A Changed Life (41 page)

I am greeted by Gracie as she leads me into the family room, where my parents are waiting for me with the prosecutor assigned to my case. William Jennings was a very serious man, even more so today. He asked me to have a seat, so we could talk. I could feel Simon’s grip tightening on my hand.

“Nicolette,” Mr. Jennings hung his head low. “There’s no easy way to say this, but as of this morning, Michael has been granted bail, and released to the custody of his father.” My mother gasped in shock, and my dad cursed under his breath. Simon clenched his fist, while the other hand remained a death grip on my thigh.

All eyes were on me waiting for my reaction to this news. I stood up, and paced the room now facing Mr. Jennings. “Is Michael under house arrest with a monitoring system, or he is truly free to go anywhere he pleases?” I asked him.

“Yes, Nicolette. He is wearing an ankle monitor.” I was wondering how much money Clayton had to pay for his son’s freedom.

“I guess that’s that,” I said as I made my way over to the bar, and poured myself some cool water.

“We won’t let him near you, Nicolette.” My father stood up, and made his way toward me. I turned, and looked at my father with a warning not to touch me. I was seething with anger and contempt for Michael. When would this nightmare end? I didn’t hold back my voice, and unleashed my wrath.

“Not one person in this room truly knows and understands Michael St. Clair. It has taken me months of analyzing every detail of my interactions with him to finally get what makes him tick. He needs control, total one-hundred-percent control, and when I rejected him, he lost what he craved the most. So many people have tried to convince me that he has goodness within him. Hey, I almost believed it at one time, but after how he raped me, it’s difficult for me to believe he has any good in him. His mother dying the way she did, and his father shutting him out, I’m sure damaged him on more levels that I can even say. It’s clear that he is not going to take any plea deals you offered to him. Mr. Jennings, how the hell is Michael going to pay for what he has done to me?”

Mr. Jennings simply replied. “We go to court, and fight him.”

I huff. “Yeah, but in a very public setting where everyone will know my identity, and I’ll be attacked all over again.”

“My office will try our best to have this trial contained, and closed off to the media. I believe Mr. St. Clair doesn’t want negative publicity either.”

I scoff. “I guess not with Grammy season around the corner, and the Oscars after that.”

“I’m sorry, Nicolette. My hands are tied.”

“Yeah? Mine were too, Mr. Jennings. When he was raping me!” I was disgusted, and I turned to leave the room.

“Nicolette, please wait and talk to us.” My mother called out to me.

“I can’t be here anymore mom. This doesn’t feel like home to me. Maybe it never was. Mr. Jennings, do I need to be directly involved for the preliminary hearings?”

“Well no, not exactly Nicolette.”

Now looking over at Simon, I knew what I was going to say next would devastate him. “Ok then, I’m leaving town for a while, as of tonight.” I turned away, and walked upstairs to my room so I could pack. I didn’t know if I would ever be returning to this house.

I was still in pain, and I was moving slower than I wanted to, surely this wasn’t good for my recovery. I needed to get out of here, and go somewhere I could feel safe. This home was not that place.

I took out a small bag from my closet, and only packing the essentials that I needed. I wasn’t sure how long I would be away for. My door opened, and Simon was standing there crest fallen, and totally lost.

“Are you running again, Nicolette?” Was all Simon said in a cold tone directed right at me, and through my heart? I ignored him, and kept packing my suitcase until he came over to me, picking it up, and throwing it across my room. I closed my eyes tightly, as I knew my actions were hurting him.

Simon closed in on me, grabbing both my arms, and locking them behind my back. “Please Nicolette, stay with me. I love you.” I couldn’t look at him. If I did, he would break my self-control, and I would surrender to him.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this, Simon.” He released his hold on me, and combed his fingers through his hair in vexation.

“Is there anything I can say to you that I haven’t already Nicolette?”

“No, there isn’t Simon. I’m sorry.”

“Yes, Nicolette, you keep saying that, but yet here you are, leaving me again. I am beginning to wonder if you ever loved me at all.” His voice cracked with his words, piercing my heart.

“You know that’s not true, Simon. How could you believe that I don’t love you?”

“I believe it Nicolette, because you won’t stay with me. Nicolette, you promised me no more running. We, as a couple, would face our problems together. Now faced with another obstacle in this cluster fuck with Michael, you decide to give up and leave me. I don’t understand this, Nicolette. What about your family and friends? What about me and our life together? I stood silent, and picked up my bag, and began packing again. I stood and watched the love of my life simply back her bag, as if it was nothing. Nicolette knows my feelings are true for her. After all she has been put through and I can’t be the one that forces her to stay. I now know I have to let her go, and silently pray she comes back to me. Where will you go, Nicolette?”

“I’m going back to Chicago to see my Uncle Jack, and from there, I’m flying to Switzerland.”

