A Chosen Life (23 page)

Tolen frowned. This
really
didn’t sound like a good idea.

“You have nothing to fear,” Bastian said calmly. “This will be a lesson in understanding and focus. Not a reprimand.”

Tolen nodded but still felt uncomfortable. He glanced toward Macy to see she had paused in her sharpening, but kept her head down, obviously trying to listen without appearing to. He looked away and felt his muscles tighten.

Bastian pointed to the center of the room and waited for Tolen to lead the way there before stopping to stand in front of him. The Doogar completed the circle on all sides with Tolen at the center, same as in the shield training. Kiad had said it created a circle of power with Tolen at the center. He didn’t have a chance to ask what it meant before Bastian started speaking.

“Anger in itself is not a terrible thing,” Bastian lifted his hand at the shock this raised in Tolen’s thoughts. “It is true. Anger has its purpose, as does every emotion. Anger is a signal to our mind that something is wrong and is in need of a resolution. How we choose to resolve the problem decides whether our anger can help or hinder us. Anger, Tolen, is always the secondary emotion. It is the reaction to the cause. In order for you to control your anger, you must look deeper and get at its root. This way, when you are faced with anger in the future, you can know how to work through it.”

Kiad spoke from Tolen’s left. “We will teach you to step back from the moment and channel your feelings the right way.”

Tolen pushed his shaky hands into his pockets. “How?”

“Tiny exercises.”

“O . . . kay?” Something about the way Kiad said tiny made him nervous, like he was being sarcastic.

“Tolen,” Bastian regained his attention. “The first onslaught of anger lasts but a few seconds, from that point on it is you feeding the anger that keeps it there. Often just taking the time to count to ten, or recite a few preplanned words in your mind, or imagining yourself somewhere else, can defuse the anger and reveal its cause, allowing you to come up with a better solution. Before the Doogar begin, I want you to think of these three things and how you could use them in an intense situation.”

Tolen thought about how he used to deal with intense situations; he escaped into the Dreamer’s world. He was determined not to do that anymore, so he pondered Bastian’s techniques. He knew counting to ten wouldn’t work for him, he’d tried that before at his mother’s suggestion and it hadn’t worked in the slightest.

Recite something? But what? A few words from his mother’s favorite poem popped into his mind.
I am the captain of my soul.
Shivers ran down his arms. These words made complete sense. He was the captain of his soul. Bastian told him he had a choice in his fate. Well, if he had a choice in his fate, didn’t that also mean he had a choice in his reactions as well?

If he could learn to control them that is.

I am the captain of my soul.
He looked up at Bastian to see a hint of a smile on his face. Okay, he was on the right track.

What about an imaginary place? Where would he want to be if he could whisk away to some made-up place? A tiny face with a dimpled smile popped in his head, and he pictured himself sitting at a table chatting with Macy. Not one of the tables here, but like the ones at school. They were talking and laughing like normal teenage kids. The image brought warmth to his fingers and he clenched his fists tighter in his pockets. He peeked at Bastian to see his smile had turned to a look of concern.

He jumped out of this thought and went back to reciting the words. “Okay, I think I know what to do.”

Deegan mumbled, “Now comes the hard part.”

Elryn chuckled.

Kiad shushed them and met Tolen’s gaze. “I need you to go back to a time when your anger caused you to do something with your gifts that you regret. Something . . . ” his eyes were apologetic, “painful.”

Tolen felt Macy’s eyes on him and he knew she would know this one. It was the time the trees had hurt his mother. Tears burned the back of his throat and he couldn’t meet Kiad’s eyes.

“Don’t focus on the reaction. Try to remember the feeling before the reaction.”

“All I remember was anger,” Tolen said through his teeth.

“Why were you angry?”

“Because I hated being different.” And there it was. He didn’t know how he suddenly recognized it, he just did, he could remember perfectly. Before the anger built, he felt a shift in the center of his body, a warming up, a growth of power. Once the anger took over, he unintentionally fed the power
with
the anger, until the two became an unstoppable force—directed at whomever he blamed for making him angry. As the realization flooded over him he felt the warmth in his center growing, but he still didn’t know how to control it, or direct it.

Kiad spoke quickly, “Say the word
tin’ruhl
.”

“
Tin’ruhl
!” As the word burst from his lips, a wall of dirt shot up from the ground, surrounded him, knocked him off his feet, and then the warmth subsided. “Is everyone okay?” He jumped up and shouted at them through the wall.

He heard Elryn chuckle again.

“Touch the wall and ask it to remove,” Kiad called.

As soon as Tolen’s fingers brushed the dirt and the thought left his mind, the walls crumbled to his feet. He looked around in awe and excitement. Had he really just done that?

