A Breath Until Forever (8 page)

The evening was beginning to bathe the trails with the blackness of oil, and so Meredith and Joshua pushed down patches of thistle berries more steadfast now, hustling a little jog until they reached the all too familiar jaded edged sidewalk that led to Joshua's ranch house. They walked inside the foyer, not a moment too soon, when the moon was kidnapped by a sadistic cloud and the shadows of the night stalked the front porch with a dark creepiness. 

Joshua remembered the bottle of red wine he had picked up from the Italian market that day. “I have some red wine. Would you like some? Or would you prefer a cup of warm tea.”

“Neither.” Was her response, as she took off her sandals which were all dirty from walking in the earth for such a long hike. “I'm not really at all thirsty, even with that walk.”

“Oh no?”

“No.”

Meredith thought instantly that she was being impolite and Joshua was just being a good host, and so Meredith changed her mind, taking back what she had said.

“You know what? Actually I would love a cup of hot tea.”

Joshua instantly perked up.  “Perfect. I know just the kind.”

“Great!”

“I'll get the cups, if you want to get the tea.”

“Okay.”

She liked the fact that they could easily cooperate like this, collaborate like a couple should, and found it amusing that they could work together like a team better than her and her husband could after 15 years of marriage. She stretched up into the cupboard, and as she reached up high, the back of her white dress rose up, along with the lift and she exposed her butt cheeks. Joshua liked the view, and for a good minute or so, he was easily distracted, watching her soft ass shimmy lightly.

He sat down on an old kitchen chair that had unbalanced feet, and watched her from a short distance, as if she were being Burlesque, enjoying his view with a magnification of horniness and he felt a stiffness rise in his jeans. She nearly fell as she reached up more for the cup, but at the last minute was able to retrieve it, with charm and grace.

“You couldn't help me?” Teased Meredith as she climbed back down, then resting the cup on the cupboard to be filled up with hot steaming water and a tea bag. A soft smile escaped from her pretty little mouth. Her eyes glinted. She knew he had been watching but thought she would play dumb never the less.

“You looked like you could handle the job yourself.” He teased back, feeling the stiffness in his jeans softening up as he no longer had the nice view that he had been blessed with only minutes earlier.

She still had to retrieve the other cup. She went back into position, reaching higher then she ever had before, struggling to reach for yet another teacup. She looked behind her, noticing that her bum was sticking out her dress even more then ever, and that it looked like a cute little bubble of soft, but firm flesh. Joshua began to stiffen again.

He instantly fantasized about her. How her naked skin would feel against his skin. How deep his erection would go inside of her. How soft her skin would be as he would touch her lightly. How the curves of her body would meld into his square frame, and although not a harmonious match, knew would be a perfect fit in the throws of lovemaking.

Joshua tried to think of anything else that would keep his mind about how beautiful she was and he struggled against wanting to pick her up and throw her on the bed and make love to her. He failed miserably and wondered what it would be like to touch such soft, gentle skin and what it would feel like to place his hairy broad ridden chest against her flowery heaving breasts. He pushed these sinful thoughts back by taking a swift shot of whiskey. The alcohol burned savagely as it went down his throat. He breathed deeply. She was a married woman for Christ's sake. He couldn't. She had to have her cup
of tea, then leave.

She pulled down her dress to cover her backside back up. She had felt eyes on her and felt as they had been intrusive. Joshua poured himself another drink. He couldn't wait for tea. No tea in this world was going to be able to quench the thirst he had for Meredith. Whiskey would do the trick. Whiskey was always a willing prostitute who gave him pleasure no matter what time of the day. At least whiskey would take the edge off of his horny thoughts, enough to at least make him pay more attention to Meredith's intellectual appeal, instead of her hot ass.

Meredith lined the tea cups up on the counter, then put a teapot to boil on the stove. Although Meredith was the guest, Meredith felt like she was the host, and felt very comfortable inside Joshua's house as if it were her own.

Meredith then did the unfathomable as she waited. She went to the sink, and began to wash the dishes. Joshua sat there, drinking another shot of whiskey never feeling such emptiness as he did now. Meredith was such a great woman. She was a caregiver and beautiful too. She was the whole package. Smart, funny, pretty. It was sort of tragic how he felt, as he was so close to what he wanted, more then anything, but knew he couldn't have. He instantly felt sorry for himself. It was pitiful and it gave him a bad sense to know that even though he had to push away the woman that he wanted, he was still feeling tortured by all of the little things in which she did so well. Showing glimpses of her body, laughing at his odd sense of humor, sharing with him well read poetry, doing dishes, and making tea, all came together as a fantasy – a fantasy he had to leave for bed and wet dreams.

Some lyrics came to mind and they brought meaningful words. “For Your Love” by the YardBirds. “For your love, for your love, I'd give you everything and more, that's for sure...For your love, I'd bring you diamond rings and things right to your door.” If only Meredith hadn't been married, hadn't had a child, hadn't had all the responsibilities and expectations that she had, he would have done all of these things, and more, fulfilling all of her fancies, and giving her more love than she had ever received before in her whole entire life.

Meredith put a tea bag in a chipped cup. She swirled it around with some two spoonfuls of sugar and a spoonful of honey. She looked at her nails while stirring, priding at how perfectly manicured they were and how long the manicure had lasted, as she had visited Bella Spa before leaving. Just days before she had beautifully crafted her hard as a rock nails with a crimson red, a color in which she loved, but never wore in clothes. She did the same thing with the other cup of tea, and as she personally handed over the cup of tea, she looked at his nails, and how they were so different than hers, with snagged cuticles and yellowed nails with dirt trapped beneath them, and she knew that he never permitted much self care, as it was obvious in the neglect of his nails. A man never really took care of his nails, but a man who had pride in himself, a clean man, would at least trim them up and scrub the dirt out from underneath them. Something in which Joshua obviously did not ever do.

