7 Degrees of Alpha (a collection of seven new BWWM, Alpha Male Romances) (45 page)

-Jaxon-

Knock!

              Knock!

              Knock!

              “Housekeeping.”

              “Come in,” I call out from the closet where I was hanging my clothes.

That’s right, I plan on staying in this room for the next few days, or however long it will take for Ashley to see that I’m not going anywhere. I hired a few ranch hands to look after the ranch while I’m gone.

              “Good morning, my name is Ashley, and I’ll be your house—” She drops a booklet on the floor upon me emerging from inside of the closet.

              “Ashley,” I say, taking in the refreshing beauty that looks ten times better today than she did three days ago.

              Her cautious eyes meet mine. “You’re my guest today?” she asks hesitantly.

              “Yes, I am. For the rest of week, in fact.”

              “Why?”

              “You know why,” I say, moving closer to her. As I stand before her, I notice her body trembling. “Do you know what you’ve been doing to me?” 

              She shakes her head as if she’s unable to speak.

              “Let me give you a glimpse into my world.” I push her into the wall before capturing her lips.

              She raises her hands and palms to my chest, but not for long before I wrap my fingers around her hands and lift them up above her head as I deepen the kiss. She moans against my lips as her soft body meets my hardness.

              Breaking away from her lips, I look down at her and huskily tell her, “Now you have an idea of just what I’ve been going through.”

              I pull away from her, leaving her body to recover from the tingling feeling the kiss had brought on. I want her. I want her bad... But I must be patient.

              I turn back to look at her. “Have a seat.”

              She remains still, as if unsure if she should dare move.

              “Don’t worry; I’ll keep my hands to myself…for now.”

              I lean back into the tufted chair across from the bed and watch her closely as she takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

              “After nine months of being apart, I thought that I had better control over my feelings. Apparently, I don’t. The truth is, I never stopped loving you. I never stopped wanting to be with you.” I pause, allowing my statement to sink in.  “Now that you know where I stand, I need you to tell me why you’re here.”

              Ashley takes a deep breath before saying, “I had to leave Brooklyn.”

              “Why?” I ask, feeling my patience eating away at me. It's not like I’m growing impatient because of her. It is this anger that’s sitting on my chest, provoking me in ways that I thought I could control. But, hearing Ashley talk about being forced to leave Brooklyn seems to be the ultimate trigger that takes me ten steps back.

              “Who is he?”

              “How’d you—”

              “Just tell me who the fuck he is.”

              “No.”

              “No?” I question.

              “Fuck no. I’m not telling you anything about my past until I’m comfortable.”

              “Do not fuck with me, Ashley,” I warn as I glower furiously at her. “Don’t protect this motherfucker.”

              Her silence provokes me as I stand to my feet. I curl my fists at my sides and crack my neck. This man had obviously put his hands on her. “Is he the reason why you’re not in school anymore? Did he intentionally damage your ankle?”

              She continues to remain silent, which causes me to be even angrier.

“Damn it, Ashley, who is he?” I ask, rage seething throughout my entire body.

Ashley, now standing, pleads, “I need you to calm down. I can’t speak to you when you’re like this.”

I scowl at her, unintentionally, but do it nonetheless. “Give me his fucking name.”

“No. I’ll tell you anything but that. Whatever happened to me in the past is over. I promise.”

“I could give a fuck if it is over or not. This coward touched you. When I find out who he is, he’s a fucking dead man,” I forewarn. 

“You want to know the real reason why I came to Madison?” Ashley asks softly, tearing me away from my demented thoughts. She takes my silence as a cue to continue. “The truth is, I needed to remember the last time when I felt safe. You were the only family that I had left. But…”

“But what?”

“I did not expect to be in love with you still.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“Yes. I don’t want to be attached to anyone ever again,” she reveals.

“Ashley, I’m not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever. These past nine months have taught me a lot about you, our relationship, and myself. We were able to stand the test of time. Just give us a chance.”

She pauses as if needing a moment to take apart my statement. Her brown eyes capture mine again before saying, “If I do, you cannot question me about my past.”

“I can’t promise that,” I say truthfully.

“Then I can’t do this,” she says immediately after.

I lean back into the chair and rub my chin. Minutes that felt like hours pass before I say, “For now, I’ll respect your wishes.”

-Ashley-

1 month later

              “You barely touched your food. Is something wrong with it?” Jaxon looks up from his plate.

“No, it’s fine. I just don’t have much of an appetite,” I admit.

Tonight’s meal looks absolutely mouthwatering; from the honey-baked chicken to the collard greens, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. When Jaxon had called earlier stating that he was making dinner, I was ecstatic. But my mood soon took a change down a loophole during my last hour on my shift.

While shifting the curtains, I caught sight of a familiar face that was coming out of Kisses At The Pub. As I push the curtains away to get a clearer view, my suspicions were confirmed.

How the hell did he find me?

I back away from the window, slowly, suddenly feeling ill.

Now, as I sit here, facing Jaxon, the man whom I am rebuilding my life with, I can’t help but feel saddened by the thought of walking away from him. This time, there were no dreams standing in the way, just a person from my past who somehow found me; AJ Steiner...

