A Chosen Life (21 page)

Bastian paused. Tolen was sure he sensed how difficult it was for him to hear about his mother and Dane. But it was true. He had had a loving mother and an incredible friend.

Macy had not.

“But Macy had you. At least she never had to wonder who or what she is.”

“True, but she has not experienced a
normal
human life since her sixth birthday. I love her like she is my own flesh and blood, but I am not a parent—I am not capable of offering the same kind of love that comes from those blessed with that title. I am her Watcher, guardian, caregiver, teacher, and trainer. I have taught her the deep secrets of our origins, the truth of the Light and the evils of the Dark. I have taught her to fight and destroy Dark creatures. I have had to tell her stories and legends that would terrify the strongest of humans. I never read fairy tales with princesses or knights in shining armor to her and then tucked her into bed with a kiss on the forehead. I was never able to sooth her after a nightmare with words like ‘it was only a dream.’ I had to tell her the truth.”

Bastian’s regret pierced through every word. Tolen could not doubt the love he felt for Macy—Bastian might not believe he deserved the title
father
, but Tolen disagreed. In this area, he was envious of Macy.

Ironic. She was jealous of him because he had lived the human life, but
she
was the
human
. Macy was human.

They were not the same.

His earlier disappointment turned into an aching sadness. “I didn’t know.”

“Macy is a human with a pure heart. The Light chose her to protect the human race and the Radia Shard gave her the gifts she would need to do it.”

Tolen thought about everything Macy had been subjected to and what his own childhood should have been like. Hot anger bubbled inside him. “Why does this have to happen?”

“You must understand, Tolen, such tragedy is brought upon our races because of the wickedness of the Dark. It is both disgusting and unjust that evil can force such desperate, but necessary, measures. Although not all stories of being Chosen are as tragic as Macy’s, or yours, all have required an enormous sacrifice for the grander picture.”

Tolen stared across the room, unconsciously fingering the shard around his neck. He could feel it tug him toward Macy even more strongly than it tugged him toward Bastian.

“Something else you should understand, Tolen, is that Macy has never had to relate to humans before. She does not know how to be subtle and tactful. She has led a straightforward life. I am afraid I have not taught her much in the art of diplomacy. However, underneath the harsh facade, she is one of the most incredible people in the world. Be patient with her. One day you will see the whole Macy and it will change your life.”

Tolen shifted on the bed. That was a little deep
.

“Destiny always is.” Bastian rubbed the back of his neck and then his head turned toward Macy’s curtains as if she’d called his name. “Excuse me. She is waking up.” He turned and rushed back to Macy’s hidden bed.

Tolen pulled his knees up and dropped his chin onto his arms. Something about Macy brought on feelings he couldn’t understand. The overwhelming desire he felt to protect her and keep her safe was confusing, and a little frightening.

Macy was beautiful, terrifying, and far more equipped to be the one doing the protecting.

o o o

Macy turned on her side and groaned. She hurt everywhere.

Every muscle seemed to be on fire and every bone in her body felt like splinters poking her from the inside.

Bastian ran a huge hand across her forehead. “Would you like some more Soreah for the pain and to help you sleep?”

She bit her lip and frowned. “Maybe?”

Bastian chuckled and shook his head. “You are not admitting weakness
LaUnahi
. You have been through much. Do what your body tells you . . . ” his smile faded. “I am so sorry.”

She ignored the pain and lifted her hand to swat his arm lightly. “I told you to stop that. This isn’t your fault. If anything, it’s my own fault for not being able to deal with the freakin’ Shadows.”

He placed a finger over her lips. “And I told you no more of that.”

“Then we’ll both shut up about it and move on. Deal?”

Bastian shook his head again. “All right, deal.” He helped her sit up and swallow the vial of Soreah medicine and a sip of water.

“Thanks.” She handed him the glass and he helped her lie back down. “So where’s the Ninth now?” She tried to sound like she didn’t really care, which didn’t work, of course, since he knew what she really felt.

Bastian feigned ignorance and answered casually. “
Tolen
is sitting across the room, quite tired after trying to learn to shield himself. Macy, it might be a good idea to start referring to him by his real name. Tolen did save your life after all.”

“What?”

Bastian explained the events of her rescue while her face burned scarlet.

When he finished, she opened and closed her mouth several times before any words came out. “But that’s . . . if it had been anything other than the Shadows . . . I’m still tougher . . . Crap.” She dropped her head and sighed. “Does this mean I have to like him now?”

