work at
it for like a month to lose even one.”

He
laughed again.  “Baby, I’m going to make you gain all three back tonight.  I
have plans.”

“Oh,
plans?”  I grinned at him.

“Yes.”

“Hey,
what’s going on with my sister and your brother?”

A
slow smile spread across his face.  “I don’t know, but there’s something going
on there.  She called me the other day.”

“What?”

“Yeah,
I don’t know.”

“Well,
what did she want?”

He
shifted in his seat.  “She wondered why we were on a break.  She asked lots of
questions about what I did to you and why you left me.  I guess Jack must have
talked to our mom.”

“What
did you tell her?”

“I
told her that I was shamelessly in love with you and that I asked you to marry
me and you freaked out.  Then I told her that I felt like a jackass and that I
was trying to make it up to you.”

I
leaned in.  “You didn’t ask me.”

“What?”

“You
never
asked
me to marry you.  You just
started
to.”  I took a sip
of my wine.  “And then I threw up loud enough for your family to hear me.  I’m
sorry about that.  I never did apologize.”

“I
won’t ask you again.”

I
frowned.  “Why?”

“You’ll
have to ask
me
.  I’m not messing this up again ever.  Nuh uh.”

I
toyed with my napkin on the table.  “Okay.”

“Okay,
what?”

“Okay,
I’ll ask.  Or at least I’ll let you know that I want
you
to ask,” I teased.

His
face lifted, smiling.  “I can’t wait.”

“You
will
though, right?  Wait?”

“Oh,
yeah.  I’ll wait a hundred years.”

God,
I wanted to kiss him.  Eh, fuck it.
 
I stood and leaned across the table.  He rose and met me in the middle,
clasping his hand around my neck.  It was a soft kiss, but full of promise.

The
next stop was for ice cream.  There was a gelato shop that I read about in a
local magazine, but I hadn’t been there.  We had yet to eat dinner, but Vince
was determined to woo me.  So, gelato it was.  I had a sea salt caramel cup and
Vince had chocolate.  Both were amazing.

He
kissed me in between bites.  He held my hand and rubbed my back.  He was
absolutely
perfect
.

He
had made reservations for a late dinner downtown, so we had about an hour to
kill.  Instead of going anywhere, we sat on a bench outside of the shop and
talked.  We kissed a bit, but we spent our time catching up on all of our
missed hours together.

“So,”
I continued our earlier conversation, “do you think that Elsa and Jack are
like… seeing each other?”

“I
guess so.  Is that weird?”

I
scooted closer to him and placed my hand in his lap.  “No, I guess not.  I
don’t know.  It’s hard to say because we haven’t seen them together.”

I
changed the subject.  “Vince?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m
really sorry about how I acted with your parents.  Do they think I’m crazy? 
Your mother was so nice to me and I literally fell apart in front of her like a
nut.”

He
nudged my shoulder.  “They love you.  Honestly.  My mom was so mad at me for
what I did.  I had to work on her for hours just to get her to talk to me.  She
didn’t understand why I ‘tried’ to ask you that way.  She said that a proposal
should be private and that I embarrassed you.”

I
looked down at the pavement and scraped my heels across it, my short legs
barely touching the ground.  “I’m the one who should be embarrassed.  I don’t
know what happened.”

It
was his turn to get serious.  “I hope that your reaction was just one of
surprise and not one of disgust.  I know you aren’t ready to get married, but I
do hope that you still feel the same way about me that you did.”

“I
do.  I love you.  I’m just not sure what to do now.  I want us to go back to
the way we were before, I guess, but I’m not sure we can.”

“We
can, Ray.  I will spend every minute trying to fix this.”

“There’s
nothing to fix.  I just need to heal some more, I think.  When we were apart,
all I thought about was you.  I’m getting there, I promise.”

He
leaned over and gave me a soft kiss.  I leaned into him, making my intentions
clear.  He was mine.  He was forgiven; I wanted to show him.  He pulled away
slowly.

“Vince…”

“I
know you’re okay.  I just want more than that.  I want you to be ready for
everything.”

*

We
arrived at the restaurant around nine.  The walls were high; it was a private
booth, apart from the server.  The meal was exquisite.  Vince had steak and
frites.  I had scallops with butternut squash risotto.  I was so full that my
dress felt tight.

“Ugh,
I can’t believe I ate all of that.”

“I’m
doing my best to fatten you back up.”

I
smiled.  “Honestly, what’s wrong with you?  I need to fit into the clothes I
have
,
baby.”

He
leaned in close, whispering in my ear.  “I miss you calling me ‘baby.’  I miss
you in my bed every night.”

“Spend
the night with me.” 
What did I say that for?  Slut.

“I
can’t,” he sighed.  “I want to, but you’ve had three glasses of wine.  I want
to make sure you really
want
me there and aren’t just thinking with a
buzzy head.”

“So,
let’s go out for a while longer.  I’ll drink eight glasses of water.  I’ll take
aspirin and we’ll go back to my house and listen to records.  If you still want
to go home, you can.”  I was desperate.  I wanted him
so
much.

“I’ll
take you to your house.  We can listen to records... and then I’ll go home and
take a cold shower.”

I
had a better idea.  “Or… we could take a
hot
one at my house together.” 
Seriously, was I trying to make him run?

