8 Mile & Rion (22 page)

Let’s face it, I can picture whatever future I want but that doesn’t mean that it’s the future Loyal sees. It’s the future I
want
him to see. You can’t make someone love you back. No more than you can drop everything and take a shot on the guy who says he’s loved you always. The love I feel for Rio was familial to me now. I wasn’t a kid anymore and a kiss doesn’t change that. The love I feel for Loyal was embedded deep under my skin, but I can’t project it onto him and think I can love enough for the both of us forever.

The fact is, Loyal was going to break my heart and Rio wanted a shot at it. I wasn’t prepared to lose Rio over a man who didn’t love me. I wasn’t prepared to lose Loyal over a man who should have a degree in pillow talk either. Part of me wondered if Rio just wanted to see if I would choose him because until Loyal, no man was worth my heart and the risk to our friendship. If only he understood that it wasn’t a competition, that I had room for both. Love isn’t a game where the winner gets a medal, at least to me it wasn’t.

Losing Senior was enough. I couldn’t afford to lose anymore right now. Therefore, I chose neither. There’s the long shot then there’s just bad betting. I can’t afford to bet on either one of them when a loss this big is at stake.

Don’t forget there was also the matter of my being ‘gifted’ to someone hanging over my head too. Throwing in the towel, I hit the steps making a left at the garage, fire up the Taurus in favor of forgetting all of it. Fifteen minutes later I’m opening the door and it’s the smell that gets me first followed by years of memories that this time I embraced. I loved this place and I loved him for bringing me here. Even if I was his designated driver, my dad had some rowdy friends to say the least and they loved me.

Right now, I needed to feel loved because of who I was.

“There she is!” he says, surrounding me in a bear hug. “How’s my girl?”

“Hey Old Man,” I whisper through tears. “How are you?”

“Missing Senior something fierce, girl. Something fierce. Missed you too, Junior. You come here to forget for a while?”

“Yes sir,” I laugh, taking his hand as he leads me to the back of the bar.

“Look who showed up fellas! Come see Junior!” For several minutes I was hugged, kissed and passed on to the next man in line all the while I had a genuine smile on my face. Sitting me down, for hours I’m regaled of stories of my dad back in the day. Adding a few of my own with the guys keeping me company, I throw back shot after shot when suddenly the stories didn’t make me laugh anymore. Instead, they made me very fucking angry.

If my life was a betting pool, I was seriously losing.

Grief sucked.

‘Look back, and smile on perils past.’

~Walter Scott

She wasn’t in her office, her apartment or Senior’s. Her car wasn’t in the garage and she wasn’t answering her phone. Pacing the halls with worry for her, plus the adrenaline from the shit with Rio, I was seconds away from losing it. Figuring the best place to be was her place in case she came back, I went in and paced there instead.

An hour later, still no Rion. Scared out of my mind I dialed his number. Rion didn’t have habits like yoga or hair appointments. She didn’t keep a schedule which meant not only was I in an unfamiliar city, I had no clue where to start looking. Rio answered of course, and I put a lid on my temper because her safety was more important than our pissing contest.

“She’s not here.”

“Then she’s at My Dad’s Place,” he says right away.

“Where does he live?”

“I knew I shouldn’t have answered,” he says in an annoyed tone.

“Where’s your dad’s place Rio? This ain’t the time to fuck around with someone gunning for her.”

“It’s a bar not a residence, you fucking tourist.”

“How do you know she’s there?”

“It’s her and Senior’s place. If she went anywhere, it’s there.”

“I---”

“Loyal,” he says lowering his voice, “I ain’t helping you again.”

“You won’t have to.”

“Game on then?”

“Fuck you,” I growl, then disconnect. Reaching into the drawer, I fish around then when I come up empty I beat my fists against the counter. She took the car and had I been thinking straight I’d have known that and called a cab. Dialing again, he picks up on the first ring.

“I’m out front you fucking idiot,” he says, disconnecting me. Clearing the building, sure as shit Rio was out front like he said he’d be.

“Your truck, your gas,” I tell him when he floors it.

“From where I’m sitting, you’re the fucking idiot.”

Several minutes later he pulls into the lot, parks but doesn’t get out. “You ain’t racing me to the door?”

“I’m the last guy she wants to see right now,” he says, putting it in gear. “Plus you’ll fuck up again. When you do, I’ll come in and save the day, it’s what I do. You be you and things will work out just fine for me.”

Then he peels off leaving me half pissed but half impressed with his strategy. He’s still gonna lose, though. Forgetting about him, I open the door and then just stop. This wasn’t like the bars back home, that’s for sure. It looks one way outside but another inside. Seeking her out, I hear her before I see her, but before I make my presence known, I stay behind her and her group content to watch her laugh for a while. For a solid hour, she listened to these guys tell her stories about her dad she’s probably heard a thousand times, but you’d never know it. Her smile was pure love.

Several more rounds of shots later, she’s telling them her
remember the time
stories and their eyes never left her face. You meet someone and they tell you things about themselves and you think you got an idea of who they are. Not with her, she’s always changing the way I see her and I couldn’t pick anything bad out about her if I had to. Rion is a simple woman like Rio said. She’s content to talk and laugh expecting nothing in return. She doesn’t need shit except your attention. Her stories, though, man I wish I knew her then. Had I had a chance to know her when I was younger I wouldn’t be such a fucking mess now. The shit she used to get into guarantees whoever was with her was having a fucking good time and I wish I had that with her too.