The past month has been filled with laughter, love, and healing; at least, it was all of that for me when I finally let my guard down. Though I’m still afraid of my feelings for Jaxon, he was making it easier for me to accept them. Last night, I finally responded back to him when he said, “I love you.” We had made love, and Jaxon, like every other night, insisted that I spend the night with him. It was starting to become more apparent that I spent more time at his house than I did in my own apartment. But Jaxon would not have it any other way. The more time that we spent with each other, the more I forgot about the nine months that we spent apart. Yet, now, just as soon as I work up the nerve to express how I truly feel about him, we are coming to an end.

Jaxon takes a sip of his beer, and ask, “You want to talk about it?”

“No. Not really,” I say.

He gives me a hard stare. “Have you given thought to what we spoke about?”

“School?”

“Yeah. You can enroll this fall as a full-time student.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to attend this fall.”

His questioning eyes search my face as if looking for my reasons. “If it’s a money thing, Ashley, I already told you to move in with me. You spend your nights here anyway. If you want to keep your job still, then that’s up to you. Either way, I’ll support you no matter what.”

I believe you
, I almost say aloud, but decide against it. “I can’t go to school.”

“Why not?”

              I bring my voice to a silent whisper. “Because I’m leaving.”

“Leaving?” he asks as he drops his fork onto his plate.

“Yeah, I have to leave Georgia. It’s not what I expected it to be. I’m going to try my luck with California or maybe Nevada. I could probably pick up some gigs as a backup dancer.”

“Ashley, do you hear yourself? When did you decide this?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time now,” I lie, trying to hold back the tears that are starting to sting my eyes. 

“After all this time that we’ve spent together, us making love, you telling me how you feel—you’re still are thinking about leaving?”

“I never stopped. I’ve been thinking about it since arriving here,” I say as my heart breaks into a million pieces. “Besides, it was never my plan to stay.”

His eyes become narrow slits, almost like bullets ready to shoot me down with one glare. “Oh really? Because each time I slid into you, you moaned out that you were mine forever. Yet, you had thoughts of fucking leaving me?”

“I was caught up in the moment. Besides, this is the best decision for me. I don’t have any reason to stay in Georgia.”

“I’m your reason to stay in Georgia.”

The room becomes unbearably silent; so silent that I can hear my own heartbeat.

“You can’t leave.” He pushes the dishes to the floor and flips the table. I jump up, completely taken off guard by the dishes and tables crashing on the floor. I inhale sharply as he leans over me, each hand caging me into my seat as his eyes bore into me. Gone were the blue rays that remind me of the sky, and now they are replaced with a cold silver stare. “I’m not going to let you just walk away from us or our future.” He pauses. “You said once that we were as close to being a real family than the families you lived with while in foster care. But the truth is, I always considered you to be my family. When I decided to commit to you, I was claiming you, not only as my life partner, but as my wife.”   

“You can’t make me stay,” I say, hating the fact that I was putting him through this. “I’ve made my decision, and I’m sticking to it.”

“So all that talk about you loving me was all a lie?

I nod my head, unable to utter the words.

              His nostrils flare up, reminding me of a bull that’s just seen red. He nods his head and then releases a cynical laugh. I look up at him, confusion written all over my face. But, when he stops, fear replaces the confusion.

His eyes drop to my quivering lips. For a moment, it appears as if he is going through a mental struggle. Before I could gasp, his lips come crashing down to mine, murdering every hateful thing that I just said to him with a tender kiss. He lifts me from my seat, cradling my body in his arms before my back meets a hard surface. I look up at him; the fight is still brewing in his eyes, but he’s so in the moment.

I reach for him, but he pushes my hands away, pinning them over my head as he uses his other hand to lift my sundress around my waist. His fingers lock with my thong string before ripping with one quick tug.

“Jax,” I moan.

“Shh,” he whispers against my lips.

He tugs at his belt and then his pants button. I close my eyes, feeling my sex quiver as my clit ripens. He wraps the belt around my wrist and commands, “Keep your arms up.”

I listen, desperately needing to feel his thickness penetrate my walls. Jaxon leans back and lifts his shirt from over his head, revealing his rigid abs. “So, you’ve been lying to me, huh? I want to see how truthful your pussy will be.”

I lick my lips, soaking up the moment. This will be the last time that I’ll ever feel his hands all over me, his strong kisses sending goosebumps all over my skin, and his cock commanding me to take all of him.

I exhale, breathing out his name the moment he pushes himself into me. He strokes my insides immediately, leaving me no room to savor the moment. His fingers press against my thighs, keeping them spread wide apart in order for me to catch everything. And I love every moment of it. “Jax.”

“Fuck you,” he growls as he snakes his hand behind my neck. “Look at me!”

Listening to his command, I keep my eyes on him, locked in place as I witness the emotional toll that haunts his gaze. My muscles tighten, feeling the surge of an orgasm so intense; one that I’m almost too scared to feel.

“Fuck! Oh, fuck! Jax! Jax! Oh, fuck!”

He continues to pound into me. His lips tighten before he throws his head back and groans, “ASHLEY!”

I tremble, unable to explain the orgasm that sends intense currents all over my body. He looks down at me; his eyes full of hurt and despair as he unwraps the belt from around my wrist.

Baby, if only you knew.
It’s not like I could tell him the truth, though.

He looks away and slides himself out of me. I shut my eyes, unable to watch him any further, but I feel when he’s gone. The warmth that radiates from his body is gone as I lay shrivel and cold.

The door slams behind him, making his departure undoubtedly clear.

It is only then when I allow my tears to roam freely and let vicious sobs escape me. If only he knew that I was leaving just to protect him
.