“Silly
LaUnahi
, you already like him.” She glared as Bastian chuckled.

“But you do not have to tell him that. Although, I do believe you owe him a thank you and definitely your respect.” His eyes sparkled. “I think with time you will be glad to have him as a friend. He is a good boy.”

She rolled her eyes. “So, when will we be leaving?”

“Possibly a week or more. The Shadows are still roaming the coast. Tolen needs training and you are in no shape to travel just yet.”

She scowled and he shrugged. It was the truth, but she hated it.

“I will let you rest. I need to see to some arrangements. I will be back to check on you shortly.” He squeezed her fingers and left.

Macy stared at the curtains blocking her sight of Tolen’s bed. She wasn’t sure exactly how she felt about him. Yes, her feelings had softened. She understood him to a degree, at least what he was going through. She knew he was in the denial phase of his grief; that place where you focused on the here and now and didn’t think any deeper than that. But it couldn’t last long. Eventually, Tolen would have to come to terms with the fact that he would likely never see his mother or best friend again. It wasn’t going to be pretty.

She twisted her hands in the sheets. Could she be his friend when that moment came? She had enjoyed talking to him, more than she thought she would. She’d had a freaky reaction to his touch of sympathy in the Jeep. Her Kuna had gone crazy. Heat had flooded to her palms so fast and strong she almost hadn’t been able to contain it. Her body had tingled with fierce energy. She’d pulled her hand away for fear that she was about to set the truck on fire.

Helga, the Doogar healer, walked through her curtains holding a tray of food. Following behind her looking nervous was Tolen, holding his own tray. Helga situated the tray on Macy’s lap.

She tried to figure out what Tolen might want. Maybe he was looking for Bastian.

“Can I join you?” His voice tripped a little and a hint of red popped on his cheeks.

She felt her own face warm. He wanted to be with her? She wasn’t sure if she was ready to try out the friendship thing. She hadn’t had enough time to really think about it. “Um, sure. I’m not sure where Bastian went.”

“I think he was going to meet with Hander again. How are you feeling?” Tolen sat on the stool beside her bed as Helga bowed to them both and left.

He took a bite of food and looked at the floor while she answered.

Macy shook her head. Weird kid. “I’m fine—those Doogar healers are worriers.”

Tolen nodded and glanced around.

The silence became awkward, the only sound chewing and swallowing. Macy wondered if he’d come in just for the company rather than because he actually had something to say.

“Are you okay?” Macy stared at him curiously. “You seem kinda tense.”

He chuckled once. “All this stuff is so strange. Chosen, gifts, all of it. And being underground, relying on a crappy old watch to keep my days and nights straight is hard to get used to.”

She nodded, that made sense. It took her a long time to get used to the Hidden world and she’d been a gullible kid. “It’ll get easier with time. And I guess we’re going to have to get used to being underground. At least for a while. Bastian says the Shadows are still roaming up and down the coast waiting for us to surface, so we can’t leave anytime soon.” She frowned.

Tolen barely raised his eyes to hers for a brief moment, but they were kind and warm. “You ever been to the training camp he wants to take us to?” He asked in between bites.

She blew a strand of hair out of her eye. “Nope, but it sounds awesome.”

“Have you ever been to any training camps before?” Tolen bit off another piece of the hard bread.

Macy frowned and shook her head. “Only certain people are allowed.” She tried to keep the hardness out of her voice.

“I wonder why I’m allowed.”

Macy fidgeted with her blanket.

Tolen chuckled and the awkwardness dissipated. “It’s okay. Bastian told me that when I’m ready he’ll fill me in on whatever it is about my destiny you guys don’t want to tell me.”

She smiled, feeling relieved. “Well, that makes things a lot easier. Now when you ask me about something and I can’t say, I won’t have to lie.”

Tolen lifted an eyebrow. “Have you been lying?”

She tilted her head and tapped her chin with her finger. “No. I don’t think so.”

He clenched his teeth.

“Kidding, dude. You need to lighten up.”

“Right.” His eyebrows drew together and she could tell she’d hit a nerve.

“Hey, sorry.” She started to shift her position on the bed, but quit moving when it sent bolts of pain down her leg. “I’m not very good at this stuff. Conversations with humans . . . ” She trailed off.

“I’m not human remember.” He grinned half-heartedly and sighed when she cringed. “You’re better than you think. At least you can joke about our situation. I’ve spent my life living in a fantasy version of a soap opera. There was a lot more drama than comedy in my house.”