Macy was no longer sharpening her knife but looked as shocked as he felt.

Kiad smiled. “Well, Tolen, I think you just found your signal.”

Tolen looked down at his hands in amazement.

“Now that you know what to look for, you can call on it.” Kiad lifted both hands. “But, I recommend waiting until we can teach you more words and you practice managing your anger, this way when you are faced with a dangerous situation you will know how to act, instead of react.”

“Cool. What do I get to try next?”

Elryn laughed louder with a mischievous glint in his eye. “You’s might be wishing you hadn’t asked. Now we get to make you’s angry.”

o o o

“He’s is dangerous.” Hander filled Bastian’s cup before sitting across from him at the tiny table in his living quarters.

Bastian nodded once. “He is the Ninth.”

“He’s is a child with huge amounts of power he does not know’s how to control. The more he learns the more dangerous he’s is becoming.” Hander sipped from his mug and eyed Bastian with speculation. “Are you sure he’s is not better off, not knowing what’s he is capable of?”

Bastian set his mug on the table and leveled his eyes with the tiny man in front of him. “We did not choose his destiny, Hander. The Light did. We can choose to honor that choice, and do all we can to remedy the problems created by his parents’ choices, or we can go against the Light.”

Hander clicked his tongue. “That’s is not fair, Watcher.”

“It is the truth.”

Hander glanced over Bastian’s shoulder, his eyes unfocused. “Truth yes, but not’s altogether reassuring.” He looked back at Bastian and stroked his beard. “Continue’s teaching him the simple words only, and elementary sparring. I’s afraid if you’s teach him too much, our Shield will not be able to block’s him. She is struggling all’s ready.”

Bastian stood and bowed. “I understand. Two weeks at most, and we will leave.”

“But the girl is not’s healed.”

“I have a plan to try and fix that.”

Chapter Twenty

Doogar, Daggers,
and Decisions

Macy rolled her sucker stick between her teeth, and hobbled into the training room for her usual afternoon pastime, watching Tolen practice.

A pattern had started over the last three days. She exercised in the morning, ate lunch with Tolen—sometimes Bastian joined them, sometimes Elryn, and sometimes they were left alone—then she watched Tolen train in the afternoon.

It didn’t feel as awkward to be alone with him as it used to. He’d relaxed quite a bit around her and she found that he actually had an interesting personality. He was a deep thinker. He really believed that his mother was still alive somewhere and he was determined to learn all he could about his gifts, get good enough to try and find her,
and
save his father. He was still in pain over his friend’s death, but he’d buried it beneath the drive to save his parents. He asked many questions about the Chosen, and she started to feel that he was beginning to accept his new life, despite not being told everything and even though he still wouldn’t admit his abilities were gifts. He was even getting a handle on his anger whenever the Doogar schemed it out of him.

However, something still made her nervous around him and she couldn’t quite pinpoint what. Sometimes she would catch him staring at her, and when their eyes met, her insides would do funny things. She felt drawn to him in ways she couldn’t understand. She felt anxious to see him whenever they were apart, and she found herself often thinking of the way he looked when they talked, how his weird eyes would sparkle whenever she laughed or smiled, and how her Kuna would sometimes just zing to her fingers when he showed up in the same room as her. None of it made sense and it made her uncomfortable.

She tried ignoring him, focusing on the physical therapy the Doogar healers wanted her to do every morning, and finding things to stay busy in the afternoons. She always found herself hurrying through her mornings to get to lunch at the same time he would be there, and wandering back to wherever he was supposed to be in the afternoon. She’d even caught herself pacing the infirmary after dinner, waiting for him to return from cleaning up so they could chat before Bastian made them go to bed.

She wondered if she was going crazy. Maybe being underground was messing with her head.

Yet once again, here she was, crashing in on his training session, watching his every move, secretly enjoying the way her fingers warmed and her heart picked up when he noticed her entrance and smiled.

She mentally shook herself, pulled the mangled stick out of her mouth and fished in her pocket for a fresh sucker before settling onto her usual spot on the floor.

Tolen called up a wall of dirt in the middle of the floor, and her stomach did a somersault. It looked so cool!

Tolen lifted his hand and the wall collapsed under his touch. The little warriors patted him on the back. Tolen looked over at her and she gave him thumbs up. Heat trickled down her arms and her fingers tingled. Her face burned with the reaction of her Kuna and she looked away.

“Little one?” Kiad walked up beside her. Though it was obvious he’d spent more time among humans by his clearer speech, he obviously hadn’t picked up on addressing people the right way. He had been calling her “little one” since they arrived. She thought it was a bit much considering she was still taller than most of the Doogar, including him. Bastian said it wasn’t an insult; they were referring to the fact that she was so much smaller than Bastian or Tolen. This didn’t stop it from being annoying.

