186 Miles (19 page)

We
mixed our dough and put it in a big bowl with a damp towel over the top.  “It’s
got to rise now, so we’ve got a little bit of time.”

“Time
for
what
?”  I asked.

“I
could play you something on the piano.”

“Or?”

“Or
what
, babe?”  He smiled and brushed his thumb across my cheek.

“God,
are you seriously going to make me beg?”

“I
have every intention of making you beg,” he said, grinning.

I
huffed.  “Okay then, Vince, I’ll beg.  Will you
please
take me upstairs
so that I can have my way with you?”  I put my hand on my side and jutted out
my hip. 

“Hmm,
okay.  Come on.” 
Were we really going to do this?
  It had only been a
little over two weeks since we had made love, but there was a measurable
anticipation in the air between us.  I followed him up the stairs, straight
into my bedroom.

He
stood at the end of the bed and pulled his t-shirt off in one movement.  I
stood a few feet away.  I removed my camisole, both of us locked in a stare. 
He unbuttoned his pants and slowly dragged the zipper down.  I shimmied out of
my pink short bottoms.  I stood, naked, waiting for him to finish undressing. 
It was painful and deliberate.  I wanted him inside of me.

He
pulled off the last of his clothing, standing just outside of my reach.  “Tell
me something that you’ve never told anyone.”

“What?”
I asked. 
I thought we were going to
do
it!

“Tell
me something about yourself that no one knows.”

Oh,
God, we were sharing.
 
“Um… I’ve never been out of the U.S.”

“No,
baby, that’s not a secret.  Tell me something else.”  He moved closer.

I
paused.  “Ryan cheated on me.”

His
eyes went wide.  “What?”

“It
was a long time ago.”  I was standing there naked…
talking about this?

“Well,
like how
long
ago?  You guys were only together for five years, so it
couldn’t have been
that
long.”

“Three
years ago this past May.”  I took a deep breath and sat on the side of the
bed.  He sat next to me and put his hand on the small of my back.  I felt
embarrassed.  I wasn’t sure why.  No one knew what had happened with Ryan and
Lisa.  Not Carrie.  Not Lauren.  Not even Elsa.  Why did I have to ruin our
almost-sex moment?

“How
did you find out about it?”

“From
her.  She called me on the night of my 30
^th
birthday party.”  I
flinched, recalling the memory.

“Who?”

“Lisa. 
The girl.”  I stared straight ahead now, my voice dipping low.

He
shifted closer, his fingertips grazing my skin.  “Who was she?”

“Just
some girl from his office.  She was his intern.”  I laughed.  “Fucking typical,
right?  She was like 21 or something.  She thought she loved him, so I guess
she wanted to break up his marriage or whatever.  I don’t know.”  I went
silent.

“But
you forgave him?”

“Well,
not at first, but there was nowhere for me to go.”

“What
do you mean?”

“Well,
I didn’t tell anyone because I wasn’t sure if we would work it out… I didn’t
want anyone to judge me if we stayed together.  I already felt weak and I
didn’t need more shit, you know?  From my mom or my sister… anyone.  I just
wanted it to all go away.”

“Was
it like a full-blown
affair
or was it just a one-time kind of thing?”

We
really needed to put our clothes back on if this was how it was going to go.

“According
to him, it was one time.  According to her, they fucked all over the city for a
year.  Who knows and who cares?  I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Baby,”
he whispered.  “I’m so sorry.  I thought you guys were like this utopian
couple.  I didn’t know.”

“We
were.  Or maybe I
thought
we were.  I don’t know why he did that.  He
told me that he just got drunk or whatever and that he didn’t remember even
kissing her.  But she described all sorts of things… and she didn’t leave much
out.”  I paused.  “She
knew
about him.”  I looked down at my hands,
embarrassed.  “He had a birthmark.  Down
there
.  She described it.  She
told me that she wrapped her lips around it on the first day they met.  You
asked me before why we used condoms when I was on the pill? 
That’s
why,”
I admitted.  A few tears ran down my face.  “After that, I only slept with him
a handful of times before he died.”

