A Changed Life (40 page)

How could I explain to Simon without causing him more pain, and making him feel guilty for not knowing I had been sick?

“Simon, I was telling you the truth when I believed what I was feeling was normal. At my last appointment with Dr. Jonas, we had discussed the possible risk about being pregnant, after sustaining the injuries that I had. I knew my insides were still healing, and suffering a miscarriage could be a possibility. I was encouraged to just take it day by day, and wait it out.”

“Nicolette, this is exactly what I am talking about. Don’t you think as your boyfriend, I had a right to know this information? Damn it, Nicolette! I had already accepted this baby as my own. I had a right to know, and I am completely confused by your actions.”

“I’m sorry, Simon.”

“Baby, I don’t want your fucking apologies. I want your trust! What more can I do or say for you to give that to me?”

Simon had left my side, and paced the room, leaning his head against the wall. If I wasn’t lying here in this bed, I would have run to him, and wrap my arms around him. He looked so lost, and it was completely my fault.

Simon declared his unconditional love, and his promise to help me raise this baby, had I chosen to keep it. It was an amazing and generous offer on his part. The fact remains that this innocent baby was created from an act of violence, and I didn’t feel elated about it, although I was sure I could not go through with an abortion, and didn’t know if I would be able to love and raise Michael’s baby. I was so conflicted with my love for Simon, and my hatred for Michael that I was forced into an impossible situation.

To put Simon at ease, I did tell him that I wasn’t experiencing the pain all the time, and I truly felt better when we were at the beach house. I begged him to believe me. If this baby was meant to be, than I would survive it. If not, then I would accept, and this would be one more thing I would have to move on from. The way Simon was looking at me was scaring the hell out of me. I couldn’t read what his face was saying, as he just remained quiet and shut down.

I used Simon’s words back at him, and begged him to talk to me.

“Simon, please don’t hide from me. Please talk to me, and tell me how you feel.”

“I don’t know, Nicolette.” Simon barely spoke above a whisper. He said I scared him more now at this moment than when he had to see me after Michael raped me. To witness me lying in my own blood almost made his heart stop. He didn’t know what to do or what was happening. To know that I may have prevented this, just angered and confused him even more.

I said sorry over and over again until he told me to stop. I was wondering in silence if this was Simon’s breaking point?
Would he leave me after this?
I was sickened by what was running through my mind. Before I could say another word to him, the girls along with Sam and Jameson came in to visit with me. Simon must have called them.

Everyone was speaking all at once, and I hadn’t noticed Simon slip out through the door. My heart stopped, and I knew that I had to face the possibility he had enough, and this could be the end for us.

I was led to a meeting room, where I usually meet with my father or lawyer. I already had meetings this morning with John, so I wondered who could be visiting me now. My hand was secured to the usual spot on the desk where I sat, and waited for my visitor to arrive.

The door opened and to my surprise, Simon Paulson was standing before me. “What the hell do you want?” I asked Simon, as he shot daggers at me from his cold eyes. He looked unhinged and frightening. I was handcuffed after all, and he could easily come at me. Simon sat down facing me with only the table separating us. “How did you manage to get in here?” I asked Simon. “I have my ways Michael, that’s all you need to know.”

“I’m guessing daddy pulled some strings?”

Simon just replied, “No different than what your father does for you.”

I can’t even explain what led me here today, but I found myself begging my father to help me after leaving Nicolette at the hospital. I felt like I was suffocating and couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out of there, so I slipped out when she wasn’t looking. I feel ashamed for my actions knowing they would probably hurt her. I can only hope she will forgive me.

“To answer your question Michael... I’m here because I needed to see the poor excuse for a human being, who stalked my girlfriend for months. You couldn’t accept her not wanting you. You did what only a coward would do. You brutally raped her, and left her broken, you son of a bitch. You robbed her of her innocence, and all the beauty she had within her soul. Your ugliness shattered her, and here you sit looking like you have no remorse for your actions.”

“I’m done here, Simon. Guard!” Michael called out.

“No one is coming for you, Michael. Shut the hell up”, I wasn’t done yet. “My Nicolette. Do you hear me Michael! MY GIRLFRIEND! She will carry the scars of what you did to her for the rest of her life. You ripped her insides apart causing permanent damage.”

“Not only does she carry the memories from your merciless rape, but she is now physically scarred by you. You accomplished what you set out to do. You got your revenge on me, and left a permanent mark on her. She’s all bled out Michael, we both are. Nicolette has nothing left, but the shell of a person she used to be. If I could, I would break every bone in your body. I would do it slowly as you scream for mercy like my girl did”.

