A Chosen Life (22 page)

“Think back over your life to two people you have been in contact with that have had a lasting impression on you, not because of what you knew about them, but because of what you felt the first moment you met them. Think of one who you knew was good and one you knew was bad—in that first moment.”

Tolen thought over his past. His first thought was of Dane and his heart clenched. The first moment Dane showed up at school and took the desk next to his, Tolen could feel his goodness. He radiated kindness. It took him a minute to think of someone who brought on the opposite.

Finally he remembered one man he’d encountered once when he was nine years old. They’d been living in California at the time and they’d stopped at a gas station. He’d been standing beside the rows of candy while she ran to use the bathroom. He distinctly remembered hearing the door chime and seeing a man walk into the store wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt, but it was his eyes that Tolen could remember most. For a split second, he’d glanced Tolen’s way with the most hate -filled eyes Tolen had ever seen.

The man laid his money on the counter to pay for his gas, turned, and left. That was all. But Tolen had stood there shaking until his mother returned. He no longer wanted candy and begged his mother to let them leave. She quickly paid for their gas and they left. It took him two days to tell her what had happened, and even then, he felt afraid to even talk about the man who had done nothing. His mother had always used her abilities to sense the character of people they didn’t know before she let them in their house, or let them teach Tolen at school, but this was the first time he could remember being grateful she had this ability. For a long time after the incident, he made her check before he would set foot in a public place.

Had he been sensing vibrations all along?

Kiad tilted his head. “I can see you remember. Now, I want you to go beyond the memory, deeper into it. Remember what you felt with the good person. How did you feel?”

Tolen took a deep breath. “I felt happy, safe.”

Kiad nodded. “Good. And with the second?”

Tolen shivered involuntarily as he thought again how he’d felt that day. “Afraid, weak—almost helpless.”

Kiad nodded gravely this time. “Yes, yes. The Light inspires feelings of peace, contentment, trust. Your life force was drawn to the goodness in the other person. The Dark does the opposite, unless you are dark yourself. It provokes feelings of despair, fear, weakness. The weaker it makes you feel, the more it is drawn to you as prey.”

Tolen shivered again. Having it pointed out like that, he could see the reality of it. He could also see, as he thought back over the people he’d met through his life, how everyone had varying degrees of light and darkness in them. Jeff Macro wasn’t as dark as the man in the gas station had been, but he hadn’t had a lot of light either.

“Now that you recognize how each makes you feel, Light and Dark, you can train yourself to be more aware of the vibes so that you can sense things, Being or creature, before you even see them.”

“That makes sense.”

Kiad nodded his approval. “Now that you understand, you will test it. Memorize where we stand.”

Tolen regarded the men. Kiad stood in front of him. Deegan at his left and Elryn at his right. He nodded. “Okay.”

“Close your eyes and keep them closed. Focus on each of us in turn. Sense the light and darkness within us.”

Tolen focused first on Kiad, it took a moment, but then he could feel when the little man dropped his shield. Warmth, power, and greatness flowed from him. Not necessarily kindness as he’d felt with Dane, but not cruelty either. More serious than Dane, but wise and good. There was very little darkness in him.

He turned toward Deegan, but Tolen almost opened his eyes when Deegan dropped his shield. There was a more equal balance of darkness and light in Deegan, but he was measured and in control of his darkness. He too was powerful, but much more aware of it. His arrogance fed the darkness within him. Tolen turned away from him quickly. Elryn had to be the closest to what he’d felt with Dane. There was barely a trace of darkness in him. He was humble, kind, and a tiny bit mischievous. Tolen could picture them being friends.

“Keep your eyes closed.” Kiad said. “We are going to shield and move. When you feel us again, point to where you believe we are, and say our names. Press your palms together and push your energy out into your hands. Sometimes it helps.”

Tolen wasn’t sure how to do what he asked, but he put his palms together anyway, and was surprised when it helped him relax and focus. It felt weird when their shields went up, almost as if he was suddenly alone. One by one, their life forces reappeared.

It took him several minutes but eventually he got it right. They put him through the drill four more times and he was surprised how tired he was getting.

“One last exercise and then we will break for lunch.” Kiad handed Tolen a water skin and waited while Tolen drank his fill. “It is time you recognize your own vibrations, your own power. Only then can you learn how to hide it from the Balance. Creatures of pure Light or pure Dark cannot hide from the Balance. Their vibrations are too strong. They can be shielded by others—good Spheres or bad—but they themselves cannot shield. As you learn to recognize your own vibrations, you can hide them.”

Tolen didn’t really like the idea of finding his own darkness.