“Still, I know that lying is a sore spot for you. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”

He shrugged. “You’re forgiven.”

She cleared her throat. “I also owe you a thank you . . . for . . . saving my life.” She felt her face grow warm again and looked away.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” She could tell he meant it and it sent funny flutters off in her stomach. She leaned back against the headboard and kept her face averted. How was she supposed to respond to that?

“I guess we’re even now. You saved my butt back in the canyon.” His tone was back to normal, so she felt comfortable looking back at him.

She smirked. “Oh buddy, we won’t be even for a long time. You’re not that cool yet.”

He grinned, and a trace of warmth surged along her skin—much like it had when they touched in the Jeep—as he smiled. “It’s a competition, then. We’ll see who’s the coolest by the time I finish training.”

Macy raised her eyebrows, playing along. “The winner gets to choose the prize?”

“Works for me.” He stood up and held out his hand. “Deal?”

Macy bit the side of her lip and slowly took his hand.

When their fingers met she thought her stomach was trying to leave her body. The warmth rushed back, pleasant and confusing.

He held her hand a little longer than necessary.

“Deal,” she whispered and pulled her hand free.

Chapter Eighteen

The Shield
Room

For the last hour, Tolen had paced in circles outside the infirmary, around and around the tiny antechamber, waiting for Kiad to come for him. Helga told him after supper last night that he would be starting his official gift training the next morning at six. Tolen had set his watch to wake him at five, but had woken up at four-thirty and couldn’t get back to sleep. Around five, he got tired of staring at the ceiling and started pacing the entrance.

Bastian stepped out of the infirmary and nodded at Tolen. “I will join you at your training session as soon as I can. Hander wants to have another meeting this morning.” He grasped Tolen’s shoulder before heading down the far right hall.

Tolen went back to pacing, checking his watch, and fiddling with the shard around his neck. It was 6:05 before Kiad showed up.

He grabbed Tolen’s arm just above the elbow and shook—Tolen was beginning to recognize this as the Hidden version of a handshake—and pointed a chubby finger at the center hall. “Training will always be down the center hall. That way is the living and eating quarters.” He gestured to the one on the far left. “It branches off in all directions. Don’t go there unless you have someone with you. We take our privacy very serious. It is against our code to go into the living area uninvited. The two tunnels on the right are for workers and elders only.”

“So, in other words, I can go down the center hall, and the hall on the left—if I’m invited. Other than that, stay put?”

Kiad tilted his head and nodded. “Sounds about right.” He motioned for Tolen to walk with him into the hall leading to the living quarters.

“I thought we were training?”

Kiad continued walking. “Breakfast first.”

Tolen swallowed back his disappointment. He didn’t feel the least bit hungry. Ever since his talks with Bastian he had felt a consuming need growing within him. A need that he wanted to feed, as it overtook his grief for Dane and fueled his hope for his mother’s survival. He’d come to two decisions last night as he’d lain in bed and waited for sleep to take him.

One, he
would
listen to his thoughtful heart, as his mother had called it, and his heart told him he didn’t hate Bastian or Macy. If he was completely honest with himself, he did trust them. A little. They had protected him and kept their word so far.

Two, he wouldn’t be a burden to Dane’s people. He would do what they asked of him, work hard, and earn their respect. Dane had sacrificed so much for Tolen, not just his life, but also in their friendship. He owed it to his best friend to learn to shield and get out of here so he wouldn’t bring harm to these people. Yes, he wanted their help—needed it even—but he would not be as selfish as to put them in harm’s way. He wouldn’t stay, at least no longer than he had a choice.

Once these decisions were set in his mind, he could think of nothing else. Even his dreams had been chaotic, filled with images of himself in candlelit rooms trying to fight while surrounded by a pearlescent bubble. He had a purpose and he was ready to start living it.

He barely noticed the room Kiad led them into until he felt eyes on him. He looked around the circular room to see at least a dozen Doogar, ranging in age from very young to very old, watching him from low stone tables carved into the sides of the cave. They seemed to have stopped talking all at once. One man had paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth. Soup dripped slowly back into his bowl.

Kiad cleared his throat and walked to a counter covered with large bowls of food—the coarse bread, yellow soup, chunks of some sort of meat, mashed potatoes—and began filling a tray. He motioned for Tolen to copy him. Tolen’s discomfort made his hands shake as he filled the tray. He skipped over the large bowl of mashed potatoes, reminded forcefully of Dane. How many times had he laughed about his best friend’s strange preferred breakfast of mashed potatoes on bread? A kind-faced elderly woman behind the counter smiled as she handed him a cup of water. He returned her smile with as much sincerity as he could. She patted his hand as he walked away.