“Thank you.” Thanked Joshua, as he rushed the tea down his throat, even though it  burned his esophagus as it raced down. Meredith expressed a strange look, wondering about a man who drank his tea as fast as his whiskey, and wondered if he had any nerves left as he deep throated such lava like fluids that would cause internal physical damage for the average person. Meredith sat down across from him as to enjoy her tea, unlike the way that Joshua had enjoyed his.

Noticing that his shot of whiskey was gone, his shot glass empty now except for a small dewdrop of backwash, Meredith arranged the whiskey bottle so it was closer to Joshua, and within more reach.

“Better then tea, right?” Meredith stated. She took a sip of her tea. Joshua nodded his head in agreement.

Joshua poured just a little more in the glass, and then dealt himself another shot. The liquor ran down his throat like rocket fuel. He instantly reacted the pain through big eyes, and outstretched eyebrows.

She sat there, enjoying her tea, and wondering how many places he had seen. How many places he had gone too. Traveled to. Sailed to. She thought she had probably seen a lot more of the world then he ever had. By far, too many nice restaurants and local hot spots and touristy places and so many wonders of the world left secret, and kept hidden within this big open land. However perhaps maybe he had seen more then her. He had been out to Berkeley, which spanned across the United States, and along his journey there, maybe he stopped at places, and took a long road trip before jumping into medical school. Or perhaps when he was younger he traveled, and maybe he had seen Australia, a place she still had yet to honor her placement with. At the same time, she wondered how many woman he had been with. How many other woman he had spent the night with. Slept with. Giving his love and all of his manhood too. She tried hard not to think of it, but it kept popping back into her head, no matter how hard she tried to push it away. She instantly became jealous of the woman, even though she had no idea who they were or what they looked like or what kind of life they came from. How many times had he touched a woman with his soft tender touch? Kissed a woman with his lips? Practice love making in the middle of the night? In hot sweaty summers and cold winter isolated nights? How many woman he had gotten drunk with and shared a few shots of whiskey. Then tasting the alcohol on the exchange of their wandering tongues and meshing mouths. Rocking those boats while anchored in the harbor of Martha's Vineyard? The water slapping hard against the beach the port being pound by waves with a reckless endangerment.

Meredith finished her tea. The kitchen light was a little too bright and Meredith felt like all of her wrinkles were being exposed. Every wrinkle that chronicled her years of age, but also every memory of hardship and pain, and every tear that she cried. She saw herself in the reflection of a silver toaster and saw that her skin was starting to look a little dry again and aged. 'Too much sun on the road.' She said recklessly to herself, feeling instant pity for never putting on sun screen. She wanted to leave as soon as she saw herself. Go somewhere, and hide. But if she only knew that it was her wrinkles that really attracted him to her. The fine lines of life that he wished to earn over the course of his lifetime. Lines were prizes; rewards of getting the job done. They were the physical richness of going through hurtful years of pain and tears that made a person stronger – better. Wrinkles weren't something to be angry about, rather they were the celebrations of the human soul.

Meredith looked over to him. Ten shots in, he was wasting away. His eyes were glossy and ambiguously lustrous, and his very blue eyes, although still drawing her like a moth to a flame, were glazed over with a drunken laziness.

Meredith got up, poured herself another cup of tea, then went back down to sitting across the table from Joshua. She raised her teacup, and he mirrored her action, by raising his shot of whiskey to her ceramic cup. They lightly tinked.

She made a toast. “To enchanting nights like this, and the beauty of poetry.” For some reason she stopped breathing for a moment. She gasped for air. The moment had drawn her into an unbelievable magic, and it was within this spell, that had taken her breath away. He didn't repeat her toast, but he only lightly smiled and just looked at how beautiful she was. How amazing she looked. He admired all of her features, like her cute little button cut nose, her two soft dimples that appeared when she was happy, and her almond shaped eyes. And yes, even all of her wrinkles. However, while he had noticed and liked her wrinkles, he noticed how youthful she suddenly became, as they seemed to wondrously disappear within the surfacing of that wonderful smile of hers when she laughed. At a time of facial expression when wrinkles should be at their most prevalent, it was when she laughed that all of her age disappeared, and she was completely transported into the young, enthusiastically fresh spirit Meredith once was in her early 20's.

Meredith retired her teacup and joined Joshua in the drinking of whiskey. They drank, then drank some more, enjoying the hardcore spirits of whiskey flow freely throughout their bodies.  The neighbors sheep dog from a distance barked wildly, it's barking echoing throughout the meadows of Thunder Valley Ranch. A moth flew into the window screen of the back door, and it's fluttering wings became entrapped in the silver meshing. It was the first time in a long time that Meredith had felt unfiltered, and free from expectations. It was good to just sit there and drink, get wasted while saying nothing, and allowing all of the bad from the outside world just naturally fade out. Meredith finally had clarity.

It was hot and humid, and no breeze helped to cool off the formidable air. Joshua was perspiring faintly, his t shirt wet with faded sweat, a few of his chest hairs tangling over top of the ribbed neckline, slightly damp. He had taken off his western shirt earlier, as his body's radiator had been overheating the more that he drank. She was perspiring equally as much, and the white dress she wore was sodden with feminine sweat. Her bra underneath was insipid, and she felt it stick to her breasts with an uncomfortable cling. So she did what any other woman would have done when uncomfortable with stickiness, and insatiably hot. She reached into her dress, then took her bra off, feeling a new sense of freedom as she threw it up in the air. The sweaty bra landed on the toaster, and both her and Joshua, who were both very drunk with whiskey and an eroticism that both of them shared, laughed a little in the joy of it all.