What the hell?
“Did I hear you right? You’re going on the other side of the world?” Simon’s face just flamed with anger. “Yes, I’m going to Switzerland. Dr. Jonas and I have discussed continuing my therapy at a clinic she knows of. It has everything I need.”
Dammit Nicolette, I’m everything you need.

“Do your parents know?” Simon questioned again. “They do, Simon. We talked after you left me in the hospital.
Hearing her say after I left her wounded me deeply
. I wanted to prepare them of the possibility of me leaving.”

“Is this your way of punishing me? Nicolette, I might have left you for a few hours, but I never intended on leaving you forever, like you are doing to me right now.”

“I’m not punishing you, Simon. I would never do that to you. With Michael free, I can’t be here.”

“Nicolette, you don’t have to travel to the other side of the world to feel safe. You have me, and I will never let him or anyone ever hurt you again. If you don’t want to live here, I will pack up your room right now, and take you home to the beach house.”

“Simon, I can’t go back to the beach house. I’m not ready. I just need you to respect my wishes, and let me go. I need to think, and be alone for a while.”

“How long will you be gone for? What about finishing school?”

“It’s already been taken care of. I had made arrangements with my guidance counselor, and Principle Davies in the event I don’t return to school. I will finish the remainder of my senior year through on-line classes.”

“You thought of everything, Nicolette, haven’t you? You strategically planned out every last detail of your life, and didn’t bother to mention one word to me.” Simon looked crushed, and I hated to hurt him. I was praying I wouldn’t ever have to tell him any of this. I never wanted to leave Simon, but I had no choice, and there was nothing else to say.

He pulled me into his arms, and begged me to stay with him, asking me to marry him tomorrow. My tears were flowing from my eyes, and I kissed him, before I walked out of his arms, and for all I knew out of his life forever. I left Simon standing there in my bedroom crying. I wanted to just run toward him, and beg forgiveness. I kept on walking, and never looking back at my broken man.

A car was waiting for me when I arrived downstairs. My parents already knew what I was doing, and they couldn’t stop me if they tried. So, they let me go. I hugged them both, and Gracie, too. “Please take care of Simon. He’s still in my room.”

“I will baby, will you call us?”

Mom pleaded with me to call and stay in touch. I nodded, and stepped into the limo. I couldn’t catch my breath, and I shouted over to the driver to hurry and go.

I didn’t know how much time passed until Christina and Mason walked through the door. I had been in Nicolette’s bedroom for more than 2 hours. They let me be while I worked out my feelings. I was clutching a framed photo of the two of us taken on the night of her birthday party. She looked so beautiful, and her eyes shone like diamonds when she looked at me. I wanted to go back to that moment instead of being stuck in this hell I am living with. Now she’s left me, with no promise on returning. Christina pulled me into a hug, and promised me that Nicolette would return to us. She just needs to work through her pain. I wanted to believe Christina with all my heart, but I just had doubts that were never there until today. I shook her father’s hand, and left the Vanelle home.

Mason had phoned my father, and told him what happened. I made my way over to my jeep to see my three brothers waiting for me. They had extended their stay here in California. I was so hurt by Nicolette leaving me. I saw the look on their faces, and I knew I couldn’t hold back anymore. I charged my brothers like a bull. They knew I was hurting, and all three of them hugged me, letting me fight through my pain.

My father kept his distance, and I wasn’t ready to hear,
“I told you so.”
Not that he would to that me, but I couldn’t stand if he did. I never was a drinker. I hated when people lost control due to alcohol, and thoughts of Jennifer occupied my mind. Anything was better than this pain I was feeling. I still couldn’t come to terms with the reality of Nicolette leaving me. When I picked her up from the hospital, she was so happy, and now she’s gone. I need to dull the ache, and took a shot of my father’s favorite scotch. He walked in as I was downing my second drink. He didn’t try to stop me, but he did offer advice. “Drinking her away will not bring her back to you, Simon.”

“You could be right, dad, but at least I won’t be able to feel anything.”

I eventually stopped after the fourth shot. Jacob threw me over his shoulders, and put me to bed. He stayed with me in case I threw up, and I just went to sleep aching for Nicolette while she took over my dreams.

Saying goodbye to California, and the new life I had was haunting my dreams. I missed my family, and my friends. The one person who never left my mind was Simon. How I hurt him when I walked out, and left him in my bedroom. I missed him every minute of every day to the point where I felt sick. He would have done anything I would have asked of him, had I gave him the chance. I wasn’t strong enough to stay with him. I was still afraid, and not completely trusting my heart. I had kept in minimum contact with Alexis, and Bailey. My parents called me frequently, but half the time, I ignored their calls. As for Simon, I severed all communication with him completely.

I needed to give him a clean break from me. I hurt him too much, and I wanted him to forget me, and move on with his life. Bailey tried to tell me how much he missed me, and how Simon changed after I left him. Simon stayed close to Sam, but he was shutting the rest of the world out. Bailey called to tell me that the senior numbers were out. Simon had been chosen to be this year’s valedictorian for our school, and I was named second in our graduating class.