Kiad led them to a table containing two men who looked to be around the same age as Kiad, probably mid-to early-thirties. “This is Deegan and Elryn,” he introduced them as Tolen sat down. “They will be helping me train you.”

Deegan had dark red hair, a long black beard, and cunning black eyes. Elryn was clean-shaven, his long blond hair waved down his back, and his eyes were gentler, more relaxed than Deegan’s or Kiad’s.

They nodded at Tolen, their faces impassive. Either they didn’t really care who Tolen was, or they were good at hiding it. Whatever their reasoning, Tolen was grateful for their apparent acceptance of his presence as they began chatting with Kiad about menial tasks. Tolen was able to eat and observe without feeling pressure to contribute to the conversation.

He ate quickly, bouncing his knee absentmindedly until the others finally finished and stood up. Kiad motioned with his hand for Tolen to follow and the three Doogar led the way down one of the many tunnels away from the cafeteria, Tolen assumed back toward the training rooms.

The tunnel twisted and turned, and twice they veered down a side tunnel, until Tolen was utterly lost. Finally, after about ten minutes of tunnels that all looked the same, they entered another open area with five tunnels branching in different directions. Above each tunnel entrance, Tolen noticed a symbol with strange writing beneath it. With a start, he realized he could read it.

Beneath a symbol that looked sort of like a crescent moon in the center of a circle it read,
Elemental
. The other symbols he couldn’t quite decipher, but the words were fairly clear. Two read
Armaments,
one
Metaphysical,
and one
Assessment.
Although the names were pretty self-explanatory, Tolen was grateful when Kiad explained in more detail.

“While you are here, we will work on different aspects of your gifts. The most important goal, however, being your shield. Our Sphere will always be nearby to shield you as you practice, so the Dark will not sense you when you are increasing your powers, but the sooner you can do this yourself the more effective your training will be.” He pointed to the metaphysical room. “In the morning, after breakfast and before lunch, you will work on your shield in here. After lunch you will alternate between the Armaments and Elemental rooms, where you will learn basic sparring techniques and how to recognize and use some of your gifts.”

Tolen nodded. “Why only some?”

Kiad stroked his chin. “There are only a few trainers here who know enough about a few other gifts aside from Télora to effectively teach you.”

“Okay.” Tolen felt the men watching him and cleared his throat. “Sounds good. So, in here first?” He walked toward the Metaphysical room, but Kiad put a hand on his arm to stop him.

Tolen paused and looked at the men’s serious faces. “I’m sorry. Am I doing something wrong?”

Kiad shook his head, but it was Elryn who spoke. “We must warn’s you before you’s begin. Yesterday, you’s tested your shield in a normal room so that Kiad could be getting a feels for your strength. Today you’s will be in a special room, blessed and created by our people with a specific purpose. You’s must clear your mind before you’s enter, and only be entering when your purpose is set and in line with what’s is to take place within the room. This room can read your heart, just as the door of the Binithan can. It will sense if your purpose is not what it should be and will either trap you’s inside or lock you’s out.”

Tolen looked at the innocent looking doorway and felt the hair on his neck stand up.
Okay, creepy.

“You must take a moment and prepare your mind before you enter.” Deegan spoke in a low gravelly voice.

Tolen nodded and closed his eyes. He needed to learn how to shield himself. That was his purpose, right? He opened his eyes and looked at the men. They raised their eyebrows and motioned him forward. He walked toward the entrance, but the closer he got the more he felt something holding him back, as if invisible hands were grabbing onto him. He paused just outside the door and tried to step through, but his foot met an unseen barrier. His heart sank. What had he done wrong?

He glanced back at the men and shrugged, feeling stupid. “I guess I’m doing it wrong.”

Kiad walked around Tolen in a slow circle. “What did you think of when you closed your eyes?”

Tolen swallowed. “I thought about how I need to learn to shield myself.”

Elryn shook his head. “You’s have to go deeper than that. Think deeper. What’s does a shield mean to you? Why’s are you’s needing it? Why is it important? Your heart must speak to the room, not your mind.”

