A Changed Life (42 page)

Through everything, I remained an A student. No one knew, including me, how I was able to accomplish that feat. I had always challenged myself through school. Along with my love for the arts and music, school came easy for me. I was beginning to contemplate what I was going to do with my life after high school, I had no clue. I was in touch with Mr. Jennings from the district attorney’s office, and he had told me that my parents had filed a twenty five million dollar civil lawsuit against the St. Clair family.

I guess if my parents couldn’t change what happened to me, at least they would get the satisfaction of draining Clayton’s wallet. I didn’t care one way or another. Mr. Jennings told me that a trial date had been set for July 13
^th
, 2009. I would have to be there, he said. I agreed I would be.

Physically my body was now completely healed. It was my heart that needed to be worked on. I never stopped loving Simon, not even for one day. I considered calling to congratulate him, and my fingers trembled as I dialed his number.

I wasn’t able to reach him, only getting his voice mail. Simon never changed his cheery greeting. It made me smile, and miss even more to hear his voice.

His greeting was…

Hey you’ve reached Simon. I’m probably surfing, or hanging with my girl. Yeah, I’m with my girl. Leave a message at the beep.

Tears were falling down my cheeks, hearing his voice again after all this time broke my heart. I held my phone to my chest, and cursing my unwillingness for not leaving him a message. I cried for hours, until my group therapist found me tangled up in my blankets. “Come on, Nicolette. Let’s talk it out in group.” I left my phone, and joined in on the session.

“Hey man, thanks for getting me out there today.” I high fived Sam, and then Jameson. Those waves were killer, and I haven’t been able to smile in a long while. Surfing with my friends allowed me to break free of the walls I had put up after Nicolette had left me. I started to peel my wet suit from my body, and noticed my phone was flashing.

I checked my phone and, I saw that I had a missed call from Nicolette. I fell to my knees, and had to catch my breath. Sam ran over to check on me, and was just as shocked as I was. My heart hurt again. Nicolette called me, and I missed it.

I frantically checked my phone. She didn’t leave me a message, and I threw my phone against the rocks smashing it to pieces.

“Come on man. You need to calm down. What’s going on?” Asked Jameson. “Nicolette happened!” I shouted at my friends, “She fucking called me, and I missed her call, Fuck!” I screamed again.

“Simon, call her back.” Pleaded Sam. I shook my head at him saying no.

“I can’t do this anymore. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have left a message. She obviously regretted her decision to call me.” I was determined to break free of Nicolette. This is not what I wanted, hell no! I wanted her, but I just didn’t know how to get her back. I didn’t try to force her to stay and did what she asked me to do. I let her be, and respected her wishes.

After sleeping off my jet lag for the past two days, I woke up to a bright sunny, May morning in Chicago. I showered and dressed, and made my way downstairs to greet Uncle Jack and Aunt Sara. “Good morning, my beauty.” Uncle Jack kissed my forehead, and I returned his good morning back to him, and then hugged Aunt Sara. “You look amazing, Nicolette. The Swiss air really did wonders for you.”

I agreed with my aunt, being away far from the world I knew helped me a great deal. I put myself through intensive therapy sessions. I was working with an amazing therapist, who Dr. Jonas recommended. The girls who were in my group were a diverse mix of women.

They had all seen tragedy in their lives, and they were determined to reclaim the lives that were taken from them. I learned so much, and as I leaned on them, they leaned on me, and we became a family. Once I made the decision to return home, I knew there was only one place I needed to be. First, I needed to go to Chicago to visit my beloved city and my Uncle Jack and then home to Simon.

Every time I thought of Simon, he equaled home in my heart. After leaving the way I did, I had no way of knowing how Simon would react upon my return. I was praying he would at least talk to me, and give me a chance to explain some things to him. I had no right to even ask or expect him to, but it was my turn to put my heart out on the line for the man I loved. I had my parents and their support. They couldn’t wait, and were so excited for my return.

I tried to keep in touch with them, but they understood why I needed the distance, and never pushed me. I also congratulated them on their Grammy win. The song they had written for John Mayer won big, and earned my parents, and John a trophy.

Their score was nominated for an Oscar, but did not win. My mom and dad were thrilled to be nominated, and partied until the early morning dawn. They were filmed walking the red carpet, and mom had sent me the You Tube link. My mother looked beautiful, and my father always the handsome debonair man. He wore a tuxedo like no one else could.