Kiad seemed to know his train of thought. “We cannot, and should not try, to recognize our own darkness, or our own light for that matter. You will only feel for your body’s unique signal. Once you learn to recognize it you can learn to block it from affecting the Balance.”

“Block it how?”

Deegan tapped his thick fist on his thigh. “Have you ever noticed how a detailed picture looks different in sunlight versus artificial light?” he asked in his gravelly voice. “How the colors change and you see things you hadn’t noticed before?”

Tolen nodded. “Sure.”

“Did the picture change or just your perception?”

“Just my perception.”

“As you learn your signal, you will learn how to send out other signals, other
pictures
around your own to disguise it. To change the way it
feels.
”

“So, it’s kind of like I’m hiding behind other pictures?”

Deegan folded his arms and nodded once. “A
shield
of pictures, or
feelings
. But in order for it to work, you have to be able to hold your power inside, only letting it out when you need to use it. No matter how good a shield is, it cannot block strong uses of power.”

Tolen’s eyes narrowed. “I think I’m starting to get it. My life force is still there affecting the Balance, but if I learn to shield, I can confuse the signal enough to not be detected, unless I’m actually using my abilities.”

Kiad’s answering smile lifted Tolen’s confidence, until the next words left his mouth. “If you thought recognizing vibes was hard, just wait until you try to create false ones to hide behind. You’re in for a real test today.”

Chapter Nineteen

Sparring with
the Elements

“It’s not going to happen Bastian, so you can stop pestering me.” Macy held back a grimace as she tugged on her socks. She wasn’t about to let him see how much pain she was in. She probably would have let the Sphere here heal her, but she wasn’t healing anyone these days, not since the three of them showed up and she had to focus all her strength to guard this place
and
hide Tolen. But let Tolen heal her? No. It set a bad precedent. He probably already saw her as a wimp after everything that happened. She would show him and Bastian that she could get by just fine. She would even walk to the cafeteria for lunch and prove to Bastian that she was perfectly capable. She just wished she didn’t have to use the stupid cane.

“You are being stubborn. Tolen did not understand enough to fully ask your body to heal before. The bones are reset, but they are not completely healed. The muscle tissue is still severely bruised. He knows more now. If you would just let him finish your healing—”

Her glare made him snap his mouth shut, but the exasperated look didn’t leave his eyes.

“I’m fine. I’ll be good as new in a few days. Besides, you said Tolen needs some time to train anyway. What’s the sudden hurry?” She tugged on her boots and had to bite her tongue to keep from groaning. Spots danced in front of her eyes and she knew Bastian wouldn’t miss the reformed curses echoing through her mind, but he just shook his head in frustration. He knew her well enough to know no amount of pushing would get her to do something she didn’t want to.

“I am not in a hurry.”

She raised her eyebrow at him and he amended. “Not exactly. It is important that we not stay too long and endanger the people here unnecessarily, but it is vital that Tolen learn what the Doogar can teach him before we get above ground and face what waits for us.”

“Okay, for starters, when you’re ready to leave I won’t hold us back. I’ll be fine, but what exactly is up there waiting for us? I can feel that the Shadows aren’t nearby, so what is it?”

He paused and she resisted the urge to pinch his arm, something she hadn’t done since she was a small child.

“The DéHool are still hunting. Hander has sent scouts above and they have seen traces of them, but have not been able to find them. There are also indications that small bands of Raksasha and Kinchomen have been lurking about.”

Macy tugged her fingers through her tangled hair until Bastian handed her a brush. She absently pulled it through the mess as she thought about what he’d said. DéHool were the biggest concern. The
only
concern as far as she could see. Raksasha were easily dealt with, and Kinchomen were small lizard-like creatures that were more known for causing chaos and disorder than real mayhem. They were probably only there to help disguise the presence of the DéHool. “As long as we exit in an area that the DéHool haven’t been seen, we really don’t have much to worry about, right?”

“Actually, the fact that it does not seem we have much to worry about is what has me the most worried.” He held out a rubber band and watched as Macy tied it in her hair, but his mind was elsewhere. “The Dark knows Tolen is the Ninth. It worked very hard to stop us in the Lava Beds. It knows we came in here, but it has yet to try and destroy the Lava Beds to get to the Binithan.”

“Yeah, but with their Sphere blocking Tolen’s power, the Dark wouldn’t know if he was still here or not. They’d be tipping their hand without all the cards.” She snatched the wooden cane from where it sat propped against the bedside table and used it and the bed to stand up. Bastian held out a hand to help, but she shook her head. “It doesn’t really make sense for them to attack this place does it? It’s too well protected. Unless they know without a doubt that he’s still here.”