Hell, listening to her arrest record alone was worth standing here. Man, she kept Senior on his toes and I felt a little sorry for the guy. As her stories wound down you could see her buzz creep in. Not too long after that while the guys started telling stories again, she stopped smiling.

Right then and there she shut down.

She’d had enough.

She needed a rescue.

She needed me.

‘Abused patience turns to fury.’

~ Thomas Fuller

Staring at my phone, I debated sending Loyal a text. Having no idea what it would say or how I’d be able to manage it given how lit I was, I left it alone. Sinking down in my chair, I completely tuned out the stories that were a stark reminder of what I had lost. Not only did I lose my dad, I was losing Rio and Loyal too.

At that moment though, it was Loyal I needed. Even with all of his issues, I just wanted to touch him. For him to tell me that even though I wasn’t okay now, one day I would be. More than anything I wanted him to let me in, accept my loving him and at least be open to loving me back. Deep in my heart I knew we could heal each other, it wouldn’t be easy and maybe it wasn’t supposed to be. I just wanted the chance to try, I wanted to be his safe haven.

When I feel strong hands on my shoulders, I lean my head back and when I look up, Loyal leans down kissing me softly on my nose. “Excuse me gentleman,” he says helping me stand, “I need to be getting my woman home now.”

With wide eyes they each look from him back to me then back to him again. “Woman?” asks Old Man. “Junior you got a man?”

“Name’s Loyal,” he says before I can get a word out. “Thanks for keeping an eye on her for me.”

“What branch you serve in son?” he asks for the group who all look interested in him.

“Marines, sir,” he says and one by one they fire off their branch, unit, wars fought and years served. Saluting them and pulling me to his side, he wraps both arms around me and gives our final goodbye. “Pleasure meeting you all; be seeing you real soon, I hope.”

Leading me out by the hand, I take one last look behind me and see each of them looking at Loyal with honest to god admiration. Loyal was just extremely nice to strangers and I didn’t know what in the fuck to do about that. “Keys,” he says holding his hand out. Digging in my bag I drop them in his palm to walk away. “Look at me,” he says, pulling me back again. “Rion I asked you to look at me.”

“You had no right,” I whisper, trying to pull away.

“No right to what?”

Once he’s in, I close my eyes and turn my head. “To tell them I was your woman,” I tell him. “I’m not, and now I can never go back and face them.”

“Bullshit,” he says starting the car.

“Bullshit?” I counter totally confused.

“You heard me. You are my woman and you can go back whenever you want. As long as I’m with you, plus I gotta hear some more stories about you.”

Speechless, I open and close my mouth like a fish without water. Him showing here, declaring me his and being nice was turning me inside out. Plus, Loyal was being chatty and it didn’t take long before he hit a nerve and all hell broke loose.

“Running off because you’re pissed don’t solve shit,” he says taking a right turn, ignoring my mood. “You got something to say, you fucking say it. You wanna talk about your dad, talk. If I did some shit I shouldn’t have, call me on it. That’s how love works.”

Biting the inside of my cheek instead of jerking the steering wheel hoping he hits a fire hydrant seemed the responsible route, but barely. Pulling into the garage I fly out of my seat, slamming the door behind me. The moment I make a play for the door, he’s there blocking me. “Enough with the games,” he growls. “Say what I did and let’s move the fuck on.”

Squaring off I can feel my lip quivering which is never good. No, I wasn’t going to cry. I was about to go full on female. “To know how love works, you would have to know what love means,” I semi yell because the garage is small and echoes. “The only one in love here is
me
. You just reap the benefits of it. Stop using my feelings against me. Better yet, just stop using me!”

Pushing past him I use my hands and feet to climb the two flights of stairs. When I get to the door but have no keys, I sink to the floor to wait for him to open it for me. Standing over me he unlocks the door and rips me apart at the same time. “I know about Rio,” he says with attitude I don’t deserve. “He told me everything.”

Brushing my ass off, I shoulder past him giving him my own two cents. “That’s good. Besties should tell each other everything,” I whisper. “Now you’ve known about it as long as I have.”

“You have to choose, Rion.”

“No Loyal,” I tell him firmly. “I don’t.”

“You don’t get to play me!” he yells then advances on me. “You said you love me!”

“You said you didn’t love me!” I scream pushing him away when he tries to hold me in place.

“I never said anything!”

“That’s the fucking point!”

“You love him, Rion? Is that it?” he asks, releasing me and backing up. “You tell me you love him, that he wins, I’ll go. I just need you to say it.”

“It’s not a competition,” I whisper. “I can’t see a winner when either way I lose.”

“Fucking selfish,” he growls heading for the door.

“Am I?” I ask, stopping him. “Are you sure about that? Was I selfish when I offered you a home, or was it a job or maybe was it my body? Pretty sure my benefits package was top notch! Oh wait, now I remember, it was when I told you I loved you and instead of saying it back, you crushed me.”

“I crushed you?” he growls. “’Cause I don’t just fall in love like you do? You gonna pick him because he said the fucking words? That’s what you need? The god damned words? I see a fucking therapist for you!”

The tears come and I can’t stop them. “What I needed was you to confide in me, not Rio, me. You won’t let me help--”