I had made arrangements to leave for California first thing in the morning, but I just wanted some time with Uncle Jack. We visited all my favorite museums, and of course, the coffee house where I used to perform poetry in. I didn’t get on stage this time, and just took in the other performers doing their thing.

Uncle Jack told me that he had visited Michael in the hospital after receiving the news of my attack. I was shocked by this, but continued to listen to him. He confessed that he almost choked him to death, and wanted to see him dead. I knew very little of my dad, and Uncle Jack’s background when they were younger. My father always shielded me from knowing about our family tree. My grandparents were deceased, and I never really pushed the issue to learn about them.

Uncle Jack just said that he could have ended Michael’s life if he wanted to. He decided not to go through with it because it would only hurt me. I was the one that stopped him.

Uncle Jack looked so broken after telling me this. I just put my arms around his shoulders, and promised him that I wasn’t angry or disappointed in him.

I told Uncle Jack that I can’t change the past on what Michael did to me. I can only promise that I would fight, and no longer be afraid. We finished our coffee, and returned home. I needed to finish packing, and get ready for my flight. No tears this time as Uncle Jack left me at the airport. I was stronger than when I arrived here months ago. I felt healthy and alive. For the first time in a long while, I was beginning to feel like who I used to be.

What happened to me did undoubtedly change me. Leaving everyone behind was the hardest thing I could do in my life. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t return to the ones that loved me until I healed myself. I have found renewed sprit within me, and my heart is full. I am now ready to reclaim what I lost, beginning with Simon. I just prayed he would give me the chance to make it up to him.

Hanging on the quad with my friends made me happy. The girls were rambling on about the amazing prom we had, and they wouldn’t stop talking about it. I usually would shut them up by now, but not today. Alexis and Bailey stood by me through it all, even when I tried to shut them out. They deserved to be happy and carefree seniors. I obviously skipped prom. I was asked by countless girls to go, and I always said no. During prom weekend, I stayed at my beach house. I surfed during the day, and I was lost in my memories at night. Always dreaming of Nicolette, not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. My feelings have not changed. I was deeply hurt, and almost destroyed when she left me. I try every day to understand her reasons why she left, and I pray daily that she’s doing okay. I only hope and pray we will find our way back to each other.

I hadn’t heard again from Nicolette since the time she had called me. I replaced my broken phone that day, and tried not obsess over her. Sam begged me to call her, and I never did. The guys also went to prom, and Sam is now seeing a great girl named Brooke. They had met up at San Diego University on a college weekend. Sam had been accepted, and wanted to tour the school yet again. They met at a meet and greet for new students, and have been attached ever since. Sam introduced us while she was here for the prom weekend, and she, of course, was Sam’s escort.

Jimmy and Alexis were still going strong. Jimmy was awarded a scholarship to run track for Stanford. Alexis was going to UCLA, and as for Bailey, she was set to go to Columbia University in New York, shocking our group and her family. She applied on a whim, not knowing if she would get in, but to her surprise, she did. Bailey, although blond, was never dumb. She just enjoyed playing the part to meet guys. What happened to Nicolette changed her way of thinking. Bailey had stopped worrying about trivial things that usually troubled high school students.

Bailey didn’t have a boyfriend, but didn’t go alone to the prom. Jameson, her best friend, proudly escorted her. I heard the gang danced the night away, and partied throughout the weekend. Jameson had been accepted into the Fashion Institute of New York. We all laughed when he screamed, “New York, you better be ready, because we are on our way!”

I was about to make my way over to the gym for a work-out, and I heard my name being called over the loud speaker. I had to report to the Guidance office. I said my goodbyes to my friends, and took off for the office.

My Guidance Counselor greeted me at the entrance, and invited me in to talk in his office. I didn’t have a clue on what he wanted, so I just patiently waited for him to talk.

Simon, he said. “You have been a shining example to your fellow students here at this school. We know what you have had to endure the past few months, and what happened in your junior year.” I sarcastically responded, “Gee thanks for the recap dude.” As if I could ever forget? He went on to say he didn’t mean to resurrect any hurt feelings. He was interested in knowing, if I have considered what I was to say on graduation day.

I honestly told him that I didn’t want to deliver a speech, but he urged me to reconsider. This was a tradition that had to be met. If I agreed to give a speech, I didn’t want it to be the usual follow your dreams, blah, blah, blah. If I were to speak, I wanted to say what I felt, and let it be on my terms. My counselor agreed, and we shook hands on it.