“I would bleed you out the way Nicolette did when you raped her. One way or another St. Clair, you will pay for what you did to Nicolette. As long as I draw breath, I will make sure you pay.”

“You’ve had your say Paulson. I have sat here, and listened to every vile word that has come out of your mouth. Will you allow me to ask a question?”

“What could you possibly ask me, Michael? And what makes you think, I will tell you?”

“Nicolette, I want to know how she is.”

“Oh my god, do you think I’m lying? Are you that deluded Michael, to believe that she is fine, and has gone on with her life as if nothing happened?”

With all my rage, I tightened my fist and punched Michael as hard as I could, directly in his face. I hit him so hard; he flung backwards, falling off his chair while his arm was still handcuffed to the table. I leaned over him, as he wept like the coward he is.

“Don’t ever mention her name again, St. Clair. You will get what you deserve, but it won’t come from me. I won’t risk going to jail, and leave the girl I love behind just to spite you.”

Simon left me on the floor, and walked out. I shouted for the guard until he finally came in. I told him that I was just assaulted, and I wanted Simon arrested. The guard just picked me up, unlocked my cuff, and walked me back to my cell. I screamed at him. “Look at my face, he hit me.” The guard just laughed at me, and said he didn’t see anything. For all he knew, I tripped. “Fuck you, do you hear me? I’ll have your job for this.” The door slammed, and I was once again left alone in my cell.

I knew I pushed my luck by hitting Michael, but I just couldn’t take his smug face looking back at me. I thanked the cop who helped me get in to see Michael. He shook my hand, and handed me the video to the conference room that had me hitting Michael on it. The cop leaned into me, and asked me to deliver a message to my father. “Tell your father, we’re even now.” I nodded at him, and got out of there. I don’t know what my father did for this man, and it wasn’t my business to know. My father was a very influential lawyer, and guessing he has many unpaid debts out there. I was thankful I could use one of them.

It’s been a few hours since I left Nicolette, and I needed to get back to her, and hopefully make her understand why I needed some time to think.

I had quickly returned back to the beach house, and noticed the bathroom had been cleaned, erasing the scene that had taken place here early this morning. My mom had left a note for me. She had cleaned, and took care of it. I stretched my body across our bed, and inhaled Nicolette’s beautiful scent. Our perfect night was a mere memory. I screamed into my pillow, letting out my cries until my throat felt raw.

My pain was crippling me. How could I help Nicolette get through this? I didn’t have any answers, and I now knew that I needed help dealing with this, so that I can be strong for her.

I quickly took a shower, and made my way back to Nicolette. I was just about to enter her room, as Dr. Jonas was coming out. I asked how she was feeling. Dr. Jonas replied, “It’s been a rough afternoon. She’s been in some pain, but it’s normal due to the procedure and infection she has.”

Dr. Jonas looked very wise beyond her years. She put her hand to my shoulder, and told me that I am Nicolette’s best medicine. “She needs you more than you know.” And with that she walked away leaving me to take a few deep breaths before entering her room.

I slowly opened the door to see her sleeping soundly. Nicolette’s hair cascaded over her pillow, and her long lashes were fluttering between her breaths. Her cheeks looked rosy, and her lips crimson and desirable. She truly looked beautiful. I just wanted to hold her, and never let her go.

I ever so gently crawled in beside her, and I held her in my arms. I kept promising to love her forever, and asked her to forgive me for leaving her.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, I had the most gorgeous brown eyes staring back at me. Nicolette leaned into me, and kissed my lips, asking me how I was. How selfless of her to ask about me when I should have been the one asking her the same question.

“I’m so happy you came back to me, Simon. Please forgive me, and try to understand why I didn’t tell you that I was sick.” I stopped her apologies and kissed her lips, wanting to drop the subject and just hold her. Nicolette has been through more pain, and suffering that no one should have to endure. There was nothing to forgive. I had worked it all out before returning to her. All that mattered was getting her well. She never asked me where I went after I left, and I didn’t volunteer it either.

“Are you happy you’re finally going home, baby?” I asked Nicolette as she settled into her seat. “Yes, I am so relieved. I hate hospitals, and now more than ever before.”

“I spoke to your mom and dad before picking you up; they want you to come right home instead of the usual detour I always seem to take you on.” I laughed along with Simon. “We do tend to do that often, but I understand my parents wanting me home.” I don’t argue, and agree to their request.