She pulled the sucker from her mouth. “Yeah?”

“Are you feeling well enough to join us?”

She grinned. “Really?”

Kiad nodded. “Bastian wants you to practice. Your healers have given it the okay as long as we take it easy on you.” His eyes glittered with suppressed humor.

Macy clenched her teeth and stood up from the floor, ignoring the pain in her leg, and tried not to limp to the center of the room. She stuffed her sucker back in her mouth.

Tolen looked over, raised his eyebrows, and smiled.

Her pulse rose. His smile was really nice. His pale blue eye, something that at first had wigged her out, was actually a perfect contrast to his dark brown eye. Gold from the light of the Binithan streaked his wavy chocolate hair where it touched his collar. Pretty soon he’d need a ponytail like Bastian. She chuckled at the thought.

Tolen’s smile turned quizzical and she stopped laughing. She’d totally been staring! She cleared her throat and looked away.

Kiad passed around wooden bows, arrows, and small curved wooden daggers. “A Doogar blade is extremely sharp. As Tolen has never used one before, we have been practicing with these.” He handed Macy the piece of wood.

It looked like a toy.

Kiad turned to Tolen. “We will try to improve your accuracy later with the bow and arrow. For now, we will continue with the dagger. By the time you leave you shall know enough of the basics to aid yourself in battle, should the need arise before you reach the camp.”

“Why do I need weapons? Wouldn’t it be better to use my abilities?” Tolen twisted the wooden dagger in his hands.

Macy snorted. “Dude, haven’t you felt what happens to you when you use your gifts? You’re exhausted, right?”

Tolen raised his eyebrows. “It does drain me a little bit.”

“Well if you’re using
only
your gifts in a fight, it’s going to drain you
a lot
. Remember how long you slept after we got here?”

His jaw flexed and he nodded.

She was being rude again but what else could she say? She bit hard on her sucker.
It’s the truth
.

“Well, you don’t have to be so obnoxious about it,” Tolen snapped.

Macy’s sucker fell out of her mouth. She hadn’t said the last comment aloud.

Kiad looked between them with a curious expression. “Little one is right. Your gifts should be your last resort. As we have discussed in your shield lessons, it is almost impossible to keep your life force shielded from the Dark when you are exerting your power. The Balance is affected the most when you are at your peak, which draws more creatures to you. You are much better off trying to deflect, or kill, as many creatures as you can before you resort to your gifts.”

Tolen shifted his feet. “Sometimes the trees act without my asking. Does that mean I’m using my ability without realizing it?”

Kiad cocked his head to the side and eyed Tolen shrewdly. “Maybe. It is possible that your connection with nature is strong enough that it is aware of your emotions and needs and reacts of its own free will. For now, I would suggest you try to pay attention to your thoughts as you fight and make sure you are not asking for help from any outside force.”

Macy remembered Ardia. Some trees were definitely helping Tolen by their own choice.

“Okay.” Tolen ran his hand through his hair and tugged on his collar.

Kiad paired them up. Elryn stood on a table to spar with Tolen. Macy paired up with Deegan. Kiad walked between them giving pointers, showing them specific moves and counter attacks.

Macy was sweating twenty minutes into the mock fight. Her weak body made her angry. Deegan moved in and she tried to slide under his arm, but her knee gave out and she ended up barely rolling out of the way of his strike. Heart pounding, anger building at her weakness, she knew she had one shot to win this fight before she collapsed.

She pushed what remaining strength she had down to her lower body, jumped up off the floor, ran up the wall, and pushed off to come down on Deegan with a kill stroke. Deegan fell to his back and raised his palm in defeat. She stumbled past him, dropped her knife to the dirt, and leaned over with her hands on her knees. Her ribs throbbed with each deep gulp of air.

“You have done too much,” Deegan panted. “Rest now. You are very skilled.” He bowed and walked away.

She leaned her back against the wall and slid down to the ground. Her left arm and leg were burning and shaking. She looked over to see Tolen still fighting. Sweat soaked every inch of his light blue t-shirt, making it cling to his body. He was more muscled than she’d realized.

He had changed so much since Green River where he tried so hard to be invisible. It was strange to see him standing tall and fighting. It created a whole new picture of him, a picture of him as the real Ninth of legend. Goosebumps rose on her arms and a strange tingling rose from her toes until it filled her entire body. She was a Chosen for crying out loud. She didn’t have time for silly things like relationships—besides he was the
Ninth!

An hour later, they finally stopped when Kiad determined that Tolen had gotten the hang of blocks and parries. Kiad collected the wooden daggers and paused in the center of the room. “Tomorrow we will focus on jabs and kill shots. Deegan will also teach you grappling, in case something gets close enough to grab hold of you.” He grinned at Tolen’s horrified look, bowed, and the three Doogar left the room laughing.