He
took my hand and kneaded it softly in his.  “Fuck, Ray, I’m sorry.  I didn’t
mean to bring this up.  Let’s just get dressed and go take a walk or
something.”

“No…
can you just stay here with me?”  I met his eyes.  “Can we forget this and go
back to where we were?”

“We
can
… but do you
want
to?”

Not
really.
  I was
wiped.  “I don’t know.  I guess not.”  I wiped the tears from my eyes.  I had
already cried a thousand times over that one. 
No more.
  “Fuck… I’m
sorry,” I sniffled.

He
went to my closet and picked a few pieces of clothing for me.  A white cap
sleeve A-line dress with a color block short skirt in turquoise and dark gray
horizontal stripes.  It had a thin yellow belt.  He pulled out a light yellow
cardigan and asked me, “Does this go?”

“It’s
fine, thank you.”  I smiled weakly.

I
went to my underwear drawer and pulled out a white cotton t-shirt bra and
matching boy shorts, taking my time putting them on.

“God,
how is it that you can take a pair of regular white underwear and make me
fucking nuts?”  He was sitting back on the bed, still undressed, leaning on his
elbows.  He was watching me.

“Get
dressed.  Let’s go to Zest or something.  We can make the doughnuts later.”

He
stood and walked over to me, pulling my chin up to meet his eye.  “Hey.  I’m
sorry that happened to you.  I want you to know one thing.  I would
never
do that.  I waited for 35 years to find you.”

I
buried my head in his chest, letting a few tears fall.  “Will you get fucking
dressed, weirdo?  You’re all naked and freaking me out.”  I laughed lightly and
pushed on his stomach.

“I
will, but I’m not happy about it.”  He smiled.

“Well,
I promise you, I’ll undress you again later, okay?  You better at least let me
get to third base, Conti.”

“Oh,
I promise you’ll hit a home run.”

“Don’t
be gross.”  I smacked him on his naked behind and went to Ryan’s empty closet. 
“You can leave some of your stuff in here if you want.”

He
smiled.  “How about
all
of it?”

Vince
kept me occupied all day.  He was careful with me, apprehensive.  After
breakfast, we took a long walk on the Monon; he asked if he could hold my
hand.  We sat outside at the pub and had a pint.  He kept the conversation
light, telling me about work. 

Bob
was thinking about leaving; he wanted Vince to shadow him.  Vince was a studio
tech, but as the studio/booking manager, he could make quite a bit more money. 
He seemed nervous, but enthusiastic about the opportunity.

“We
could be set if I took that job.”

“What
do you mean?”  I studied him.  “We already do fine.”

“No,
I know, but this would mean that we could buy a place that you loved.  You
know, that we could grow in.”

I
swallowed hard, my throat tight.  “I like my house
now
.”

“I
like it too, Ray, but it’s small.”  He held my hand and toyed with my wedding
ring.  “Eventually, we might want to get a bigger place, you know?  I mean, not
some monstrosity in the suburbs or anything, but maybe something with an extra
bedroom or a finished basement.”

He
had been thinking about this.

“Okay,
I’ll consider it.”

He
smiled.  “Good.  The area that we live in now is practical, I think.  About
halfway from my work and yours.”

“I
said I’d think about it.  I don’t want to put my house up for sale right now. 
Besides, you’ve still got five months on your lease.”

“Are
you worried about Walter and Linda?” 

Where
did that come from?

“What
do you mean?”

“I
mean, what if we buy a house and move in together?  Eventually, you have to
tell them about it.  About
us
.”

I
hadn’t really thought much about that.
 
I was
now
.

“Um…
I don’t know.  I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“You
should talk to them.”

“Why?” 
I
really
didn’t want to talk to them again.

“Because
we’re
together
now.  I don’t want to wait until we’re a year in before
you tell them about us.  The longer you wait, the worse it’ll be.”  He squeezed
my hand.