Bastian sighed. “That is Hander’s argument as well.”

She took a hesitant step forward and pain shot through her thigh. Her breath came out in a whoosh and Bastian grabbed her arm, wrapped it around his waist, and dropped his other arm around her shoulders supporting the majority of her weight.

He continued their conversation as if he hadn’t done anything, allowing her to keep her wounded dignity. “He too believes that the Dark has ceased its search for now in this place and has shifted to the known exits of the Binithan. He also believes that if we leave through a secret exit, we should be safe.”

Macy looked up at him from under his arm, ignoring the sweat beading on her face and running down her back at the effort to use even this tiny amount of strength. If she didn’t get a handle on this, she’d have to eat her words. “Okay, so what is it you know that we don’t?”

Bastian shook his head and lifted her so her feet barely touched the ground, giving the illusion that she was still walking, though they both knew she wasn’t. She wished she didn’t have to go along with it. “It is not knowledge, but confusion that has me worried. It is flashes of a vague future, distorted and impossible to unravel. It is a
feeling.
”

A shiver rolled across Macy’s shoulders. If there was one thing she trusted more than anything, it was Bastian’s
feelings
. He was never wrong. She took a deep breath as he reached the doorway to the cafeteria. “Well . . . I guess we’ll just have to take it as it comes and prepare for anything.”

He squeezed her arm gently and helped her sit at a table nearest the doorway. Two tiny women rushed to fuss over Macy while a third brought her a tray of food. As hungry as she’d been ten minutes ago, her conversation with Bastian had left her stomach feeling hollow. What would they face when they left this place?

o o o

Tolen walked toward the cafeteria on shaky legs. Kiad hadn’t been kidding when he said it would be a lot harder to recognize his own
signal
. Yesterday he’d told him to focus on the power he felt as he’d healed his hand and bring it back in. The exercises Kiad had him doing today felt nothing like that. He stepped into the cafeteria and got in line behind Deegan. Something made him want to turn and look back at the entrance. He followed the urge and noticed Macy sitting alone, eating. His stomach gave a funny flip and he realized his shard had pulled his attention her way.

A satisfied smile lifted his lips seeing her sitting at the table rather than propped up in bed. He loaded his tray with food and made his way over to her. Her eyes lit up when he approached and his stomach flipped again. She seemed
happy
to see him. The thought warmed him and he felt more relaxed as he pointed to the seat across from her. “Can I join you?”

She nodded and slid her tray closer to her. “Sure.”

“Where’s Bastian?” He asked as he folded his long legs beneath the table.

Macy lifted her chin toward the other side of the room. Tolen followed the gesture to see Bastian sitting at one of the low tables, his legs stretched out to the side, deep in conversation with a group of fierce looking Doogar.

“Who are they?” He asked, taking in the men’s haggard appearances, rough clothing, and tangled hair and beards.

Macy took a sip of water. “Doogar scouts and trackers.”

Something triggered in Tolen’s memory as he watched the men. Bastian said Hank, or Handrak, Dane’s father, was a Doogar tracker. A famous one at that. His appearance definitely matched that of the men with Bastian. Tolen wondered if they liked the alcohol as much as Hank did, or if it was the outdoor life making them appear so rough.

“So, how’s training going?” Macy interrupted his musing and he turned back to see her watching him with curiosity as she ate.

Tolen shrugged and picked up a piece of bread. “Okay I guess.”

Macy acknowledged this with a perceptive nod. “It’s a lot harder than you thought it would be, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” He twisted the bread in his hands. “A heck of a lot harder.”

“You’re working on your shield in the mornings, right?”

Tolen nodded. “Yep.”

She looked away and nibbled a piece of meat. “That makes sense. It’s going to be the hardest for you to learn, so it’ll tax you mentally. Their saving your physical energy for sparring and gift training.”

When she spoke, a tiny, barely visible, dimple appeared beside her lip he’d never noticed before. It made her seem even more childlike, innocent—and increased his weird desire to protect her. He cleared his throat and shoved the bread in his mouth. They ate silently for a few minutes until he noticed the cafeteria emptying and his mouth went dry.

He wanted to learn how to use his abilities, so going to the next training session shouldn’t be making him nervous. He should be excited. But this morning had taught him that, as much as he wanted it, it was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done. Harder than calculus. Harder than working part-time and worrying about his sick mother. Harder even than it had been to keep silent about his abilities, and hold them back.

More than ever before, he had something he wanted to succeed at, and was terrified of failing.