Tolen looked away from the little men. Between what Bastian and these men expected, he was beginning to realize that tapping into this person he was supposed to be was not going to be easy. It was requiring him to delve into a place within himself he had always tried to avoid. For so long he had just been going through the motions, living a fake life, hiding his fears and worries, just existing, not allowing himself to really feel.

Everything Bastian had asked him to do—listen to his heart, feel the pull from his abilities rather than fight it—and now the Doogar, feel, feel, feel . . . Did any of them realize how difficult this was for him? It seemed that for Hidden kind all they did was feel and follow their emotions. This concept was as foreign to Tolen as playing video games would be to these men.

“Can I get a minute alone?” Tolen asked softly.

They didn’t answer, but slowly left the opening and disappeared down the tunnel they’d come from.

Tolen leaned on the wall beside the door he was supposed to enter, slid down to the floor, and pulled his knees to his chest. If he couldn’t just think about what he wanted, he had to
feel
it, then it was going to require a lot more focus and a willingness to retrain his way of doing things. He would do it because he had to, but if he understood what the men were saying, he was going to have to do it because he
wanted
to. He had to
desire
it.

How?

He thought back on Elryn’s advice.
You’s have to go deeper than that. Think deeper. What’s does a shield mean to you? Why’s are you needing it? Why is it important? Your heart must speak to the room, not your mind.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.
What does a shield mean to me?
He thought about the purpose of a shield. It protects a life force from detection, but it also protects those around you. Because if you bring the Dark in, no one around you is safe either.
What does a shield mean to me?
It means protection from evil for others and myself.

He felt a subtle shift in the air beside him, as if the barrier were thinning. He focused harder.
Why do I need a shield? Because right now I am a danger to others and myself. I do not want to endanger or burden the people here.

The dirt floor outside the room stirred slightly.

Why is it important? Because without it I’m a sitting duck.

He felt no change with the air and figured this answer must not have been good enough. He tried for deeper.
Why is it important?
An unwelcome lump tried to force its way into his throat as the truth rose to the surface.
Because without it . . . I am dangerous.

A burst of air shot into the anteroom, covering Tolen with dust. He coughed and stood up. Flickers of light danced through the entrance and across his face. All the other rooms remained dark. He paused outside the door and looked inside. The circular room was lit with flaming torches along the walls, but was otherwise empty. The ceiling disappeared into the darkness above the flames.

Tolen glanced over his shoulder, wondering if he should go in or wait for the men to return. His curiosity won out and he lifted his foot to step into the room. For a split second before his foot passed through the barrier, he felt a spasm of fear. What if he ended up locked in here? But once he passed through the door, the fear left and it seemed as if his purpose became more solid. He did want to get stronger. He didn’t want to be a danger to anyone—at least not anyone associated with the Light.

He looked around the room to see the walls were painted with fading hieroglyphs and more symbols that matched those above the doors. The room felt warm, comfortable, and safe.

“Good job.”

Tolen jumped. Kiad’s voice seemed to shatter the gentle calm in the room.

“Thanks. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks for letting me have a minute to figure it out.”

Kiad nodded. “I realize I was unfair in my testing of you yesterday. You must forgive me. We are not used to someone your age in the Hidden being so ignorant. Today will be different. I will explain more before I ask you to try something. We will begin as if you are one of our children.”

It was an insult, but Tolen knew it was only the truth as the little man saw it, so he tried not to be overly offended. He squared his shoulders. “I’m a fast learner. Let’s get started.”

Elryn smirked, but the other two remained stoic and only nodded.

“Stand in the center of the room.” Kiad explained. “Elryn, Deegan, and I will stand around you in a triangle, creating a circle of power with you at its center. First, we will teach you to recognize our vibrations as they affect the Balance.”

“But, doesn’t that mean you’ll be dropping your shields?”

“Yes, but the Sphere of the Binithan protects us. All those of age who have mastered their shields keep them in place so as not to further burden the Sphere, but she protects the children and visitors who come in need of healing, as well as those who train in this room. We will be safe.”

Tolen gave a nervous nod. “Okay.”

The three men stood around Tolen about four feet away. Elryn and Deegan closed their eyes and bowed their heads. Kiad waited for Tolen to look at him before he spoke. “Tolen, every life force in this world gives off a vibration, a signal of their inner energy. Each signal is as unique as the person is and so differs slightly. Nevertheless, the strength of the Light or the Dark within the Being is very distinct in the way it affects the signal. This is why, with time, you will be able to tell how many people, or creatures, are in a room before you enter, and how many of them are filled with light or darkness.