A Breath Until Forever (20 page)

But there was still so much to understand about him. He had depth. He was complex in so many ways. He never ceased to surprise her, even now as they danced which was so multidimensional in form. He was a special kind of man, a different breed that was so against the laws of reality. He had a long range of special talents, which were grandiose and resplendent. He was free thinker. He thought for himself. He was a hippie of sorts. A man who possessed a core belief set with his value of love being his inner core to move him prominently. He was sensitive, and had the sub-culture of courage. And even though they had not had sex yet, he was a great lover, replacing sex with the science of bravery and inner strength. Meredith had always wanted a man with this kind of depth. A man who was spiritually aware and intelligent, all the while someone who had lots of heart. And that is exactly who Joshua Aspen was.

Benjamin, on the other hand, was a measurement of control; who had a financial plan and stuck to rules and regulations. Benjamin was all against of being free, and submitted himself to the laws of harshness and rigidity. It was something that Meredith had adamantly been against, but served none of the less to keep the peace between them, civilized harmoniously. Benjamin didn't think for himself, and retained the core belief system of greed, which raised him to rise among society, yet placed him in a minimized level within his marriage with Meredith. It was something that Meredith hated so much, but put up with for the respect of her marriage, and for her love of Daniel.

With their cheeks pressed so closely against one another, their lips burning for the warmth and fire of one another, they were about to kiss, when Meredith retreated, drawing in her head slightly, removing her cheek to no longer rest upon his. This was growing too intense for her, too fast, and too strong, and she couldn't allow him to kiss her. She just couldn't! For she knew if she allowed him to kiss her, she would lose himself to her forever.

“Are you sad that you might lose your ranch?” Meredith asked.

Joshua, who was disappointed that the kiss didn't manifest, replied back. “I know it's gonna happen, so it's something I've come to accept.” He said. “I keep hangin' on, but there is trouble here, it's one thing to keep it, but another thing to drown.” 

Joshua continued to dance with Meredith, who leaned into him more, now listening to the beating of his heart. His heart was strong and steady. “I'm mostly keeping it, in memory to my parents.” He said. “The ranch meant so much for them. They had hoped I was going to be this glorified award winning bull rider, but that didn't happen after I broke my leg in Austin.”

For a brief moment, Meredith wondered what damage would have been done if she had allowed herself to kiss him. There was a war between them, between love and the right thing to do, and it kept assaulting them, kept keeping them apart. She wanted so desperately to submit at least one time, but she had kept it under control, but feeling herself become more submissive and weak with each and every moment, with each and every move, and each and every step and each and every breath that they took. How long could she keep fighting back? He was the enemy, the unknown, the mysterious future that lied ahead. If she submitted to himself now, who was to say what would happen next? She knew if she didn't give more, she knew her future would sustain the same livelihood as before driving out here to North Carolina. And that was a future that she was most familiar with. It was a future of comfort, of security, of something safe. Why stay in a desert of uncertainty when she could live luxury in a familiar haven?

“It's probably time to get used to the idea.” He said. Sadness filled his eyes. “Hell, I admit, I'm trying to, but it's time to wake up and get out of here before I destroy this ranch.” Meredith looked up. Meredith saw a single tear develop in the inner corner of his right eye and she couldn't help but feel bad for him. Here was a man, young, strong, talented, intelligent, and he was fighting for what he believed in so strongly, yet there was something that was holding him back from doing it, and that was the fear that he may fail.

Meredith and Joshua continued to dance. As they danced, they moved closer into each other, the warmth of each other's bodies roasting into a wildfire of lust and infatuation. Joshua tightened his right hand, strengthening his grip into her left, feeling each finger wrap around his fingers in an intimate clasping embrace. They wanted so desperately to love each other more, to remove their clothes and submit their naked bodies to each other, but it was almost as if they were cursed since the first day that they met, and it was pure torture knowing that they could only get so close, but was unable to go the height that the both of them wanted so intimately to climb.

“Maybe it's my childhood that my heart is in this ranch so much.” Joshua continued. “I had such a good one. My parents were loving ones. Life was so good on the ranch. So simple.”

“But now it is not so good. I am often sad and alone.” He leaned in closer, and his voice dropped low, releasing into a whisper. “I want more. More out of life.”

His whisper surged tingled up her spine. She wondered what the more meant, and wondered if it wasn't meant directly for her, as if the more meant a woman in his life, a woman to love, worship and cherish. She laid her head on shoulder. Her eyes were wet with tears, but he never saw them.

Joshua felt so good pressed up so close against her. She wanted this dance to last forever. She was becoming a woman again of femininity, remitting to the way the air was shaped, the way the moment was being transpired, and she was leaning towards a place that was erotic and new.

The evening was humid and hot. Blazing, and sweaty. A storm was brewing in from the northwest, and was getting ready to explode the night. Thunder rolled in, and its grumbling noise synchronized with their beating hearts. Moths flew to the light, flickering their trapped wings. The electricity flickered. The moment escalated.

Meredith was falling for Joshua hopelessly intimately she moved her cheek away and looked up into his eyes. His eyes were the coolest blue that she had ever seen. His eyes penetrated through her like glass. She kissed him, and he kissed back, feeling the flow of the kiss last for eternity and wishing that time would never end. The kiss was a long steady flow of what their hearts had been yearning for.

They kept dancing as they kissed, her arms wrapping around his neck now, his left hand around her waist.  He continued to kiss her with the same magic of historical lovers, like Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Anthony, and stroked the side of her face as he did so, never letting his lips to release themselves from the craving of their lust.

They continued to kiss for what seemed like hours, but it was only minutes, the best minutes that both Joshua and Meredith had ever spent, and the world seemed to spin all around them.