Macy slid to the edge of the bench, and grabbed a cane. Tolen slid out and offered a hand. “Can I help you?”

Macy glared at him, but quickly tried to soften the look. “No, I’m good thanks.” She cleared her throat. “I wasn’t going to leave yet anyway.” She tapped the cane against the table and Tolen sat down, holding back a smile at her cover up. She wasn’t about to admit she needed help, especially to him.

“What are you going to do this afternoon?” He asked.

She tipped her head. “Sit in the infirmary bored out of my mind, I guess.”

“You could come watch me train.” He spoke without thinking, then immediately wanted to take it back.

She looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You wouldn’t mind?”

Tolen shrugged, but kept his eyes on the table so they wouldn’t give him away. “Bastian said he was going to come, so I don’t think it’s a secret thing.” His heart pounded as he waited for her response. She was smart and gifted. She knew what Chosen were supposed to be like. She could help him, but she also intimidated him.

“It does sound a lot more fun than sitting in the infirmary. I’ve never seen Doogar fight before.” She smiled and he found himself getting lost in her tiny moment of joy. Her dimple became more prominent and her eyes danced in anticipation. As nervous as he was, he couldn’t stamp on her excitement.

“Okay, cool.” He saw Kiad get up and walk their way. “Well, it looks like I’ve got to go. So . . . I guess I’ll see you in a bit.” He gave a small forced smile, and her answering grin turned his own to genuine.

“Great. See you in a few.” She waved. “Bye.”

Tolen chuckled, feeling happier than he had in days, the guilt was still there, and the need, but for that tiny moment it was balanced. “Bye.”

He followed the three men out the door with lighter steps, his earlier weakness forgotten, replaced with a drive to get going. He just hoped that he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of Macy. He thought of her dimpled smile and his stomach flipped again.

He paused outside the entrance to the Elemental room, but it was easier this time to get in. His reasons for wanting to learn these abilities were not much different than needing to learn his shield. He hardly felt the barrier this time. Within seconds of thinking of his desire, the torches flickered on and he stepped inside. Kiad, Deegan, and Elryn followed, conversing silently.

Tolen walked around the room to look at the series of murals on the walls. Unlike the hieroglyphs in the Metaphysical room, which consisted of symbols and words, these depicted the various elemental gifts, the
Eight
that Bastian had told him about. There were illustrations of whirlwinds, growing mountains, blazing fire, great waves of water, shafts of bright light, sprouting vines, running animals of every kind, and a smeared image that must be showing the gift of the unseen. What’d he call them? It was something like dice, but Tolen couldn’t remember exactly. It’d been a lot to take in.

“Dicernan.” Bastian said from behind, and Tolen turned to see him settling Macy in a tiny chair just inside the entrance. Her cheeks were pink, but Tolen wasn’t sure if it was because she was embarrassed about being coddled, or if it was from the effort to walk to the room. She seemed winded, but determined to appear normal.

Tolen met her eye for a moment, but she quickly turned her attention to something in her lap. Her scabbard. She unsheathed her knife and started sharpening it by the glow of the torches.

Bastian moved to Tolen’s side and pointed to the mural. Tolen turned his attention back, ignoring the unfamiliar tingle of pleasure he felt at seeing Macy. This Chosen stuff was weird.

“This is the depiction of the Dicernan. The
Unseen
.”

“What does that mean?” Tolen let his curiosity take over.

“The Dicernan have the ability to create a shield so powerful that not only are they hidden from the Balance, but they are hidden from every form of detection, even physical sight.”

“Whoa. How is that even possible?”

“That Tolen, is a very good question, and one you will probably have to get answered by another Dicernan. It is a gift I myself have never studied.” He gave Tolen an apologetic smile. “But do not worry. You may not learn how to use this gift here, but the time will come when we
will
find someone who can teach you.”

Kiad walked over, looked up at Bastian, and held out his arm. “We’re all set. Are you ready to begin?”

Bastian shook Kiad’s arm. “I am.”

“Wait, you’re training me?” Tolen didn’t mean for it to come out harsh. He really had decided to trust Bastian and let him teach him, he just thought he’d be learning other stuff before he had to learn the Watcher’s eye thing.

“We will not be training in your Watcher abilities today, Tolen. That will come later, possibly much later.” He added at the relieved look Tolen could feel on his face. “Today the Doogar and I feel there is something more important I can help you with, that relates directly to your feelings toward me.”

Tolen swallowed. That didn’t sound good.

“We need to address your anger,” Kiad said. “If you are to learn how to connect to your gifts the right way.”