“They
know
.”

“They
don’t know, Ray.”

“No,
I mean about Ryan.”  I paused.  “And Lisa.”

“I
thought you said
no one
knew.”

“No
one from
my
family or friends.  His mom knew because she was at the
party.  She heard me on the phone with Lisa.  I was crying after I hung up and
she asked me about it.  I didn’t want to tell her, but she kind of guessed.  It
was almost like she knew too.”

“Okay…
but, what does her knowing have to do with
us
?

“I
guess I just thought that she might understand, you know… a little more.”

He
leaned in.  “Babe, that was her
son
.  Regardless of what he did, she
probably won’t understand this right away.  Give her time.  Eventually, she’ll see
that you’re happy again and she will be too.”

“I
am, you know… happy.”  I smiled at him.

“I
know.”  He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.  “I am too.  Now, let’s go
home.  I’ve got a little buzz on and I want to take full advantage of you.”

*

His
place was closer than mine, so we ended up there.  He was cautious not to rush
me.  “Do you want anything to drink?”

I
walked up behind him at the refrigerator, wrapping my arms around his waist. 
“No.  I want you to take me into that bedroom and let
me
take advantage
of
you
.”

He
turned to face me.  “You’re
sure
?”

“Yes.” 
I felt like my body was convulsing with need.  I had thought about him every
minute since we had been apart.

He
took my hand and guided me into his room. 

“You
painted!”  The once-white room was now a dark matte gray, the shade we picked
together.  It looked incredible.  “It’s so nice.”

“I
had a lot of time on my hands these last few weeks.”

I
flinched.  “Oh.”

“It’s
fine, babe.  Everything is good now.  We’re back together.  The sun is shining
and all that.  So, let’s just forget those weeks.”  He kissed me lightly. 
“They never happened.”

I
jumped on the bed.  He had a new duvet cover and shams as well.  They were
cream with orange and ash colored birds on them.  “This is pretty.  It’s new
too, right?”

He
took off his shoes and climbed into bed next to me.  “I got it for you.  I know
how you like the bird stuff.”

My
heart skipped a beat. 
Oh, I fucking loved him.
  “Well, it’s lovely. 
And
you’re
lovely.”

He
leaned in and brushed a piece of hair from my face.  “No,
you’re
lovely.”  He pressed his lips to my cheek.  “Like so fucking beautiful, I can’t
stand it.”

I
looked away.  My cheeks flushed. 

“What’s
the matter?”

“Nothing,
just embarrassed.  It’s stupid.”

He
rubbed my shoulder.  “Embarrassed because I said you were beautiful?”

I
shrugged.  “I guess.”

“Well,
you better get used to it.  I’m going to tell you every day for the rest of our
lives.”

Yes,
I’ll marry you.

I
got up from the bed and pulled back the comforter on my side.  “Get up.  Help
me.”

He
pulled his side and we got in under the sheets.  They matched the duvet. 
So
cute.
  “Are we taking a nap?”  He smiled.

“Hardly.” 

I
rolled to the middle and faced him, moving as close as I could, wrapping my
right arm around his waist.  I pulled on the hem of his shirt and tugged at
it.  “You know, we could have gotten undressed
before
we got under
here.”

“Don’t
sass me.  Undressing you is half the fun.”

He
sat up and lifted his shirt over his head.  “There.  I’m helping.”  He lay back
down and turned towards me again, studying my face.  He brushed his fingers across
my bottom lip.  “You’ve got so many clothes on.”

I
pulled his thumb into my mouth, biting on the tip, lightly running my tongue
over it.  “It’s
one
dress, Vince.  And… it doesn’t even have a zipper.”

He
dragged at his thumb, replacing it with his lips.  He kissed me hard, sucking
my bottom lip into his mouth.  “I love you so much, Ray.”