When the time was right, they liberated their kiss, all the while sharing a gaze into each others eyes, feeling the magic, the spell, the alchemy that stirred a strong fire to burn brighter then the sun. They continued to hold one other, dance with one another, feeling their inhibitions escaping free. There was an eagerness to kiss again, to interlock lips and graze softly, and allow the special moment to be reenacted once more. The feeling of this overwhelming power embraced them strongly, and they kissed again, feeling the same heat, the same intensity, that the kiss had brought before. There was something so magical about the way that they kissed. It wasn't as if it was just lust manifesting itself into a physical behavior, but it was something much more elicit, mysterious, deep. It was as if their souls were coming together as one.

She had been strong enough to dare herself to have kissed him, but somehow in her mind, she wondered if she had disintegrated all the good old fashioned values that she had retained so meticulously out on the road. Sure, she had been tempted to kiss some good looking rogues out on the road, but none had ever come close to making her feel weak enough to go ahead and actually do it.

All of her emotions became sheer, and she began to cry a little, tiny little sobs uncontrollably being released from her innermost realms of her consciousness. 

“Are you okay beautiful?” Asked Joshua, retaining the same genuine kindness that he has always had. And it made Meredith cry a little more.

“Yeah, just a little emotional right now.” Answered Meredith.

The abstinence that she had retained for fifteen years while on the road had been fulfilled, but it had come to an end, when she had leaned into Joshua and had pressed a spellbinding kiss against his lips.  A collection of feeling guilty became perfectly clear in images of Benjamin and Daniel, razor sharp pictures of memories, that were as clear and real as they were when she had taken them with her mind. But Joshua was in the present now, and this was something that she must  concentrate on, and she must forego any guilt that she had felt, for now, so that she may go forward and enjoy the moment that she wanted to savor so desperately. It was a moment that she had dreamed for all of her life, even before Benjamin, and after Benjamin, and it had all manifested in this suspension of time, within a single kiss that was both brilliant and exciting.

The kiss had made her feel completely young again. She had accepted being older than him, and had not imagined him younger, however, there were times that she was aware of her age, as well as being aware of his, and it had made her feel dirty. But now, they were conceivably the same age in spirit, the same youth of vitality, of sensuality, of passionate fidelity, and they now were equals within the gravitational time clock of this sweet and endearing earth.

Joshua was here right now, in the moment, current with her, in the present. His shirt (wear)

Meredith pulled back from Joshua, where they stood in the kitchen, and she took his hand, and led him towards the living room, then towards the hall, then past the linen closet, then to his bedroom, where she released her leading hand, so that she may turn on the small porcelain lamp that sat on the night stand by the bed. The light instantly came on, but with a whimpering; shading all hiding corners of the room, yet lighting up all angles that felt so right. The moonlight intruded through the bedroom window, traveling its own light to intermingle with the lamp's light, and the room suddenly become a bursting energy of warm hues and transcontinental chromes.

Clothes came off, in a sequence of reversal of how they were first put on and dressed, until they were both fully naked in bed, lightly covered with the sweat of hot North Carolina summer. He held himself just above her, hovering and she felt his energy and the power of him through his near closeness of skin. It was an encounter that didn’t brush up against her, yet it was enough to penetrate into her soul. He lowered himself onto her, slowly until his chest was softly pressed against her naked breasts and he held it there for a moment so that he could engage in the bedroom lust that loomed in her eyes. Her eyes were the color the day when in its at its most beautiful her pupils softly dilated into wide circles of dark's twilight, then he collapsed into her all the while putting his manhood inside that place where there is soft love for a man. He courted her female lips, alternating fast quick thrusts, then easy slow glides as he kissed her lips gently sometimes giving her a little tongue then trailing his hunger down along the length of her slender, wanting neck, lapping at the sweat, tasting the salt that a hot temperature brings.

He was graceful with his lovemaking, and did nothing overly dominate but still gave her want she needed to make her feel complete. There were moments in which he helped out, by pushing up her hips in a bridge like pose and opening up that flower to give him that special gift of herself. They made love for a long time, yet as soon as one was about ready to orgasms, they would stop, hold it for that brief moment until their desires faded, and then would continue. It was more then sex for them. Being together and as one, was a more spiritual and it almost seemed more like a rite of passage. He gave her his full attention, and it paid it through the dues of being gentle and kind with his penetrations, yet robust and full of warmth and a pleasantness. He used this strength to his favor, and ?? It was much stronger. Much hotter then he had ever lovemaking known.

While making love, they engaged in light conversation. Sometimes it was a little dirty, but sometimes, it was very sweet and gentle. It was even almost kind, to a fault, considering their intimate embrace. “Joshua, I can feel you.” Meredith whispered, as he thrust and kept it in there, not pulling it out right away. “You feel so good. Like it's so right.”

Both felt such a pleasure with the lovemaking that there seem to be no other world, but them. Time slipped away and all that they knew what was, and all that they knew what presently existed, seemed to disappear among the world that no longer survived. They were living in their own dimension, their own fantasy world, that they had created in the love that existed between the two of them. It was so strong that it had created a whole other world to spin around in this galaxy. Since meeting Joshua, that hot summer day, she had always longed for him and held that anticipation not only between her thighs, but inside of her heart. To give herself away in the most deepest and most giving way a woman could give to a man she loved. She had never doubted, even from the beginning, that they would just have sex, but to have reached that place where sex was no longer a factor, but just a technicality where love was more dominate than any kind of human pleasure or desire, was something new and fresh, yet exciting for her. In this moment, Meredith belonged to Joshua and Joshua belong to Meredith and both had never had anyone before and none would have no body better after this, and they both knew this, and dove into each others treasures, giving each other gifts of pleasure.