Tolen walked over to the water drum beside the entrance and dumped a cup of water over his head.

Macy couldn’t stop staring as he walked over and sat down beside her.

“Sorry about earlier,” she mumbled. “You know . . . being obnoxious. It’s kinda the way I am.”

“Just kinda?” He smiled and shook the water from his hair with his fingers. It splattered her face and she slugged his arm.

He chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m starting to get used to it.”

She considered slugging him again but smirked instead.

He laughed again softly. “How are you feeling? That was a hard workout for someone healing from broken bones.”

She bit the inside of her cheek. “I’m great.”

The corner of his mouth lifted and he met her eyes with a playful grin. “You’re absolutely sure you don’t want me to heal you the rest of the way?”

“Yep.”

He chuckled again and she pushed her shoulder into him, enjoying the contact more than she knew she should. “You’re still not that cool.”

He shrugged. “Not yet. I’ve got plenty of time though.” He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “I must admit the competition isn’t going to be easy. Even injured you’re lethal.”

“Just you remember that.” She bit back a grin, trying to ignore the tingle of pleasure she felt at his compliment. “You’re not doing too bad yourself.”

“It’s a lot to remember.”

Macy traced her finger in the dirt to avoid being distracted by his strange eyes and the feeling in her stomach. “Bastian told me when I was first learning not to focus so much on the ‘how’ as the ‘when’. The
how
is already stored in your brain from your training sessions. The
when
is based on the actions of the enemy you are up against. If you’re concentrating on when to act, your brain and your life force work out the how for you.”

“Like instinct?”

“Exactly.”

He nodded slowly. “When everything happened with the Phantom tree, I think that’s what I did. Everything worked the way I needed it to even though I’ve never been trained to use Nature Speak.”

“And you’ll never be trained how to use your Nature Speak.” Macy lifted her good leg and rested her arm on her knee, her heart fluttering as she remembered the Phantom. She’d never been in so much pain.

“Isn’t that what the Doogar have been teaching me?” Tolen waved his hand around the room.

“No, they’ve just been teaching you a few key Hidden words so you can connect to your gifts.
How
your life force speaks to Nature was born with you. The language itself is ingrained in every neuron of your brain, body, and life force—you just can’t remember. What the Doogar are teaching you is how to connect with what is already there. That’s why you were able to do what you did in the Lava Beds. Deep within the reaches of that thick head of yours, your brain already knew what had to be done. It worked with the strength of your freakishly strong life force. It pulled out what was embedded in your brain at birth and combined it with your power, sending out what you couldn’t because you were focused on the
when
and what you wanted to happen.”

“Was that a compliment?” Tolen gave her a sideways look.

Macy shrugged. “Take it however you want to, dude.”

He gave a thoughtful half smile. “It sounds crazy impossible.”

“Tell me about it. The first time I created fire in my hands, I thought Bastian had slipped me some illicit drugs or something. I totally freaked.”

“You didn’t know what you could do when you were chosen?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“My gift didn’t show itself until about a month after Bastian found me. Sometimes a Chosen’s shard gives them their power right away. But with dangerous gifts like fire, it comes on slowly—a six year old suddenly creating fire—ever seen the movie
Fire Starter
?” She grinned. “The Light wanted me to learn a little bit more about the new world I was in before I had the responsibility of my gift.”

“Sort of what Bastian’s doing to me, not telling me everything until he thinks I can take it?”

Macy tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Um, yeah.”
If you had any idea buddy, you’d totally freak.

“I might not freak out. I’m not a total pansy. I can handle more than he thinks I can.”

Macy jumped. Huh. He clearly didn’t realize he was answering comments straight out of her head—well she wasn’t about to enlighten him. He was sensing her thoughts more and more, but only the thoughts that directly related to him. He was also obviously sensing her physical well-being. She frowned. She didn’t really like it, even if he had no idea what he was doing. “Bastian can be pretty overprotective. Keep practicing and maybe it won’t be much longer before he feels like you’re ready.”

Tolen crossed his long legs beneath him. “I guess I
am
still having a hard time taking everything in. Half the time when I’m alone, I’m pinching myself to see if I’m dreaming.”

Macy couldn’t stop herself from reaching over and squeezing his hand. “I pinched myself for three years straight after I was Chosen—I still haven’t woken up.” Her Kuna surged to her fingertips and her stomach flipped, but she didn’t want to let his hand go. “I
could
tell you, Tolen, but honestly, I won’t do that to you. Bastian is right. Learn everything you can about your new life. I think you’ll know when you really are ready to accept it all.”