I
pulled him closer, digging my fingers into his backside.  His hands fumbled
with the belt on my dress, eventually successful.  He tugged at it until it
came free from the tiny loops and tossed it on the floor.  He jerked at the
material, stretching it. 
This was difficult lying down!
 “Help me, babe.”

I
sat up and gathered the bunched cotton, hefting and sending it to the floor
with my belt.

“Finally,”
he laughed. 

I
rolled on top of him and straddled his thighs with mine.  I could feel his
excitement increasing with every movement.  He pulled me close and kissed me
softly, his fingers working the clasp of my bra, pulling it down and off.  He
sat up and buried his head into my neck, running his tongue across my throat. 
One
piece left to go!

I
shifted on the bed, pushing him back down.  Kneeling between his legs, I unbuttoned
his jeans.  Taking my time, I removed them, along with his underwear.  I tossed
them onto the pile.  He closed his eyes, pushing his head firmly into the
pillow, breathing sharply.  I lowered my lips to the blue ink on his waist,
dragging my tongue across it several times.  He placed his hand on the nape of
my neck, gripping my hair. 

“Oh,
God,” he growled.

I
lifted my head.  “Put your hands on my hips,” I instructed.  He splayed his
hands at my side.  “Take these off.”  I motioned to my underwear.

He
sat up and pulled me into his lap, my legs sprawled out to his sides.  He
licked along my jaw and placed his right hand into my underwear, pushing
inside. 
Oh!

“You
ready for me?”  We stared at each other.

“Yes,”
I breathed.

“I
can tell.”  He pulled out and flipped me over on to my stomach in one
movement.  His hands curled into the sides of my underwear and drew them down
my legs.  He nudged between my knees, opening them further. 
Oh, God.
 
His hand traced along my backside, massaging there. 
Please move up, please
move up.
 
He did
not
need to see my cellulite up close.  
He
leaned over my back and whispered in my ear, “I’m the luckiest man on the
planet.  Every day, I get to come home to you.”  He brushed his tongue against
my lobe.  “I get to touch you… taste you… make love to you.  You get to be
mine.”

He
rolled me back over and gently positioned me back under the sheets, my head
propped on one of the pillows.  He lay on top of me, his face inches from
mine.  Placing his hands on the sides of my head, he leaned in and kissed me. 
“I love you, Ray.”

I
pressed my hand to the side of his neck, a tear slipping from my eye. 
What
was happening to me?  Was I in some kind of fucking Lifetime movie?  Get it
together, Stephens!

Was
I going to
cry
?  Like start fucking
crying
?  I could feel the
waterworks coming.
 Mother… fucker!
  I started to choke and tried to
mask it with a cough instead. 
Right in his face.

“Are
you okay?”  He laughed.

“Yeah,”
I sniffled, “besides being a fucking idiot.”

He
kissed along my eyelids, my cheeks, the sides of my lips.  “Well, I like when
you’re a fucking idiot.  You’re adorable.”  He kissed my neck.  “And sexy.”

“Uh
huh.  It’s super-hot to cry before sex.  I know most guys really love to stick
it to an emotional wreck.”

He
kissed across my breasts, biting lightly.  “You’re lucky I’m not like most
guys.”

He
lifted his face, pressing his lips to mine.  It was soft at first, the pressure
building.   He pulled back, positioning himself between my legs.  He pushed
inside slowly, watching me.  I turned my head a fraction, flustered.  “No, Ray,
look at me.  I want to see you.  I want you to forget about all of the complications
and other shit going on.  You love me, right?”

I
nodded.

“Okay,
then
tell
me.”

Oh,
God, he was right.
 
I didn’t tell him nearly enough.  He told me
all
of the time.  He just
wanted
something
back.

“I
love you, Vince.”

He
moved his hips more rapidly, accelerating the pace between us.  He held my face
and crushed his lips to mine.  His kisses were wet and deliberate.  He was
taking his time, unhurried.  He studied me, kissed me, ran his hands along my
waist, up my back.  All the while, he never broke eye contact.  It was
disconcerting.