He
signaled to our server and asked for the check.  He signed the slip and turned
to me, whispering.  “I want nothing more than to take a shower with you, fuck
you for hours and wake up with you tomorrow.”  He paused.  “But, we are on a
first date, lady, and you are pushing it.”  He smiled and leaned in for a quick
peck on my lips.

I
placed my arms across my chest and stared at the table.

“Are
you pouting, sweetie?”

“Yes,”
I growled.

“Next
date, you can get to second base.”

“What’s
second base?  Hand job?”

He
smiled.  “Maybe,” he said, pausing.  “Or maybe it’s
me
who gets to
second.”

My
cheeks flushed.  “And what does
that
mean?”

“It
means that maybe
you
are the one who gets the hand job.”  He took his fingers
and lightly brushed the front of my dress.

I
was breathing hard.  “Let’s go.”

“We
can go, but I’m taking you home.”

“Are
you kidding me?”

He
smacked the top of my thigh.  “Nope.”  He slid out of the booth and offered his
hand.

I
took it.  “I hate you so much right now.”

“You
better be nice or you’re not even going to get to
first
base when I get
you home.”

He
was toying with me.  Maybe I wouldn’t even let him get to first base.  Maybe I
would be a total bitch and send him home with no goodnight kiss at all. 
Oh,
who was I kidding?

*

He
pulled into my driveway just after midnight and killed the engine. 

“Are
you coming in?” 
God, please say yes.

He
sighed and put his hand on top of mine.  He was still wearing his glasses.  I
fantasized about straddling him.  “For
one
minute.”

Yes!

“Great!” 
I sounded way too enthusiastic.

“I
mean, it, Ray.  One minute.”

I
whined.  “Why?”

“If
I stay longer than that, I’ll just…
stay
.”

“So?”

“So,
I thought you wanted to take things slow… go on dates. 
You
made those
rules, not me.  I’m trying my best to follow them, but you keep confusing me.”

“Stay,
Vince.”  No confusion.  I knew what I wanted.

He
opened the car door.  “Stay there,” he said.  Walking around to my side, he
casually opened the door and put his hand out for me to take.  “
One
minute.”

He
held my hand on the way inside, only letting it go so I could disable the
alarm.  I set my keys down on the table and hung my handbag on one of the three
hundred hooks that Ryan had installed for me.  I had a serious shopping issue.

I
walked to the refrigerator.  “Beer?”

“No. 
I’m not going to be here long enough to drink it, Ray.”

“Yes,
you are.”  I strolled back to him and placed my hands on his hips.  “Stay.”

I
stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, curling my fingers into
his hair.  I pulled him close, touching my lips to his.  I opened my mouth a
fraction, coercing a response from him.  His arms curled around my waist. 
Yes!
 
He lifted me and placed me on the counter, pulling away and studying my face.

“Do
you want this?”

“Yes,”
I breathed.  “So much.”

“Do
you miss
me
?  Or just
this
?”

I
felt my throat constrict.  Did he honestly think I was
using
him?  I
loved
him.  “Vince, no.  Don’t be confused.”  I kissed his cheek and smiled at him,
lowering my hands to the countertop.  “The sex is great, yes.  But… if we never
did it again, I wouldn’t care.  I need
you
, not that.” 

“Because
I can’t be
that
guy.  I can’t be the guy that hangs out with you and
sleeps with you and then finds out that you might not ever be ready for what I
want.  For what
I
need.”

“What
do
you
need?”  I asked.

“I
need it
all
.  Moving in, marriage, kids.  Even if you can’t give it to
me today, I need to know that you will eventually.  I don’t want to get crushed
by you.”  His voice dropped an octave.  “Things are different now.”

“I
know.  Just be patient and we will have
everything
, I promise.”

I
leaned in and placed my hands back on his neck.  He crushed his lips to mine. 
“God, I’ve missed you so much, Ray.”

“Take
me to bed.”

“I’ll
tell you what,” he said, whispering into my ear.  “Come with me.”

I
popped off of the counter and squealed, letting him guide me into the
bathroom.  He let my hand go long enough to open the shower curtain and turn on
the knob.  Just one knob.  The cold one.  He leaned in and kissed me on the
cheek.

“Goodnight,
sweetheart.  See you tomorrow.”

*

He
left me there. 
Seriously?

I
locked the door behind him and watched him pull away. 
Would I see him
tomorrow?
  I texted him five minutes later.  He would be home by now. 

Me
:  I miss you already.  Please
come back.

Vince
:  Do you have any idea how hard
that was for me?

Me
:  I love you.

Vince
:  Goodnight, Ray.

Me
:  Do you love me?

Vince
:  Goodnight, Ray.

A
few minutes passed.

Vince
:  I love you too.

Finally.
  I could sleep.

*

On
Sunday morning, I got a text from Vince.

Vince
:  You up?

Me
:  Yeah.  Come drink coffee with
me.

Vince
:  Be there in five.

Thirty
seconds later, the bell rang.  Vince stood in the doorway with a brown paper
bag. 

“Hi,
lovely.”  I flung my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

“Doughnuts. 
Or, well, the stuff to make doughnuts.  You know, like the ones my mom made.  I
can teach you.”

“Or…
we could just go upstairs.”  I was going to try this again.  I had already
embarrassed myself last night. 
What could it hurt?

“Maybe
after
doughnuts.”

Was
he serious?

“Okay…
what do we do?”